Emerald Green vs. Sapphire Blue

The door opened and Travis walked in first and walked over to stand to the side of me, just a bit a way. I understood what he was doing. He was lending his weight to my conviction, he was standing on my side for lack of a better explanation, he was helping me keep control and power in the situation. As the door continued to swing up all the way I saw Matt standing in it, shoulders hunched and head hung low. I simply stared at him, dead hard on, even though he hadn't looked up into my eyes yet. Then TJ growled at him, slightly menacingly. Guess he had picked up on the vibe.

At TJ's growl Matt's head shot up and he stared at the dog, his eyes going wide. Guess Travis hadn't explained why he suddenly smelt like dog. I mentally thanked Travis once again for helping me out. Matt looked at the dog, then up at me, and then back down at the dog. I could see the longing in his eyes, he wanted to pet TJ again, he did after all use to also be his dog from a newborn pup. And I could see TJ was torn too. He kept growling, like he was trying to protect me and stick up for me, but his tail was starting to wag, he recognized Matt. When he turned to look up at me with his confused asking doggy eyes I pet his head and nodded to him and then lifted my hand off his head. He stood up walked forward a few steps, turned his head to look back at me questioningly. I nodded again, and like a child who finally figured he had permission he approached Matt, tail wagging a mile a minute, tongue hanging out and panting excitedly. Matt dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around TJ's large neck and buried his face in his thick black fur. TJ licked him happily, covering him in dog slober and it was then that I heard Matt sniffling against TJ's fur as he scrumbled his soft ears. I felt my mouth twitch, but not into a smile. But neither a frown.

"Hi boy. I missed you," Matt finally said softly to the dog once he brought his head up out of his neck.

TJ barked slightly in reply. I saw Matt smile. His eyes were rimmed slightly red, he had been crying. But that made me realize that he had come up here with his eyes already slightly rimmed in red. I didn't care. I couldn't.

"Teej," Travis said, breaking up the reunion party.

TJ obliged and left Matt to go sit by Travis's legs but not before he cast me a look and let out another little bark. Then he sat and laid down before starting to bite his toenails. He was a weird dog.

"Caroline," Matt said solemnly, using my full name and not trying to use any of the normal nick names.

"Matthew," I replied, using the same courtesy he showed me.

Or whatever it was.

I stood there for a moment more till I turned and walked back to my mini living room and took a seat on the chair at the head of what would be my living room. I didn't invite Matt in till I was seated, this way I could watch him the entire walk in, and he would be seated somewhere I he would have to look directly at me.

"Come in," I said flatly.

Matt did as he was told, making to shut the door behind him but Travis stopped him.

"I'm going to take Teej for a walk Liney," Travis piped up, as did TJ when he heard the word walk.

"Kay Trav, his leash and stuff are right by the door. Thanks hun," I said, a small smile on my face.

I didn't want TJ to have to hear the inevitable shouting that was going to occur, he didn't need to go through that again. It was like Travis had read my mind, just like back in the day. I was still smiling as I turned back to look at Matt, then my face fell as I saw him looking at me hopefully. I didn't want my rebuilding of Trav and I's relationship to give him any ideas. Travis and Derek may have hurt me by disappearing but they weren't dating me, they hadn't been my boyfriend of years, they hadn't been the ones who had supposedly loved me beyond all else. And then left me. I didn't want Matt to see any light at the end of what I was hoping was going to be a very long, dark narrow tunnel.

When I heard the front door shut finally I looked at Matt again, my face set in stone so as to help my insides from squirming about.

"Why?" I asked flatly, coldly.

My eyes felt like hard rocks and I wanted him to suffer.

He looked up at me, the red around his eyes from crying with his black eyeliner only excentuated the one of a kind color of them. It made a cracking sound inside of me. It had always been the eyes that haunted me the most, the things I had searched for longingly everywhere I went. In every face I gazed upon. But never found.

"Because I had to. I was scared. Something came up, and I had to go, I, I," Matt explained and faltered.

"You were scared? Something came up? What kind of excuse is that? What EXACTLY came up?" I asked coldly, his excuses made me furious.

"A way out, a way out of an ordinary life. A way for me to escape that place, well that town more so," he said, still staring me directly in the eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked, slightly interested but still pissed.

"We're famous Liney. Me, Trav, Dare Bear, and Manning. We're famous," Matt said, a fire burning in his eyes all of a sudden.

