Wasted Nights

"But I don't wanna," I complained, as the boys started to bang on the table tops, encouraging me to down yet another shot.

"Just do it," Vic said, pulling me close, and whispering in my ear, "Don't worry, I'll take of you if anything happens," he said, kissing my ear lightly.

I threw back the shot and the guys cheered, Jaime continued pouring more shots and the Sleeping With Sirens boys as well as our own guys started to drink more and more. After about half an hour of hooting and hollering, things simmered down a bit. People were tipsy and seated and strewn all over the tour bus, and a few were standing outside.

I was lying down with my head on Vic's lap, feelings slightly sick, "Vic," I complained, "don't ever let me drink so much again."

He giggled, rubbing my stomach lightly. "Don't worry, you're fine," he said, taking my hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

I loved that he was so calm and mature, I think part of that was due to the fact that he was several years older than me. He was so...stable and wise, yet youthful and fun all at once. He was the perfect balance of someone who you could have the greatest time with, yet someone who would hold you when you really needed someone to be there for you. I looked up at his face and smiled to myself, wondering how I had gotten so lucky.

"Come here," I beckoned, as he reached down and gave me a small peck on the lips.

He was playing with my hair and I was slowly drifting into a restful nap-like state, when I felt my phone vibrate in the back pocket of my jeans. Suddenly, my entire body stiffened. Vic, obviously feeling the vibration, too, asked me to answer it.

I shrugged, "No, I'm tired..." I said, hoping I sounded convincing, though by this point, my heart was thudding against my rib cage like there was no tomorrow and sleep was a ship that had long since sailed away from me.

I nestled closer to Vic as I felt a weird shiver come over my entire body. Sensing this, Vic grabbed a blanket from nearby and draped it over me. Before I could will myself to fall back asleep, Tony yelled out loud that we were all going to do a round of Truth or Dare on the bus.

Vic smiled down at me, "Haha, this should be fun, Niki. Come on, get up."

So, I got up and sat up next to him, folding my knees up to my chest as Vic put his arm around me. In a matter of minutes, everyone was rounded up and we were all seated around the lounge area, ready for a round of Truth or Dare. For the first few ones, people were dared to eat hot sauce all in one go and other harmless things.

Before I knew it, it was my turn, as Tony looked at me mischievously and asked, "Truth or Dare, Niks."

I rubbed my eyes sleepily and yawned, "I'm too tired to get up, so let's go with truth," I said, as a few of the guys laughed.

"Hmm...okay, lemme think about this for a second," Tony said, obviously having expected me to pick dare instead of truth. I wondered what he had picked out for me as a dare.

"Ah-ha, I got one. Have you ever had a random hook-up?" Tony asked.

I giggled, "Nope," I said, "Well, actually," I said, thinking about it, "Um...actually, yeah, kind of. I have."

Everyone ooh-ed and ah-ed and Tony asked me to relay the story to them.

"Well, it was in college and it was at a stupid drinking session, much like this one," I said, making a funny face at Tony, "And yeah, basically my friends subjected me to Seven Minutes in Heaven with this guy Collin, I think his name was. So, I was all set to spend seven minutes on the floor of the closet, rolling dust bunnies, but Collin had a whole different plan for me."

"Oh, yeah?" Kellin asked, looking interested.

I nodded, making a disgusted face, "Ugh, yeah. Not something I wanna relive, it was pretty horrible, but you know, it was just a prolonged kiss."

"That doesn't count," Tony complained, "That's not nearly scandalous enough!"

"Yeah!" the rest of the guys chimed in, and Mike added, "Do another one! Ask her another question, Tony."

I threw my hands up in the air, looking at Vic for support, "What the hell, you guys? I totally answered the question..."

"It didn't count," Tony said, cutting me off. "Okay, next question. Hmm...what's one thing that Vic doesn't know about you? And make it juicy, please, or we'll just keep asking you more questions," Tony threatened.

And although the entire 'text message from Jeff' drama was right on the tip of my tongue, what came out of my mouth was something else entirely. I don't know what prompted it, I don't know if it was the fact that I was shit-faced or the fact that I felt like everyone, Vic especially, deserved to know it, but I blurted out the last thing I expected to.

"I was sexually abused when I was younger, by my father. He-uh, yeah, he started it when I was around fifteen, and it went on til I was about seventeen, before my mother realized it and had him arrested. I haven't spoken to him or seen him since..." I said, quietly, feeling Vic's arm fall off from around me and his eyes widen as everyone stared at me in shock.

I didn't have the heart to look up, so I continued to ramble, "I usually never talk about it, I haven't even told anyone this, no one knows except my mom and me," I said, laughing uncomfortably. "I'm really drunk, I really shouldn't have had all those shots," I said, trying to joke, but I knew it was in vain as I could feel my eyes welling up and involuntary tears began to fall down my face.

