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Lily's P.O.V

“Mommy, why do you keep looking in the mirror?”

Avaya’s small voice spoke up from the kitchen table, where she was devouring the chicken and cheese quesadilla I’d made per her request. I kept catching myself in the mirror by the door and wiping away a stray mascara particle or pushing my hair to the side one more time. I felt stupid doing it because I wasn’t 100% certain why I was doing it, but I felt even more stupid when my 5 year old daughter made a comment on it.

“Uh,” I stammered, “I’m having a friend come over soon.”

Friend? He wasn’t so much a friend as an acquaintance. But Avaya didn’t comprehend that just yet. To her, everyone was a friend, even if the only word shared between two people was “hello.”

“Oh. Is it Zak?” she asked around a bite of food.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s Zak,” I sighed. I sat down at the table beside her and rested my cheek on my hand. “Is that okay that mommy has a friend coming over?”

Avaya nodded quickly. “Yes. You never have friends over, except for daddy, and he only comes to pick me up and bring me back.”

“I know,” I muttered. For a 5 year old she knew how to give real talk. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay with it.”

“I want you to smile more, mommy,” she said quietly. “You only smile at me. I want you to smile all the time.”

I stared pensively at her as my heart swelled painfully in my chest. Had I been that unhappy that Avaya took so much notice? Even I hadn’t noticed all of that…

“Is Zak funny?” she asked a little while later.

I blinked out of my minor trance. “Um, I think he’s the only one who believes he’s funny. Why?”

“Because I want him to make you laugh,” She finished off her juice and wiped her mouth with a napkin.

I smiled and took her dirty dishes from her. “Well I’m definitely capable of laughing at him,” I said, setting her dishes in the sink.

“Okay,” And with that she bounced off to continue playing in her room.

I wasn’t sure how I wanted to feel about that. Avaya liked Zak, but what exactly was she getting at with all the smile and laughing mumbo-jumbo? Was I supposed to assume she wanted Zak around more? She’d only met him for a minute, and I’d only known him for a day. But there was no denying the feeling I got around him. It wasn’t a lust feeling, or even the feeling you get around a crush. It was almost like comfort and sympathy. Something had happened to him along the line, and although I didn’t know what that something was, I still felt bad for him. And here I thought I wanted to smack him just yesterday.

My thoughts were too loud and I started doing the dishes out of habit but I wasn’t really paying attention. I was thinking about Avaya and Zak and my future. Would Zak last as a “friend?” And what the hell was it about him?

Suddenly a glass slipped from my hands into the side of the sink that didn’t have water in it and a chunk of it broke off. I cursed and moved to pick it up but ended up cutting my thumb on the now sharp glass.

“Ow!” I exclaimed, instantly putting my thumb to my lips to try and staunch the flow of blood. I sucked some of it out, wincing at the metallic taste, and I was about to wrap it in paper towel when there was a knock on my door. I had to roll my eyes. Of course he’d show up now, when I was clumsy and bleeding. What a great impression.

I pulled open the door with my thumb still partially in my mouth. “Hey,” I muttered.

Zak stepped inside and looked at me with concern. I noticed he had black-rimmed glasses on, much like mine. His hair was still gelled up and he wore all black, just like before. He seemed to have a thing for tight shirts and baggy pants. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I just cut my thumb on a glass, it’s fine,” I turned away to go get some paper towel but he grabbed my elbow and spun me back around.

“Hold on, let me see,” He pulled my thumb from my mouth and inspected the small cut for a second. “Do you have Band-Aids?”

Oh great. Now I really felt like a child. “Yeah, in the bathroom cupboard, second door on your right down the hallway.” I could’ve easily gone to get one myself, but Zak had already taken off before I’d finished giving him directions.

I heard him rummaging around in the cupboard and I sighed, leaning against the table. This was so embarrassing. I was supposed to be playing the hard, cold role here, not the vulnerable little girl who cuts herself on broken glass. And Zak was definitely not supposed to be my knight in black armour, rushing to grab me a Band-Aid.

