My Way Home

.......It had taken all my might and misery to wake up at five in the morning and drag myself out of the musty motel bed to shower and catch a cheap, but quick breakfast in the mess hall in order to be on the road at the crack of dawn. The sooner I get moving, the sooner I'd be farther away from him and last Saturday.

The orange sun was just a sliver over the terrain of mountains on my left as my 2004 dark blue mustang delivered me west. It was still fairly dark as I drove alone on the two-lane road with nothing but desert stretching for miles and miles surrounding the black asphalt. A great big blue sign with a yellow star in the middle came into view, 'ARIZONA' written in large white print above the star, and 'THE GRAND CANYON STATE WELCOMES YOU' written in a smaller print beneath the star. My glossy lips formed a wide grin across my face as I read those refreshing words, ecstatic to know I was that much closer to my hometown.

In the state of how and why I left Austin, coming home would certainly be an unpleasant wake-up call to my closest friends and family, but that dreadful moment wasn't nearly as terrifying as having to eventually go back to him. I didn't have to go back to him, but I always did. Always.

A deep sigh passed my lips as I decided to fill the silence with the radio, being too lazy to reach into the backseat for my Ipod. It was a while before I found a station I was content with.

Halfway to my final destination, the yellow sun wasn't hiding behind the mountains anymore when Ed Sheeran's 'Drunk' began to clash horribly with Of Monsters And Men's Little Talks. The corners of my lips abruptly fell as I grabbed my cell phone off the dashboard and read his name flashing across the screen in big print. He had been calling nonstop since I left almost two days ago.

I let the call die to voicemail and a minute later, there was one new notice in my inbox. Sucking in a deep breath, I decided not to delete the notice this time and held the phone against my ear.

"Damn it, Sam! Where the hell are you?" he greeted through gritted teeth. "Pick up the fucking phone!"

I bit my lip, keeping my eyes on the road ahead of me.

"Why haven't you been answering any of my calls or text messages?" he continued. "Don't you know how worried I've been the last two days? Did you think the short note that tells me absolutely nothing on your whereabouts was going to slide with me? I am this close to calling the police!"

Before heading out of our apartment, I quickly scribbled down on a pink post-it note that I was leaving town and wasn't sure of when I would be coming back and instructed him to not come look for me.

"Baby, I'm sorry," he said, his voice softening to a whisper. "I didn't mean to yell. It's just that I'm going crazy here, knowing that you're out in God knows where by yourself and I don't know whether or not you're alright or if you're..."

Tears had begun to form at the brims of my eyes and I blinked them back before any could fall. I had told myself not to shed any more tears for something I'd never be able to take back, or erase from my conscious. I had to move forward and I figured this little tip was a good way to get started.

"Please call me back, baby. At least let me hear your voice," he pleaded. "I love you. Bye."

I heard a click before an automated voice spoke, "To hear this message again, press-"

I immediately pressed 'four' to save his voicemail and tossed the phone onto the passenger seat. I was going to call him back, I didn't know when or what I was going to say, but I was going to eventually answer his message.

Before I knew it, two more hours had passed and the golden sun was high in the sky, its rays shining downward and warming up my already tan skin. I was within the city limits of Tempe, taking the familiar route to the Avery Vista neighborhood. My grip on the steering wheel tightened as I realized that the nerve-wrecking moment of having to face my friends and family was less than ten minutes away now.

I pulled into the driveway of 1426 Hollow Creek Lane, killed the engine, and grabbed my phone and purse off of the passenger seat. After unloading my large suitcase and maroon duffle bag from the back seat, I slammed the door shut, straightened myself up, and gazed upon at the two-story, limestone house in front of me. I breathed in heavily and slowly made my way up to concrete pathway the front door. My fingers fumbled with the house key I kept all these years as I inserted it into the doorknob, turned it counterclockwise and pushed the door open.

Dragging my things beside me, I stepped into house, feeling a blanket of nostalgia engulf my body. I inhaled deeply and smiled at the hint of vanilla sugar lingering in the air. Mom had burn a candle recently.

Locking the door behind me and leaving my things in the foyer, I moved down the hallway and gazed around the living room and kitchen, noting that everything was exactly in the same place as I had remembered it.

