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Lily’s P.O.V

It was about time for our weekly trip to the grocery store. I hated grocery shopping, honestly. There were all these foods that looked really delicious but if I bought them I’d have to put something else back to stay on budget, and everything I had already were stuff we needed…it was a task. Avaya made it easier, though, as she sat in the cart and held the fruit in her lap. She liked to tell me stories as I pushed her along and skimmed down my grocery list. I listened as intently as I could while at the same time hunting down food. She was a very imaginative little girl.

She always managed to take me by surprise, though. She’d say something very intelligent, or quote a book, or mock something I said three days ago. She’d remind me of things I’d managed to forget about. She was only 5 but she already had a better memory than me. And sometimes she’d just say things that genuinely caught me off guard. I never knew what was going to come out of her mouth anymore.

“I liked seeing Zak hug you, mommy,” she piped up while we were down the cereal aisle.

I paused while I read the nutritional facts of this new high fibre cereal brand. She wasn’t even looking at me as she spoke, as if it was no big deal. But it was a big deal to me. How can my 5 year old daughter be picking up on these things and giving me reality checks constantly? She didn’t know she was doing it, but it still shook me.

“Why’s that, sweetheart?” I asked softly. I was curious.

“Because he gives good hugs,” she answered firmly. “And I think everybody needs hugs, ’cause hugs make us feel good.”

I smirked. “Fair enough.”

“You should hug him more.”

“Oh, should I?”

“Yeah. Mommy, is Zak your boyfriend?”

I had to stop pushing the cart to look at her. “N-no, Av, he’s not my boyfriend. Why do you ask? How do you know what a boyfriend is?” I narrowed my eyes and smirked in suspicion.

“Because Tommy is Nora’s boyfriend in kindergarten. They play house together and she’s always the mommy and he’s always the daddy. I think if we played house, you’d be the mommy, I’d be the baby, and Zak would be the daddy.” She answered bluntly.

“Oh, I see,” I nodded my head pensively. “What about your actual daddy?”

“Daddy doesn’t come to our house anymore,” she replied. “Besides, it’s not house if both parents are my actual mommy and daddy. I want Zak to be my pretend daddy.”

“Ah,” I scratched my head. Even though she was just playing around, I felt an awkward itch creep up my spine. “We better keep this between us, okay? If your real daddy heard you say that he might get jealous of Zak.”

“I think he already is,” she mused.

I narrowed my eyes. “Why?”

“’Cause when we were waiting for you to come get me, I was playing with my dollies by the TV when daddy said you were here. He looked out the window and he said a bad word and asked me who you were with but I didn’t know yet.”

I chewed on my lip, perplexed. So Matt was jealous of Zak? After all Matt had done to me, did he really find it justifiable to get jealous just because I was friends with another guy? It made me taste poison and feel incredibly satisfied at the same time. I hope he was jealous. I hope he was livid, for that matter. There was nothing he could do about it, either.

I continued pushing Avaya and the cart down the last few aisles, filling it up with some final necessities. As always, when we were finished, Avaya helped me empty the cart and giggled as the track moved, hauling the groceries closer to the till. I hated paying for groceries the most, because it was damn expensive every time. Luckily we managed to stay below the $170 mark though and with only a numb pain in my wallet I hauled the heavy cart out to my car.

Avaya stood and watched as I transferred the bags from the cart to my trunk. She always wanted to help but the bags were too heavy for her to lift most of the time. I usually ended up emptying a bag or two a little; just enough so it was light for her, and then got her to put them in the vehicle. She liked to help and feel accomplished and I didn’t have a problem with that. I liked having my little helper around.

Suddenly The Clash started blasting from my pocket just as I was putting the cart away, scaring me half to death. I scrambled to get it out of my jacket as the song played even louder.

“Mommy’s got a phone call!” Avaya chorused, clapping her hands to the music.

I smiled quickly at her before swiping my thumb across the screen to answer it. “Hello?” I asked.

“Hey, are you busy?” It was Zak. I really should’ve been expecting that.

“Um, a little. I just got groceries. I’m about to drive home.” I squeezed my phone between my ear and my shoulder and bent down to pick Avaya up.

“Oh, sorry, I’ll be quick. Would you maybe be interested in having dinner tonight?”

I sighed. Clearly he’d never had the ‘I’m a mom’ experience before.

“I can’t, Zak. I don’t have a babysitter for Avaya.” I grumbled. When I was greeted with awkward silence on the other end, I frowned. “You’re not trying to ask me on a date, are you? Because, Zak, I can’t do that—”

“Bring her with you,” he piped up nonchalantly. “Of course it’s not a date; I know that. Did you really think it was?” I could hear the humour dripping from his voice.

I stammered. Had I thought it was a date? Had I hoped it would be? Jesus, that’s scary.

