In a Lawless Love

The ride to the vacation home seemed strange. Victor was driving and Charlotte and Matt were alone in the back seat. Charlotte found it odd that there was a black divider separating them from Victor. Matt was holding tightly onto her hand and sipping at a glass of champagne. She felt strangely uncomfortable sitting there with him like that. Like she didn’t want to be locked in that car with him, holding onto his hand and drinking. She didn’t like the taste of champagne. It was too dry and bitter. She enjoyed white wine more if she were forced to have a drink.

“Isn’t it beautiful out here?” Matt asked her as he looked through the window on his side. They were driving along a coast. She did enjoy the view. She was thankful for her paints and canvas in the trunk of their car along with her clothes. Amber had packed her a bag of warm clothes to wear on horse rides and walks through the gardens. She wasn’t sure she was terribly happy about being alone with Matt for three days. She was sure she would miss Jason enough to kill her.

She’d said goodbye to Jason the night before in his bedroom. Their goodbye was of an intimate fashion and when they were finished she had to force herself to leave his arms and return to bed with Matt. She was thankful Matt was a heavy sleeper. He never noticed her get out of bed or return. In the morning she’d risen first and had Amber prepare her bath so not to allow Matt any suspicions.

She was well aware that the game she was playing with Jason was a dangerous one. If Matt knew of the things, of the adultery, she was committing, she feared he could easily murder her. Matthew Hayes could murder a woman and nobody would ever know she was dead. But what she feared more was that he would hurt Jason. Her beautiful Jason who she loved.

While she lay in his arms the night before, Jason had asked her to run away with him. He told her they would cross the ocean and Matt would never find them. They could run away together and build a family in the mountains across the ocean. But she’d told him no. Matt was too powerful. Matt had business everywhere. He’d already informed her that he himself would be taking a trip across the ocean when they returned. He would be gone two weeks he’d said and he would miss her terribly. She didn’t want to take the risk of running with Jason and being found in a countryside mountain. Then it would only be worse.

“Yes,” she said in a soft voice. He turned to look at her with his eyebrows furrowed.

“Aren’t you happy, darling?”

“I am very happy,” she said in as convincing a voice as she could manage. She was always worried he would see through her lies and then there would be a fight. She hated him more each day. His presence nearly made her ill.

“I would like very much for you to always be happy with me,” he said in a hopeful tone. She gave him a forced smile and turned her attention to the window. She watched the trees pass her by and she was pleased with their beautiful changing colors. The reds and yellows inspired her.

She’d finished Jason’s portrait the day they’d spent in the house. He had it now in his private room, hidden in his closets. He told her he’d like to hang it in his grandparents home when he had enough saved to restore the lighting in the house. He wanted to live there he said, with her. Both of them knew honestly that that could never happen.

“I am happy,” she said again. She looked to him and leaned in to peck his cheek. He seemed to like it when she did things like that. She hoped very much to soon give him the child he wanted. Then maybe he would let her be for some time. She prayed it be a son.

He didn’t speak much the rest of the way to his vacation home. When Victor stopped the car and opened her door Charlotte was hesitant to get out. She didn’t like the idea of being alone with Matt for three days. The only people there would be the servants. He told her he didn’t even have a work office at this home. That he came here when his work was overwhelming him. Matt was so vile when it came to their time alone. His hands were always rough and his love making always hurt.

“I will be pleased to see the paintings you make, darling. We can hang some of them in our home and make it more personal. You’ve shed a new light on the way I look at things,” he said in a pleasant tone. She looked at him and smiled before sliding out of the car. She knew his words were a way to reassure her about how lovely their time would be. If only he could understand that she wasn’t made for him.

“Yes, the colors here are beautiful,” she said. She looked towards the house and her heart started to beat quickly in her chest. The house was huge, yet only half the size of their home. It was beautifully built of brick with trees surrounding it. It was the most beautiful building she’d seen in her life. The Mansion she lived in was lovely and she could appreciate its beauty, but it was too big. This house though big as it was would make a painting she could love to paint. It seemed already as if it had been painted into the trees.

