Pretend

Dawn was my favorite time of day. The light crested the horizon with a sunburst of color, and suddenly everything was aglow with beautiful light. As I traced the symmetrical rise of Griffins Peak, shaded it dark with shadow, smudged the tree-line to a blur, I casually reached out and took Rex's tennis ball. After glancing at Rex's hopefully thudding tale, I sighed with a grin and chucked it behind my shoulder. A sharp spasm of pain launched from my chest, and I spluttered from the surprise of it.

I knew he hadn't meant to. Of course he hadn't. In fact, if I'd not provoked him I might not be so uncomfortable. But me and my big mouth, I managed to say something that aggravated the stranger-who-was-my-father into a drunken fury. I'd had to scrap up the splintered crystal vase he'd thrown at my side. But the glass had cut through my t-shirt and sliced through my skin.

Somehow, the sight -though gruesome- was beautiful. The crimson blood merged with the golden brandy. I'd drawn a rough sketch of it in my sketchpad and planned on using my privilege as employee at Nelson's Gallery so I could use the professional oil colorants to paint the image burned into my mind on canvas.

Watching the approaching day rise above the calm waters of Lake Superior on top of Forest Hill behind the lighthouse, I scratched Rex's head between his ears and listened to the friendly thump as his tail hit the ground in a familiar rhythm. He still had the tennis ball clamped in his jaw. It looked even more ragged, a large rip dividing the ball down the middle. I sighed and felt a smile come upon my face as I bent quickly and kissed Rex's forehead. I grabbed for my rucksack, ignoring the jab in my chest. I shoved my sketchpad back in and fumbled around until the novel connected with my fingers. I drew it out, almost guiltily, and slowly leaned back against the tree with the carved SC + CM = BFFS near the stumpy bottom of it. I shifted slightly to relieve the pain from my side and Rex ambled over to my side, curling up against my thigh as I sunk into a life that wasn't mine.

"Since when do you fall asleep in the dirt?"

I snapped up into a rigid sitting position and yelped as the same throbbing burn coursed around my chest. My eyes darted around desperately, trying to find the owner of the voice, and finally saw her. There was Cora, wearing a new pair of jeans and a black fitted sweater. Her hair was brushed but left down over her shoulders. Her eyes were wary as she padded over to my side, her converse covered in much around the toes. She sat beside me, crossing her legs, and handed me a cone of flavored ice. I couldn't look her in the eye, knowing that she would ask what had made me call out. Rex turned his head so that it rested in my lap as the smell of the slushie caught in his hypersensitive nostrils.

"I wasn't asleep," I scoffed, trying for nonchalance. I scooted up and leaned back against the stump. My gaze focused on the horizon again, and I realized I'd slept through the end of the sun's rising. The early morning sky was robin's egg blue. I rubbed my eyes and sighed. I wasn't going to tell her how long I'd been here. I wasn't going to tell her what had happened last night. I certainly wasn't going to mention the fact that right now, the edge of my book was sticking uncomfortably into my arse.

"Right." Cora rolled her eyes and sucked on some ice, rolling it around her tongue in a way that made me think of what it would be like to kiss her. To lick the flavoring from her lips. I shook the concept from my head and felt red stain my cheeks. I noticed Cora was staring at me with the amused expression of hers that always accompanied an amusing though at my expense. "So, are you going to tell me why you look like you're stoned and like you recently died?"

"Nope," I replied with a small smile, dipping my fingers into the slushie and giving my finger to Rex. I wasn't sure if dogs should be eating slushie, but it was a quick way to get rid of it.

"Seb," Cora groaned, folding her cone and licking her fingers clean. I turned away so I wouldn't have to see, but the image was still there: her tongue dyed the same color as the flavor of her slurpee, which I knew would be pink lemonade. I cleared my throat and shrugged, wincing at the effect it had on my chest. "Well, you should tell me about why you keep pulling faces then. And since I'm your best, best, best, best friend, I have a right to know."

"I don't recall there being a rule book for friendship," I scoffed, passing my cone to Rex. I pulled my rucksack closer to me and rested my head on it as I watched Cora. Her hair was catching the glow of the morning sun, and I suddenly wanted to touch it. "Corry, can I play with your hair?"

She rolled her eyes at me and shuffled over, sitting between my legs so that if she decided to lean back, she would be resting against my chest. Rex removed himself to a couple of steps away so that he could chew the slushy cone without distraction. I ran my fingers through her hair. God, I loved Cora's hair. It was always so soft and fine. It ranged from auburn to blonde to brown. I'd learnt how to braid with Cora's hair.

"This isn't a distraction, is it?" Her tone was teasing. Which meant she'd accepted my reservations but was still there if I needed to talk about it. I smiled and inhaled deeply. She smelled like strawberry, and even though I still felt that smelling like food was weird, I loved it. I loved everything about Cora - even her sometimes intrusive curiosity.

"Hm," I said, and then gathered up her hair in three parts. "Why do you always smell like strawberry?"

"Hmm ... I don't know. Because I actually shower?" Her tone was still teasing, but I swallowed loudly as the image of a naked Cora filtered through my mind. I shook the image away but continued to work her hair into th braid.

"Ha, ha, ha. Very funny," I retorted.

