How Long?

With her guitar case hanging from her shoulder, Louise walked back to her flat in LA. She couldn’t believe it was her last few weeks in California. She still had a lot of packing to do and a lot of things to take care of. The graduation was in two days; Luke and Emma were coming down for it. She didn’t know if Mark or her father were coming too. She hadn’t talked to either one of them since she left London nearly a month ago.

As for Harry, he didn’t come back to his apartment that night after the big confession. Louise knew because she stayed up all night hoping, praying that what she thought was wrong. That he was too shocked by her confession and eventually would come back and give them a chance. The next morning she boarded her flight back to LA which felt so much like the flight she took four years before, only this time she knew for a certain that Harry and her would never be.

She already knew that leaving him behind wouldn’t erase the feelings she has for him. Feelings she always had for him. But somehow this time they were even stronger, which crushed her even more. The last month felt like a blur to her. She went to classes, studied, appeared for exams, did everything which was expected of her but she had no idea what was going on around her. She avoided what little friends she was left with after the whole Max debacle and lived almost in total isolation.

Emma called her every day without fail. Talking about the upcoming wedding, Louise pretended to be happy and interested, not to raise any alarm bells but she wasn’t fooling anyone. Luke called just as much and she knew her friend and soon to be sister was worried about her.

Harry hadn’t call but she had received an email from him a few days after she got back saying that he was very busy with the training and asked her if she was okay. First she didn’t know how to respond to him, should she be honest and tell him that she is heartbroken by his rejection or should she pretend that nothing happened by acting normal. In the end, she just told him to give her space which was not what she wanted but desperately needed. Since then there has been no communication between the two.

Navigating the path back to her apartment Louise was lost in thought. She knew she was depressed and miserable. There were days when she didn’t even get out of bed and more often than none she cried herself to sleep every night. The mere thought of going back to London in a couple of weeks was terrifying and facing Harry was humiliating.

Opening her flat Louise took sigh of relief as another day came to an end. She put her guitar case down and walked towards her kitchen, she saw a familiar blond head sitting on her sofa in the living room with Junior on his lap.

“Hey” Max said weakly.

Louise stood there shell shocked not knowing how to react.

“I hope you don’t mind I let myself in. I still have the key to the flat” Max said getting up from the couch. Junior leapt out of his arms and ran towards Louise.

“What are you doing here?” Louise asked.

“I came down for your graduation” Max said when Louise still didn’t say anything he continued.
“Zack, Mandy and Holly’s too. I thought I told you I would be coming” He said rubbing the back of his neck.

“You did, I just didn’t expect to see you here… today”

“I am sorry. I should’ve called first” Max said picking up his jacket from the couch. “I should go” He said pointing at the door.

“You don’t have to leave” Louise said when he crossed her.

Max stopped and looked at her, really looked at her. She had dark circles under her eyes, her eyes which were always happy and shiny has lost their gleam and looked incredibly sad. Without even realizing what he was doing he cupped her face in his hands. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Louise flinched at his touch not because she didn’t like it but because it was so unexpected yet so natural. “I am fine” She said but her voice wavered.

“Lulu, you are not fine. What’s going on?”

Louise couldn’t stop herself, her eyes filled with tears. She buried her face in Max’s chest and started crying. Max wrapped his arms around her, rocking her slowly, murmuring softly in her ears that everything will be alright.

-----

As Harry lay awake in his bunker at the training grounds he played that night at the club again in his head. He had been doing this for a month now. He still remembered everything as vividly liked it happened yesterday. Her words, her face, her tears they were all etched in his mind like a parasite. Whenever he closed his eyes her face flashed in his mind. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to go down that road when he wasn’t sure how he felt about her.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen, Harry. I left because I thought I could stop feeling that way if you’re not around. I don’t think that ever happened. I don’t think I ever stopped.” Her words still echoed in his mind, played in loop all fucking night long. He sighed throwing his arm above his head.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen, Harry.”

“I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen”

“I’ve been in love with you”

He finally gave up the fight and sat up on his bed. Rubbing his hands over his face he tried the get her image out of his mind.

