Say Those Three Little Words

Josh waited until the shower started running before retrieving the journal, hands shaking in anticipation. His conscience was telling him that he shouldn’t be snooping through Oli’s personal thoughts, but the journal was just so inviting to him, like a forbidden fruit that held all of the secrets of the world.

Ignoring the probably most responsible voice in his head, he flipped to the first page and began to read.

As the dates went by, the teenager could see an improvement in the writing and realized that he makes Oli just as happy as he makes him. It gave him a warm feeling; a small burst of heat that started in the center of his chest and spread throughout his entire body. He honestly didn't know that he could have a big impact in someone's life.

A lot of the entries had only the same single line, and no matter how many times he read it, he still blushed each time. Written on some of the pages were the words he is absolutely perfect.

Josh wouldn’t consider himself remotely good, let alone perfect. Even if having Oli around greatly improved his self esteem, he still hated himself. He had so many problems, so many things that were wrong with him, and he struggled to grasp how someone could look at him and not want to throw up.

The shower stopped running. Josh quickly turned the page, realizing that the date he was on was the day he drank for the first time and attempted suicide for the second. Oli’s handwriting was a lot messier than the previous entries, and some of the words were smeared from water damage.

Josh took a deep breath and began to read.

April 24th, 2009

I hate myself. I have never hated myself as much as I do now and I didn’t think that was possible.

He attempted suicide. Because of me. Because I didn’t tell him about my parents. Because I got so upset I left him alone, even with knowing that he was still suicidal and drunk. I am an absolutely terrible boyfriend and, really, he’s better off without me.

I should do him a favor and blast my brains out. But I can’t do it. I… I love him too much to even think about causing him any sort of pain. I mean, what if he wakes up just to realize I killed myself?

Of course I’m stupid to think that I actually hold a somewhat important spot in his life, but it’s a great thought to have. Sometimes it’s what helps me sleep at night, knowing I matter to someone. That thought is what’s definitely keeping me here at his bedside instead of deep in a forest or something.

Oh, and if this nurse comes in and asks me to leave one more time, I swear I’m gonna throw this chair at him.

A noticeable shudder went through Josh’s body and he slowly lowered the journal. His head was swarming, and he felt like he was going to faint from the sudden onslaught of emotions invading his body.

Those five words. They were tearing up his heart in more ways than one, and not all of them were good. He always wondered if this moment would come and how he would react. He didn’t know how bad it’d be, or if he’d be able to return the words. In a way, he wasn’t sure if true love even exists.

The strange part, though, was that part of him believed Oli. He’s seen enough chick flicks with his mom to know how someone acts when they’re in love. He noticed it awhile ago, but couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge the fact that his boyfriend showed some of those signs.

The stares that made Josh feel important, the lingering a little bit longer in a hug or a kiss, the way he seemed to automatically brighten whenever he picks up Josh from school.

“So um… you really weren’t supposed to read that…”

Josh looked up, eyes glistening. Oli slipped into a shirt and ran a hand through his damp hair.

It was like reading the journal set off a switch inside his heart and everything became so much more intense. Josh could almost swear that a beacon of light fell on his boyfriend, illuminating him in a way that made him look like an angel. It was strange, Josh thought.

“Is all of it true?” He asked, closing the journal and carefully laying it beside him.

Oli nodded, keeping his eyes trained on the floor.

Josh bit his lip and got up. Oli stiffened, expecting to get yelled out, or hit, or even worse, rejected again. Instead, the teenager wrapped his arms around his neck and lightly kissed him.

“You’re the sweetest.” He murmured, bringing their foreheads together. His eyes were closed, and Oli silently acknowledged the faint smile before closing his own. “The sweetest and the most insanely beautiful person I’ve ever met and I’m so happy you’re in my life.”

He pressed his body closer and sighed, content, when he felt Oli’s arms on his lower back. Their eyes flickered open simultaneously, blue orbs staring into chocolate ones, and Josh knew he could swear on everything he loved in the world that his boyfriend was the most amazing and breathtakingly beautiful person ever.

Josh leaned forward just enough to connect their lips. His heart sped up when Oli pressed back, although he didn’t know why. They’ve kissed plenty of times before and Josh has never reacted like that.

“By the way, you’re the perfect one.” The teenager finished softly. He kissed him again, and although he was extremely reluctant to let go, he stepped back and took his boyfriend’s hand. “I think we should get some Chinese, yeah?”



Later on that night, as Oli was packing up a few things before he went to bed, he noticed a brightly colored piece of paper sticking out of Josh’s backpack. Curiosity peaked, he made sure Josh was asleep before reaching in and unfolding it.

In big, block letters across the top were the words PROM -- MAY 1ST, 2009. Oli smirked, eyes gazing over a crappy clip art of a couple dancing and moving to the smaller print underneath.

He decided that he’d give Josh, and himself, a little treat. Oli has heard all the buzz about Prom since he arrived, and he wanted to try out one of those signature high school experiences. It might require some convincing of the younger in order to make it happen, but Oli knows that it will end up being one of the best nights of their lives.

He couldn’t help but think it’d be a picture perfect ending.