Like We Used To

Past – August 2003
“Hey Bry?” I said quietly as I looked at the blond-haired boy lying beside me at a beach in California. Ever since I was in second grade, mine and Brian’s parents have been taking us along with my cousins John and Stephen to California for the second to last week before school started back, and we all rented a beach house at a private section of the beach. Needless to say, that’s definitely my favorite part of the summer – the week I can hang out with just Brian, Stephen, and John at the beach.
“What’s up, Lee?” Brian asked looking over at me. I sat up and he did the same, giving me a smile that’s been able to make me feel butterflies over the past three years.
“We start our freshmen year of high school in only two weeks and I don’t think I’m ready for it at all,” I said with a groan while I pulled my sunglasses down to cover my eyes from the blinding sun.
“Why not, Lina? High school is supposed to be some of the best times of our lives,” Brian said, quoting his last sentence from one of our teachers from last year. I rolled my eyes at him and lightly slapped his shoulder, causing him to laugh and me to smile.
“Bullshit, Bry,” I said only loud enough for him to hear, my parents didn’t have anything against me cussing, but it still felt awkward if they heard me cuss. “I’m just not ready to go back to school, this summer was too great.”
“What’s bothering you, Lina? I know that’s not the only reason; you can tell me, you know that.” Of course I can tell him anything, but how could I possibly tell him I was afraid he was going to get a girlfriend during high school and have chance with him completely ruined. Yes, I had a crush on Brian, I’ve had one since sixth grade, but only Stephen knew about it. Either Brian was good at hiding that he knew or he was completely clueless, hopefully the latter. But I had to tell him something, so hopefully only half of the truth would be good enough for him to stop asking.
“It’s just…it’s just that it seems that everyone is dating someone already and if they’re not, they will be when school starts back up, and I don’t know, I just feel like I’m going to be the outcast because I haven’t even freaking kissed a guy before let alone dated anyone!” Ok, so my reason may have sounded pretty stupid and pathetic, but I tend to freak out over the littlest things.
“Is that all you’re worried about Lina?” Brian asked and I nodded shyly. “It’ll be ok, Lee. You’ll find someone soon, I promise; any guy would be lucky to have someone like you.” I blushed at his statement and he gave me another smile.
“Thanks, Brian,” I told him and he pulled me into a hug.
“Of course, Lina,” he replied, releasing me and standing up before outstretching his hand to help me stand up. I gladly took his hand and he pulled me up, but instead of letting go like he normally would, he continued to hold onto my hand. And I did everything I could to hold back the blush trying to creep its way onto my cheeks.

Brian and I spent the whole day hanging out together. I don’t know where Stephen and John were, but frankly I couldn’t have cared less. Sounds harsh, I know, but being able to spend alone time with Brian is one of my favorite things to do; we could just hang out and talk about anything without having to worry about my nosey cousins trying to listen. We talked about anything and everything we could think of – what high school would be like, rumors of people we’ve known our entire lives, people we were excited to see again once the school year started, celebrity crushes, bands we wanted to see play, what we were planning on doing after graduating now that we were only four years away from it.
The sun was now getting ready to set over the horizon and it was casting various hues of reds, oranges, and purples. The ocean was still warm, and Brian and I were sitting on a dock with our feet dangling in the water. Brian was singing a Foo Fighters song and I joined in quietly during the chorus as a smile became apparent on his face.
“I don’t want the summer to end,” I said with a sigh and leaned into Brian.
“Me neither, Lee,” Brian replied. I looked up at him with a smile, which he returned, but what he did next shocked me more than anything: he kissed me. He leaned down slowly and lightly kissed my lips. I didn’t do anything for a second, too shocked and nervous, but a second later, I kissed him back. First kisses are just weird; I felt awkward but I loved it at the same time.

The rest of the week went by normally. Things between Brian and I didn’t really change. The next day was slightly awkward, so I spent most of my time with Stephen walking around Ventura, California. I told him about the kiss and to say he was surprised would be an understatement.
“Nothing will probably happen, Stephen,” I sighed, after hearing him repeatedly tell me that he’s just waiting for the moment Brian asked to be something more than friends. I wished he would, but I can’t get my hopes up too quickly.
“Yes he will, Lina. I’ve known Brian as long as you have; he wouldn’t have just kissed you and leave it at that,” replied Stephen. I didn’t reply, and Stephen got the hint that I didn’t want to continue this conversation so he changed the subject, not that I was paying too much attention to it anymore.
All I had on my mind now was if Brian was going actually going to ever ask me out or anything. Hopefully he would, but I doubt he would.