“Lou loves me” He said it not in his head this time but out loud for the first time in a month. “Lou. Loves. Me” He said it again slowly telling his brain to register it. “Lou loves me” He said it again and a slow smile crept on his face. “Lou loves me” He said it again as the words finally sank in. Suddenly, his chest felt heavy as someone has just punched him in the gut. It seemed all so clear now, she loves him and he…. and he loves her too. It was as simple as that. He always knew a part of him loved her. She was the first person he thought about whenever anything monumental happened with him and she was always there for him. The mere thought of her with someone else crushed him. He lived half a life when she was not around. How could he be so stupid, how could he stood their letting her pour her heart out without saying anything in return? How could he have let her walk away? He was the biggest plonker on the face of this earth.

He leapt and grabbed his phone. There was a no phone policy on the army base but being a royal had its upside. He searched his contact list and stopped at her name. He hesitated; he couldn’t possibly explain himself over the phone. She would be heartbroken and angry and she deserved an apology, the biggest apology in the history of apologies. He would crawl if he had to, to be with her. She was worth it, she was worth everything. With a lot of self control Harry put his phone back down and collapsed on the bed. He needed a plan and he needed it as soon as possible, before it was too late.

---------

With the gown and the cap in place Louise stood in line waiting for her name to be called out. There was excitement in the air. The whole place was crawling with students, family and faculty. She looked back at the stands and saw Emma and Luke smiling back at her, to her surprise Mark sat next to them with a proud smile on his face. She averted her eyes and they landed on Max who sat a few rows ahead of them with Zack’s brother. He gave her a smile and a little thumbs up. Louise smiled back.

After the graduation ceremony there was a little party that was organized at the halls. Everyone was busy getting pictures taken with their friends and family. Louise was looking around for her family when Mark took her in his arms twirling her around in air. “I am so proud of you” He said.

“Put me down you wanker” She said as giggle escaped her lips. This was something Mark use to do when they were kids. “I am not eight anymore” She said when her feet finally touched the ground.

“You are still my baby sister” Mark said giving her his cheeky grin.

It felt like the awkwardness and resentment of the past few months evaporated with that smile. Louise couldn’t help but grinned back at him.

“Congratulations Lou” Emma said giving Louise a hug. “You looked wonderful up there”

“We all are very proud of you” Luke said throwing his arm around Louise shoulder and Louise welcomed his embrace. She rested her head on his shoulder. Luke had always been her protector even as children when Mark use to torment her, Luke always came to her rescue. It felt good to be in his arms, it almost felt like home.

“Thanks for coming” Louise said buried her face in his shoulder as her eyes filled with tears.
Luke shared a look with Emma and Mark not understanding why this made Louise so emotional. She was never the one to cry, that too in public. They have seldom seen her cry in the last twenty two years of her life.

“Don’t be silly. Wouldn’t miss it for the world” Luke said.

“You are the first one of us graduating uni. It had to be witnessed” Mark said making everyone laugh.
With everything that happened in the past a part of her knew that her father won’t be here but him actually not showing up broke whatever was left of her broken heart.

“He is here, you know” Luke said reading her mind.

“What?”

“Dad, he is here. He was sitting in the last row. He didn’t want to ruin your day but you wouldn’t think he would actually miss this” He said.

“Where is he now?” Louise said looking around. With everything going on she really needed her family.

“He and Lily went back to the hotel after the ceremony. I could ask them to join us for dinner if you
like” Mark asked.

Louise face fell hearing Lily’s name. “No, I don’t want to see them” She said.

“Lou…” Luke said.

“He is right I don’t want them to ruin my day” She said with bitterness.

“I am sorry, I hope I am not interrupting” Max said approaching the Tomlinson clan with caution.
Meeting Louise’s brother always terrified him. Mark tormenting was another reason. Everyone turned and looked at Max.

“You are, but from the past experience I know that’s not going to stop you” Mark said with a sneer.

“Mark” Louise said slapping his arm lightly. “Excuse my brother, he is just kidding”

“Just wanted to congratulate you” Max said giving Louise a quick hug. “I will see you tonight at
Zack’s, then?” Max said breaking the hug.

“I can’t, I have dinner plans with the family”

“Why don’t you join us?” Luke said.

“Luke” Emma said squeezing her fiancé’s arm.

Max looked at Luke then back at Louise. “I would love to if that’s what you want?” He asked Louise.
Louise paused for a bit “Sure I will text you the details”

Max left to join his friends while the Tomlinson clan headed back to the hotel, Mark and Luke was talking and walking ahead of Emma and Louise lost in their own conversation.

