I Need You Now

~ Josh's POV ~ 

I climbed up what seemed like the never ending staircase. 
I thought of Max and every possibility of what he could be doing up there. Just don't do anything stupid was the only thought in my mind that made sense to me. 
I climbed up the last flight of stairs. I grabbed ahold of the handle and turned it. 
'Max...' I said closing the door. 
He didn't react. He was stood on the edge of the building overlooking the car park. I noticed a blade to his wrist. He looked ready to jump. 
'Max,don't,please'
'Don't what?' 
'Don't jump' 
'I wasn't going to jump' He spat at me as he turned around to look at me. I was confused until my eyes latched onto his wrist and the blade that clearly had more pressure in it than before. 
He pressed the blade harder much too hard for his own wellbeing. Panic filled up inside of my body. 
'Please,Max don't,I beg you' 
Max pressed the blade harder onto his wrist. I saw blood trickle out from underneath the blade. It ran down into the palm of his free hand. 
'Why Josh? Why shouldn't I? Give me a reason' 
I needed to calm him down and get him to see sense once more. 
How I was going to do that was the flawed part of my plan. 
'You can't leave me' 
'Why not?!' 
'Because...'
I edged toward him and he took a step back nearly falling. 
'Because I need to tell you something Max' 
'And what's that? You want to push me from this building because you actually hate me?'
'No'
I stepped forward and he stepped backwards. His foot slipped off slightly. His balance was thrown off. 
'MAX!'
I yelled reaching out for his arm. 
I caught it at the last moment if I didn't he surely would have fell off. 
'LET GO! JOSH LET GO OF ME YOU CUNT!' The blade fell out of his hand as he wriggled in my tight grip 'SEE YOU MADE ME DROP THE FUCKING BLADE! I WANT TO DIE! LET ME DIE JOSH PLEASE!'
He was sobbing while I pulled him up, he was struggling against my stern grip, but I wouldn’t let go until I had pulled him all the way back up onto the roof. I fell back and pulled him into my arms. He struggled for a bit but I was stronger and he inevitably  gave up. He collapsed running out of energy and sobbing into my chest. I fell back onto the roof. 
I felt so bad depriving him of what he wanted. Death. I felt selfish keeping him alive for my own sake. But it was the right decision. I hope. 
'Max'
He looked up from within my chest. His eyes still teary. 
'I still need to tell you something,okay?'
He nodded. 
'I'm Josh' I smiled down at him. 
'I know' He sniffed
'No you don't' I saw confusion rise over his teary face. 
'You only know the frontman of You Me At Six Josh and the best friend Josh but you do not know Josh,me' I had confused him some more. 
'You don't know the Josh who cares and loves you so much,the Josh that would never hurt you,the Josh that will always protect you,boyfriend Josh' I smiled down at him. 

'And Max?'
'What?' He sniffed 
'I love you'
He looked up at me with swollen eyes and messy hair. His cheeks were red from crying, stained with dryed up tears. His mouth opened slightly, as if to say something, but he couldn’t get it out.
'I mean it Max,I honestly love you, I don’t know what I would have done if you had... gone... tonight. I’m glad I got here in time,I'm sorry Max'
'No Josh,I'm sorry,for everything. I came up here because I need to release my pain and anger,life is just...' He paused thinking of what to say 'I came up here and saw the clouds,how care free they are,full of life,it made me think of you,I came here thinking of you,and Josh?'
'Yeah?'
'I love you too'
I leant down and kissed him softly on the lips.
This morning has been probably the worst of my entire life. 
But also at the same time it has been the best one. I had to stick up for him,I had to look for him, find him, and when I find him he’s on the verge of committing suicide, he yells at me, he falls, I save him, he cries into my chest, and the best part is he tells me he loves me. 
'Max' I looked down at him. I got my hand and brushed it I over his bleeding wrist. 
'You broke your promise' I pointed out to him. 
'I'm sorry' He gave me puppy eyes
'Just don't ever do something like this again,if you do I come and find me,I will always care' 
'Why?'
'Because I am boyfriend Josh' I smiled down at him. 

I just pray that me being me was enough to keep him alive for now. 
I needed him as much as he needs me right now and I can't afford to lose him. 
All I needed was to keep him,at least for now. 
But my one worry was,how am I going to explain this to the others? And what would they think if the truth came out?