“Uh…um, no, I didn’t, that’d be…well that wouldn’t work,” I muttered, mentally hitting my head. “But are you sure? What time?”

“I’ll pick you up at 5:30. I’ll get us some reservations somewhere. Leave it to me.” There was something different in his voice. It was shorter; more crisp. I think I knew which one of us really wanted it to be a date, and it wasn’t me after all.

“Oh. Okay. Well…see you then.” I muttered.

“Yeah, talk to you later.” He hung up.

I grumbled loudly. Zak knew how to drive me crazy, that was for sure. I shoved my phone back in my pocket and closed the trunk. I picked Avaya up and brought her over so I could put her in her car seat. She was looking up at me perplexedly.

“Mommy, why do you have forehead wrinkles?” she asked.

I blinked, quickly unclenching my brow and collecting myself. “Don’t talk to boys when you’re older, Av,” I grumbled. “They’ll only give you trouble and forehead wrinkles.”

“Can I talk to daddy?” she inquired innocently. “Can I talk to Zak?”

“I’m not sure, honestly,” I shook my head. “But I don’t think either of us have much of a choice.”



The buzzing in my apartment room scared the crap out of me when it came. I’d been getting lost in a book and Avaya had been carefully playing—she didn’t want to mess up the curly hair I’d given her—by the TV. I’d actually almost forgotten about Zak’s dinner plans up until I heard the buzzing.

I jumped out of my chair, Avaya’s head following me as I ran to answer them. I pressed the button on the speaker and spoke into the microphone.

“Who is it?” I sang.

“The man you’ve been thinking about all day long,” Zak’s voice answered, “probably shirtless and other things I shouldn’t mention.”

I fake gagged before pressing the button to answer. “Right, Mr. Ego. We’ll be right down.”

“Hurry.”

I rolled my eyes. He was so demanding sometimes, I’d come to learn. My new nickname for him was Bossy Bagans, but I wouldn’t say it to his face. He’d probably get incredibly angry at that one. Sometimes Douche Bagans just wasn’t bad enough, though.

“Alright, c’mon, Av, Zak’s here,” I grabbed my purse off the table, double-checking to make sure I had everything, and Avaya came running to the door. She grabbed her own jacket off the nearby chair.

“I’m happy to see Zak,” she announced, swaying back and forth. “I missed him.”

“Did you?” I smirked. At least one of us didn’t get tired of him so easily.

“Yeah, he has funny hair but I like it,” she mused. Ah, 5 year olds. They’re so darn cute.

“C’mon, sweet pea,” I led her out the door and she ran for the elevator so she could reach up and press the button.

It was a short elevator ride to the front of our building. I was looking for Zak’s sport car, but it wasn’t there. Instead, there was a more standard, but still brand new car parked out front, and it was all black. I tilted my head at it.

It only got weirder when Zak jumped out of the front seat and I could see two other figures in the vehicle with him. He ran up to me with a smirk on his face.

“What do you think?” he asked. “It’s Nick’s. It can fit more people.”

“Uh…” I stammered.

“Oh, and you don’t need to worry about getting your car seat; I already put one in.” He put his hands on his hips, satisfied.

“That’s very nice of you,” I said, “but who else is in there?”

“Oh, it’s just Nick and Aaron. I invited them to come along. That should be okay, I mean, it’s not a date, right?” He raised his eyebrows, just daring me to get mad about it.

I straightened out my back and tossed him a genuine grin. “No, that’s fine.” I walked past him, seemingly excited to greet his friends. Avaya gripped my hand.

I opened the back door and found the car seat right in front of me. I settled Avaya down into it and buckled her in before I really greeted anyone. I looked up and saw two men looking back at me. I recognized one of them from the library. That was Nick. He was the one I’d been able to stand. He smiled at me.

“Nice to see you again,” he said. “I bet you didn’t think that was going to happen.”

“Not really, no,” I muttered, getting into the vehicle to sit next to Avaya. It was cozy.

“Hi, I’m Aaron,” A man in the passenger seat twisted around and stuck his hand out to me. He was bald with a dark beard, big eyes, and a grin on. He seemed like a happy person and I liked the vibe I got from him.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Lily.” I shook his head and smiled warmly at him.

“Oh, I know who you are,” He rolled his eyes, jabbing his thumb at Zak in the driver’s seat. “This one over here hasn’t shut up about you.”

I saw Zak’s hand swat Aaron away blindly. “Stop it,” he snapped.

“This must be Avaya,” Nick leaned over and smiled brightly at my daughter, who shied away from him. “Nice to meet you. I’m Nick.”

Avaya smiled, her chubby cheeks getting chubbier, and then hid her face from Nick’s eyes. I chuckled at her.

“What’s the matter, Av?” I asked. “You’re never this shy! Is it because Nick’s cute?”

