In a Lawless Love

Charlotte was lying in her bath tub with bubbles around her body. Amber was in the bathroom with her. Amber always stayed with her to ensure she was safe and comfortable. It was one thing Charlotte had had to adjust to after being married. She wore her wedding rings now to cover the tattoo that bonded her to Matt.

“Amber,” she said as she lifted her hands out of the water and watched the droplets form and roll down her skin.

“Yes, Miss Charlotte,” Amber said.

“Do you know Jason?”

“The security man, Miss Charlotte?”

“Yes,” Charlotte said.

“I don’t know him well,” Amber said honestly. “He’s worked here far longer than I have.”

“Yes, I learned that from him,” Charlotte said. “He told me he’s worked here for many years.”

“It’s true,” Amber said. She was working at organizing the bath soaps and shampoos. She enjoyed her time alone with Charlotte. It was the only time she felt like she could work in peace without the fear of Matt finding something unsatisfactory. He’d been known to dismiss a maid from service for something as small as dropping a dish and breaking it. Amber didn’t like living in fear of him. But when she was with Charlotte she only had to answer to her, and Charlotte was easy on her. She asked for very little and always reported that her service had been excellent if Matt asked.

“What do you know about him?” Charlotte asked. Amber thought for a long time.

“I don’t know very much, Miss Charlotte. I know that he’s worked for Mr. Hayes for a long time, and that he saves all his money.”

“Does everybody save all their money?” Charlotte asked. Amber was quiet for a long moment while she thought of an answer.

“We don’t make a great deal of money. Mr. Hayes provides us with housing and food and clothes so there is little reason to spend the small amount of money that we do make. We all hope so someday be able to own our own homes and land. But it will take a long time to save enough to do that working for Mr. Hayes. There are several of the house employees that owe Mr. Hayes back a loan and so they work for him to pay it off. They don’t make any money at all.” Charlotte frowned.

Over the three months of being Matt’s wife she found that she less and less cared for the way he ran his business. She didn’t understand why a man in this world placed so much value on money. Money was worth very little since the revolution because so many things didn’t need to be bought. Cars needed to be paid for but not many people could afford them so they were not major needs. Matt lived in the same home his family had lived in for hundreds of years and he did have cars. Matt had many cars. Gasoline was expensive and because it came from the ground it could not be stolen. But mostly Matt bought businesses that were falling apart around the original owners. He employed people to make the things that would be sold in his stores and though nearly everything was stolen he didn’t care. Charlotte didn’t understand why he put so much effort into something so pointless.

But he was always set on having everything. He used the money he had to his advantage. He was one of the few people in the country that could afford the private jewelers. He could afford the finest materials for clothes and shoes and he had miles of land for food and live stock. He owned cars and he had more the one home. He could travel the world. He’d been to placed Charlotte had never heard of. He had items from every part of the world.

“I see,” Charlotte said and closed her eyes. She lowered herself into the water for a moment and held her breath tightly. She thought for a long time, wondering if it would be better to just let herself drown now. She hated her life with Matt. And now she’d been married for some time and he was starting to get angry about her failure to get pregnant.

He’d hired a personal doctor to perform invasive tests on her to be sure she was fertile and able to conceive children. All the testing had come back positive and she’d been disappointed to learn that Matt’s had also been normal. Each night he would shout at her and demand to know why she wasn’t pregnant and if she’d been taking steps to stop herself from producing a child. She insisted each night the answer was no and that she couldn’t do anything in that house without him knowing about it.

That was a truth even he couldn’t deny. In the month since he’d given Jason the task of finding things out about Charlotte he’d become very informed on his wife’s interests and feelings. He knew she liked the beach and he knew she loved music. She was an artist and she could paint. She’d painted a picture that hung in one of the guest rooms. She enjoyed books and she liked peaceful quiet places where breeze could blow her hair and she could relax. Matt thought about that often since he’d learned those things.

As he went towards his bedroom for breakfast he thought about it a carefully. He’d cancelled all of his work for the morning. He was set on making her love him. He was convinced now the reason they couldn’t seem to make a child was because she didn’t love him. She only tolerated him. He’d started on her request to help the people in the area she’d come from and he’d taken back his demand to take their animals and their children. Instead he provided them with extra food clothes and shoes for a small monthly payment that all the families were able to comfortably afford. The area had become more productive and Charlotte was pleased with his contribution.

But he wanted more than her toleration. He wanted her to love him and to care for him and want to be with him. He hated that she ran away each afternoon either to a book or to a place he didn’t know. She was always gone, only returning in the evening for food and sleep. She’d made friends with a horse she spent a fair amount of time with, riding across his property to an area where the shade was thick and cool and she’d stay there for hours. He didn’t like it.

He walked into the room to see he seated at the table like she always was. Dressed in a pretty sun dress, hair dried and braided up. She never left it down. She wore little make up and she always seemed a little out of place sitting at his table. She had a napkin over her lap and a plate in front of her, the cover still over it. She had manners like no other farmers daughter he’d ever met.

She was sitting quietly looking down at her plate when he sat across from her. “Good morning, wife,” he said to her. She looked up at him and gave a shy smile.