"Why don't you smell like strawberries?" Cora asked, and I could tell by the angle of her shoulders that she was completely at ease with me, the actions of two nights previously forgotten.

"Because, dumb girl, I'm a boy."

"Well, dumb boy, why do you smell like mud?"

I laughed. "Don't you know? I'm like a pig with mud."

"Or just a pig," she laughed, a beautiful, carefree laugh that made my body warm. I finished braiding her hair, and on cue she passed me a hair tie that had been around her wrist. I twisted the tie around the end of the braid and studied my handiwork. I was getting better. This wasn't even crooked. "How does it look?"

"It looks like a braid?" How the hell else was it supposed to look?

"Thanks for that, captain obvious."

"My pleasure," I did a mock salute. Her eyes twinkled, and then she launched herself at me. I squeezed my eyes shut and took the impact, feeling the stump dig into my back. I winced as the discomfort of stump and injury intermingled. Before I could retaliate, she pulled away with a small smile.

"I know I'm irresistible, but you don't have to launch a surprise attack if you want me to hug you," I said with an eyebrow waggle.

"Pfft. Right." She smiled again, and played with the end of the plait. Her voice was strangely affectionate as she said, "I'm just glad I've got you for a friend, Sebbie."

I gave her a quizzical look. But then she was grinning at me again . . . Until her eyes trailed down my side and widened. I looked down and saw my grey shirt was stained with dark ooze.. "Seb, is that blood?"

I felt my face blanch. "Uh. No. No. It's- uh. It's ... paint. Cora, no. What are you doing. Stop!"

Despite my continual protests, Cora shoved up the end of my shirt to show pale, bruised skin - and then the ugly, mottled cut. Between the cracked skin is a thin seepage of blood. It makes my stomach roll just looking at it. I swallowed against it and gazed hopelessly at my best friend as first horror, and then steely disbelief harden her eyes.

"Paint, huh?" Her voice was full of cold disbelief and apprehension, and suddenly I was worried of what she was thinking. She can't know about my dysfunctional life style. She can't know that Darren's demise hit my parents harder then it hit me. It wasn't their fault that they struggled with it. So I sat frozen, mesmerized by the possibilities, the explanations, the confusion rimming her eyes. Rex lumbered towards me, sensing the tension in my shoulders. He started lapping at my neck, and I pushed him away. It gave me a short reprieve from Cora's concerned gaze. I chucked his tennis ball, and he bounded enthusiastically after it. I watched him go.

But Cora's hand came almost attentively to my cheek and turned my face so that I was forced to meet her demanding stare. "Seb, what the hell happened?"

I shook my head. I wasn't going to say anything. I wasn't allowed. These were family affairs, and no matter how much I loved Cora, she needed to accept that some things were better left unsaid. But she was staring at me with expectancy, so I had to say something.

"I-I can't, Corry."

Her face falls. There's disappointment and irritation and a hurt I can't stand to see. "Sebbie-"

My phone let off a series of electronic bleeps, and I jumped on the distraction. Without looking at Cora, I was on my feet, tugging down my shirt, and answering my phone. The caller ID says Unknown Number, and my brow creased. "Hello?"

"Hey Sebastian, it's Kate," her voice sounds excited and nervous. It took me a moment to recognize the name, and then place it with a face.

"Oh, hey!" I replied, running a hand through my hair. I am acutely aware of Cora's disapproving stare.

"Hey," Kate sighed. "Look, I was wondering if you'd like to . . . meet up? Like, we could just get ice cream or, yeah."

I pursed my lips, considering, and from the corner of my eye, I see Cora standing up and crossing her arms across her chest. That is what makes my decision. "Actually, that sounds cool."

"Really? Sweet!" Kate's voice sounds like smiles. "Should we meet at Lavender's Park and make plans there?"

I grabbed my rucksack as I replied. "Sure, sure. See you in twenty?"

"Sure!" She swallowed. "Uh, see you then."

"Cool." I hung up and turned to Cora.

"Seb-"

"Cora, for once, can we drop it?" My tone was tired, and I could see the hesitation in her eyes. She wants to be a good friend, but I can tell that this is unfamiliar territory between us. I'm always offering some-what believable excuses in order to soothe her concerns. But this time, I couldn't think of another lie. I threw my phone into my rucksack and snatched my book from the ground. I could see her about to start on me again, but I held up my hand. This conversation, I knew, would undoubtedly end in arguments. And I refused to allow that to happen. We'd been fighting to much recently. And I didn't like being angry with Cora, because it always made me feel pathetic when I realized I just couldn't be mad with her. "I'll ah, see you at school tomorrow, I guess?"

For a moment, it looked as though she were going to say something else, but then she let out a small, ghost of a smile and trapped me in a careful hug. She avoided my chest, and, to my surprise, pecked my cheek. "It's a miracle. Sebastian Clark, actually going to school?"

"Ha bloody ha, Corry," I rolled my eyes, letting the tension between us fall away.

She grinned. "Want me to pick you up?"

"Nah," I replied, extracting myself and turning to walk. I whistled for Rex, and he came bounding up beside me with the tennis ball in his mouth. I started walking, and then tossed over my shoulder. "I'll walk."