Status: Updates should be regular!
London Calling
Single Options
Jen woke up early the next morning feeling incredibly warm. She threw the blankets off her body and let out a sigh of relief as the room temperature cooled her overheated skin. She cracked and eyelid when she felt movement on her right side. Laying beside her was her raven haired best friend.
Thoughts of their argument the night before and the fact that he was in her bed meant that the other boys had crammed into bed with Zayn and he didn't like the other four boys in his sleeping area. She needed to get over herself and her fear of Zayn judging her harshly because she knew that he wouldn't. The irrational fear that he could and would walk away once he knew was worse than dealing with his current exasperation with her. She had the limited time they had known each other on her side, but that could only last so long. If they still were as close a year down the road? She wouldn't have a leg to stand on. She wished there was another way, one where her life had been different and she could trust freely. The other 1D boys didn't mind being held at arms length and they had still forged close friendships with her. Only Zayn seemed to need a deeper commitment.
Jen roughly slid a hand down her face and decided to get up for the day. She got dressed in a pair of jeans and an oversized hoody. She slipped on her Asics and grabbed her key from her bedside table. With one last glance at the raven haired, olive skinned man in her bed she exited the room and went into the guest bedroom and was very amused to find four boys trying to sleep in a queen size bed. Louis was halfway out of the bed and snoring loudly as Harry and Liam were snuggled together and Niall slept peacefully on his own section of the bed. She messed his blond hair lightly until he lifted a pale eyelid and revealed one of his blue eyes to her. “Can we talk?” she asked quietly.
He rubbed his eyes with his fists before nodding. He stood and walked past Jen to his bag and pulled out a pair of jeans. He slipped on the pants over his boxers, buttoning and zipping them. He pulled on a green shirt over his bare chest.
Jen arched an eyebrow and wondered if Jonathan did have a point about Zayn’s single friends. Niall was really sweet and the perfect option for a boyfriend. As soon as she could convince herself to give up on Zayn, she might make a move on Niall.
They rode the elevator down to the lobby of the apartment building. Jen led the way to the sitting area off to the side of the front desk. She curled up in one of the chairs that the lobby held. She put her knees to her chest and wrapped an arm around them.
“So, what’s up?”
“I need a favor.”
“Anything for you, what am I going to have to do?”
“Just…tell me about Zayn. He is a good guy?’
“What’s going on Jen? You know he is,” Niall told her as he came closer to her and wrapped an arm around her narrow shoulders.
“You’ve known him longer. Do you trust him?”
Niall sighed, “Of course I trust him. He’s been there for me for the past two years. He makes me laugh more than anyone I have ever met. He listens to me when I need to vent about something. Zayn never gets angry when we do something bad, he just tells us, ‘that was a stupid decision’ and he moves on. He’s very protective. His sisters know that first hand. If he doesn’t like the way a person treats someone he cares about, he won’t hesitate to set that person straight. I’d trust Zayn with my life if I had to because I know he has my back and he always will.”
Jen rubbed a hand over her face, “I want to tell him what he wants to know so badly, but I just can’t seem to let myself trust him. I don’t want him to look at me differently.” She knew she trusted Zayn already. Sure the topic was hard for her, but she knew Zayn would understand why she was the way that she was after she let him in on the family secret. Pity was something she expected from him once she told him and that consequently was something she detested. She didn’t need pity anymore, she had enough of that. Zayn's pitt would be worst of all. If he walked on eggshells as soon as she told him, she knew she would end their friendship. Pity wasn't what she needed from him. What she really wanted was love, the love she knew she had for him but was fighting it tooth and nail.
She could see the smirk taking over Niall’s face as he responded smartly, “No, you just want him they way Perrie has him.”
“You’re a jerk,” she told him embarrassed. Her cheeks were fire engine red and she was getting some strange looks from the businessmen and women that were leaving the building. She hid her face in her knees. She wasn’t angry with Niall because he figured her out. She was just ashamed at how painfully obvious she was being, so much so that his friends were able to pick up on it. Now that she was aware that they knew, the boys would not hesitate to tease her about it.
“No I’m not. Just tell him, he deserves to know.”
“I’m not going to fight with you and Jon about this. I will handle it in my own damn time.”
“Fine as long as you handle it, any other services you need?” he asked.
They spent the next hour simply talking about this and that. Out of the boys besides Zayn, Niall was the one she felt closest to. He just took everything in stride and he was always cheerful. He was very easy to talk to and always made her feel better. Talking to Niall finally gave Jen the confidence to tell Zayn the truth.
