Sequel: Feelings

Damaged

chapter one

“ My best friend is truly misunderstood
She comes from nature like the earth and wood.
All the misconceptions about her, she must defend
They can't see, she has the gentleness of the wind.” - Marlene Elder ‘Cheyenne’


Walking slowly, I crept upon a shadow. A flicker against the setting sun, a ghost among the meadow….
“Carrack” went a twig beneath my converse, suddenly with a great bolt, the doe took up and bounded away. “Shyte….” I breathed, I looked around she was gone.

“What’s a matter Cat? Can’t get your footing on food?” Brandon mused as Bryan and Bobby snickered, “Hey, I’m new at this….” I scoffed as we walked a few yards away, “Let’s show you how it’s really done.” Brandon smiled as he waltzed over to a glade opposite of the meadow I was in. His chain pants jingling as he walked, and Slayer shirt clinging to his curved waist. He bent down into a crouch and began stalking what looked like a yearling buck through the tall marsh like grass. Bryan stood, looking over the horizon, “Oh fuck, he found a herd of ‘em.” he said taking a drink out of a bottle of Grey Goose, sure enough, Brandon had a nice group of does, plus the doomed yearling in a corner between the glade and a hillside, too steep for a small, weak deer to out climb a swift, young, beast with great speed and 200 pounds of sheer muscle. The yearling glanced around and began walking slowly near the does, moving them closer and closer to the hillside, a doe stopped short. Brandon ducked down and smiled, he found his cue. Three does were stopped now, strung back from the rest, and occupied with a patch of clover. Bobby laughed, his shock crystal eyes wide, “All right!” Brandon stood, the yearling turned and gaped in fear at his 6’ 6” posture with shoulders that could carry a full grown cow.
The deer turned and took off, all you could see was a flash of black and chains and the herd scattered. The glade hid the rest. Bobby was practically shaking with excitement, “He’s got ‘em, he‘s got ‘em!” and to my surprise, here comes Brandon, two does on each shoulder, throats gaping. His stride took him five maybe six steps and he dropped them at our feet. “Awesome.” Bryan mumbled with glee, Brandon wiped the blood off his cheek. “Dig in.” he said, smiling wide.

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“You home?” my mother called as Brandon and I walked through the door, “Yep” I replied, “Be out back.” she nodded as we walked past.

“You gonna study this week for the exams?” he asked bored, his voice is a mix between a British accent with a blunt French touch. The pureblood Lycan speech. “Um, I don’t know, why do you ask?” I replied in my American voice, slightly Irish if I were to pay attention to how I pronounce my “r’s” and “t’s”. I sat next to him, handed him a red bull. “No reason” he said while opening the red bull, he took a long drink and patted his stomach. “Man I’m full. That sure was a great catch, huh Cat?” he smiled. So arrogant, I thought. We just sat there for a bit on the deck steps as the Maryland sky turned crimson with the setting sun, discussing normal teenager things. “Solara sure is a magnificent sight in the summer.” he rasped while clearing his throat. “Yes.” I answered. He slid a little closer, brushed my hand with the backside of his. A sudden jolt burst through me. He looked deeply at me, his dark hazel eyes cutting into me. The creases on his forehead, as if deep in thought, deepened, his lips stained a pinkish colour from the blood earlier. They parted as his thick eyebrows furrowed, his shoulders rounded as he inched to me. He looked as dangerous as he really was. My human side begged to be free, to run away, but my dominant side, my Lycan side, thought better of it and let him kiss me. Aggressively he pressed his face with mine and his breathing quickened. I let him have his way every now and again, he had the biggest crush on me, then again, everybody does. I pulled away “Love, no, don’t please…” he pressed on running his hands up my sides. Give an inch and he takes a mile. “Go home Brandon, I can’t stand the sight of you any more.” I murmured, he brushed my cheek and slunk away into the backyard, his shaggy black hair flopped as he jumped the fence and headed down route 301. I watched as my alpha went.

