Say Those Three Little Words

February 28th, 2009

I've never been one to believe that you could fall in love with someone after only knowing them a month and a half, but my feelings have definitely surpassed a simple crush. There’s just something about him — or maybe it’s everything about him — that just makes me feel like the happiest guy in the world; ready to spread my wings and fly off into the sunset.

Me and Josh… Josh and I… it just fits. We’re like one collective unit, or cogs in a machine that fit and run perfectly together. If we weren't destined to be in a relationship (which I am 99% sure about, to be honest), then we’ll definitely go throughout the years as best friends.

…I still don’t know much about his past. Something happened with his parents, his real ones I mean — that much I’m sure of. He always shuts down whenever I mention them with this pained look in his eyes, a look that sends pain in my own heart. Whenever he has that look, I just want to hold him and whisper sweet nothings into his ear.

He deserves to be happy, dammit. He’s just so… perfect.

Maybe if I opened up, letting him know that I trust him completely, he’d do the same. I want to know everything about him. I want to help him. I want to be there for him more than for anyone else in this world…

…Re-reading this, I realized that I sound like a sappy teenage girl. I better stop now before my dick completely falls off my body.

Oli smiled softly, looking over at the sleeping boy on the floor, clutching the small, battered journal to his heart. Josh had to spend the week at the Sykes residence; his parents using his friendship with Oli as an excuse to vacation in Miami, Florida.

He arrived around 4 o’clock, suitcase in tow and a half-hearted explanation of the situation. It was obvious he was uncomfortable whenever his parents were away, and it was even worse this time, Oli had noticed. He wondered if the kid had been abandoned, like Oli was with his father.

At first, Josh was skeptical about staying. He wanted to sleep in the living room (just the thought of sleeping in Oli’s room made him nervous), but the older male’s mother was quick to disagree. “You wouldn’t want to sleep out here, honey.” She had said. “It’s very uncomfortable, and cars drive by all the time. You wouldn’t be able to fall asleep.”

“I guess…” Josh had muttered, quickly admitting defeat and begrudgingly lugging his suitcase upstairs.

If there was one thing he had learned, it’s to never argue with my mother. Oli thought proudly, eyes scanning over the younger’s body and reconnecting with his closed lids. Josh made a small noise and subconsciously scratched his nose.

Tucking his journal underneath the pillow, he turned on his back. The room was dark and windowless, light only creeping in through the crack underneath his door. His mind began conjuring up the familiar meadow with a single wooden fence, flowers in flesh bloom and clouds rolling over the horizon. A lone sheep came into the meadow, hopping over the fence and disappearing from his vision. Oli counted it.

He continued this process, getting to number 34 and his eyes barely able to stay open, when he heard a noise that was definitely not a sheep’s baa. He perked up his ears and listened carefully, wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him again.

Nope, there it is.

Remembering the other presence in the room, he peeked over the edge of the bed.

Josh’s body was quivering, tears heavily streaming down his face and small shouts escaping his lips. His eyes moved frantically underneath its lids and sweat beaded his brow.

As Oli watched, unsure of what to do besides bite his lip and stare, Josh started thrashing about as if he was fighting someone off. Another cry came out of him, one louder than before, and he mumbled what sounded like “no, stop it.”

Oli crawled off his bed and sat beside the boy.

“Josh… wake up.” He whispered, lightly touching his shoulder. Josh tensed, another whimper escaping his lips. “Hey, Josh. It’s me. Oli. You’re having a bad dream. Wake up.” He nudged the shoulder, and Josh jerked, his eyes flying open in fear.

The intense gaze settled on the older boy, and when he saw the familiar contours of his face and the tattoos littering his skin, the fear was replaced with the look of a lost, broken boy. He sat up and flung himself into Oli’s arms, shaking again.

“M-Make her stop.” Josh moaned, a new wave of tears trailing down his cheeks and staining the older boy’s shirt. “Make her s-stop, Oli. I c-can still feel her… on me. She won’t g-go away.”

“Shh, it’s okay.” Oli said, holding the teenager like he was a porcelain doll. A hand started softly rubbing up and down his spine and Josh shivered, closing the distance between their bodies. “Who won’t go away? Whose hurting you?”

“H-Hannah.” He choked out. “Make her s-stop. Please.”

Oli’s heart broke. He could feel the fragile organ splitting and shards of it following out of his chest and on to the carpet. He tightened his grip and started rocking the younger boy, whispering softly into his ear. He was reminded of the incident when they first met, but now the roles have been reversed.

He couldn’t tell which was worse — being in pain himself or seeing Josh in pain.

After what felt like hours but could’ve only been a couple minutes, Josh quieted. His heart wrenching sobs turned into barely audible whimpers, and he lessened his tight grip on Oli’s shirt.

When he fully realized the situation they were in, Josh blushed. They were so close he could feel Oli’s heart beating against his chest and the elder’s quiet breathing. He smelled distinctively of cotton candy, which Josh found both odd and extremely attractive.

Like Oli, his feelings have also grown, but his emotions are a lot more terrifying for him to deal with. Everything he has ever loved has left him and he couldn’t expect anything different. He couldn’t let his guard down.

He ingrained the thought into his mind, repeating it so much it’s become redundant and almost meaningless. No matter how much he wants to be able to trust Oli, to let his guard down for him, he couldn’t. He simply couldn’t.

But would he be happier if he took the risk?

They sat together for a few more minutes, clinging on to each other and enjoying the other’s presence. “Hey, Oli?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I could… maybe sleep with you tonight? I don’t want… her to come back. I-I mean I normally wouldn’t ask something like this but—”

“Yeah. It’s fine.” Oli smiled. “Anything to make you feel better, love.”



When the sun appeared over the horizon and moved halfway to the center of the sky, Ms. Sykes awoke. She stretched lazily and got out from underneath the covers, her eyes automatically going to the picture of her and her ex husband.

Why did you have to leave? She thought, frowning. I’m better now. I’ve changed. Come back, baby. I love you and miss you.

She sighed and opened her bedroom door, walking across the hall to Oli’s room. It was a force of habit for her to check on her son once she got up; a habit that started when he was about 12. She was afraid he would suddenly slip away, leaving her even more empty than she already was.

Peering into the room, her heart melted.

They were sharing the bed. Oli’s arms were around the younger boy’s waist, pressing their bodies together. Josh’s head rested underneath Oli’s chin and one arm was across his stomach, their chests rising and falling in even and almost simultaneous breaths. The covers were kicked to below their waists, and she could see that their legs were tangled together.

They looked like a couple.

She smiled, slowly pulling the door shut and making her way downstairs.

When the wood of the door made contact with the paneling on the wall, Josh’s eyes fluttered open. He breathed in, engulfing himself in the smell of cotton candy and clean bed-sheets. Oli was still asleep below him, and the teenager peered up to look at his face.

For the first time in their friendship, Josh admitted to himself that Oli was undoubtedly the most gorgeous man he has ever seen. Asleep, he looked like an untouched angel, and Josh’s breath caught in his throat.

He’s not a bad guy. Part of his mind whispered to him. He wants to be your friend. He cares about you, and you know you feel the same. Perhaps more.

His heart soared and he took another sharp breath. Scooting his body up, he moved so he was peering almost directly into his face. Almost on cue, Oli’s eyes opened themselves. There was still a slight sleepy haze when he noticed Josh was awake as well.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Josh breathed, and without giving it a second thought, he leaned forward and softly connected their lips.