Wasted Nights

When I was introduced to the All Time Low guys, it was literally all I could do to not squeal, fall apart, hyperventilate and lick their faces all at once. I was so beyond excited, but luckily, I had enough experience being around people I admired that I knew how to at least appear collected.

"Hey, Nikita, right?" Jack asked, looking at me in what was probably just his normal "Hi, I'm Jack" face, but to me it looked like some sort of open invitation to hump him.

God, I have to pull it together, I thought, as I mumbled, "Hey, yeah, call me Niki."

Despite what I expected, he plopped down beside me and took his phone out, casually scrolling through his Twitter. I gulped down a wad of saliva in what I thought was a really loud, annoying gulp. I hoped he hadn't heard it, because that'd just be gross. God, I was fixating on him again. Shit, stop it, Niki. Stop it? Please stop, I begged my ovaries.

I went back to my laptop screen, scrolling through my Tumblr, hoping Jack wouldn't glance over and see the half naked body parts that tended to randomly show up on my Dashboard, nor the cheesy girly quotes captioned on to irrelevant pictures of the ocean. Suddenly, he sneezed, really loudly and I gasped because it was so sudden and scared me a bit.

"Holy shit, dude," he said, holding my arm, "I'm so sorry, that was fucking gross. Did I spritz you?"

I laughed, "Just a little, don't worry about it," I said, reaching over and handing him a Kleenex.

His face turned red as he blew his nose and settled back in. Just then, Vic walked in, plopping down on my other side, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Why are there always naked girls on your Tumblr?" he asked, making Jack snap his head over to my laptop screen and giggle a bit.

"I dunno," I mumbled, "I always mean to delete these people, but then I don't and...yeah, I don't know..."

"That's the plight of literally every Tumblr user," Jack joked. "Or maybe it's just an excuse for all you hipster girls to get your daily fix," he said, making a suspicious face.

"Nah, not Niki. Niki's more about action, less about pictoral porn," Vic said, winking at me, making me go red in the face.

"Haha, oh god Vic, way to embarrass the shit out of her," Jack said, calling him out lightly.

Suddenly Vic's phone rang and he got up and went out of the bus to answer it. Jack put his feet up on the couch, getting comfortable.

"Didn't you guys date, or something?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, or something," I smiled, somehow not at all affected by talking about our relationship, which was a first.

He gave me a curious look, to which I simply said, "Meh, it was complicated, but we're friends now. We're too close to cut away from each other."

"Do you still like him, though?" he asked.

"Does it seem like I do?"

He shook his head, "Not really," he said.

"Then I guess not," I said, "It all happened very quickly, and when you're living in such close quarters with someone, you never really have a chance to cut them off and get over them, you know? I think I've done all I can and I'm happy right now. Content."

"That's good, dude. Fuck relationships, they're such a pain in the ass," he said.

He saw my face and sucked in air through his nostrils, "Oh...you're that type of girl, aren't you?"

"What?"

"You're the type of girl who stays single until the right one comes along and then you fall deeply in love and get married, and whatnot."

I simply looked at him, wondering why he would think that from just one look at me,but it was true so I nodded, "Yeah, I don't know why I have such an ideal outlook on love. I have no reason to. My parents split years back, I don't really have any siblings. And none of my friends have been in a stable relationship for more than six months...but, still, you've gotta hope right?"

Jack shrugged, "Or you could just bang people and enjoy your life," he said, very honestly, without a hint of perversion in his voice, suggesting that this was his tried and tested way of going through life.

I laughed, "Yeah, that's not possible. I have only made out with one guy randomly, and even then it wasn't...I don't know."

He placed a hand on my knee and squeezed, "Don't worry, Niki. Things will work out, eventually. You don't seem at all plagued by singledom."

"I'm not, in fact I kind of enjoy being alone. It's peaceful," I said.

"Then you'll be fine, and when you're ready someone will work his way in."

"Yeah, you're right," I said, realizing that Jack Barakat was a lot more insightful than people gave him credit for being.

"Why do you look so stunned?" he asked.

I snorted, "It's just- I didn't-"

"Expect me to be nice enough to listen and give advice?" he interjected.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry," I said.