A fire I just realized had been missing from them, the fire that made the color of his eyes dance around like sprites from tales. The fire that made them dance with light usually. I don't know how I didn't see it missing, but it was back. He was passionate about whatever it was.

"Famous? How? With that damn band you guys were kicking around back in the day?" I asked jokingly, thinking him crazy.

"Yes actually, that's exactly it. It's why I left. We were given a chance at a record deal, but we had to be put on trial, no distractions. And we had to go. Immediately. If we didn't we were going to lose our chance. So I left. I was scared at what this meant for me, for us. I knew that if I screwed up this chance to make it big I could never face you, I could never look into your eyes and know I had somehow let you down by being a failure. So we left, all of us, without so much as a goodbye to anyone. And while we were there we were put to the grindstone, never called anyone. It was grueling. But we made it, we blew their minds and they handed over the contract no questions asked. Then, then," Matt faltered again.

I didn't say anything. I was boiling with anger yet something inside of me was cracking again. I had no idea what was going on inside my head. I just knew that all the plans I had laid to verbally rip him a new one were destroying before my eyes.

"Then we came back home to tell you the good news, to show you we did it. That we actually took the step to make something of ourselves, that we had grown up into men finally. We wanted you proud of us. And, and, and you were gone. Just gone. Everything. The apartment was empty of your things, of TJ's things. All of it. We looked, all of us, including Manning. No one we asked knew where you had gone to, no one. We couldn't track you down, and we tried, believe me we tried. You changed your cell phone number, got a new car and plates, changed everything. Even your appearance. We almost lost the record deal after that, I couldn't get out of bed because I missed you so much. Manning actually yelled at me, cursed me out quite badly, and Manning never raises his voice. I had to keep going, after all I had sacrificed you to get the contract," Matt finished softly.

I had to fight them. I couldn't let them break. The tears were threatening to spill and I couldn't show him he had broke me once again. This wasn't suppose to happen. I was suppose to have the higher ground, I was suppose to be the one in control of the situation. I was the one who was suppose to drive the other to tears, to make them pay, to make them suffer. Yet once again I was the one wanting to scream.

I reached out and I slapped him. Hard.

"I hate you," I said harshly as his hand raised to his face.,

I slapped him again, less hard. I was losing an internal struggle and I was weakening.

"I hate you," I said again, a little more broken this time as I choked on tears.

And then I struck him again, not even really making a sound.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," I cried repeatedly as I struck him again and again.

On the last one I finally lost control of my internal struggle and fell off my chair crying, painfully. As I crumpled on the ground repeating I hate you, I felt arms encircle me. I didn't bother to look up as I knew who it was, it could only be him, he was the only other one in the apartment with me.

"God I hate you," I choked out and then lost all control of my vocal chords as the sobs took over.

Once again he had won, he broke me.

I sat there crying for a while as I felt him rock me. Slowly I calmed down enough to sniffle, silent ears still streaming down my cheeks, and look up at him. There were tears mirroring mine streaming down his own cheeks, identical black rivulets staining his pale white flesh. He had been crying with me. I hiccuped and sniffled as I raised a hand to gently touch my fingertips to his moist, black stained cheeks. My eyes felt wide as I tipped his cheeks with my fingertips lightly. His eyes were shiny with tears, glistening in the light cast from my lamps, it only enhanced the blue of his eyes. His damn eyes.

And then he closed the distance between our faces, what was left of it at least. And his warm salty tasting lips crashed on mine and I watched as his eyes closed. Mine didn't, I was still in shock from breaking down, let alone having him kiss me. And when I didn't react he started to pull away and I freaked internally. Not again, not this time.

"I'm sorry Liney, I," he started to fumble but I cut him off.

I engulfed his lips with my own. This time I wasn't going to let him go without a fight. I felt something inside of me burn to ash and crumble to a pile, and a new fire take over. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let myself go as he pushed me back onto the carpet, laying his body over mine.

I had missed this, for so long I had searched for a replacement for this. And had come to the sad conclusion that there really wasn't anything that came close to the original. Nothing felt like him, nothing was warm like him, nothing smelled like home like him, nothing claimed his famous blue gaze. Nothing. Nothing but the original.

I moaned a bit when he pressed his hips into mine as we continued to make out heatedly on the floor. It had been too long since the last time, and add the current situation and I was going to burn a hole through my floor any minute. As I felt his hands slip down my sides and onto my thighs I heard something hard hit the glass window again. I paused mid kiss, but then brushed it off. The second time around Matt was the one to pause and then go back to kissing and the fondling that was quickly leading straight towards something else. Then when multiple hard things crashed against my glass Matt and I both shot up from the ground and hurried towards the window to see what the hell was going on.

