Adventures in Dining

Tony glared at his friend across the table, ignoring the waitress behind him asking another couple if they wanted more coffee just a little bit too loudly.

“So, anyway, I was just sitting there doing my SATs wearing nothing but my sister’s pink underwear…”

There was literally no reaction from his friend. This was beyond annoying. Was it really so hard for Jared to at least pretend he was paying attention?

“And a bottle of lube on the desk near my pencil sharpener.” now he just wondered how ridiculous he had to get in order to get a response at all.

Still, there was just more chewing on Jared’s part, his eyes totally focused on his plate, filled with what the diner had called a super barn buster or something of that nature.

“With my hair up in pigtails.” he continued.

And, seriously, why didn’t they just name that stupid meal what it actually was? It was basically a heart attack on a plate.

“Did I mention I was wearing a red brassiere?”

Still nothing!

“Yeah, I felt like being bold that day.” Tony’s eyes narrowed. What the hell did he have to say in order to get a rise out of Jared??

“And then I noticed the instructor’s hair was on fire.” Tony’s eyes lit up when Jared paused in his chewing, looked up at his friend for a moment and watched Tony raise his eyebrows, waiting for a response.

He made a noncommittal gesture and kept eating.

“Argh! I give up!” Tony said, probably far louder than he needed to, throwing his hands up into the air.