How Long?

“As you just saw in that presentation, the dinner is hosted to raise money for the trust. There is going to be a silent auction. I and my team already have some strong leads. We would like you to pursue some others or any suggestions would be more than welcome at this time” Daisy Donovan, Louise’s boss said briefing her about the upcoming Leadership Dinner which was set to take place in the space of next two months.

Louise nodded and wrote down some ideas she had in her writing pad.

“You will be working closely with Ritchie here. So I would suggest you two to sit together and brainstorm. We will come back here tomorrow to discuss them”

“That’s sounds like a good plan” An extremely good looking brown haired, green eyed guy sitting next to Louise said.

“Great” Daisy said picking up her folder. “And Louise I would again like to welcome you on board. We are really happy to have you here. You came with some amazing recommendations” Daisy said giving her a smile and a wink, before leaving the meeting room.

“Did she just wink at you?” Ritchie asked half horrified and half surprised.

“I suppose she did” Louise said her cheeks flaming red.

“I don’t know what to say” Ritchie said. “Well, I am sorry I couldn’t properly introduce myself as I was late to the meeting. I am Ritchie Paulson” He said extending his hand.

“Louise Tomlinson” Louise said taking his hand.

“I have to say Louise you are one fit looking woman” Ritchie said.

“Excuse me?” Louise was totally taken aback by his frankness.

“I said you are a one fit…”

“I heard you the first time. I am just…”

“Oh honey, I am not hitting on you or anything. I am sorry if you thought that. I am a very proud
and very gay man, so you don’t have to worry about that with me”

“Oh” Louise was totally lost for words. Richie was a good looking man, one of the best looking men Louise had ever seen actually. He had messy brown hair and the most beautiful pair of green eyes. She was actually nervous when Daisy told her that she had to work closely with him because in one word this guy was absolutely stunning. He was wearing a green button down shirt which really complimented his eyes and had super nerdy but cute glasses on.

“I love your style. Very office chic” Ritchie said looking her up and down.

“Thanks I suppose” Louise said in confusion.

Ritchie narrowed his eyes “Honey, you need to take complements. Don’t tell me you are one of those girls who don’t know how gorgeous they are?”

“I am not really that good…”

“Oh god, you are doing it again! Stop doing that. You’re a fucking stunner. It would have been hard for me if I was into that kind of a thing because then I would have been walking around with a boner all day long”

Louise gaped at him and then she couldn’t help herself and bellowed with laughter.

“Okay, that laugh was not that attractive but we can work with that” He said with a cheeky grin.

“You know what Ritchie, I think I really like you already” Louise said trying to control her laughter.

“Oh honey, just wait. You are going to love me” Ritchie said giving her a devilish grin.

Louise had an amazing first day, all thanks to Ritchie. He was hilarious and very helpful. He showed her around different departments giving her feel of the place. It was amazing how much Louise didn’t know about the Trust even though she had been attending its events since childhood as her father was a patron.

Her and Ritchie’s brainstorming session was very successful. They had come up with an impressive list of ideas which included all sorts of things from tickets to VIP boxes of a concert, a signed footballer jersey, a painting done by a famous artist, meet & greet passes to a customized gown by a designer.

The next day Daisy appreciated their efforts and told them to pursue some of their ideas. They only had a few weeks to get everything in order before they started sending invitees out for the event. Once Daisy left them alone they got back to work, nailing down the final ideas.

“I will make some calls, I am sure I can get some of these people’s numbers” Louise said.

“What you’d mean?” Ritchie said furrowing his eyes in confusion.

“Like Gary Barlow. I definitely know someone who can get me in touch with his PR team”

“Okay but…”

“I am sure my sister in law knows Ben Mosley, the artist”

“Your sister in law?”

“Technically, there still sometime for her to officially be my sister in law but we are already very
close” Louise said.

It was time for Ritchie to gape at Louise now.

“What?” Louise asked.

“Louise, most of the people on the list are patrons of the trust, I am sure we will get their numbers
from the office”

“Oh”

“But the most important question is how do you know these people? Who are you?”