"No, no, my reputation precedes me, what the hell can I do?" he said, smiling knowingly.

"You know, you're not half bad yourself, you'd make a great boyfriend," I said, being bold.

"Oh yeah?" he asked, sitting up a bit straighter, "Would you like to find out firsthand?"

Realizing he was probably joking, I simply laughed. Vic walked back on to the bus and so did Tony, right behind him. A few seconds later, Alex came on to the bus and announced that they had found a killer bar to go drink at and we all trooped out, like a gang of tattooed misfits (save for me and Vic) towards the bar.

About an hour later, I was feeling pretty buzzed, but in a good way. Everything was fuzzy and warm and I just wanted to cuddle, or something.

"You look happy," Jack said, coming up to me and putting his arm around me.

"I have Jack to thank for that," I said, holding up my glass of Jack Daniels.

"Oh, me? You don't have to thank me, well I suppose if you really wanted to," he said, gesturing to his cheek for a kiss.

I giggled and leaned in, giving him a tiny peck on the cheek. "You're pretty smooth, I'll hand it to you," I admitted.

He shrugged, "I do what I can, you know."

Mike showed up behind us, putting his arms around us both, "I fucking love you guys," he slurred, "Like, honestly, fuck, I love you," he said, messing up my hair and kissing Jack on the crown of his head.

We laughed as Mike stumbled away to go profess his love to everyone else, "He's so gone," I said. "He never remembers doing that in the morning, but he almost always does."

"What can I say? He's just a lean, mean loving machine," Jack smiled.

I smiled and sat down in a booth, liking the feel of the seat beneath my ass. I needed to sit for a while. Jack sat diagonally across from me, drinking quietly.

"Do you ever get tired of it all?" I suddenly asked.

"Hmm?"

"Do you ever get tired, of drinking, getting drunk, hooking up, partying? Doesn't it get old fast when you do it so often?" I asked.

He nodded, "Yeah, every night before I fall asleep I tell myself 'this is it', but then I wake up and I don't know what else to do. It's like this is all that's expected of me, how can I step out of this box? I don't know how to..."

"You can always change, Jack. I know it seems like this is it, like this is the top of the world, but it's not. Trust me. Step away from all of this for two seconds and you'll realize what all you're missing out on."

He smiled, "Shit. I don't even know you, I've never told anyone that. You're so easy to talk to," he said.

"You too," I said, as Mike and Tony came and sat down in the booth next to us.

"Hey, we're gonna go get tattooed," Tony said.

"Yeah, wanna come hold my hand?" Mike asked me, I nodded.

"Yeah, actually, you know what? I think I wanna get one, too," I said, to the awe of the guys.

"What? Are you sure?!" Tony asked, protectively, "Don't get a drunken one you'll regret later."

I gave him a look, as if to say "that's what you're doing." But he continued on, "No, Niki, I'm serious, nothing too big and it can't be somewhere that's visible."

"Okay, dad," I said, rolling my eyes, though I was also glad that he cared so much. God, I love my friends, I thought as linked arms and walked down the street towards the neon sign that read "Tattoos & Piercings".

"Alright, what do you want, honey?" the bald tattoo artist asked me, in a friendly tone.

I thought about it for a second. I remembered my childhood, my mom teaching me how to read and write in Hindi to bring me closer to my heritage. I had forgotten almost everything she taught me, but somehow, I remembered a single word.

"Can I have a piece of paper?" I asked, and he nodded and handed me a pad and pen.

I scribbled down the one word I remembered, in bold letters- आज़ाद. Azaad, it meant Free. I don't know why I felt so strongly towards it, but I couldn't explain it.

"That's beautiful, is it Sanskrit?" he asked me.

I shook my head, "No, Hindi. My mom taught it to me when I was really young, I've forgotten most of it, except for that."

"Beautiful, let's get started?" he asked, as he made the stencil. "Where do you want it?"

"On my left wrist," I said, sitting down in the cushioned chair, bracing myself.

Tony and Mike were by my side the whole time, I clutched their hands when the pain got to be too much, but all in all, it was really bearable and the outcome was absolutely beautiful. Free. I loved my new tattoo, I loved this new phase in my life, I thought, walking out of the parlor feeling elated.