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Zak’s P.O.V.

I unlocked the door to the small house I was renting with Nick and Aaron. I hadn’t seen them since yesterday morning before we’d all left for work. I knew they were going to have some questions for me and I wanted to get them out of the way as soon as I could.

They were both seated on the couch eating microwavable dinners and watching Jerry Springer. I kicked off my shoes and scratched the back of my neck. I was eager to get in the shower since I’d been working since 8 AM and it was now 7 PM. But when they both spun around to look at me I knew I had no hope of escaping just yet.

“Where the hell have you been?” Nick asked. He set down his food so he could interrogate me.

I smiled as innocently as I could. “Places,” I said.

“What places?” Aaron chimed in. “You said you had somewhere to be last night and we haven’t seen you until now. So where were you?”

“I was home last night but you were both passed out,” I shrugged. “I left for work and you were still asleep; that’s where I’ve been all day today.”

“Alright, but where were you last night? That’s two nights you’ve disappeared for several hours,” Nick said, narrowing his gaze.

“Yeah, that’s true!” Aaron exclaimed. “It must be some place weird, because at that party the other night you were completely out of it. You wouldn’t even respond to Nina Richardson’s advances for cryin’ out loud! And she totally wanted you!”

I rubbed my neck again and shifted from foot-to-foot in the doorway of the living room. “I just wasn’t in the partying mood when the time came, that’s all.”

“Yeah right, I’m calling bullshit—”

Suddenly Nick gasped, cutting Aaron off and making me jump. “I know where you were!” he shouted excitedly.

“Oh yeah?” Don’t sweat. I can’t start sweating.

“You were with that girl from the library! You were trying to get her to come to the party, like you’d said you would, and obviously she didn’t want to, which is why you were so quiet that night!” He had this shit-eating grin on his face.

I started to panic, which is never a good thing. I smiled and I had to look away. “Ha, n-no,” I muttered.

“Oh shit!” Aaron jumped off the couch and high-fived Nick. “You’ve been caught, Bagans! You’ve been with a girly-friend!”

“Okay, okay, knock it off you idiots,” I said firmly. “And she’s not my girlfriend, Aaron. We’ve just been hanging out and I swear on my own life that’s the truth.”

“Oh, he swears,” Aaron gasped. “This is just too good.”

“Shut up. That’s enough,” I rolled my eyes. I started to depart the living room for the bathroom when they stopped me.

“Where are you headed, Bagans? We’re not done questioning you yet!” Nick grasped my arm and pulled me back into the living room, sitting me down on the recliner.

“What’s her name? What are your plans with her? Does her dad like you?” Aaron lifted an eyebrow, stepping closer to me.

“Yeah, yeah,” Nick piped up. “Is she a straight A student? Does she smoke the drugs and drink the alcohol?”

I had to laugh, but at the same time I kind of wanted to punch them both in the face.

“Her name is Lily, right now my only plans are to be friends with her, I’ve never met her father, she’s a lot smarter than both of you dumbassses, and I’m pretty confident she doesn’t do either of those things regularly,” I sighed. “Can I go shower now?”

“He’s avoiding any further questions!” Aaron accused. “I think that means he likes her and it’s making him embarrassed to talk about her.”

“I think you may just be on to something there, Aaron,” Nick looked at me sceptically. “Is there any truth to that accusation, Bagans?”

I looked down at my lap with a heavy groan. “This is such a waste of my time,” I snapped.

What could I really tell them about Lily? Everything she’d told me so far had been her own secrets. She’d told me about her ex, about Avaya, and about her trust issues. It was because of those trust issues that I wasn’t about to just tell these two nimrods all about her. It wasn’t my place and it never would be. And I did like Lily; I liked her a lot, but I didn’t really know why. Usually if I liked a girl it was mostly just physical attraction, but with Lily not only was there the physical aspect, but there was something so much deeper than that. She wasn’t just a face and body to me. She was this incredible, intellectual woman who’d become a mother at the very peak of her life. She had so much responsibility but she still found time for everything. And Avaya…she loved Avaya. I’ll admit the little girl was growing on me, too. Lily was absolutely astounding. I loved talking to her. Every time I was around her I felt so comfortable; like I was safe with her. I never got that kind of feeling around anyone else besides my own mother. That feeling is what drew me to her and the rest just fell into place.

“He definitely likes her,” Nick concluded, nodding at Aaron.

“How cute,” Aaron squealed. “Just think, Nick, soon we may be hearing the pitter-patter of tiny Bagans feet!”

I looked up and shot them both a look. They shuddered at the thought and turned away from me, back to their shitty television program and their gross food. I pushed out of the chair and hid away in the bathroom. I started to strip down after I turned the shower on because it took a long time to heat up. When I stepped under the uneven stream of water, instead of immediately starting to wash my hair, I just stood there for a little while. I stood there and I thought.

I thought about Lily and I thought about Avaya and I thought about my own disrupted little family back home in Michigan. Out here in Vegas I was all alone. Nick and Aaron were my only family out here. This house wasn’t a home to me, though. I hated this house, actually. It was a crappy little thing, typical for three 25 year old men attending college and working dirty part-time jobs. I felt incredibly alone for someone who managed to have a lot of friends. I guess I didn’t really know how I got so many friends, and that made me feel alone. I’d been so caught up in my little act that I’d stopped functioning as me. Everything was kind of a blur; days passed by in a haze and I’d lie awake at night and wonder how I got there. Nick and Aaron are the only ones who saw the real me when I remembered I existed, so they stuck around. I appreciated them a lot more than they thought, I’m sure. I tended to be bossy and rude to them, but I couldn’t help it. That was my shield.

Then Lily drifted into my head. She was just like me, I think. She was scared to open up after what had happened with Matt. I couldn’t blame her. But it’d taken a lot for her to tell me that story. It was after midnight and Avaya was fast asleep in Lily’s lap. She kept looking down at her and brushing her hair with her fingers and I could see in her eyes just how much her daughter meant to her. And in that moment I felt extremely connected to her. The way she was looking at Avaya reminded me of how I’d catch my mom looking at me sometimes, like I was her whole world. And while I watched Lily and listened to her talk so quietly, I felt this strange pull. Like I wanted to be a part of her world with her and Avaya. I wanted them to be my family. I wanted them to be my home. I know that sounds weird, calling a person your home. But the world is strange like that and sometimes we can’t help what we feel. But I felt like Lily could be my home. I know I’d only just met her, so it was dumb that I was thinking this way, but I couldn’t deny it.

It’s like this: sometimes it’s the things we hide that bring the best people into our lives. If I hadn’t confessed to hiding who I really was to Lily I’d probably never see her again. They’re not easy to find, but when you do find those people that you can be completely yourself around, you don’t want to let them go. They’re the kind of people that you just can’t let go. Y’know…the people that come and never leave. They’re the people that make you feel at home the second you see them. So maybe it was really fucking stupid of me, seeing as I just met her a couple days ago, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted Lily to be my home, and I wanted her and Avaya to be my family.

I blinked the water out of my eyes that was dripping down from my now flattened hair. I pushed it back out of my face and grabbed my shampoo bottle. I started to get myself clean because I realized I’d been just standing there for an awfully long time and I looked like a total idiot.