He suddenly made her very conscious “I told I am Louise. I just graduated from uni…”

She stopped when she saw the look he gave her. He looked at her not really convinced by her answer. He slowly took his eyes off of Louise and looked at his computer screen. He then went on to fiercely type.

“What are you do…” He raised his arm shutting her up as he looked at his computer intently.

“Oh my god!” He said turning the laptop towards Louise. “That’s you, isn’t it?” The screen showed an image of her as a teenager standing between William and Luke at her father’s polo club. “Oh, this is definitely you” Ritchie said showing her the photo of Zara, Tom, Louise and Harry from the Rugby match they attended together last year.

Louise went beet red.

“You know them? You know the big man personally?” Ritchie asked.

Big man must be Uncle Charles, Louise presumed and nodded.

“How did you got this job?” Ritchie asked.

There was no accusation in his voice but on her instinct Louise got defensive. “What does that has to do with anything? How did you get your job?”

“I have been a part of the trust for years. I started volunteering after they help me get better”

“Help?”

“I was a massively depressed child. I attempted to kill myself when I was 15”

“You tried to commit suicide when you were 15?” Louise asked; suddenly her shame and anger
disappeared.

“It was not easy growing up in a Military family when you are gay. My father and both my older brothers are in the army. Even my grand pa fought in World War two”

“They didn’t accept you?”

Ritchie shook his head “Actually, they were very supportive after I came out. I never accepted myself. I felt ashamed of who I was and tried to hide it all my childhood. It just took toll on me and I did the stupidest thing anyone can ever do” He said shaking his head like shaking away bad memories.

“I am sorry” Louise said squeezing his hand.

“It all happened in another lifetime. But I am so glad that I got the help I needed and the Trust was really the only place that helped me. I am very grateful to all the work they do for the youth”
Louise nodded her head in agreement.

“Your turn?” Ritchie asked.

“I don’t have an inspirational story. I have known Uncle Charles since childhood. He and my father
are close friends. I was graduating and he offered me a job” Louise said.

“But you know the family?”

Louise nodded. “William is like a brother to me and Harry...he is my best mate”

“Holy fuck! The hot ginge is your best mate” Ritchie said laughing.

Louise wanted to but couldn’t laugh along with Ritchie because Harry being only her best mate still hurt like hell. “Yes, he is” She said turning back to her computer.

----

The next few weeks rolled by quickly, and Louise found herself more focused on work than anything else. Harry on the other hand finished his training and had nothing but time on his hand to brood and get drunk. Louise and he talk here and there, mostly short conversations over the phone or they went for quick lunches with friends but even so, everything still felt weird between them. Friendlier, yes, but not quite… normal.

Every time he saw her now, it was like he is looking at her for the first time. He no longer saw her as just his amazing and hilarious best mate who he couldn’t possibly go without, but also as the one person he loves more than life but can never be with. He now noticed things, too. How her hair cascades down the back of her neck. The way her lips moved when she talked. The light in her eyes,
so gorgeous, like molten chocolate. How pretty she looked when she laughed.

They weren’t talking as much as they used to but they still talked. They could even be completely normal on occasions, forgetting the awkwardness between them, and at this point, that’s all Harry could ask for. Her. Her comfort. Her warmth. He didn’t wanted to push her because he was hurting so much and thinking back all the years she felt this way about him but kept it inside killed him.
For the third night in a row Harry reached Kingston Palace drunk out of his mind. He saw his father and Camilla in the study and said nothing because he was in no mood for a lecture which by this time was a long time coming.

The weekend went in blur; he dodged calls from friends and avoided everyone including Louise. He was miserable. All we did was drink and watch tele. Five days had passed since he last talked to her, and he missed her badly. He wished he could get the courage to talk to her again, but he couldn’t
and sometimes felt he ever could. It pained him too much.

Another day Harry spent in a haze of drunkenness. When he was flipping the channels he came across the images of his mother on screen. The air went out of his lungs. This was the last person he wanted to see. Seeing her face only added to his pain. He raised the volume to hear what the journalist was talking about.