*****
Zayn woke up and found that Jen was no longer beside him. He walked to the living room to see if she was there after he had checked her bathroom. He didn’t find her; however, he found a teal notebook book open on the coffee table. There was a pen beside it and he knew immediately what it was. He had seen it many times. It was Jen’s notebook. She put her life in that notebook, from story ideas to personal thoughts and everything in between. She had never left it so unguarded, let alone opened. Zayn knew he shouldn’t, knew that if she caught him, he would be in deep shit but he didn’t care in that moment. All he cared about was her and how he could help her heal. That’s why he sat down on the couch, picked up the notebook, and began to read:
3/14/13
I don’t know what to do. I need to tell Zayn, I have to. I trust him with everything in me and I just don’t know why that can’t comfort me enough to just spit it out. Though I’ pretty sure that telling someone that you were raped when you were eighteen and lost the baby the rapist impregnated you with isn’t the best topic to just throw out there…
Zayn felt his heart stop. She had been the victim of the most heinous crime against a woman. His heart physically hurt from the thought of her being taken against her will, his best friend. The one he secretly had feelings for but was too much of a chicken to do anything about it. He understood now, why the whole family was just trying to forget. He couldn’t even bear to think of this happening to one of his own sisters. The thought, again, was physically painful to him. He didn’t know how Jen could even function after this happened to her.
Better yet it sounded as if she meant to keep the fucker’s baby. It would take a strong woman to love the result of the worst time of your life. He knew that not just anyone could have enough love in their heart for that, but Jen could. Jen loved everything with such passion and understanding that Zayn just couldn’t comprehend. She felt so deeply and was very empathetic as a result of the insight she had as a writer. She was a special person and that was why he was so deeply attracted to her. He knew how special Jen was. He had fallen in love with her from the very first day she had watched him draw. She had stayed there with him and gotten lost in the art he was so passionate about. Usually people made him nervous when they watched him draw, but he reveled in her company. She just had a relaxing presence. She watched him work for long periods of time with a small smile on her face.
He flipped back to the front of the book and read the first entry.
5/7/12
It’s been a year since everything happened and I still can’t help but feel worthless. I still feel like I will never be able to get back to who I was before this all happened to me. Jonny’s worried and I’m angry with myself for bothering his concentration when he should be focused on his hockey career. He calls me every day no matter how busy he is just to tell me he loves me. It’s like he thinks the words are going to somehow make everything better. Nothing is going to make this better. I was violated in the most destroying way and I’m not ever going to be able to heal from this. What the hell am I supposed to do!
I just don’t have any more hope for humanity. There’s not one person I trust right now. I hate the man that did this to me. I hate how he has made me cry every night. I hate how I have nightmares about him every night. I don’t believe that any person is going to be nice to another just for the hell of it. Humans are selfish beings and they will get whatever the hell they want and are willing to do whatever they have to do in order to get that end. He wanted to tear me apart like my clothes. He wanted to watch the fear in my eyes as he held the knife to my throat and ripping the button of my jeans. He wanted to release himself inside of me for his own satisfaction…
Zayn couldn’t bear to read anymore. Tears slipped from his sorrowful brown eyes. How could she live like this? Constantly afraid and always on her guard, she never got a moments peace. She needed some peace of mind and he was determined to be the one that gave it to her. He was going to be the man that proved to her that she could be truly be loved just for the sake of being loved.
12/29/12
Everything has been put into place. I have an apartment in London and all my school details are finalized. Now I just have to go. I’m fucking terrified. This whole trip is for me to find myself again and to find the inspiration to write again, but I’m so afraid that my bad luck will just follow me there.
I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to me again and I had the sheer dumb luck of surviving again. Sometimes I wish that I had been left to die in that alley because it would be better than living with the loss of my son. I know I didn’t even have him in my arms or anything, but that’s just it. I wanted my son. I wanted him to have a family full of love and care like I have. It would have made what that bastard did to me worth it because I would have a beautiful baby boy to dedicate my life to and would give me purpose again.
I’m just so lost and I need a change of scenery. I thought that I would find that in Chicago with Jonny, but it hasn’t happened. I just think of how much my family members pity me and how they are constantly wary of anything that will give me a panic attack or flare a nightmare when I go to bed. Jon’s the worst, I thought he was protective before, but now it’s ridiculous and it makes me feel even more fragile. I just need a fresh start in London. To make a friend there that won’t know anything about my life aside from what I share. I just want someone to know the real me, not the person Doran made me.
He jumped up and slammed the book shut when he heard the door open and close. He turned and looked with wide eyes at the person who stood at the door. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was agape. She and Zayn just stared at each other until Jen gathered her composure and her eyes turned to ice.