Nick and Aaron laughed, but I don’t think Zak found it funny. He just cleared his throat awkwardly in the front seat. I didn’t care.

“I bet I can loosen her up,” Aaron said. He began to pull silly faces at her and make jokes, and Avaya actually started laughing really hard. In fact, Aaron had everyone laughing except Zak, who I could tell was starting to get tired of the goofy antics. If he couldn’t handle the childish games when I had a 5 year old, then he couldn’t handle whatever he was trying to get into with me.

Finally we got to the restaurant, and I was feeling good about the night. I know Zak only brought Nick and Aaron along because he had some sort of manly complex that I’d destroyed by saying it wasn’t a date, but his tactics were basically useless against me. So I grabbed Avaya, holding her on my left hip, and Zak politely held the door open for us, letting it nearly shut in Aaron’s face.

“Table for five please,” Zak said at the desk.

We got a nice, dimly lit half-booth near the back. Zak, Avaya and I took the booth, with Avaya in the middle. Nick and Aaron took the chairs on the opposite side. We ordered drinks and the waitress gave us menus and a colouring page and crayons for Avaya, who furiously went to work on it. She loved colouring. I had a feeling she was going to be an artist when she got older.

“There’s so many pages to this thing,” Nick said, flipping through the menu. “How are we supposed to decide what we want?”

“Close your eyes and pick,” I suggested. I put my hand over my eyes, spun my index finger around in a circle above my open menu and put it down. I checked when it had landed on and smirked. “I guess I’m getting the lobster and steak.”

“Your finger has good taste,” Zak commented, browsing silently through his own menu.

I grinned and checked the kid’s menu before I actually picked anything out for myself. “What would you like, Av?”

She looked over at the menu. “What do they have?” she asked.

“Let’s see,” I read her off the list and before I could even finish she cut me off.

“Chicken fingers!” she said.

I chuckled. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, mommy,”

“Alright,”

Aaron set his menu aside and sipped at his water. “What are you getting, Zak?”

I looked over to listen to Zak’s response only to find him staring down at Avaya’s paper as she scribbled on it. He had this little smile on his face as he watched her and it may have melted my heart a little, but I’d never admit that. Aaron had to say his name again for Zak to blink himself out of his trance and look at him.

“What?” he asked softly.

“Um, what are you doing to order?” Aaron repeated.

“Oh,” Zak looked down at his menu. “Probably the ribs and a salad, I don’t know.”

We all sat in idle conversation as we picked our meals for the night. I chose the feta and sundried tomato stuffed chicken with a side of garlic mashed potatoes and button mushrooms. My stomach growled just thinking about it. When the waitress took our orders, I even dared to let Zak order us a bottle of Merlot. Aaron stuck with water, agreeing to drive us home afterwards.

I think the worst part about going out to eat at a restaurant is waiting for the food to come. You never know if you’re going to be waiting for thirty minutes or sixty, and it sucks trying to figure it out. I was worried Avaya would start complaining, since she’d said prior to leaving that she was getting hungry. But she sat quietly, colouring and drawing happily. When I found myself lost in regards to whatever the boys were talking about, I leaned over and inspected Avaya’s work.

“That’s beautiful, honey,” I commented, pointing a mermaid she was working on colouring.

“Thanks mommy,” she beamed. “I’m making her look like Ariel.”

“Is Ariel your favourite princess?” I looked up to see Zak watching Avaya with that smile on again. His blue eyes flicked to mine quickly before returning to my daughter.

“Yeah,” Avaya answered. “I want to have hair just like hers.”

“I think you’d look nice with red hair,” Zak said.

I grinned softly at him. I didn’t expect him to act so kindly. When he’d told me he didn’t have much experience with kids, I was expecting him to be afraid of contact with Avaya, to be honest. And at the start I think he was a little hesitant. But I could tell she’d grown on him. Just seeing him reacting so pleasantly to her made me feel warm inside. Then I realized I was smiling in an almost loving manner at this man, so I took a sip of wine to hide my face for a minute.

“So Zak said you work at a record company,” Nick spoke up after awhile, snagging my attention. “Which one?”

“Defiance Records, down on 31st,” I answered. “I love it there.”

“What do you do?” Aaron asked.

“Mostly I answer phones all day,” I chuckled. “I set up appointments, give people tours, answer questions, and let them know what to expect.”

“Wow, so you’re kind of a big bone in the body of that business, aren’t you?” Aaron asked.

“Sort of,” I shrugged. “My job could go to anyone trained for it. So it’s not so much me as my job spot, but I like to think they need me.” I chuckled.

“They probably do,” Zak said, swallowing some wine. “I bet they wouldn’t have half the amount of male clients if you weren’t behind the front desk.”

I blushed and looked down at the black tabletop. “Thank you,” I muttered.

