Wasted Nights

6 Months Later

"Y'all are on at 4:30," I told Mike, as he rolled over in his bunk to look at me.

He nodded, rubbing his eyes, "Well, that's nice...gives us some time..."

"Yep, take your time waking up," I replied.

I walked over to the back of the bus and rummaged through my suitcase, wondering what to wear today. It was unbearably hot in Texas today, not to mention, it seemed like every date on Warped seemed to be hotter than the last one. I settled on some denim shorts and a white flowy cotton shirt, with a plum cami beneath it. I decided to rock my nude cowboy boots today. Why not? There was no better place to do this than in San Antonio, right? I whistled as I changed in the bathroom. I slipped my Access pass around my neck and grabbed my phone, ready to head out and explore for a little bit.

As I was stepping out, I bumped into Vic, he awkwardly moved to a side and so did I, so I moved to the other side, just as he did too.

Vic let out a soft laugh, "Excuse me," he said, finally walking away.

I stood there for just a second, frowning. I guess it had come down to this, I thought. I shrugged, shouldering the bus door open, walking out into the scorching hot sun. I pulled my shades on over my eyes, just as my phone began to buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and stared at the screen, it was my mom.

"Hello?" I called, oddly glad to hear my mother's voice on the other end.

"Nikita! Why haven't you called me? It's been days!" she yelled.

"Sorry, ma. I've been really busy, this tour is pretty chaotic...how are you? How's dad?" I asked, feeling this knot in my stomach that felt oddly a lot like homesickness mixed with a little bit of comfort, at the thought of knowing that I could and would always be able to run back home. It was nice to have an escape route, just in the off-chance things got a bit too much.

"We're fine," my mom said, changing over from her "lecturing" tone to her calm, friendly one. That was the one to look out for, because it always told me the things I wanted to hear the least.

"Sweety, you've been so distant recently...I know you said you're fine...since, you know, everything happened and all, but are you? Really?" she asked.

She would know if I were lying, so I didn't insult her intelligence by doing so, "No, ma. I'm not fine. I feel like absolute crap. Vic's walking around as if we don't even know each other, forget the fact that we have history, you wouldn't even think we're friends if you saw the way he's been treating me off-late. Hell, I don't even know if we are friends. It's all kind of getting to me."

"I know, honey..."

"It's just so frustrating, you know? It's almost like no one even cares that I have feelings. I don't know why I do this to myself. I put up this act of valor, like I can handle everything and people just walk all over me because of it. No one cares to ask me if I'm okay, or what I'm up to, or how I feel. It's like they've all switched sides, now. Everyone's moved on and left me behind."

"What do you mean everyone's left you behind? Aren't Mike and the boys still there for you to chill with?"

"No, ma. They're different now, too. I don't know. Maybe that part is a bit in my head, but the Vic part definitely isn't. He's completely avoiding me. I feel horrible."

"Well, he is with Stephanie now, sweety. Maybe she told him not to talk to you too much, or something."

I bit my lower lip, "I don't know why she'd have to. I'm no competition to her, she's completely-"

"Gorgeous, yes, honey, you've told me. Well, maybe I'm biased but I think you're tons prettier than she is. You're just a bit hurt right now. You need to go off on your own and lick your wounds. You've handled this entire thing with so much grace, Niki. You didn't lash out or yell or cuss Vic out, you simply agreed and walked away and let him make his choice, the choice that made him happy. Now, you simply have to accept that there is someone else out there who will make you as happy as Steph apparently makes him. There's nothing else to do. And trust me, you'd rather he avoid you, if he were all friendly with you your feelings for him would never go away."

I nodded, "Oh yeah, that's true. Not to mention, the ease with which he just tossed me aside and didn't even bother with being a decent friend made it tons easier for me to get over him. I swear, ma, I'm so over that boy. There's no way in hell I'm going down that road again. I don't-I don't ever wanna feel so disposable again," I said, feeling a faint tear in my left eyelid, but I was able to blink it away.

"Good. You're on the right path, sweety. Don't you worry. It gets to a point where it doesn't hurt so much. Just...one day, you wake up and life goes on. You'll be happy and light and you'll find it silly that you spent so much time grieving in the first place. Just take care of yourself for the time-being."

"Yeah, I will. Thanks, mom," I said, feeling a bit lighter already. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay? I promise."

My mom laughed, "Sure you will. Take care, Niki. I love you."

"Love you too, bye," I said, hanging up.

"Talking to your boyfriend?" I heard a voice behind me call.

I turned around to see Zack Merrick, the bassist from All Time Low standing behind me. We had started to hang out a lot since the beginning of tour; he was a nice dude, and hanging out with him made me feel less pathetic. He made me feel like there was something worthwhile in me, something that could still draw people in to want to be with me...good people. People that wouldn't dump me on my ass on the side of the curb like yesterday's garbage. Mostly, he was just a nice friend who was easy to be around. We would go on tons of random walks around the venue together.

"Mom, actually," I said, holding my phone up.

He laughed, "Walk?"

I nodded, "I was on one, anyways. So yes, Mister Merrick, you may accompany me as I frolic about."

He laughed and we started walking, in no particular direction. I liked that he was really quiet. He only spoke when he had something relevant to say, he was really straightforward. I needed that right now. Not some overexcited dweeb who would be hyperactive and talk my ear off about random things, or a girlfriend who would pester me to talk about my feelings. I needed peace and quiet.

"I hear Yellowcard is on in a few minutes," he stated.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, wanna go check 'em out?"

I nodded, "Of course!"

So we walked around for a few minutes, visiting random tents and going to get a drink and a bite to eat from the catering area, and then headed over to the main stage where Yellowcard where half a song into their set. We sneaked in through the sides and stood by the stage and watched them play. They were absolutely amazing and hearing old songs that triggered memories of my high school days brought a nostalgic air over me, putting a ridiculous smile on my face.

"What is it?" Zack said into my ear, over the music.

"I grew up listening to Yellowcard...it's just bringing back tons of memories," I said, smiling up at him.

He nodded, "Yeah, same."

We stood there in the Texan heat, our bodies close but not in a perverse way, enjoying the amazing music and the crowd going wild behind us. It was nice, it got my mind off of less enjoyable things, momentarily, at least.

As we walked away from the stage once the set was over, Zack asked me to go out for drinks with him and the All Time Low guys after our set was over. Apparently there was this bar that they always frequented in the town, so I agreed to join him and we parted ways. I felt this weird agony coming over me as I headed back to the bus...back to being neglected and cast aside, back to being ignored by Vic, back to watching Steph eating Vic's face at every opportune moment.

"Think happy thoughts," I mumbled, "Pug puppies, rainbows, hello kitty throw pillows, Disneyland, ah fuck it," I groaned, throwing open the bus door and walking in.