“Matt,” she greeted.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said. She tried not to look disturbed by the idea.

“About?”

“I haven’t had a great deal of time to get to know you, Charlotte. You are a mystery to me, even though we share a bed each night. So this morning, I have cleared my calendar and I am yours for the day. I thought we could do some things you might enjoy.”

“Oh?” she asked, looking and feeling a little surprised by his words. Matt had never before made a gesture to see what kinds of things she could enjoy. Even in the matters of meals he made all the decisions and if there was ever a thing she didn’t care for he was often visibly angry as he instructed his chefs to make her something new to eat.

“Yes, I’ve heard from some of my staff you enjoy horseback riding?”

“Very much,” she admitted. “My father taught me to ride horses. When I was very young we had a stallion. His name was Charcoal. He died some years ago, but I learned to ride on him. He was my friend. I would often get into trouble for feeding him apples.”

“Your father doesn’t have a horse now?”

“No,” Charlotte said. “He used to have a mule to help with the plowing. That mean old thing,” she added. Matt laughed lightly to himself.

“Would you like to take a ride today? We could get two of the horses and ride down to the beach. Do you like the beach?” he asked. She looked at him skeptically.

“I very much enjoy the beach. The smell of the water and sand…the sound of the waves. I’d love to paint the ocean some day,” she said and closed her eyes for a moment. He smiled to himself.

“Then to the beach it is,” he said. “I can have a car meet us there with your art supplies,” he said. She looked at him with her head cocked to the side. Never before had he treated her with such kindness. She didn’t know how to react.

“That sounds very nice, Matt,” she said.

“We could stay there as long as you like. I can have my staff prepare food for us and we can make a day together out of it. I’d like to get to know you, Charlotte. After all you are my wife,” he said. She nodded softly and took a sip of orange juice from a champagne glass.

She later found herself riding next to Matt. His horse was the most beautiful she’d ever seen. The horse’s muscles stood out strong and the animal was majestic. Hers was beautiful and strong and she had fallen in love with the beast early in her stay in the Hayes residence. Their ride was quiet, and after some time she could smell the ocean coming near to them. It was a smell she loved.

When she’d been a child she’d been taken to the beach by her mother. It was only one time that she never forgot, and when she got to Matt’s house she was thrilled to find he lived near the beach. She’d made several trips there in the months she’d been with him. It was a place where she felt comfortable and calm. Like nothing could upset her.

She thought back to the last time she’d been to the beach. Jason had accompanied her in one of Matt’s many cars. She’d walked through the sand with her shoes in her hand and he watched her carefully to be sure she didn’t fall. She’d eventually pulled him into the water with her and she had been filled with emotion when he laughed. She enjoyed her time with Jason. He was such a mystery in so many ways and when she was able to get him to laugh and enjoy himself she felt like maybe she’d cracked some kind of code. Some way to unlock him.

“The air is nice,” Matt said. She was pulled from her memory and she took a breath before smiling.

“It is,” she agreed. “We are nearing the beach.”

“Indeed we are,” he said. “I’d like to have more time to do things like this with you, Charlotte. I was thinking maybe next week you and I could go for a little get away. We could go to my vacation home,” he said. “It is beautiful there.”

“A vacation sounds pleasant,” she said with some enthusiasm. Matt’s vacation home was high in the mountains and she was excited to see it. She’d never been to any of his other homes, though he had a great deal of houses.

“Yes, we could spend some time together. I will clear all my work for two days; you and I will go up and relax. Maybe then we will be able to understand each other a little more. We come from such different worlds, Charlotte,” he said. She looked away from him for a long time, feeling the movement of her horse below her.

“We do,” she said finally. The ride was mostly silent then until they reached the sand of the beach. She was surprised to see a canvas waiting on an easel in the sand. Her paints where all there and she was excited for the chance to paint the ocean. “Oh, it’s perfect,” she said to herself. Matt smiled brightly as he watched her run her fingers over the canvas.

“Would you like to paint?” he asked as he watched her. She looked at him and nodded softly, her hair blowing slightly in the wind. Her braids were starting to come loose. “Why don’t you let down your hair, Charlotte?” he asked. She looked away for a long moment.

“My father taught us that girls should leave their hair up, tucked away so not to call attention to themselves.”

“But you are a married woman now, Charlotte. There is no reason to fear attention,” Matt said. Charlotte was quiet and then she sat on the small stool in front of the easel. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before pulling the pins from her hair and letting it fall loosely around her. She carefully and skillfully removed the braids, showing off waved hair that blew in the wind. For a moment Matt was stunned at her beauty.

“Is it better?” she asked softly.

“You my dear take my breath away,” he said as he stared at her. She could feel a blush form on her cheeks and she looked away from him. She was still confused as to why he was being so kind today. It was something she feared. She was worried that his kindness would only lead up to the surely brutal rape that would take place in the evening.

“You flatter me,” she said. He laughed before removing his shoes and allowing himself to fall into the sand.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve come to the beach. I’ve always been busy,” he said. She looked at him and raised an eyebrow. She’d started her painting with excitement.

“How long has it been?” she asked. He was quiet as he thought.

