I Need You Now

My heart skipped a beat as I saw the look on Josh's face immediately change when he saw my arm. I looked up at him and back down at my plate. He placed his burger down,I did as well as he stared at my arm. 
'Max,what's that?' He asked as his stare went from my arm to my eyes. 
'Nothing' I lied looking into his eyes. I tried to pull the sleeve down but he reached across the table and held my wrist,laying my arm out on the table. 
'Don't lie Max' He shook his head as he spoke. I just watched him scan up and down my arm. 
'I'm sorry' I whispered as that's as I could possibly say to him. 
'Max,why?,just,how?' He continued to shake his head in disbelief of my stupidity. I caught eye contact with him. 
'I-I-I' I stumbled not knowing what to say.  
'Max' He made his grip tighter around my wrist as he got more and more impatient with me. 
'I don't like being called a midget' Was all I could possibly say to him. Our eye contact was no longer just friends staring it was now Josh full on staring in anger at my whimpering face. 
'This over being called a midget by your friends' He said holding my wrist up from the table. 
'Yes' I nodded as it was the truth. 
'Max,just talk to me' I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as I saw the look of anger on his face go to cute and concerned. 
'I can't,I'm sorry' I looked to my plate not bearing to look at him. 
'Max please,talk to me' He began to beg for me to tell him and confide in him. But how could I when I am such an asshole. I am a 23 yr old man who has an eating disorder,self harms and has a crush on his best friend,Josh. How could I tell him the truth about myself. About how I feel. I needed to lie and the lies had to be good.  
'I can't Josh,I just can't,I can't tell you' I repeated I felt the tears keep threatening to fall down my face. 
'Max' He whispered in a soothing voice. It was as if he knew I was on the verge of crying. 
'Josh I-'
'Don't want to tell me' He finished my sentence 'Or just don't want to lie to me,eh' 
I looked at him as he held my arm still. He could always read me like a open book. 
'I can't,sorry' I pulled myself away from him and toward the door. From the corner of my eye I saw him throw some money on the table to pay so I rushed from the cafe with Josh behind me. 
I didn't plan on going back to the tour bus because Dan might question me. I couldn't turn around or slow down because Josh would catch up with me. 
So I ran. 
Ran down the road. 
As fast as I possibly could. 
I had no clue where I was let alone where I was going. 
But all I knew was Josh could not catch me or get me to talk.