In a Lawless Love

Rain fell in sheets the day Matt’s mother took ill and was confined to her rooms. Matt had consulted several physicians and all stated Mrs. Margret Hayes would die before she ever saw the heir to Matt’s estate. Matt had not been to see her himself.

Charlotte was now in her sixth month of pregnancy. Her stomach had grown with the swell of the child she so dreaded to love. She couldn’t stop herself from loving the thing growing within her own body, and each time she felt the kick of her son from within she felt her heart would burst with joy and affection.

She was now in the old home with Jason. The house where her child had likely been conceived, sitting in front of a fire with the man she loved truly. Jason had bought a small sofa to put in the house for them to share as her pregnancy advanced.

She was now 18 years old. She hadn’t seen her parents again since the day she’d told her mother about her pregnancy and she found she no longer missed them. It was easier now to live the life of luxury she had only heard of in childhood and it gave her a sick pleasure to know she was above all of them who thought they were so much better than she.

“Mr. Hayes should lose his mother soon,” Charlotte said distantly as she watched the fire dance.

“Yes, news of her illness has spread among the staff quite like a wild fire,” Jason said and pulled the pins from her braided hair. Her braids fell and he carefully undid them with expert fingers. “A great many members of the staff are all but celebrating.”

“There was a time where I thought I should celebrate if she should die. Now I find I am only sad for her,” Charlotte said and sighed. “She always spoke to me as though I were garbage at her feet. But I have found she herself was treated as such for a great many years.”

“I am unfamiliar with the personal affairs of the family,” Jason said.

Charlotte smiled to herself as her son started to kick rapidly against her ribs. “Would you like to feel the movement of your son?” she asked Jason. She took his hand from her hair and placed it over the place where her child moved within her.

“You shouldn’t address it as my own son,” Jason said, his eyes focused on something she couldn’t see.

“It is your son,” Charlotte insisted. “I should hate to deny you that while we are in secret.”

“It will grow up thinking Mr. Hayes its father,” Jason said.

“It is true,” she said, her voice just above a whisper. She stood up then and walked away from where Jason was sitting, her arms crossed between her chest and her swollen stomach. She felt hurt by his bringing up the truth of her child’s paternity.

“Run away with me, Charlotte,” he said. He stood and followed her to where she stood. “I know…I know we’ve talked about it so many times. But we could run away and never be found. We could run and run and we could be happy!”

“You must not say things like that!” she cried and turned to face him with her eyes filled with horror. “I cannot run now! Now while I am in this condition…with Mr. Hayes already under stress due to his mother’s imminent death! Why he would waste no time to find us…besides it should be such a cruel thing to do,” she said.

“Cruel? You worry about how cruel it would be? To run from he who hurts you and lets you be treated like garbage?!”

“Jason! It is not okay for me to treat him as he has treated me! I refuse on my own spirit to lower myself to such a level.”

“Do you love me?”

“Of course…” she said but her eyes fell to the floor. “I love you more than you know. But you must understand.”

“Understand? I must understand? I understand that you have a heart too kind for the life you are living,” he said and turned away from her.

Charlotte felt a sting in her chest. “My heart is not so kind as it once was,” she said. “I fear it hardens more each day…each time I must remember who I am now. I do not wish to be the wife of that horrible creature…I do not wish to belong to him. But you much see, he owns me.”

“You are in equal ownership,” Jason said. “You are the one who does not see. You can run with me, and we can live happily with our child. With a creation of our love…I’ve had one daughter torn from my love, please I beg you not to deny me my son.”

“I’d like to go home,” she said, tears lining her eyes. “I cannot stay here with you at this time…we cannot be together now, while we are both hurting so.”

“Very well,” he said. He straightened his suit coat before leading the way out of the old house. He stood stiff and formal as she slid through the open door of the car, and it sent a wave of pain through her chest.

She was silent on the way home, and she thought of the things they had said to one another. It was difficult for her to love him when she knew deep inside herself it would be so dangerous for both of them. She passed her hand over her stomach and took a deep breath. She missed her mother and her sisters for the first time since she’d returned home. She wished for a moment that she could be back home with them, wrapped in their warmth and have all this be a bad dream. But then her child kicked her from within and she was forced back into reality. A place she dreaded more each day.