"Can we come in yet? Our collective balls have frozen solid, fallen off and have been burnt to keep us warm. The fire has long gone out and we're back to freezing. Even poor Teej's are gone," Travis called up.

But it wasn't only Travis and TJ, Derek was standing there with a shit eating grin on his face and a hand full of little rocks, and beside him was the one I had thusly dubbed Growly Bear, Manning. I laughed out loud.

"TJ's have already been cut off, so you all were jipped," I yelled out the window since I had opened it.

"You lying bastard," Travis yelled down at the dog.

Derek had dropped his jaw and let the stones fall limply from his hands, looking jipped. Manning simply chuckled to himself while staring up at us in the window.

"Does that," Manning waved his hand back and forth as he pointed at us.

"Mean we can come up now?" he finished.

I turned to look at Matt who as it turned out was looking at me.

"Yes," we both shouted in unison.

-xXx-

"So we're glad that you're all back together and that our collective family, you're included too Manning as well, can be back together. It felt weird being apart. And it's even better now since we leave for tour again like some point tomorrow," Travis said as he sipped his like umpteenth million beer of the night.

The guys had come up, Manning and I had been properly introduced, I had divulged my new nickname for him and we had settled down to hang. It had been a little awkward for me around Matt at first, I was a little on edge, not sure as how to go about everything. But it soon disappeared, and why yes the alcohol helped with that, it was mainly the sight I got when coming out of the bathroom for the hundredth time that night after I had broken the seal. Matt and TJ were curled up the couch together, Matt resting his head on top of TJ's, as his was on Matt's chest. Matt was periodically sipping his beer and joking with everyone as he absent mindedly stroked TJ. That did me in. It was still the same old Matt. Just famous now.

"Wait. WHAT?" I asked all of a sudden.

"What? Huh? I'm confused," Travis followed my question.

"You're leaving tomorrow and you FORGOT to tell me?" I asked, feeling my eyes swell up.

He did it again, he did it again. He was going to leave me just like before. This time, TJ or no TJ, I didn't think I would make it. Not again.

"No, no, no hun. That's not it, drunk Tucan over there just got ahead of himself. I was going to ask you to come on tour with us, and bring TJ. And then quit your job and move out to Cali with us, to be with us. Always. Travis just blew it is all. We're not leaving like last time. This time we intend to take you with us," Matt reassured me softly as he stroked the sides of my face, tucking hair behind my ears.

"Good because my god so help me I would have killed me if you did it to me again," I said as I calmed my almost hysterical breathing back down.

Travis looked guiltily up from his beer and gave me a sheepish smile. I playfully glared at him and then smiled as both Derek and Manning smacked him upside the head.

"Way to go and almost ruin everything that had just been fixed ya Tuncan Sam wanna be, ass face," Derek said as he smacked Travis one more time for effect.

Manning not to be out done smacked Travis another two times, to make him three to Derek's two smacks. Derek scowled and smacked Travis upside the head three times, glaring at Manning playfully the entire time. Travis just sat there and drank his beer. Manning smacked him a bunch of times and then stuck his tongue out at Derek. This resulted in Derek and Manning just playfully bitch slapping Travis's head over and over again till Travis broke up the game.

"All right already guys, don't addle what I've got left up there thank you very much. For the love of Barney and friends," Travis exasperated as he jumped up to drive his point home.

At the weird outburst we all burst out laughing at him, I think I laughed the loudest. It felt nice to have this back, I had no idea I had needed it so much. No idea I had craved it like I realized I did as the pangs were being sated the more we hung out.

I leaned back against Matt as I was in his lap, still laughing hard. I smiled a bit mid laugh as I felt his arms encircle my entire waist, wrapping his arms around my middle.

"I love you Lines," Matt whispered against my ear, tickling it with his breath and sending shivers down my spine.

"And I love you Matt-icus," I replied as I tilted my head back for a kiss.

"And I'm never leaving. Never again," he promised before placing his lips on mine.

TJ took that moment to place his head on my lap and absent mindedly Matt started to pet TJ's head while kissing me. Life was perfect again. Until......

"Awwwww," the three other guys chorused.

I lifted a hand, not breaking the kiss, and flipped them off.

So maybe it was still perfect. Just MY type of perfect.