“Do you like it?” he asked her. She turned to face him with her mouth still open slightly.

“Matt, it is beautiful,” she said. “I should like my paints set up for me here,” she said and motioned to a place on the ground where here view was perfected.

“Then that is where they should be,” he said and gave his hands a gentle clap. “Victor! Mrs. Hayes will be needing her paints and canvas set in this spot at once.”

“Of course, sir,” Victor said. Charlotte gave a glance to Victor. She didn’t like him. His voice was always too formal and he almost seemed to stand too straight. He wasn’t like any human she’d ever met before. His suit was always in the most perfect of orders and his body never seemed to move naturally. He gave her a stone look and she turned away from him. She was cold suddenly and she didn’t like it.

“On second thought, Matt, perhaps a moment inside by a fire? I’ve suddenly caught a chill,” she said.

“Anything you’d like, darling,” Matt said. “Victor, set the paints out anyways. Mrs. Hayes will be wanting to paint once she’s warmed I’m sure.” He took her hand and walked with her into the house, leaving Victor to his task.

The house smelled of cinnamon. She loved the deep smell of cinnamon baking. She looked to Matt and took a breath through her nose. “What is cooking to smell so lovely?”

“Most likely the kitchen staff is baking cakes. They always make fresh cakes when I come, cakes to match the seasons. In the spring the cakes are filled with fresh fruits and things. They make glorious cakes. And they make squashes.”

“It does smell divine,” Charlotte said and took in another deep breath. Matt led her to a living room and she was seated on a large sofa. It was soft and she sank into it and for a moment she allowed herself to enjoy the luxury. The sofa she’d had during her childhood had been made of wood and cushions her mother had sewn out of old dresses. It had been less than comfortable but had been a place for the occasional guest to sit.

An old woman came into the room and started to build a fire. Charlotte felt a pain in her chest at the sight. The woman was old and it was obvious she had a hard time working. When the fire was built and the woman walked away Charlotte looked onto Matt with sadness in her eyes. “What is the matter, darling?”

“That woman,” she said softly. “She seemed too fragile to be building fires and such things, Matt. Couldn’t you give her softer duties?” She looked at him with pleading eyes, begging him to have sympathy for another person. Just once for him to understand that the world wasn’t his to own and control.

“Charlotte, Susan has been working in this home for many years, she has yet to complain of anything,” he said in a soft voice. She bit on her lip thoughtfully.

“Your employees seldom complain, Matt. They fear you a great deal,” she said. There was a moment of pause while he let what she’d said come into his mind. Fear had been something he’d wanted in his employees. It kept them vulnerable and him able to do as he pleased. But the way she spoke to him now sent a pain in his chest he’d never felt before.

“Why do you say that?”

“My maid, Amber, the girl wants very much to marry a boy named Robert. But she is afraid you won’t approve of the union…and she fears what would happen if they ask you.” She was cautious when she told him what Amber had told her. She didn’t want there to be penalties on the girl for something as simple as marriage and love.

“She should have her man speak with me,” Matt said in a firm voice. “I will approve their marriage if they bring it to me. I don’t like it when my staff does things around me.” He was upset and Charlotte felt bad for bringing it to him.

“But we should worry about that when we return home, Matt. Now I only ask that you lower the duties of the old woman. She seemed to suffer so much pain bent that way to build a fire for us, I can hardly enjoy its warmth.” There was another long pause.

“Why, Charlotte, I believe you have put a heart in my chest,” he said after a long time. “I will put Susan into the kitchen from here on, it it will make you happy.”

“Oh, Matt, it would make me happy indeed,” she said and with a burst of strength she kissed him on his lips. She’d succeeded in bringing out a human side to a man she herself feared as much as his employees feared him. She knew she could never love him. She would always love Jason. But she thought now for this weekend she could like him.