“Jason, darling, please do not be so angry…”

“I should not like to speak anymore, Miss Charlotte.”

Tears filled her eyes this time and a moment later they fell freely. When the car was stopped she didn’t wait for him to open her door, she only ran into the house, tears still falling. She ran up the stair case to her rooms, despite the weight of pregnancy, disregarding the danger should she fall. She wanted only to get away from him, and from the feelings of hurt she felt when he addressed her formally and bitterly.

Amber was waiting in the room, and her smile faded and changed to a look of concern when her eyes landed on her mistress. “Miss Charlotte! What has happened?” she asked with concern as she took hold of Charlotte’s arm and walked her to a chair. “Please, sit, rest. Do stop crying.”

“Oh Amber if only I could tell you!” Charlotte cried and buried her face in her hands.

“Dear, please do…” Amber said as she carefully tucked a loose piece of Charlotte’s dark hair behind her ear in a comforting gesture.

“I cannot…” Charlotte cried. “It is a secret I’ve been burdened to keep forever.”

Amber stood then from where she’d knelt to look into the eyes of her friend. She moved swiftly to the door of the room and closed it before throwing the latch, something she rarely would do on her own. She pulled the curtains on the windows and blotted the panes shut.

“You should never have to carry any secret alone, Miss Charlotte,” she said and lowered herself onto her knees in front of Charlotte again. “For all you have done for me I should be glad to carry your burdens with you.”

“Oh Amber…you must promise never to speak a word of anything I am about to tell you.”

“Then promise I should,” Amber said in a whisper.

“This…this child…”

“What of the child?”

“It is not the son of Mr. Hayes,” Charlotte whispered. Her voice shook and tears fell again from her eyes and she looked away quickly from the wide eyed stare of her maid. She couldn’t bare the judgment she knew was there plastered on the white face.

“Then…who?” Amber asked her voice sweet and kind. “Who is it you love so, Charlotte?”

“I cannot say…it is far too dangerous an affair,” Charlotte said.

“I swear to you I should say nothing,” Amber said.

The room filled with silence then and Charlotte breathed deep breaths for courage. She didn’t know how safe it would be to let this information be known though she trusted Amber with her own heart.

“It is the son of my driver,” Charlotte said, and suddenly she felt the weight of secrecy lift from her chest and the weightlessness of freedom replace it.

“Jason? The security man?”

“Yes,” Charlotte said. “I love him so…he is so much like a man from where I come. He lets me remember who I am inside. He understands me, and he is so very kind. But it is forbidden for me to love any man but Mr. Hayes…oh darling, Amber, what shall I do?”

“You much love who you love, Charlotte,” Amber said. “Do not deny your heart love…for it will make your soul quiet sick.”

“Should Mr. Hayes find out…we would both be in such great danger…”

“He shan’t find out,” Amber said. “I should keep your secrets quite safe.”

“Oh darling…” Charlotte said. “Jason wants me to leave with him. To run away and be happy and free. But I cannot…for Mr. Hayes is my husband…and he owns my body.”

“No,” Amber said. “Mr. Hayes has no power over you. You are only legally his wife…but you…you carry the child of your true husband.”

Charlotte looked at Amber with widened eyes. One of the few laws that stood now, a new law only put into act just before her marriage, was in her favor. So long as her pregnancy lasted she was protected completely from the hands of her husband, and her husband would be that who was the father of her child.

“But…there is no way to know who the father should be,” she said after a moment. “There is a chance it belongs to Matthew.”

“Yes, this is truth,” Amber said and looked away, her mind racing for a way to help her friend.

“It cannot be, Amber,” Charlotte said and looked at her hands with sorrow. “I cannot be free.”

“You can be…” Amber said. “I will help you to be free.”

“Oh no, dear! You mustn’t!”

“But I will,” Amber said. “I owe you all I have…I should repay it by finding you the freedom you crave.”

“You will be punished!”

“Then I should take it in style.”