“…The British enquiry released that the death of Diana, the Princess of Wales and her boyfriend in the 1997 Paris car crash was and I quote was “a tragic accident”. They report also said that Diana was not pregnant or engaged at the time. The chauffer was drunk and driving at more than sixty miles per hour, twice the speed limit when their car had crashed as they were chased by the photographers. The report concluded that the allegations of murder are unfound…”

Harry switched off the tele and threw the remote controller against the wall breaking it into pieces. He was seething with anger. He picked up his phone and dialed William’s number.

“Did you see the news?” Harry asked anger pouring out of his body.

“I just got the news…” William said in a defeated voice.

“This is utter rubbish. I can’t believe this is happening” Harry said pacing up and down his room.

“We always knew this was a possibility” William said.

“Fuck this shit! Where are you?” Harry just didn’t want to be alone when he was going through so many emotions at the same time.

Making his way down the steps in hurry Harry bumped into the vase and it went down and crashed.

“Harry” Harry looked up and came face to face with his father. Worry was etched to his face. “Where are you going?”

“To Wills” Harry slurred without meeting his father in the eye. He was angry and didn’t want unleash his anger on him.

“You can’t go alone in this condition and if I am correct I saw Albert leaving earlier” Charles said.

Harry had indeed dismissed Bertie as he planned to be holed up in his room for another day.

“I can manage” Harry muttered, trying to push past him. This is the absolute last thing he needed right now.

“You can’t son. You are reeking of alcohol. Why don’t you come sit with me till the time your aide arrives”

---

Harry stood next to the fire place as his father sat on the sofa.

“I reckon you saw the news?” Charles said playing with his ring on his finger.

“Yes, no one will be held accountable. All they said was rubbish” Harry said.

“They did had a very thorough job looking into everything. The driver was drunk”

“But if they haven’t been following her, he wouldn’t be speeding. THEY.KILLED.HER” Harry said through greeted teeth.

“I know that’s how it seems. We always need someone to blame…”

“I will never let someone I love be treated the way my mother was treated” Harry glaring at Charles.

“Harry, I told you before I wasn’t aware of her whereabouts” Charles said.

“What about all the years before that. All the years she was alone, Dad. You never protected her. No one ever protected her. She was completely vulnerable” Harry said.

“You know how the media works. How they are. They never stop”

“You could have helped her. You have been there for her. Done something” Harry had angry tears if
his eyes now which he wiped away quickly.

“Your mother was very fragile…”

“SHE WASN’T FRAGILE. SHE WAS BROKEN. THIS LIFE DEYSTROYED HER!” Harry yelled.

“Harry, she knew what this life was. She was a public figure. She chose to marry me” Charles said exasperated.

“You loved Camilla. Why didn’t you marry her in the first place?” Harry said bitterly.

A look crossed Charles’s face - a pang of inexplicably raw sadness and regret. “I loved your mother” He said weakly.

“Did you? Really?” Harry knew he was hurting his father now but he didn’t care.

“You must understand, Harry I was raised in a completely different time than you and your brother. I
had to marry someone who was deemed appropriate, royal. And I did loved her very much even if it was for only a while. I made a lot of mistakes… I should have known better. Protected her” Charles looked up meeting his son in the eye. Both of them had tears in their eyes.

“I will never do that to someone I love. Never” Harry said before he left.

Harry didn’t care if he was drunk or not. The conversation with his father had sobered him up considerably. It didn’t matter anyway. He needed to get away from there. He speeded up the car. It was late afternoon now, and the sun was just starting to set. With the windows down all he felt was the cool wind against his skin and the anger boiling within him. He just wanted to escape. He was driving so fast, so furiously, that he barely even knew where he was going. He just kept driving, letting the wind clear his head of everything but Louise. She would never be in that position. He will not poison her life like that but he couldn’t let go either.

Minutes turned into hours, streets turn into avenues, and before he knew he was stopping. Without even knowing where he was driving to he had ended up here. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the yellow, orange, and light red of the setting sun beyond. He opened the car door and walked towards the gate. He knew this place so well. He and William had been coming here since childhood. He neared the gate and the guard came out to stop him but once he saw Harry’s face, he saluted and opened the gate for him.