“He gone?” my mother asked as I went upstairs. “Yes ma’am.” I answered.
In my room I felt safe. I walked through the twinkle lights around my door and went for the mirror. The yellow walls made me glow against the sunlight through my window, my cheeks felt warm and tender. I began ripping off the blood splattered clothes from this afternoon, threw them in a garbage bag and took in the sight of my nude body. My human form. I stood at 5’6”, thinner than a week old spruce, extremely long legs, and hips jabbing out from my sides. My breasts were too small, my bones too pointed, my shoulders too curved. I looked at my face, my jaw resting slightly to one side, thanks to a mosh injury from Brandon. My nose was too bent, and my ribs were visible, but my piercing hunter green eyes made up for it all. My long chocolate hair moved back and fourth as I shook my head. All my physical features, at least the reason my bones were so screwed up, was from being in mid phase for more than 24 hours. You see, we are called Lycans which is a sophisticated word for werewolves. Only we don’t turn into the drooling, monstrous creatures the media has made us, we turn into actual wolves. Four legs, a beautiful pelt, and glorious senses. Phasing is what we call the change from man [or woman] to wolf. It’s very painful and makes you just about indestructible, because what we do in our wolf form doesn’t affect what we do in our human form. If we were to be stabbed in the heart as a wolf, all we’d have to do is turn back to human and it wouldn’t affect us at all. I always wanted one of the Elders to bite me so I could be like them, but last spring when Brandon and I were play fighting, his bottom incisor scraped deeply from my neck to my jaw line, this next full moon, I‘ll phase just like the rest. Brandon is the alpha of our little pack now.

I went to the bathroom and got in a Luke warm shower. I scrubbed every part of my flesh brutally until it began to take the skin off, I almost drowned myself in the falling water and finally began to feel my joints lurch. How could I have done that? I didn’t belong in those woods, those poor, poor deer. We had eaten plenty here, we didn’t have to kill them. And Brandon, why the hell did I let him kiss me? I’m only leading him on.
I prayed to Luna, the moon, Solaria the sun, and God to give me strength.

My skin throbbing, I got out and threw on a pair of boxers with a tee shirt and went downstairs.

“So…what did you do today honey?” my aware mother asked, she knows who and what I am and she says she‘s fine with it as long as I don‘t let it take over the real me, “Hung out with the guys, studied. Just stuff.” I said, she could never know what I was planning on letting Brandon do.
“Oh….” she replied giving me a look I couldn’t figure out.
I went to bed early that night, I didn’t want to have to have the guilt of killing anymore, sleep was my escape from the world.

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That next morning I was brutally awakened by my mother, as always. I got dressed in my usual converse, black tee shirt, ripped jeans, and eyeliner as always and walked the long brisk walk to school.
It was breezy for May, but it felt good along the hairs on my arms. I passed all the pretty girls and their hot boyfriends in the hallway, I was so jealous, they had normal lives with normal friends, I had a secret life among wolves. Matthew caught my arm in the hallway, the omega of the pack, or known as the little shit everyone pushes around. “Hey Cat.” he said his eyes warm, “Hello.” I mumbled trying to break his crush boy gaze. “Are you gonna come running with us? Breckam’s got us all together this Saturday.” he pleaded, “Yeah, I’ll try.” I said then rubbed faces with him and we parted. Breckam is Brandon’s father, my uncle in-law and one of the elders of the adult pack, consisting of thirteen wolves. He started the whole wolf thing way back in the dark ages, he’s well over a hundred years old, looks about thirty though. We have a nice stable pack near us, I’m the only girl of the pack of young wolves, that consists of Matthew, Bobby, Bryan, Brandon, Danny, and Michael, though Michael he hasn’t phased yet. I’m loved among the guys, me being ‘pretty’ and all. Supposedly we are supposed to decide who goes with me, we mate, then become alphas together and keep the bloodlines growing. I hate it.

Brandon was waiting for me at my locker along with Bryan, though Bryan was walking away. Honestly, Bryan is my favourite, he isn‘t so bold with his want in rank with me. “Hello Cat.” Brandon said as I came up in front of him. “Hello.” I smiled sarcastically, “You get hotter and hotter every day, you know that?” he breathed tugging at my long hair. I backed away, “Not now Brandon.” I sighed, I was so tired of his stupid remarks about how ‘hot’ I am or how he ‘wants’ me. He slid his arms around my waist, I struggled away, “Come on Cat, what the hell was last night for if you don’t want me.” I snarled and stomped hard on his combat boot, “Ow! Ok, sorry, damn, I’ll see you at lunch.” he said then slinked away. Ha.

