Wasted Nights

Just as I was hanging up from my phone call, Mike walked up to me, looking very much like someone bursting at the seams with something to say.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked.

"Hey, can we talk for a sec?" he asked.

"You don't have to ask me that, Mike," I said, grimly, sitting down on the grass and folding my legs. He plopped down beside me.

"Okay, so, I'm guessing Vic wasn't able to tell you what exactly happened last night, cause Steph walked in but-uh, yeah, there was a bit of an episode last night..." he started.

"Oh? What happened?" I asked, wondering why he was bothering telling me unless...did it have something to do with me? I wondered, feeling a bit queasy.

"Yeah, so, Vic may have accidentally have told Steph- and half of the bar- that he's still in love with you. It got really messy, they started fighting and she stormed out halfway and Vic didn't bother going after her, he just sort of drank his feelings away," Mike said, softly. "So, yeah. That brings us to today. Vic wasn't getting out of bed and he was having a massive headache, so we asked you to come over, but yeah, Steph walked on to the bus right as you were leaving. They had another fight once you'd left, another really loud one."

"Oh my god," was all I could muster. "Are they alright now?" I asked.

Mike shook his head, "Not exactly. She asked him to pick between the two of you, Niki. She said either you stay on the bus with them, or she does."

"Oh, shit," I said, suddenly going through a whole bunch of emotions all at once.

Did this mean I was out of a job? Would All Time Low hire me to tour with them? But they already have a merch guy. Did we know any other bands that could use my services? Or, would I finally have to throw my hands up and go back to Springfield? Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea...I could room with Kelly, she'd take me in until I got back on my feet and got another job. Did I even have enough money to take a flight out to Illinois?

"Why do you look so worried?" Mike said.

"You basically just told me I got fired in the most indirect way possible, Mike, of course I'm-"

"He chose you, Niki," Mike said, smiling at me.

"Huh?!" I asked, suddenly forgetting what he was talking about.

"Steph told him to pick and he chose you, Niki. He said that you were a friend of the band and that there was no way he was going to ask you to stop touring with us, or not be on our bus, just because of her," Mike continued.

"Oh," was all I could say, yet again.

That would not have been my definition of Vic "choosing" me. I would have preferred a more dramatic "She's the love of my life" monologue, but I'd settle for the mere acknowledgement of our friendship.

"Shit, Mike, I never wanted- I never..." I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration, as the wind blew it out of the loose ponytail I had it secured in. "I never meant to get in between them, Mike, I swear, I mean I practically stepped out of the picture for Vic to have his happy ending, I never-"

"We know, Niki," he said, quietly. "Though, none of us could figure out why on God's green earth you'd do that."

"What do you mean?! You were the one who told me that their connection was legendary and that they might try to reconnect-"

"I said she might try to and not that you should jump the gun and do it yourself, you idiot!" Mike said, sounding exasperated.

"Mikey, you're forgetting one key point- I simply asked the question, Vic was the one who consequently dumped me on my ass," I said, getting slightly annoyed. "He made the choice, I just asked him to do so, rather than lead me on."

Mike shook his head, "You know how long it took for us to get you guys to realize you guys like each other?" he said, softly, looking off into the distance. "No one really gets him, or us, like you do, Niki. He was a better person when he was with you."

This was all so out of left-field that I was confused as to how to respond to it. If Vic told Stephanie he still loved me, why'd he dump me? Just so he could test out whether or not he still had feelings for her? Did he think I was two dollar salsa that he could double-dip his enchilada into as he so desired? Did he think he could make such a royal mess of things and then still have the audacity to say he had feelings for me after the fact? What was wrong with him? I wondered, pulling grass out by fistfuls and throwing it aside.

"Stop," Mike said, holding my wrists, laughing at me.

"This isn't funny, Mike," I said, feeling myself tear up.

"Woah, woah, don't cry, Niki," he said, putting his arm around me.

"What on earth is the matter with your brother? We were perfectly fine as friends, things were A-okay, then he asks me out, I say yes, I think things were good, hell, I'd go so far as to say things were amazing. Then, the next thing I know there's someone else in the picture and I'm irrelevant. Does he think some drunken fight he has with Steph where he sticks up for me is going to make up for that?" I asked, looking up at Mike as tears began to roll down my face.

I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand and sniffled as he simply shook his head and rubbed my back. "I don't know what to tell you, Niki. My brother's an idiot, all guys are...just, forgive a guy?" he asked, hopefully.

"How can I, Mike? That was the one thing I asked him not to do. I asked him not to leave and he did, readily too, he didn't even put up a fight, or pretend like it was even a teensy bit hard for him to leave me," I said, holding up my index finger and thumb to indicate a small amount.

"I don't know what to tell ya, Niki," Mike said, "I just know that he screwed up royally and he didn't mean to, but if it ever comes down to a choice you'll always be his first. Always."

I swallowed a lump in my throat and rubbed my eyes with finality, shrugging, "Well, what happens now?"

"Now you get on that bus and you face the music. Both of you. You haven't spoken in months, and we haven't spoken in months because of you guys, either. It's stupid and that needs to change. We all need to make amends, but it has to start with you and Vic figuring things out," Mike said, with a subtle amount of authority.

I nodded, "Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I don't really know what I wanna say, though."

"Whatever you just told me, whatever's been driving you crazy and keeping you up at night these past few months. Say it all, hold nothing back. Lay everything down on the line, let him do the same, and see where you guys wanna go from there. At the end of the day, there'll always be a friendship left for you guys to salvage, even if things can't go back to being the way they were," he replied.

"Yeah," I mumbled, pulling my hair back into a ponytail and straightening my shirt out. "Yeah, I guess it's time for us to talk," I said, walking towards the bus with uncertainty.