“Niall I think it’s time for you guys to go home…Zayn’s no longer allowed to stay here.”
Thoughts of their argument the night before and the fact that he was in her bed meant that the other boys had crammed into bed with Zayn and he didn't like the other four boys in his sleeping area. She needed to get over herself and her fear of Zayn judging her harshly because she knew that he wouldn't. The irrational fear that he could and would walk away once he knew was worse than dealing with his current exasperation with her. She had the limited time they had known each other on her side, but that could only last so long. If they still were as close a year down the road? She wouldn't have a leg to stand on. She wished there was another way, one where her life had been different and she could trust freely. The other 1D boys didn't mind being held at arms length and they had still forged close friendships with her. Only Zayn seemed to need a deeper commitment.
Jen roughly slid a hand down her face and decided to get up for the day. She got dressed in a pair of jeans and an oversized hoody. She slipped on her Asics and grabbed her key from her bedside table. With one last glance at the raven haired, olive skinned man in her bed she exited the room and went into the guest bedroom and was very amused to find four boys trying to sleep in a queen size bed. Louis was halfway out of the bed and snoring loudly as Harry and Liam were snuggled together and Niall slept peacefully on his own section of the bed. She messed his blond hair lightly until he lifted a pale eyelid and revealed one of his blue eyes to her. “Can we talk?” she asked quietly.
He rubbed his eyes with his fists before nodding. He stood and walked past Jen to his bag and pulled out a pair of jeans. He slipped on the pants over his boxers, buttoning and zipping them. He pulled on a green shirt over his bare chest.
Jen arched an eyebrow and wondered if Jonathan did have a point about Zayn’s single friends. Niall was really sweet and the perfect option for a boyfriend. As soon as she could convince herself to give up on Zayn, she might make a move on Niall.
They rode the elevator down to the lobby of the apartment building. Jen led the way to the sitting area off to the side of the front desk. She curled up in one of the chairs that the lobby held. She put her knees to her chest and wrapped an arm around them.
“So, what’s up?”
“I need a favor.”
“Anything for you, what am I going to have to do?”
“Just…tell me about Zayn. He is a good guy?’
“What’s going on Jen? You know he is,” Niall told her as he came closer to her and wrapped an arm around her narrow shoulders.
“You’ve known him longer. Do you trust him?”
Niall sighed, “Of course I trust him. He’s been there for me for the past two years. He makes me laugh more than anyone I have ever met. He listens to me when I need to vent about something. Zayn never gets angry when we do something bad, he just tells us, ‘that was a stupid decision’ and he moves on. He’s very protective. His sisters know that first hand. If he doesn’t like the way a person treats someone he cares about, he won’t hesitate to set that person straight. I’d trust Zayn with my life if I had to because I know he has my back and he always will.”
Jen rubbed a hand over her face, “I want to tell him what he wants to know so badly, but I just can’t seem to let myself trust him. I don’t want him to look at me differently.” She knew she trusted Zayn already. Sure the topic was hard for her, but she knew Zayn would understand why she was the way that she was after she let him in on the family secret. Pity was something she expected from him once she told him and that consequently was something she detested. She didn’t need pity anymore, she had enough of that. Zayn's pitt would be worst of all. If he walked on eggshells as soon as she told him, she knew she would end their friendship. Pity wasn't what she needed from him. What she really wanted was love, the love she knew she had for him but was fighting it tooth and nail.
She could see the smirk taking over Niall’s face as he responded smartly, “No, you just want him they way Perrie has him.”
“You’re a jerk,” she told him embarrassed. Her cheeks were fire engine red and she was getting some strange looks from the businessmen and women that were leaving the building. She hid her face in her knees. She wasn’t angry with Niall because he figured her out. She was just ashamed at how painfully obvious she was being, so much so that his friends were able to pick up on it. Now that she was aware that they knew, the boys would not hesitate to tease her about it.
“No I’m not. Just tell him, he deserves to know.”
“I’m not going to fight with you and Jon about this. I will handle it in my own damn time.”
“Fine as long as you handle it, any other services you need?” he asked.
They spent the next hour simply talking about this and that. Out of the boys besides Zayn, Niall was the one she felt closest to. He just took everything in stride and he was always cheerful. He was very easy to talk to and always made her feel better. Talking to Niall finally gave Jen the confidence to tell Zayn the truth.