“The last time I came to the beach was when my father was still alive. I was 17 years old, and I came with him. My father liked to fish, and so he and I fished on the pier.”

“It’s been ten years then?”

“Yes,” Matt said and nodded. “For a long time I didn’t want to come back because it reminded me of my father. I loved my father. He and I were very close. We did everything together when I was young. My father taught me to ride horses and play sports and how to fish.”

“You don’t have a strong relationship with your mother?” Charlotte asked as she ran her paint brush over the canvas softly, leaving a stripe of blue paint. He looked out over the water and again he was quiet for a minute.

“My mother was always a strict woman,” he said then. “Her punishments were great and I remember always fearing them. My father was my protector, and when he died he ensured in his will that everything of his would belong to me and my mother would get nothing. I thought for a long time about letting her stay out on the street, but no matter how much of a burden she was she is still my mother. So she has her own wing of the house, and I find she comes out of her wing less and less as she ages. She and I never became close,” Matt said and took a breath. “She always loved my siblings more, and when they died she became even more hostile towards me.”

“I had assumed the reason she was so bitter was the death of her children,” Charlotte said. Matt laughed then and she was shocked at the sound. She couldn’t remember a time she’d heard him laugh before.

“I believe mother was made bitter the day she came into this world,” he said with that laughter still in his voice. “She was a cruel woman. I can remember being a young boy, maybe 7 or 8 years old. I was playing in her room and I knocked over a bottle of perfume she had sitting on a table. The bottle broke and the room smelled so strongly of perfume that nobody could stand to be in there. She was so angry she slapped me across the face and she was screaming how it was her favorite perfume and how had she been cursed with such a clumsy idiot for a son. Then she ordered one of the servants to take my favorite dog outside and shoot him,” he said and looked away. Charlotte stopped painting as the shock consumed her. “I lost my best friend that day over a bottle of spilt perfume.”

“That’s horrible,” Charlotte said. Matt was quiet. “Your father didn’t stop the shooting of the dog?”

“As close as my father and I were, he was a busy man. He wasn’t always present to see what was happening. After my dog was shot my father made it clear to the servants that they were never again to take those types of orders from my mother. That she had no authority to have the dogs killed as punishments.”

“You’ve lived a different life than I have,” Charlotte said. Matt nodded.

“Did you never get punished as a child?”

“I did,” Charlotte said. “But never like that. My father had a thick leather belt he would hit us with if we did something very bad. Mostly though our punishments would be added chores or going to bed without dinner. That was rare because there was usually not enough food for us to miss meals.” Matt was quiet again. They stayed in silence for a little while while she painted. Charlotte was still over whelmed by the story of her husband’s dog being shot over something so stupid. Her mother had only ever owned one bottle of perfume and when it had broken and spilled, though she had been upset, she’d never gone to such a drastic measure to punish the sister that had broken it.

“How is your painting coming?” he asked after a long silence.

“It is coming nicely,” she said. He looked up at the canvas and a soft smile spread over his lips. She was talented. More talented than some of the artists of that time. She’d finished the ocean and the sand and was working on the sky. She’d painted the horses standing on the sand, tied to a post.

“It is beautiful,” he said. “We’ll hang it in the main room. Or perhaps the dining room…” he said as he thought. “Or maybe I’d prefer to have it in my office.” She looked at him with confusion.

“You like it?” she asked.

“It is perfect, Charlotte. You’ve got a great talent there,” he said.

When the painting was finished she stretched her body out and took in a deep breath of the ocean air. She walked with Matt through the sand, the water coming up over their feet as they walked, and he was surprised when she took hold of his hand. No woman had ever done that to him before. There was something comfortable about the feeling.

They made their way to the pier where a lunch was set up and waiting for them. As they sat Charlotte took in a breath and sighed. “Is something wrong, darling?” Matt asked. She looked at the lobster on her plate and she thought.

“I’ve not gotten used to having such big meals and so many things,” she said honestly. “My entire life I spent in clothes my mother passed down to me that were too big, or clothes I could make that were too small. I only ever had four pairs of shoes. I would wear them until they were not reparable, and when they got too small I still had to force my feet into them. Food was never so much and so nice. We ate many many soups because my mother could make a large amount of soup out of few ingredients and feed my large family.”

“Do you not like life here?” he asked. She was quiet.

“I do, and I am thankful for all the privileges I’ve acquired. But I can’t help but remember what it was like to not have them.”

“I have made great effort to help the people in your neighborhood, Charlotte,” he said.

“I know! And I thank you,” she said and looked down again at the food. She then took a bite out of a bread roll and was thankful for the conversation to be over. She was enjoying her day; she didn’t want to start a fight.

“This has been a lovely day, Charlotte,” he said when they were back on their horses headed towards the house. “I’ve not had such a beautiful afternoon in years. I can’t wait to get your painting hung in my office, so I can always remember the nice time we had,” he said. The sun was setting and Charlotte was enjoying the cool air.

“It was a lovely day wasn’t it?” she asked. He smiled.

“A lovely day, with a lovely woman,” he said. “I hope someday Charlotte, to have lovely days with you each day. I hope that someday you can love me, as I’ve fallen in love with you.”