He entered the island which was the final resting place of his mother. He crossed the ‘The Oval’ which was an ornamental lake. Every step, every turn, was natural by now, and he didn’t even have to look to know whether he was going in the right direction. Visiting this place every few months from the time of her death, he knew the path to the grave by heart, like it’s seared so deeply into him that it can never leave.

When he arrived, he stopped; opened and closed his eyes, and look at it. It has a simple temple. It contained two marble slabs with - inscriptions and profile of his mother.

It was covered by the roses. It was peaceful, unharmed and content, like he imagined she would be now. Slowly, he reached out and touched the inscription.

He smiled a little, one of those sad smiles you get when you’re trying not to cry. His mother was totally mental. She used to play all sorts of games with him and William and when she won, she would laugh and do her victory dance. She always cheated, too, and she had no shame.

Harry sighed. He could feel the tears glistening his eyes. It’s been years, and it still hurt every day. He knew it was stupid, but sometimes he still found himself wishing, hoping she’ll be back, like she was just on a foreign trip and will return any day now.

All of a sudden, he couldn’t take it anymore. Everything from these past few months seemed to catch up with him all at once. He buried his head in his hands and started to cry. He let the tears slip from him eyes and down his cheeks. He cried for his mother, for William, for Louise. He cried because he needed to cry, because it felt good to finally let out it all out. To finally face the truth.

And just like that, he longed for Louise again. He longed for her warm embrace, for her comfort, for her, really. He didn’t even know what he was doing but the next thing he knew his phone was in his hands and he was calling her.

Phone rang once, twice, three times, and he holded his breath, hoping she’ll pick up, needing her to forgive him just one more time.

“Hello?” Louise said slowly, carefully.

“I need you” is all he could whisper out.

It took Louise two hours to reach Althorp. She met Bertie and three other security personnel outside the gate, who had reached twenty minutes before her and secured the perimeters. Bertie looked relived to see her.

“How is he?” She asked Bertie.

“I’ve never seen him like this before. He is a mess” Bertie said escorting her inside.

“It’s okay. I know the place” She said with a sad smile.

Harry saw Louise crossing the lake from inside the temple. He didn’t even tell her where he was because she already knew. She always got him like that—inside and out. The sun has almost fully set now, and the sky is a mixture of gray and blue. It has started drizzling a little, and Louise threw on her hood as she rushed, head down, over to him.

Harry had stopped crying by now. He didn’t meet Louise’s gaze as she stumbled over to him, crouched down at his side, and looked into his eyes.

“Hey” she whispered slowly.

Rain trickled down her face. He just stared miserably at the gravestone, his shirt wet and clinging to his stomach and his hands shaking vaguely. “You okay?” She asked.

“No,” he whispered. “I… I’m just… lost”

She shifted closer. It’s only a tiny movement, but he couldn’t help but notice how her body crept closer to him. They were only inches apart now, so close that he could reach out and touch her if he wanted to.

“It’s okay” she whispered.

Harry shook his head “No, it isn’t”

“Yes, Harry, of course it’s okay. You have me, remember that. I’m here for you”

“Even now?”

She placed her hand on his shoulder, and her warmth sending a series of jolts throughout his body. He didn’t wanted her to stop.

“Even now. I am always here for you, Harry” she said quietly. “Always, No matter what”

“I am always here for you. No matter what”

He wasn’t sure why, but her words kept echoing throughout his head. She was here for me. By my
side. Hand on my shoulder.

He wanted her

He needed her

He loved her

He couldn’t find the words to respond. The silence seemed to stretch on for an eternity. More rain came down, a little harder now, streaming down both of their faces.

“Remember” she said after a minute, her voice soft, and then she smiled to herself. “Remember when we were kids your mother brought me here with you and William”

Harry smiled “Yeah, I remember”

“We were planting trees just there and all your cousins were making fun of me” She said moving inches closer. He could feel her warmth, smell her daisy scent wrapped around him. It felt safe to be with her. “They were just so horrible to me” She continued. “I remember you going up to the eldest one and kicking him right in the gut. Your mother was so furious with you that she grounded you for the whole weekend. But you know what I remember the most about the visit?” Harry finally turned to face her. Rain streamed down her face, wetting her brown hair, dripping down her cheeks and off of her chin.

