In a Lawless Love

Charlotte was sitting in her bedroom looking out the window. Breakfast had just been finished and she was thinking about the things she talked about with Matt. Matt didn’t talk much these days. He was busy planning their trip to his vacation home and he was busy with a new loan and she was very clear in telling him his work bored her.

She stared out into the garden and she drew in a deep breath. The night before had been uncomfortable. He’d insisted on making love and she rather than fight him had given in to the demand. Her body was sore and tired from his demands. He was always too rough and fast. He never gave her a moment to breathe when he moved against her.

It was cold already. The fall had come quickly and the morning was cold. She was thinking about having Amber start a fire for her. She had planned to spend the afternoon with Jason finishing the portrait she’d been painting for him, but now she was considering sitting alone in her room for the day. Things with Jason seemed too complicated…and far too dangerous.

Their kisses always seemed more passionate, and she could tell it wouldn’t be long before she developed too strong a sexual attraction to him. She’d already taken to picturing him in her mind when she was with Matt. He had a similar build to Matt and she could close her eyes and imagine it was him and relax more. She always hoped Matt couldn’t tell she was thinking of another man.

She had found herself fantasizing about Jason. What it would be like to touch him under his clothes and feel the muscles on his back. She wanted to feel his hands on her body. She craved the feeling sometimes. His hands were still rough though he hadn’t been on his farm land in years. He told her it was from what weights he used to build his muscle.

Amber came in the room behind her and rubbed her hands together. “Miss Charlotte, it is freezing in here,” she said in a cherry sweet voice. Charlotte looked towards her and then back to the window.

“Do you love anybody, Amber?” she asked in a gentle voice. She could hear Amber starting the fire in the huge fire place. Amber knew her well in most ways. When she was cold she liked a fire and when she was hot she liked the ceiling fans. Matthew had a heating system in his home but Charlotte had never been afforded such luxuries as a child. She didn’t know how to use them and preferred the simpler methods.

“In what way did you mean, Miss?”

“I mean a romance, Amber. Do you love anybody?” Charlotte turned her attention to the girl again and Amber stood up straight before looking at her with red flamed cheeks. Her uniform was in perfect order and her hair was beautifully pinned in the fashion Matt required, and yet she still seemed awkward in that moment. “I won’t tell anybody if you do.”

“Yes…Miss Charlotte. I do love somebody,” Amber said in a soft voice. Her voice was quiet and embarrassed and Charlotte hid her smile of amusement.

“Who is he?” Charlotte asked. Amber’s cheeks burned brighter and she turned back to her task of starting the fire to hide it.

“He is one of the kitchen boys,” Amber said after a moment of silence. “We have had an affair going for some time.”

“An affair?” Charlotte asked.

“Well…in a sense,” Amber continued. “He has asked for me to marry him…”

“But?”

“But, Mr. Hayes has to approve his staff to marry each other…and Robert has been afraid to ask him.” Her voice let on the disappointment in her heart and Charlotte frowned. She found it sad that she had been sold into marriage to a man that wouldn’t allow his staff to marry without his approval.

“I shall speak to Mr. Hayes of it then,” Charlotte said. Amber turned to look at her with fear in her eyes.

“Miss Charlotte, that isn’t necessary for you to do,” she said quickly. “Eventually Robert will ask him, I’m sure.”

“It isn’t fair you should be kept apart because of Mr. Hayes. I will tell him you’d like to be married.” Charlotte said. She stood from her place at the table and moved closer to the fire. She hugged herself tightly and pulled her long knit sweater tighter around her. She breathed in the smell of the burning wood and she smiled lightly.

“We carry on the lives of a married couple, Miss,” Amber said quietly. Charlotte looked at her then. “We should only need to make it legal if we wish to have a baby.” Charlotte’s eyes were widened despite her effort not to look surprised. “But please don’t say a word about that to Mr. Hayes. He has a strict rule that his staff should not behave in a…private…manner with one another without being married first.”

“What would happen if he knew?”

“We would both be fired…” Amber said softly. “And Mr. Hayes would take away any money we have saved from him.”

“Then you should be married,” Charlotte said with horror. “Why do you risk so much?”

“Mr. Hayes is a frightening man, Miss Charlotte. It is difficult to ask him for anything more than we already receive. He has given us so much. A house and a job and clothes and food every day, plus a small salary. Why to ask him for anything more would be like telling him we are ungrateful for what he’s given us.”

“But you will lose all that he has given you if you continue to live that way,” Charlotte explained. Amber looked to the floor and thought for a long while. Charlotte hadn’t meant to upset the girl and yet she felt as though she had. “I will tell him. That way it shouldn’t seem to him as though you or your dear Robert are ingrates.”

“I am your maid, Miss Charlotte. It is not my place to ask favors of you.”

“You’ve asked me now favor,” Charlotte said. “I’ve taken it upon myself. I, my dear, am well aware of how it feels to be in love.”

