In a Lawless Love

In two weeks since her trip to the beach with Matt she’d come to like her husband more. He’d gone out of his way each day to spend time with her that didn’t include talk of work or children but of only the things that interested her and how they could build a better relationship. After all if they were married they might as well love each other.

But he was still always too formal when he greeted her. His embraces were stiff and uncomfortable and his kisses were sometimes more forced than she thought pleasant. She could see in his face that he tried and that he wanted to be a good husband and he wanted her to love him. She wanted to put in the effort to love him but it seemed any time she did his temper would flair and she’d be fearful of him again.

Matt never hit her. He never even raised a hand to her. But she was still often worried that some day he would. She still hadn’t conceived a child and each day that passed she was worried that he would murder her and find a new girl to give him an heir. So she always tried to be pleasant to him and give him a feeling of security, and she avoided talk of children like an illness.

She woke in the morning to the smell of fresh flowers. She opened her eyes and looked around the room for a long minute, examining the bouquets of roses and lilies around the room. “Oh my god,” she said to herself. “Amber!” she called. Her maid hurried into the room then with concern written on her face.

“Yes, Miss Charlotte? What has happened?”

“Where did all these flowers come from?” Charlotte asked.

“Why, Mr. Hayes had them brought in this morning. He said he thought you could use a little bit of beauty in the morning,” Amber explained. Charlotte looked at the flowers again and then down at her bed.

“It’s test day isn’t it?” she asked after a long moment of thought. He was always the kindest on the days his private doctor came to give her a pregnancy test. Amber looked away for a moment and sighed.

“I did hear Mr. Hayes talking to Dr. Black on the phone this morning,” Amber said. “Maybe this time you’ll get a baby,” Amber said cheerfully. Charlotte nodded and looked at the flowers again. She didn’t want a baby.

Before long she found herself locked in the bedroom waiting for the results of her test. Dr. Black was an old woman who had had many children herself. She was one of few doctors in the area, and her services were expensive beyond belief. Charlotte didn’t like the old woman, her hands were as cold as her voice. It was clear to Charlotte that Dr. Black didn’t live a life she loved.

“Mr. Hayes will be disappointed,” the woman said as she looked over her test equipment. Charlotte looked at her with sad eyes. “Don’t give me your wounded expressions, Mrs. Hayes. I couldn’t care less if you become pregnant or not,” the doctor added and closed up her books. “I will share the results with your husband when I collect my payment. Good afternoon.”

“Good afternoon,” Charlotte said quietly as the doctor left the room. She pulled her robe tighter around her body. She was feeling exposed though her nakedness was covered by the silk robe. It wouldn’t be long before Matt burst into the room screaming about her not being pregnant.

“Can I get you anything, Miss Charlotte?” Amber asked sorrowfully from behind her. Charlotte looked at the ground for a long time.

“Maybe some iced water,” she said finally. Amber nodded and hurried away. It was only a moment later that the bedroom door burst open and Matt came in. Anger was clearly written on his face and he was looking at her sitting in the chair.

“How many months is this going to happen!? What is wrong with you!?” he screamed.

“Nothing is wrong with me,” she said softly.

“Nothing?! Nothing?! How can you say nothing is wrong with you when you can’t even give me a child!? You are a woman! That is your purpose! So why the hell are you having such an impossible time doing it!?”

“I don’t know,” she said.

“You don’t know?!” he screamed. She jumped at the sound of one of the vases breaking against the wall. She looked at the spilt flowers and she felt tears building up in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she cried. He pulled her out of the seat then and she was suddenly afraid. Amber came into the room then with the glass of iced water and Matt looked at her with rage.

“Get out!” he shouted at her and she turned and ran from the room, spilling the water behind her. The door slammed closed and Charlotte looked at Matt with wide terrified eyes. His grip on her arms was painful, and when he released one arm it started to throb.

“What are you doing?” she cried. She let out a yelp of pain when he put his hand under the hem of her robe, forcing three of his fingers inside her.

“I’m going to examine you myself, and find out why the hell you can’t give me a child!” he screamed. She tried to fight him off then, adrenaline kicking in.

“Get your hands off me!” she screamed and her slammed her against a wall.

“Be still,” he snapped and pulled his fingers out of her before tearing the robe open. He gave each of her breasts a painful squeeze. Now she had tears falling from her eyes. She felt violated and afraid and she was sure at any moment he would rape her.

“Nothing wrong there,” he said. He threw her onto their bed then and she pulled her knees to her chest as he pulled off his jacket and started on the buckle of his belt. “Maybe we just haven’t been trying hard enough.” She got up then in another rush of adrenaline and attempted to run for the door, but he had her against the wall again before she could get past him, and she screamed when he forced himself into her.

When he finished and let her fall onto the ground he seemed calmer and more collected. She was crying violently as she tried to cover herself again with the robe. “Charlotte, please don’t cry,” he said. His voice was sweet and soft. “You really should understand by now I’ll do what I have to to get an heir to my fortune. It’s really not that I enjoy hurting you. I really must get back to work now. I will see you for dinner,” he said and bent down and kissed her on her lips before leaving the room, his clothes back on his body like they’d never been changed.