*****
Zayn woke up and found that Jen was no longer beside him. He walked to the living room to see if she was there after he had checked her bathroom. He didn’t find her; however, he found a teal notebook book open on the coffee table. There was a pen beside it and he knew immediately what it was. He had seen it many times. It was Jen’s notebook. She put her life in that notebook, from story ideas to personal thoughts and everything in between. She had never left it so unguarded, let alone opened. Zayn knew he shouldn’t, knew that if she caught him, he would be in deep shit but he didn’t care in that moment. All he cared about was her and how he could help her heal. That’s why he sat down on the couch, picked up the notebook, and began to read:
3/14/13
I don’t know what to do. I need to tell Zayn, I have to. I trust him with everything in me and I just don’t know why that can’t comfort me enough to just spit it out. Though I’ pretty sure that telling someone that you were raped when you were eighteen and lost the baby the rapist impregnated you with isn’t the best topic to just throw out there…
Zayn felt his heart stop. She had been the victim of the most heinous crime against a woman. His heart physically hurt from the thought of her being taken against her will, his best friend. The one he secretly had feelings for but was too much of a chicken to do anything about it. He understood now, why the whole family was just trying to forget. He couldn’t even bear to think of this happening to one of his own sisters. The thought, again, was physically painful to him. He didn’t know how Jen could even function after this happened to her.
Better yet it sounded as if she meant to keep the fucker’s baby. It would take a strong woman to love the result of the worst time of your life. He knew that not just anyone could have enough love in their heart for that, but Jen could. Jen loved everything with such passion and understanding that Zayn just couldn’t comprehend. She felt so deeply and was very empathetic as a result of the insight she had as a writer. She was a special person and that was why he was so deeply attracted to her. He knew how special Jen was. He had fallen in love with her from the very first day she had watched him draw. She had stayed there with him and gotten lost in the art he was so passionate about. Usually people made him nervous when they watched him draw, but he reveled in her company. She just had a relaxing presence. She watched him work for long periods of time with a small smile on her face.
He flipped back to the front of the book and read the first entry.
5/7/12
It’s been a year since everything happened and I still can’t help but feel worthless. I still feel like I will never be able to get back to who I was before this all happened to me. Jonny’s worried and I’m angry with myself for bothering his concentration when he should be focused on his hockey career. He calls me every day no matter how busy he is just to tell me he loves me. It’s like he thinks the words are going to somehow make everything better. Nothing is going to make this better. I was violated in the most destroying way and I’m not ever going to be able to heal from this. What the hell am I supposed to do!
I just don’t have any more hope for humanity. There’s not one person I trust right now. I hate the man that did this to me. I hate how he has made me cry every night. I hate how I have nightmares about him every night. I don’t believe that any person is going to be nice to another just for the hell of it. Humans are selfish beings and they will get whatever the hell they want and are willing to do whatever they have to do in order to get that end. He wanted to tear me apart like my clothes. He wanted to watch the fear in my eyes as he held the knife to my throat and ripping the button of my jeans. He wanted to release himself inside of me for his own satisfaction…
Zayn couldn’t bear to read anymore. Tears slipped from his sorrowful brown eyes. How could she live like this? Constantly afraid and always on her guard, she never got a moments peace. She needed some peace of mind and he was determined to be the one that gave it to her. He was going to be the man that proved to her that she could be truly be loved just for the sake of being loved.
12/29/12
Everything has been put into place. I have an apartment in London and all my school details are finalized. Now I just have to go. I’m fucking terrified. This whole trip is for me to find myself again and to find the inspiration to write again, but I’m so afraid that my bad luck will just follow me there.
I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to me again and I had the sheer dumb luck of surviving again. Sometimes I wish that I had been left to die in that alley because it would be better than living with the loss of my son. I know I didn’t even have him in my arms or anything, but that’s just it. I wanted my son. I wanted him to have a family full of love and care like I have. It would have made what that bastard did to me worth it because I would have a beautiful baby boy to dedicate my life to and would give me purpose again.
I’m just so lost and I need a change of scenery. I thought that I would find that in Chicago with Jonny, but it hasn’t happened. I just think of how much my family members pity me and how they are constantly wary of anything that will give me a panic attack or flare a nightmare when I go to bed. Jon’s the worst, I thought he was protective before, but now it’s ridiculous and it makes me feel even more fragile. I just need a fresh start in London. To make a friend there that won’t know anything about my life aside from what I share. I just want someone to know the real me, not the person Doran made me.
He jumped up and slammed the book shut when he heard the door open and close. He turned and looked with wide eyes at the person who stood at the door. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was agape. She and Zayn just stared at each other until Jen gathered her composure and her eyes turned to ice.
“Niall I think it’s time for you guys to go home…Zayn’s no longer allowed to stay here.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry for the delay y'all.