“Is it easy to love Mr. Hayes?” Amber asked. Charlotte bit down hard on her bottom lip.

“No…that is very difficult,” she said. She felt somewhat of a hypocrite having asked Amber to tell her her secrets and hiding her own. But how could she let that information out. If Matt knew that she was in love with Jason she feared what might happen to each of them. She could feel her tattoo burning in her flesh, reminding her that Matt owned her. The law may have said she owned him as well but it was clear every day that half was not respected.

Amber let out a soft sigh. “I would love very much to have a baby…babies are so beautiful.”

“Mr. Hayes wants a baby quite badly,” Charlotte said. “But it seems so far it is not in my nature to give him the child he wants. I do wish I could give him a son so I could have a time away from him.”

“But why would you want to be away from him, Miss. If you love him so?” Amber asked. Charlotte felt her heart pick up speed in her chest. How had she been so careless in her words? She couldn’t answer the question.

“It is not him I long to be away from…but from the pressures of creating a child.” Amber didn’t ask her any further questions for a long moment after that.

“Well, Miss Charlotte, are you planning to leave soon?”

“I think I should have a time out,” Charlotte said. “Maybe I should call Jason to drive me somewhere.”

“I can fetch him for you, Miss Charlotte. When would you like to leave?”

“Maybe within the hour. You’ve just build this lovely fire…I’d hate to let it waste completely. I think I’d like to paint it,” she said. Amber nodded and left the room then. Charlotte sat in a large chair. The chair was soft and it surrounded her. She wished she had her paints in the room. She found it easy to escape through painting.

She was lost in the flames when she caught herself thinking about what it would be like to make love with Jason again. His strong grip and hard body. She shook her head. I mustn’t think such things she thought. She wanted to know what it would be like to have a pleasurable experience.

She was torn from her thoughts when the bedroom door burst open and Matt came in in a rush. He looked to her and she stood immediately. “Matt, darling…” she said.

“I haven’t time to speak with you, Charlotte,” he snapped. “I’ve just learned that I will need to take a trip to the farmlands outside your old neighborhood and I will be gone over night.” He was angry. It was clear on his face that he was in a vile mood.

“Why?” she asked cautiously.

“There is an imbecile out there who was asking for a small loan to pay off his land taxes. He put up a horse for collateral and I’ve recently learned the horse never existed. I need to work out this business…I require some form of payment. The trip is several hours and it is an urgent matter. It can’t wait until tomorrow and so I will be gone mostly for travel time.”

“Oh,” Charlotte said softly. “We will miss you for dinner.”

“Yes,” he said. His words were distant as he went into the closet and pulled out a small bag.

“Isn’t Victor going to pack for you?”

“Victor’s mother has taken ill and he’s been with her for the day. I’m ready for the woman to die at this point. She’s been sick so damned long and my personal butler is never available when I need him most.” He shoved a change of clothes into the bag angrily and zipped it. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her tightly against his chest before kissing her hard on her lips.

“Be a good girl, Charlotte,” he said and with that he was gone as quickly as he’d come. Her lips hurt from the force of the kiss. She listened as he left with his driver and then she let out a harsh sigh, thankful he hadn’t insisted on some kind of violent love making before he left. That had happened before when he had an urgent matter. Those kinds of rage induced bursts of passion always left her body aching and tired. She didn’t like it.

She was surprised when Jason came to her bedroom door. He’d only ever met her there once before. Matt was uncomfortable with a man meeting her at their bedroom and he’d made it clear several times before. But Jason surely knew Matt was gone on his business. He surely knew there would be no penalty for meeting her there now. He knocked on the door though it hung open.

“Yes,” she said softly.

“The maid said you would like a trip out,” Jason said. His eyes were bright. He was pleased that Matt would be gone and they’d have the time to themselves. She looked at him and then she breathed in gently through her mouth.

“Yes, I’d like to finish the portrait,” she said. “We haven’t worked on it in some time.”

Walking into the house she hugged herself tightly. It was cold there. The sun hadn’t been out the entire morning and a light rain has started to fall. The house was freezing cold and she worried that her paints would be ruined. She walked in and saw her easel sitting on where she’d left it and her paints all closed tightly. She hoped they were okay.

“Will you be able to paint in the dim light?” Jason asked. She nodded softly. “I should set a fire for you. You are so cold, Miss.”

“A fire would be beautiful,” she said. She went to the paints as he started to build the fire. She watched him take off his suit jacket and she bit on her bottom lip. His white shirt fight tightly across his back. She opened a can of paint and was pleased to see it hadn’t frozen. The rain made a soft sound on the windows and the old house seemed strangely energetic.

When the fire started she was thankful. It immediately warmed the room and she was happy for the feeling of warmth on her skin. Jason came to her and smiled despite the heaviness in his breathing. “Your paints are okay?”

“Yes,” she said. She looked around the house. The fire light cast the room in orange and she looked at the painting. “It may be more difficult to paint this than I’d thought,” she said. “It is very dark in this house.”