As soon as he was gone she was on her feet and in her closet. She dressed in a long dress and underwear. She wanted to leave the house, she had to get out of the house and get herself in order. She struggled into a pair of strappy heels and she wiped tears from her face constantly. Finally she was dressed and she ran down the stairs, tears still falling fast. She paged for Jason and as she explained to him she needed a ride her voice was shaky.

“I will bring the car to the front, Miss Charlotte,” he said and she leaned against the wall, her body shaking with sobs. When the car pulled up she hurried into it and she was relieved to see Jason’s face. He was handsome and she had a feeling of safety around him. Like when she was with him nothing could hurt her again. She’d had that feeling about him since the first time she’d been out with him.

“Thank you, Jason,” she said.

“Where can I take you, Miss Charlotte?” he asked softly. His voice was like honey and she tried again to stop sobs from rushing up her throat.

“I don’t know, some place where Mr. Hayes can’t see me,” she said. “Some place quiet and safe,” she said. Jason nodded and started driving. He could see she was upset and he could tell she was hurt and all he could think about was making her feel better. She was a beautiful girl, and innocence had been ripped away from her. She’d been forced into a life she hated and he wanted to help her cope with the world she now lived in.

So he took her to a place only he knew. A place only he had access to. When he pulled up in front of the abandon home she looked at him with confusion. “It is a quiet place, Miss Charlotte, and Mr. Hayes can’t find you here.” She stepped out of the car and took a breath. The house wasn’t big and the plants around it were beautiful.

“What is this place?” she asked.

“This is a house my grandparents owned. When they died it was abandon because nobody wanted to live in this secluded place. My mother owned it for a long time but because she had been married she belonged to my father’s farm. Nobody owns it now, but nobody knows it’s here. I come here sometimes when I need to collect my thoughts,” Jason explained. Charlotte stepped into the house and looked around. For a small house it was beautiful. There was a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling, and a beautiful marble staircase.

“Your grandparents must have been very rich.”

“No, they were not,” he said. “My grandmother was very beautiful. She could get any kind of material for a peck on the cheek and my grandfather could build anything. He build this house with his own two hands. Now some of it is in disrepair. It is a nice place though. I will buy the land once I have enough money saved and repair the house. But that won’t be for a long time. I someday hope to have a wife here and maybe a child.”

“Yes,” Charlotte said and looked away from him. “A child.”

“May I ask what happened, Miss Charlotte?” he asked. She looked down at the floor and took a deep breath.

“Mr. Hayes wants a child,” she said then cautiously. “But I have not been able to conceive.”

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my place to ask,” he said.

“I told you once before someday I’d tell you all my secrets,” she said. “I think maybe that day is now.”

“Oh,” he said with curiosity. He wanted very much to know more about the woman he spent so much of his time with.

“I was born on my parents farm, the oldest of five girls. My mother and my father were married because my father had a farm and a house. But they loved each other after a time. My sisters were all created with love, but I sometimes thought I wasn’t. My mother loved me, but my father didn’t waste time to sell me when his farm was in danger. He told me when he returned from the loan office. He said to me, ‘Charlotte, you will be leaving us.’ I asked him why with fear and he simply said, ‘You are to be married to Matthew Hayes.’ I cried for hours that night, cried and cried for hours. I never did go to sleep. Two weeks later Mr. Hayes’ staff came and collected me. I was torn from my family. What my father didn’t know was there was a boy in my area I wanted to marry very much. He was young and handsome and he was so kind. I loved him in a way. But he married a girl from another family. She had a little bit of money and skill so he took her instead. That’s how it works where I come from…”

“I come from that place too,” Jason reminded. She nodded without looking at him.

“I was a virgin when I married Mr. Hayes, but not my any choice of mine. I almost had a relationship with my farm beau. But as we got to that moment he couldn’t do it, said he couldn’t run the risk of my having a baby and us not being married. I didn’t protest. He was already promised to his bride at that time. But if I’d have had the choice I’d gladly have had a baby if it meant I could be with him all my life. Mr. Hayes isn’t kind…he isn’t gentle when it comes to relations. This afternoon was vile, and I can’t seem to feel clean or content. I hate him in ways, Jason. Because he is so cruel, and then he asks me to love him. How can I love him? I can’t, because he hurts me and he’s mean to me. But then tonight over dinner he’ll be sweet as sugar, promising me anything I want while his vile mother chews food loudly and glares at me like I’m a servant girl. I can’t deal with this life, I can’t do it. I want to go home!” she cried then and burst into tears. “I want to go back to my father’s farm and feed chickens and go to bed full of soup broth with some vegetable in it. I want to be 17 year old Charlotte Moore, who loved her beau from across the way but couldn’t have him. I can’t be Mrs. Hayes, I can’t love him. I can’t love him when I hate him!” She started sobbing violently and when she collapsed Jason caught her around the waist and held her tightly against himself. She cried violently against his chest, cried until her chest hurt, and when he lifted her chin with his fingers she looked into his green eyes and she knew why she only ever wanted his company when she was away from home. She looked at him, into his eyes, and into the soul he’d only opened up for her and when he pressed his lips against hers she didn’t push him away.