“Say I wanted to make music,” Nick said, “metaphorically, of course. What would I have to do to get signed by Defiance?”

“Well, you’d have to have a sample CD prepared for us to listen to. And then, if the manager likes it, he’ll get me to call you to come in and we’ll set up an appointment. We’ll get you a couple gigs, see how you do, and if people like you enough we’ll give you a contract. It sounds like an easy enough process, but it’s really not. There’s very few people who even get past the first step.” I answered.

“Do you get a lot of bad samples?” Aaron inquired.

“Tons,” I cringed. “Once someone gave us something that sounded like Cher and Steven Tyler had a baby. It was terrible.”

Everyone chuckled and winced at the thought. Alright, I admit, I liked Zak’s friends. They weren’t show-offs, they weren’t rude or judgemental, they were just normal guys. They were easy to talk to and kind and Avaya had a big old crush on Nick. Every time he’d try to talk to her she’d go dead quiet and look away while smiling. He thought it was cute. But it scared me a little, because I realized that sometimes when I catch Zak looking at me, I want to do what Avaya does. Thankfully I don’t, or this might be a whole different ball game, one which I would be losing.

Eventually our food came, but the conversation continued. We talked about a lot of the most random things, and we found ourselves getting incredibly in depth over some. I liked that when I was with a group of people. If I couldn’t have a decent conversation that I was actually involved in with them, they’d bore me. Thankfully Nick, Zak and Aaron weren’t like that. I wondered if they ever really stopped talking; Aaron especially. I didn’t mind it though. Aaron was pure humour.

“I can’t decide if I want to sleep or throw up,” Zak groaned after we were finished.

We were all pleasantly stuffed with food. Avaya was leaning against my side and I could tell she’d probably be asleep before we got home. I played with her hair to keep her sated.

“Yeah, we should probably get going,” Aaron said, stretching a little. “Good thing I wore my fat pants.”

As we were paying the bill and leaving, Avaya piped up, “Mommy, what are fat pants?”

Everyone just laughed and Aaron snapped his elastic waistband proudly.

We finally arrived back to the apartment and I was carefully removing a sleeping Avaya from her car seat. I said my goodbyes to Nick and Aaron and I turned around to see Zak standing idly by.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’ll walk you to your room,” he shrugged.

I allowed him to accompany me into the building and up the elevator. We walked in silence until we finally arrived in front of my door. I turned around to face him.

“Thanks for dinner, Zak,” I murmured. “That was really nice of you.”

“You’re welcome,” He smiled. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, actually. Nick and Aaron are awesome guys. You’re lucky to have them as friends.”

He smirked. “Some days I’m not so sure about that.”

I chuckled softly and bit my lip. There was something I wanted to say but I wasn’t quite sure how to say it, or if I even should. But I needed to put it out there just in case.

“Look, I noticed you were kind of…well, different, for lack of a better word. I’m sorry if I upset you when I said it couldn’t be a date. I didn’t mean to crush you or anything, if I even did…” I mumbled.

“That’s alright,” he answered softly. “I understand. Besides, that’s what the imagination is for, right?”

I smirked. “I suppose.”

At least I knew the answer now. He wanted it to be a date. He’d pretended it was when I said I didn’t want it to be. I guess I felt a little bad about it, but still, I had my reasons for saying no. He might not completely know what they are, but he understood enough to just let me be. I could admire him for that.

I’m not too sure what happened next. There was a piece of hair in my face that I kept trying to shake away without waking Avaya in my arms but it wouldn’t budge. Zak noticed and lightly brushed it back behind my ear with his fingers. When I felt his touch on my cheek it was like a cool shock surged through my body. His eyes found mine after he’d tucked the piece of hair away. I must’ve looked at him a certain way, because he moved in a little closer, and then closer still until I could feel his breath on my slightly parted lips and I moved back, away from him. He straightened himself out a little and dropped his hand from the side of my face.

“Goodnight, Zak,” I whispered.

He looked down at the floor and smiled meekly at me. “Goodnight, Lily.”

I let myself into my room with shaking hands and leaned up against the door for a second. Had he really just tried to kiss me? Had I been imagining it? No, I know it happened. But I hadn’t let him really do it. I couldn’t kiss Zak. I couldn’t get that involved with him. Honestly, I was scared shitless. He could hurt me like Matt did. Or Matt could hurt him, which was something I really didn’t want. I looked down at Avaya, who was still passed out in my arms. Her little face twitched in her sleep and I sighed. She had a broken family and she didn’t completely understand why. She liked Zak. I felt like she was the angel on my shoulder telling me to go to him, but I wasn’t listening. I was too scared to listen.

I tried my best to push the minor event out of my mind and went to tuck Avaya into bed. Maybe if I pretended like it never happened it would just go away. Maybe Zak would just go away. The only problem was I still wasn’t sure I wanted him to just yet.