He reappeared in the kitchen a few minutes later and peeled the paper off the back of the Band-Aid, carefully wrapping it around the top of my thumb. I couldn’t help but notice the smirk on his face as he applied the sticky thing to my wound.

“What are you grinning at?” I asked, unable to hold back my own smile. “I dare you to go cut your thumb on broken glass.”

“No, because I’m not dumb enough to grab the broken part,” He chuckled.

“Shut up,” I rolled my eyes.

“Got any other wounds that need bandaging? Maybe like that cold black thing inside of you? I think it was once your heart.” His smirk grew bigger and he folded his defined arms across his chest.

“You’re an ass,” I grumbled.

“I thought we already established that.”

“Not really, Mr. Secretive.”

“Right, ’bout that—”

“Zak!” With all the excitement over my wound neither Zak nor I had noticed Avaya sneak out of her room. Zak spun around to look at her, completely startled by her appearance.

“Um, hey there,” he stammered. “How are you today?”

“Good,” Avaya brushed her long brown hair behind her ears. I always saw myself in her when she did that. “Will you play with me?”

Zak looked conflicted. He turned around to glance at me as if he was asking for permission. I just shrugged but Zak still looked like he didn’t know what to say. I figured I wouldn’t put him to the kid test yet.

“No, Avaya, mommy and Zak need to have adult talk. You can play in the living room while we talk if you want.”

“Okay!” She looked entirely pleased with this proposition and rushed off to her room to grab her toys.

I shook my head with a smile and led Zak into the living room. “You looked a little freaked out,” I commented.

“Oh, yeah…no, I’m just not very experienced with kids.” Zak laughed awkwardly.

“Neither was I until I got pregnant,” I mumbled.

We sat down on the couch together and remained silent until Avaya came out with an arrangement of dolls and stuffed animals. She set them up around her, rested on her belly, and started to play. I caught Zak smiling at her out of the corner of my eye and I couldn’t help but smile too. That was why I liked muscular guys. It wasn’t because they seemed so tough or all the other generic crap, it was because a lot of them were the biggest sweethearts I’d ever met. It was that moment when I caught the tough guys being impossibly adorable that attracted me to them.

“So,” I finally said, breaking the silence and directing his attention to me. “What’s your story, Zak Bagans?”

“Truth time, right,” He looked incredibly uneasy. He kept rubbing his palms against his thighs and rocking back and forth as he sat. I felt a little bad, but not really. If he wanted to stick around like he seemed to, he was going to have to jump some hurdles.

He sucked a breath in through his teeth and began to talk. “I had a really rough childhood. My dad passed away when I was 15 and my mom was heartbroken. It was just me, my sister and her for awhile. After I graduated high school I stayed with my mom for awhile, until I was 20, and then I moved out here to Vegas from Michigan. It was really hard leaving her and it’s hard being away from her now. I guess in a nutshell that’s why I feel okay here with you, and why I’m okay with the fact that you have a daughter.”

I nodded. That sounded awful. I couldn’t imagine losing one of my parents at that age. I’d be ruined for the remainder of my life.

“Okay, now what’s with the douche bag front?” I raised an eyebrow.

“That was a result of middle school,” he chuckled, playing with the chunky silver rings on his fingers.

“Mommy can you do my hair?” Avaya had gotten bored with her toys and was standing in front of me with a brush and small rubber hair bands. I nodded and got her to sit facing outwards in my lap and slowly started brushing her hair.

Zak’s eyes were trained on my hands and I urged him to continue talking.

“Um, well I got bullied throughout middle school,” he murmured. “I was really lanky and I had these thick glasses that just dominated my face. Y’know, they say high school is the worst but for me it was middle school. Everyone was just pricks, and I couldn’t shake them. I let their taunts go to my head and throughout high school I consumed protein and energy bars and worked out everyday. All the guys who were dating the cheerleaders acted a certain way in public and I figured that must be how the system works, so I went along with it. And you know what? It did work for the most part.”