The guys were all taken aback, first by the news, then by my tears. As usual, Tony, Mike and Jaime shied away from my emotional outburst as they didn't know how to handle it. No one knew what to say and everyone just sat there staring at me for a few seconds as I jerked the tears away from my face and got up, walking off the bus. The night outside was cold and damp, and I pulled my sweatshirt arms down over my fingers and rubbed my hands together as silent sobs escaped my lips, after a few seconds I heard Vic's footsteps join me outside. He grabbed my hands and rubbed his in between mine, warming me up, looking at me with concerned eyes all the while.

"Why didn't you ever tell me, baby?" he asked, sounding really hurt.

I cried harder and he pulled my head into his shoulder and rubbed my back, kissing the top of my head repeatedly. "It's fine, Niki. You're just drunk, you're emotional..."

"I know, Vic, but I can't-I can't deal with this anymore," I said, sobbing harder, and soaking the shoulder of his hoodie with my tears.

"Yeah, you can. You're the strongest person I know," he said, holding me up by the waist as my body began to go limp.

"Vic?"

"Yeah, Niki?"

"Promise me you won't leave like he did? Or cheat on me, or screw me over, or hurt me?" I begged, looking up at his face, illuminated by a distant streetlight.

"I promise, babe," he said, holding my waist tighter, and pulling me closer. "Can you promise me something, too?"

"Hmm?"

"No more secrets, alright? I hate feeling like there's things about you I don't know, and that you'd chose to reveal such detrimental parts of who you are only when you're intoxicated."

I nodded; a dull pain started to set in in the back of my skull, working its way slowly to the frontal part of my forehead. I felt things around me get slightly hazy and I knew I had to sleep or else I would black-out.

"Come on," Vic said, holding me up, "Let's get you to bed."

*

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of Vic's phone ringing near my head somewhere. I jerked awake only to see Vic passed out beside me, sleeping on his stomach with his hair fallen over his face. I grabbed his phone and looked at the caller ID, it was someone named Stephanie. I put the phone on silent, and made a mental note to tell Vic that a certain Stephanie had called. I wondered who she could be, as I began to rub the sleep out of my eyes.

I pushed Vic's hair out of his face and kissed him lightly, sighing as I remembered everything that had happened last night. I felt myself blush with embarrassment as I remembered what I had let slip, without reason or intention. I planned on telling Vic, maybe a little bit in the future, but only him, certainly not a roomful of our closest friends while we were all drunk and looking for a good time. I winced again, cringing slightly at the thought. I hoped none of the guys would treat me differently after that, better yet, I hoped they would all somehow forget it or pretend it had never happened.

Beside me, Vic whispered, in his husky morning voice, "Sweety, don't fidget so much," as he put an arm around me and pulled me closer, turning over to his side to face me.

"Sorry," I smiled, moving closer to him. I loved the moments we shared right after we woke, somewhere in between consciousness and a dream-state, everything seemed so much more heightened.

"I'm so embarrassed, Vic..." I groaned, whispering.

He chuckled, messing my hair up, "Don't worry about it, love. No one is going to judge you, we've all done stupid things when we're drunk, you should know."

I smiled slightly, "Yeah, I suppose so. Vic, I really am sorry that came out the way it did...I never meant for it to happen, you know how I get-"

"When you've had a bit too much? Yeah, lesson learnt," he said, seriously, "I won't ever force you to drink more than your limit again..."

I nodded, "And, um, while we're confessing, I just wanna say that I got a text from Jeff a few nights ago. Here, I want you to see it," I said, fishing for my phone and making Vic read it.

Vic simply shrugged, "As long as you didn't reciprocate I really don't care, Niki, but thanks for telling me anyways."

I let out a sigh, "You know, I was freaking out thinking about what you'd say, I should have just come to you when it first happened...I wasted so much of time worrying about it."

"Yeah, you're an idiot," he joked, slipping his hand under the covers and sliding it up my shirt. His skin felt so warm on mine.

"Mmm," I moaned, as he started kissing me heavily, "Sweety, not to ruin the moment...but who's Stephanie?"

Suddenly, his arm went limp and he straightened up a bit, "What?!" he asked, sounding almost infuriated.

"You got a missed call from her," I said, pointing to his phone.

His eyebrows furrowed and he grabbed his phone and checked the call log. I lay there anxiously staring at the lines of worry on his face, wondering why this girl was so relevant to Vic. Suddenly, I felt a pang of what I really hoped was not jealousy.

He sighed, putting a hand on his temple and massaging it. "What's wrong?" I asked, meekly.

"Steph...uh- she's an ex, Niki. My last proper girlfriend. She totally broke my heart and ditched me, I have no idea why she would have a reason to call me now..." Vic's voice trailed off, as he continued to stare at his call log, transfixed.

The fact that he was so taken by this call worried me a bit. Clearly, he was the one who had gotten the shorter end of the stick in their relationship. Did that mean he had unresolved feelings for her? Is that why he was so worried?

"Vic?"

He shook his head and tossed his phone aside, "Sorry, babe," he mumbled, turning away from me and falling back asleep, leaving me there to feel absolutely stumped.