“So, that was Max. He is a nice looking lad” Emma said.

“Yes” Louise said.

Emma nodded. “You never told me what happened with Harry that night at the club”

Louise didn’t answer at first. “Nothing” She finally said weakly.

“What do mean? He must have said something?”

“No Emma, he said nothing. Absolutely nothing” Louise said shaking her head.

----

After calling Skippy a million times Harry decided the next best person to talk about Louise would be William. He didn’t want to at first knowing how close Wills was to Lou and how much bashing Harry was going to get for how he handled the situation. But as he walked into Highgrove Harry realized William was probably the best person for advice in this matter. With a bounce in his step and excitement in his chest Harry looked for his brother.

Harry didn’t know what he was walking into as he approached William in the study. William whole staff was there, William who was naturally calm and composite was shouting at his aides. Harry had never seen his brother this angry in his entire life. In all honesty, he seemed like a maniac at the moment.

“Then call the palace. I want to talk to Granny now” William said raising his voice.

“Sir, I already talked to her PA. She is attending some dignitaries at the moment. They will get back to us as and when she gets free from her engagements” Jack said.

“So, you are telling me we can’t do a thing till then?” William said banging his hands on the table.

“We have called the press association, there will be a sit down with them later this week” Jack said.
William pinched his nose to calm himself down. He sighed “Alright, get back to me as soon as Granny gets free. This is the upmost priority, do I make myself clear” William said looking at his staff.

“Yes Sir” Jack said.

Nodding at Harry, Jack and the rest of the staff exited the study.

“How long have you been standing there?” William asked walking to the little bar in the corner, pouring himself a glass of bourbon. “Should I pour you one too?”

“It’s three in the afternoon” Harry said taking a seat near the fireplace.

“It’s that kind of a day” William said taking a long gulp from his glass.

“What’s going on?” Harry asked.

“It’s Kate” William said taking another swig from the glass.

“What about Kate? Is she alright?”

“She wasn’t when I last talked to her this morning. I don’t know since then as she refuses to take my calls” William said filling his glass again.

“I am coming straight from the camp, so you need to fill me in what’s going on because I am pretty much clueless here” Harry said.

“The fucking media has been harassing her for months now. You remember what happen a few months back on her twenty fifth birthday, when they stormed outside her Chelsea flat”

Harry nodded.

“I talked to Dad about it he told me there isn’t much we can do about it as she isn’t part of the family but somehow the palace talked to the association and they promised to leave her alone but they bloody didn’t” William said waving his glass around. “Some photographer trespassed her parent’s house today morning to take some candid shots. She was scared out of mind and crying hysterically when she called me. I promised her father that I will protect her.” William said drowning the glass.

“I asked Dad if I could use mum’s engagement ring but with this much media attention, I don’t know if I should even think about it anymore.”

“Wait a minute. Are you planning to propose?”

“I was” William said looking down at his empty glass. “I don’t know if I want to do that to her anymore. She doesn’t deserve this life. It was naïve of me to think I could shelter her from this circus. If I knew then what I know now I won’t have put her in this situation, I would have walked away when there was still time. I am born into this life, it’s my burden not hers”

“Wills, you can’t walk away, you love her” Harry said.

“Don’t you think I know that!” William spat back. “I know, I can’t but it kills me to see her suffer like this every day. It kills me when she is hounded by the media. When there are false stories about her in the papers every morning and when they call her by nasty names like Katie Waity, how the fuck do they come up with something like that”

“You are just upset…”

“Of course I am upset! But this is more than that. This is me being honest with myself. Let’s face it Harry as much as we try it, we will never be normal. It’s not something that will ever happen. This life will destroy everything we ever love. Look what it did to Mum. I just wish I hadn’t dragged Kate into this life. I wouldn’t want anyone I love to ever be subjected to this scrutiny. She deserve better than this”

Harry sat on the back seat of his car as Bertie drove him to his apartment. He looked at his phone where Louise has just texted him back thanking him for the flowers he had sent her for her graduation. His thumbed circled around the reply button but then he discarded it and switched off his phone.

William was right, they would never be normal. Their life was like living in a fish bowl and everything they did will always be in the papers the next day. He couldn’t subject Lou to this life when he loathed it himself so much. He couldn’t do that to her. She deserved a better life and he would do anything for that to happen even if that meant him walking away, even if it killed him to do that.