“Every girl has to date an asshole. I’m pretty sure it’s customary,” I clicked my tongue as I started to French braid Avaya’s hair.

“Yeah but I’m not really an asshole, and that’s the worst part,” Zak sighed. “I landed a bunch of bombshells, but they were really messed up. They weren’t what I wanted. I didn’t want some busty blonde showgirl. Well, I mean, it was nice dating them but they’re not the kinds of girls I can last long-term with. It just didn’t feel right; none of my relationships did. I knew it was because I was lying to myself and to everyone around me but it didn’t stop me. I use this attitude as a crutch. I feel like without it I’m not much of anything. There’s very few people I can actually be my genuine self around and the moment I saw you I just felt that comfort surround me and I knew.”

I chewed on my lip as he spoke. His story made sense. Everyone had something they leaned on. I just felt bad that he thought he needed to be a complete prick to everyone he met.

“So if you knew, why were you such a scumbag?” I asked.

He smirked, once again watching me do my daughter’s hair. “I was nervous,” he answered.

I laughed out loud, causing Avaya to turn around and shoot me one of her many sassy looks.

“Sorry, baby, sorry,” I chuckled and continued to finish her hair. “You were nervous so you decided to be a total creep? How often has that even worked for you?”

He laughed softly. “I don’t know; I’ve never been nervous like that before.”

“Sure you haven’t,”

“I swear!”

“Whatever,” I smirked. “You’re a weird dude, Bagans.”

“Yeah, and you have weird hair!” Avaya piped up, turning her head to look at him.

“Avaya!” I couldn’t help but laugh, as hard as I tried not to.

Zak even laughed, looking at her with an astonished grin. “Oh really? What if I think you have weird hair?”

“But I don’t,” Avaya said firmly. “My mommy does my hair and she’s really good at it. Your hair is all spiky and tall.”

Zak smirked. “Your mom did a fantastic job on your hair. You look very pretty.”

“Thank you,” Avaya stood up from the ground and stood in front of Zak. “Can I touch it? Is it soft?”

“Well I don’t know, it might poke you,” Zak warned. “It’s like a cactus. Be careful.”

Timidly, Avaya reached out and touched Zak’s hair with the very tips of her fingers. She yanked her hand back to her chest and giggled.

“It’s crinkly!” she laughed. “You have crinkly hair!”

“Isn’t that silly, Av?” I asked, leaning in to fake whisper, “He uses more hair product than mommy does.”

Zak feigned a hurt expression. “That one got me,” he said. “Words can hurt, y’know.”

“Oh poor baby!” I chuckled.

Avaya scrambled back over to him and wrapped her arms as far as she could get them around his chest. He looked a little stunned but eventually gave her a quick hug back. It was another one of those tough-guy-turned-adorable moments for me. Plus it was entertaining watching my 5 year old completely melt Zak right before my eyes.

When she stopped hugging him she went back to her toys without another sound. Zak watched her with this smile on his face. I could tell then she’d won him over. Did that mean he wasn’t going to leave any time soon?

“Alright, I’ll admit, that was pretty gosh darn cute,” Zak muttered, picking at his knee.

“She’s pretty adorable,” I agreed. “Be warned, she likes to use it to her advantage.”

“Oh I’m with her on that one,” he said. “I’ve used these dashing good looks to get me so much stuff.” He flashed a cheesy grin and wink.

“Now, now. I didn’t ask for Douche Bagans to make another appearance,” I said. He laughed at my joke and I stood up. “Do you want some cereal?”

He checked the time and grinned. “It’s nearly 8 at night,” he noted. “I’d love to have some cereal with you.”

He stood up and I led him to the kitchen with a smile on my face; the kind that hadn’t been there since Matt and I were still on good terms. I remembered back to what Avaya had said earlier that day. I want you to smile more, mommy. I realized that I felt the same way. I never thought I’d be able to smile anymore after all I’d gone through, but here I was proving myself wrong. Normally I loathe being wrong, but this was one instance where I was perfectly okay with it.