I Need You Now

~ Max's POV ~
I was just lying in my bunk on the tour bus,all alone. I would say it's around 11am but you can never really tell when your on tour. Everyone was awake as far as I knew,I mean I assumed that they were awake due to all the loud yelling and chanting from downstairs. All playing FIFA as per usual. 
I heard faint footsteps make their way up the winding stairs toward my curtain drawn bunk. 
The curtain was pulled open by a muscular hand,I squinted as the light shone through the gap. 
I blinked to regain my sight only to see Josh and his smiling face look down at me. 
'How are ya,love? Wait I should say morning midget Max' That sentence was fine up until when the word 'midget' fell from his lips. 
I had an issue let's say with the boys for calling me midget Max because,it hurt in a way,but it didn't start out like that,I knew it was a joke back in 2005 but now they won't just say my fucking name  without adding midget in front of it. 
'Morning,I'm fine,you?' I asked as the fake smile appeared on my face. It may seem harsh that I would fake my smile to Josh of all people,but that's the way it's always been,I was always the happy one,or well so it seemed I guess. There were many reasons as to why I am so annoyed that I have to fake smile,height being one of them,I feel out of place in YMAS because of my height. Now I know it sounds stupid that I make a big deal about it but recently I have eaten less to take away from my height and look skinnier,the worst part about it all is that it all started with this grinning bastard in front of me. Ever since he called me midget I felt like I wasn't good enough for YMAS or anywhere because what Josh says to me or about me means a great deal to me. It's like approval to me,I have never really known why but I crave his approval about myself,so much so that everytime he called me midget I have a scar for each time. I am so fucked up that I resorted to self harm,but of course I hide the scars,who wouldn't,I already feel like an ass knowing that I discourage our fans to do it but now I see where they are coming from,the release and loss of the works around you when you take the razor to your wrist.
It took me a moment to realise but I lost my train of thought and that Josh had been talking this entire time. 
'What?' I mumbled stopping him mid sentence. He looked into my eyes as just sent me a cheeky grin,I felt my face flush red. 
'I said do you want to go with me later to sort out the merch?' 
I simply nodded biting my tongue in the process. Josh winked at me and walked away supposedly back downstairs. 
I fell back onto my bunk,my hands immediately fell to my face. Feeling my hot flustered face,all from Josh and his smile. 
'Fuck' I whispered to myself. 
I like him I thought,no you can't you gay faggot,do not give yourself another reason to cut. 
My hands made their way to my hair,I caught a tight grip on my hair,I pulled on my hair uttering the words 'You don't need another reason to hate yourself,don't do this to yourself Max' I repeated those words until I felt tears threaten to fall down my face. 
I let go of my hair and my hands fell to my side as I lay in my bunk. I sighed. It was going to be a long tour..