“I loved it every single movement of it even when I told you I hated it and would never come back” she said “because I was with you”

There’s a single moment that followed where neither of them spoke. They just listened to the sound of the rain and locked eyes with each other. For the longest, most beautiful instant, they just stared. Unmoving. Unsmiling. Rain pouring outside.

Then, without thinking, he reached out and pushed her wet hair to the side like I did so many times before, so he could see more of her beautiful face. And he had been right: it was beautiful. Heat crept into Louise’s features, and she dropped her gaze back to her lap, looking so completely shy and vulnerable.

“I know it’s going to be okay,” she continued “because I still have you and you have me”

Then, ever so slowly, she placed her left hand on his cheek. He didn’t flinch, he didn’t even tear away his gaze from her. Her hand was warm and he shivered a little bit as her skin brushed his.

“Thank you for coming” He said quietly. “I… was an idiot, through all of this. I shouldn’t have done that to you” He moved his face towards hers ever so slightly, close enough to feel her breath. “I am sorry” He whispered.

A flicker of a smile crossed Louise’s lips. “You were an idiot” she said, and laughed a little. “But that’s what I expect from guys in general. You’re all idiots, at least on the outside”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Right”

“It’s the truth! Meanwhile, we girls are fantastic”

“Indeed. Anything with breasts is fantastic”

“Oh my god, Harry. Did you really just say that? You are so crass and…”

“Adorable?”

She shot him a look “Yes, You’re like a puppy. Lovable, fun, and entirely adorable” She said shaking her head, suppressing another laugh. “Anyway, you may be an idiot. But” she continued, and dropped her voice to a whisper, “on the inside, you are the most amazing, most resilient and carefree spirit I have ever met”

“And you” He whispered back “are the strongest, coolest person I’ve ever met, and the fact that you can deal with me, a plonker and still see the goodness in me, means you are more amazing, more intelligent, more beautiful of a spirit than anyone I have ever met”

Another instant followed where they both looked at each other, really looked at each other, and waited. And wondered.

Harry was consciously aware of her hand still on his face. The pattering sounds of rain seemed to fade in the background.

Then Harry tilted his mouth just a fraction of an inch to the side, a movement so subtle that Louise almost missed it. But she didn’t. Harry was focused on her lips now, on the rainwater slipping, so slowly, off of them, and before he knew it, her lips tilted too.

He leaned in without thinking, slowly at first, hesitantly. She followed his lead, and in that instant their mouths were so close and still so far away. Jerking forward a little and then back all over again. Louise hesitated there, not sure what to do, not sure whether to go through with this no matter how badly her heart and head and the rest of my body wanted it. Louise took a small breath, but it was enough to send shivers of anticipation racing up Harry’s spine. In a rush, Harry moved even closer until their lips hovered only millimeters away from each other’s. Louise closed her eyes, her heart pounding, and her skin all hot and cold and soaked from the rain, and she realized how easy it would be to press her lips to his.

But she didn’t.

Before he knew what’s happening, she pulled back just slightly, her hands shaking all over. For the longest time their lips hovered there, begging to connect for real this time with the force of years of
waiting, but she won’t let them.

She then pulled away altogether.

When she did, Harry looked at her oddly, sad and understanding at the same time. They locked eyes and she whispered “Let’s go. It’s getting dark and we have a long drive back home”

Harry nodded, getting up.

They walked back to the gate where Harry security waited for them. Harry nodded at Bertie.

“You shouldn’t be driving in this weather” Harry said looking at the gray sky.

“No, that’s alright I will manage” Louise said.

She stretched her hand and touched his cheek again. He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes for a second.

“Take care” She said.

Harry sat in the back seat of the car looking outside the window. The car started, leaving Louise alone standing in the pouring rain.