“When the rain passes it will be light again,” he said. She nodded.

“What is upstairs?” she asked.

“Bedrooms…” he said quietly. “And a small bathroom. There isn’t any furniture.” She nodded and started up the stairs.

“Would it be alright if I took a look?” she asked.

“I wouldn’t mind, Miss,” he said. She went up a few more. “Should I come with you?”

“No,” she said. “The rain and the fire are inspiring me…I need a moment to myself,” she said and finished up the stairs. She was surprised at the warmth higher in the house. She had expected there to be only coldness. But there was warmth in the cold of the air. She walked through the rooms and looked at the walls. She wanted to paint them with the things she felt.

She wasn’t sure if she could be close to Jason. The fire had seemed to enter her and she wasn’t sure she could be close to him without crossing a line into danger. She opened a door that led into a large room. The room was beautifully painted and the wood floors were glorious. She knew at once this had been his grandparents’ room.

Romance bled from the walls as she stood in the center of the room. She looked at its open space and imagined a grand wooden bed in its center. The room held all the love that had been made within its walls and she felt herself heat under her clothes. She shed her sweater first.

Jason waited at the bottom of the stairs for her to return. He had wanted to follow her, feeling the strange energy in the house. It had always seemed so dull before he’d brought her the first time. Now it seemed each time the house got brighter and stronger. Like its will on them was suffocating. He wanted to hold her near the fire and touch her hair. He wanted to feel the smoothness of her body.

He could hear her footsteps for a long while. When they became quiet he was concerned about her. The house was old and it was possible she could have hurt herself. But she’d asked him for a moment alone. He was torn on what to do. He was her security, her staff, but he was also her friend and he longed to be more.

He stood near the fire, warming his body, willing away the warmth in his insides. It had been quiet too long, but he wasn’t worried anymore. Something was telling him not to worry about her. She was okay. The energy in the house screamed she was well.

“Jason,” she called from the top of the stairs. He turned and he felt his jaw drop at what he saw. She was walking down the stairs, one hand on the rail as she seemed to float down, her bare feet not making a sound. Her chocolate brown hair fell over her shoulders and down her back in streams over her breasts. Her skin glimmered white against the darkness of her hair.

“Miss….”

“Please just call me Charlotte,” she said when she reached the bottom of the stairs. “I have thought so long about what it should feel like for you to touch me, Jason,” she said. “This is the only chance we have. Mr. Hayes will be gone all night. This is the moment I have for my thoughts to come alive.” She knelt in front of him, letting her hair brush her bare thighs.

“This is dangerous, Charlotte,” he said.

“I know…but please…if you love me you’ll give me this feeling I’ve been craving,” she said. Her eyes blazed with the fire. It glowed off her skin and he slowly dropped to his own knees.

“We must be sure to stay quiet about it,” he said as he placed his hand on her throat. She nodded once and he kissed her mouth. The warmth of his hand sent a chill down her spine and she grabbed onto his shirt with both hands, holding tightly, pulling him closer to her own body. She took hold of his wrist and placed his hand against her breast. She nearly screamed at the feeling that shot through her.

She worked at his buttons, her mouth never leaving his. She moaned softly against his lips when he ran his thumb over the erect nipple of her breast. “We need to be quick, before the moment is lost,” she breathed and tore open his shirt. She ran both hands across his bare skin, feeling each grove of his muscles. She felt her own muscles contract and he pushed her gently onto her back, climbing on top of her.

“I’ve wanted this so long, Charlotte,” he said in a husky voice. She pulled him into another deep kiss.

“Don’t talk anymore,” she whispered. “Don’t speak and take away the beauty.” He lifted himself then only long enough to remove the suit pants and shoes before falling onto her again and she wrapped both arms around his back. It was all she imagined, the feeling of him over her. All she’d thought of and wanted, and he entered her suddenly and she bit hard into his shoulder.

They finished with the rain and lay on the ground together a long time. The room was brighter, it was true. She stood after a long while and looked to the fire. “We should finish the painting,” she said quietly. He stood and ran his hand down her cheek.

“We should,” he said. The feeling of his skin on hers sent her muscles contracting again. She’d never thought sex could be a feeling she’d enjoy. Matt was always too rough, too fast and violent. Jason’s love making had been gentle and she’d reached a climax for the first time. He dressed quickly and efficiently before taking his seat on the stairs. She went to the stool in front of her easel and sat, naked still, and picked up the brushes for her paints. The cold air felt strange on her skin. It was a feeling she was pleased to have. She could feel his eyes on her and she wondered silently if it was the cold or his stare that made both nipples stand straight. She didn’t care, she just continued with the painting.

There was a part of her that knew then this wouldn’t be the only time they crossed the line of danger. But even that knowledge didn’t stop her from wanting it again. Wanting to feel loved like she had with him. Wanting to love him in return.