"Mom? Dad?" I called out, my voice carrying to every inch of the enormous house. "Kennedy? Is anybody home?"

No answer. I figured Mom and Dad were still at work because it was barely three in the afternoon, but where was Kennedy? I had changed my phone number but kept up with The Maine through social media, never daring to attend a concert in fear of running into them, but tour had been over for a week now.

My eyes wandered around the room again and I noticed that there was a small yellow post-it note sitting on the island. It read,

Went with the guys to Pat's. Be back late.
-Kenny

I stood at the island with the piece of paper sitting between my fingertips, wondering if putting off this unexpected reunion for a little while longer was best. Running my free hand into my long dark mane, I jogged out the front door and slid back into the my car to start the familiar drive down to the Kirch residence. Not even fifteen minutes had passed when I was pulling up to the curb and killing the engine once more.

The set of keys cut into the palm of my hand from the tight grip as I gradually walked up the long driveway with jitters. Before I knew it, I was standing at the front door with my other hand up at ear level, knocking three times against the hard oak.

There were voices mixed with laughter coming from the inside, and as soon as the door swung back I came across a pair of hazel irises that mirrored mine. The difference was that shock and bewilderment began to fill his.

"Hey, big brother," I greeted softly, an uneasy laugh falling from my lips. "Long time no see."

Kennedy's jaw slowly fell agape as he continued to stare at me in awe, and I felt uncomfortable under his heavy gaze and the urge to run was evident in my legs.

It seemed like forever ago since I spoke when Kennedy finally moved. He picked his jaw up from the floor, took a step backward, and slammed the door in my face.

A frown settled on my lips and I was about to turn and leave when I heard a voice draw closer to the other side of the door.

"What's with the sour face, Ken? Who was at the-" Before I could make a dash for my car, the door flung open again and this time, Jared was standing at the doorway with the same expression Kennedy's face carried. "Sam?"

I bit my lip and nodded lightly. "Hi, Jared."

Unlike my brother, Jared's mouth stretched from ear to ear as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him, his arms slipping around my shoulders with tight embrace. "We've missed you."

"I missed you guys too," I quietly agreed, deciding it was alright to let the waterworks flow since I would be crying over this and not about what happened at the clinic.

Jared's arms were still around me as his head drew back slightly and he somberly gazed down at me. "Don't ever you that again, alright?"

I looked up at him with teary eyes and nodded frantically. "I won't."

A small smile formed on his lips as he let hims arms fall, his hand grabbing my wrist once more. "Come on, I know the others are dying to know you're alive."

I chuckled at his comment and wiped my tear-stricken face, letting him lead the way to the living room.

The old gang was scattered around the room on the floor and couches, their eyes glued to a heated round of Call of Duty 4, and it wasn't until Garrett pointed out Kennedy's rigid expression did they finally notice Jared and I.

"Holy shit!" Eric exclaimed. "Sam?"

I giggled at his reaction and nodded. "Hey, Halvo."

All at once, five or so pair of arms flew around me and I was tackled into the carpet by him, Garrett, Pat, Rex, Moose, and Tim.

"Party at my place tomorrow night!" Rex hollered somewhere within the sweaty mass. "For the return of Baby Brock!"

Cheers erupted from the rest us as one by one they crawled off of me and allowed me to breathe. A small hand grabbed mine and helped me to my feet. I grinned madly when I realized who it was. Our hands were still holding onto one another as my best friend pulled me closer to her and away from the others.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming back?" Paige whispered, glancing around us to make sure no one was eavesdropping. She was the only one I kept in touch with, knowing she'd keep my whereabouts a secret.

I looked at her with a half-smirk and shrugged. "Surprise?"

She rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless and pulled me in for her own hug.

"My turn," a rough voice came from beside us.

I parted from Paige and looked to my left, a wide grin tugging at the corners of my lips when I saw him. Paige returned to the guys as I met the tall, shaggy-haired boy halfway and securely wrapped my arms around his torso. He did the same, his lanky arms snaking around my petite shoulders and resting his chin on top of my head.

I buried my face into his chest and mumbled, "On a scale from one to ten, how mad do you think he is with me?"

His chest rose and fell as a heavy sigh escaped his lips and he muttered, "A perfect ten."