“Hey Cat, you ok?” Bobby asked me as I put my head on his shoulder in Spanish class, it was a friend-like gesture. “Yeah, tired.” I said, he pulled me onto his lap, I straightened up and wiggled off, “Come on.” he moaned hurt. For Luna’s sake! I can’t even say hello to them without one groping me or pressing themselves against me. “Man, you are a bitch.” he mumbled. I refused to look him in the eye again.

I was walking to my next class when I caught sight of a decent looking human. I stood there watching him, wishing he could be mine. Though as soon as he looked up to me, I turned away.
I blushed quickly that he had seen me staring. Embarrassed, I fled to my next class.

“Freak.” someone whispered as I walked past them to sit down. I felt a surge of wicked humor rise in me. Oh, sweet delicate human, you don’t know what freaky is. I thought to myself.
I kept my head low in class and did the best I could at my work. A normal Friday accompanied by an odd weekend, this would be the weekend that I phase. I slipped into a light sleep as the teacher droned on.

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“Brandon you idiot!.” Rafael raged as Brandon told him what had happened this week. “I didn’t mean to let her see me turn! I just wanted to freak her out!” he argued, Rafael went on, “Do you have any idea what this pack has been through to keep your sorry hide safe from a silver bullet all your years?” He shouted, little flecks of spit hitting Brandon’s face. Aunt Scarlet, one of the female beta’s, shook her head at the sight, the rest of the pack looked elsewhere, this was normal. Brandon comes with this story of his bravado, then this. He thinks it’s funny to do moronic things that could offend the pack. “My son, we all care about you, we wouldn’t want anything to happen to you or us, however, if you don’t cut the wisecracks and stupid ideas of ‘fun’ you’re going to get a nasty taste of your own blood.” Breckam said cutting the quarrel down with his thundering voice. Of all he was the Elder, along with Dante and Everett. Rafael was in his twenties and thought he ruled the roost. Lance, Brandon’s older brother chimed in telling us that he and Haven, Brandon’s other older brother had bagged a mountain lion in Virginia last weekend. We all stopped and stared at his random input.
Brandon slipped into the kitchen at the distraction as the room roared with conversation among the now eighteen member pack. Bobby and Bryan wailed in with their bags, ready for a long weekend before summer break. They set their things down and all the teenagers of all three packs filed out side to Brandon’s backyard.
I walked along the hallway to the kitchen, the foyer smelt of fresh cotton and cool summer nights sleeping on the roof surrounded by best friends. I inhaled deeply and felt a pang of loss.
The light blue walls were covered with about ten mirrors that stared me down like sad eyes. I looked away from my own reflection and pushed open the back door.
I stood on the sidewalk looking over the back yard. It was a peaceful moment, until Brandon came up behind me and slid his arms around me. I bowed my head and tried so hard to feel the love he felt. I couldn’t get it and soon I could feel the resentment in me as always. “Get off.” I stated, he growled low and whispered in my ear through gritted teeth, “I love you Laurel, remember that when you’re out of breath and you have no air to breathe.” then he walked away.

I stood looking at the setting sun as all the others romped and shouted at one another. Playing. Lila and Valerie Abranel sat next to Brandon’s brother Veronica and stared at me like I was something amusing. I hated them for their beauty and most of all because they hated me. Veronica shook her long tawny hair and smiled a wicked grin at Valerie. She had flawless skin and such a great figure, I sometimes think even Brandon himself wishes he weren’t her brother so he could be with her, it’s sickening. Valerie wasn’t as pretty. Her dark, dark hair flushed out her pale face and she wore too much make up. Her eyes gave me a cold look when I met them with mine. Leila was the most conceited, she had knee length blond hair and shiny blue eyes that made her face look pointed with her shard jaw line. As I singled out their details, they all burst out laughing like I was the funniest thing ever. I wish they’d all snap like the twigs that they are. “Why do you wear so much black, Laurel?” Leila scoffed at me, “I believe the call her Cat hun,” Veronica corrected, “I guess it fits, oh with her being such an outcast to us.” “Oh and because she thinks she’s so purrrrrrrfect and thinks everyone wants her.” Veronica laughed with a big leering smile. I looked her dead in the eye, “No they call me Cat because cats are sleek and graceful, and look down on bitches.” I mumbled, “What was that you little freak?” Valerie sneered as she slithered her anorexic body up behind Veronica. I shook my head and went over to the boys.

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