I See the Moon Only

I walked out of the hospital doors and around the corner to find Mike sitting against the edge of the building, cigarette in hand.
"Hey Mike, do you mind If I sit?"
"Nah not at all, could use some company I guess." and with that I slid down the wall next to him, the aroma of his cigarette with alluring with he promise of release of stress, I didn't smoke often but I had done it a few times so I knew how calming it could be.
"Can I have one?" I asked pointing towards his smoke as he took another long drag of it.
"Didn't know you smoke but sure." He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out the packet, passing one to me with a lighter.
"I don't usually but I really need one right now." I replied as I lit it up and inhaled the toxic fumes. I felt calmer as I released the puff of smoke into the air. We sat in silence just staring at the cars pass in the parking lot until he spoke up.
"I hope you don't mind me asking you this but what did you mean when you said you had no one else?"
I felt my breath hitch and looked up to see him looking at me expectantly. I gulped and took a steadying breath to prepare myself just as the other guys came walking towards us.
"My best friend, well my only friend died just a month ago and my brother was the only person there to help me cope. MY mother passed away when I was younger and my father just upped and left. I lived with my grandparents up until three years ago when they died and have been living with this asshole who was a 'family friend' but I'm pretty sure he hates me. I would move out but I have no where to go and no money. I have no one left. I'm just lost."
The other three boys had come over by the time I started talking so they had heard everything, gladly I wouldn't have to repeat myself. It was hard enough to say it aloud once especially since I had tears dripping down my cheeks. Jaime came and sat next to me, placing his arm around my shoulders and pulling me into a tight side hug. "You're too gorgeous to cry baby doll, and you're not alone anymore. We're here and we will look after you." He leaned in closer now and brought his mouth closer to my ear. "You're stuck with us whether you like it or not." He slightly-whispered in my ear. "Aww Jaime." I exclaimed aloud and threw my arms around and squeezed tight. All the boys laughed aloud. "Its great to see you smiling Jessamine." Vic said as he held his hand out for me to take. I grabbed hold and was tugged up, me being the clutz that I am though lost balance and fell forwards into his chest where he held onto me with his arms. I moved my head up to look at him and pointed a small embarrassed smile in his direction. "Would you like to hang out with me and the guys today, we're probably just going to get a pizza or something and watch movies." I moved back a step as he let his grip around me loosen and gave a small nod. "Cool lets go them guys." We all headed off into the maze like car park in search of Jaime's car in the midnight moonlight.
*****
I lent back against the soft material of the couch and exhaled, I was full from eating so much pizza it was insane. I was actually kind of happy right now but that is most likely because the death of Ryan hadn't sunk in properly yet. That session of crying I did at the hospital was just the initial reaction, I will break down soon and it will not be pretty. I keep pushing away thoughts of him, pushing away the fact that he is gone and he isn't coming back. I'm ignoring everything to do with him right now and its making me feel happy but I'm going to explode soon. Until then, I'll just keep smiling. It seems that the guys are dealing with Ryan's death in different ways as well. You can see in their eyes though that they are all so sad but for now they are all smiling and laughing, eating pizzas and sharing stupid embarrassing stories.
"So you know that maths game 'Around that World' we we were playing that when I was, fuck I don't know, 9? Anyways I really had to piss but I was still in the game so I waited until I got out and when I did, I sat down and just pissed all over the chair and the person next to me screamed out 'Ew Jaime peed himself'. I died a little inside and ran to the bathrooms. I had to get my mum to pick me up from school because I was crying so much and I couldn't stay at school." We were all in hysterics by the time Jaime finished telling his story. Mike literally fell off the couch from laughing so hard and was now rolling on the floor which caused me to fall off and land on my ass, so there I was. Rolling on the floor with Mike laughing my ass off. "Seriously guys its not that funny, I was nine!?" Jaime mumbled in a grump as he crossed his arms over his chest a frown appearing on his face, but it was soon replaced with a slight smile that he couldn't contain. "Okay guys calm your shit and lets watch a movie."
Mike stood up and helped me onto my feet. "You can pick this time Jez."
I walked over to the boys huge movie collection. There was seriously every movie ever made in their collection that spread along half the huge wall. "OH MY GOD YOU HAVE THE CROW!?!?"
I turned around and grinned hugely at them. "You like The Crow?" Tony piped up, the first time he had really talked to me directly today. I immediately got shy again, unsure how I should act towards Tony. I just nodded my head slightly and smiled. "Uh Yeah." He got up off of the bean bag he had been sitting on and walked over to me and reaching past me to grab the case. "Well then we'll watch it." He said, throwing me a huge smile, which caused a smile to break out on my own face. We sat down and the movie began.
*****
4:30am. The clock read. "Oh wow I should be heading home now."
"Let me drive you." Vic said as he stood up and grabbed his keys.
"Oh okay then.: I walked towards the front door and turned back quickly to wish the other three guys a goodnight. "Okay lets go." We walked out into the cold autumn air and headed down to the road where his car was parked. Vic ran ahead of me and opened the passenger side door. "Madam," He pronounced in a accented voice. "Why thank you Sir." I curtsied before climbing in.
He got in only a few seconds later, turning the car on and driving off. I gave him the directions and we began heading off on the 5 minute car ride.
"So are you okay?" Vic questioned, breaking the silence.
"I guess."
"You guess?"
"I'm sad, of course but being around you guys really helps. I'm just scared."
"What are you scared of."
"Everything. But mostly losing you and Mike and Tony and Jaime. I haven't been this happy in so long. I forgot completely how amazing it felt to laugh."
Vic stopped the car outside my house and turned to me. "You will not lose us, we swore to your brother that we would look after you and we have known you for not even a day and we all already like you. Gosh even Tony likes you and it usually takes him a while to warm up to people."
"That makes me feel better." I lent forward and gave Vic a quick hug before unbuckling my seat belt and opening the door. "Thank you so much Vic."
"Anytime. The boys and I were going to go to the cinema tomorrow, did you want to come?"
I nodded my head, "That would be great."
"Okay. You have all our number right?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, text us If you need anything."
"Will do Vic." I stepped out the car and started walking towards the front door. I turned around to give a quick wave to Vic as I reached the door and opened the knob quietly and stepped inside careful not to wake Bruce. He hated me coming home late, I don't even know why he got upset when I did. I pushed the door closed carefully and tip toed in through the lounge only making it halfway before a lamp flicked on with Bruce sitting in the armchair next to it.
"Where the fuck have you been?"
This wont end well ...