In My Dreams It's Me And You

Sat against the wall side-stage, I drew my legs up to my chest and closed my eyes. I had a terrible headache that I was pretty sure was turning into a migraine, and I felt like shit. Sighing, I pulled the hood of Brian's sweatshirt over my head, turned my iPod on, and placed my forehead on my knees.

"Hey hun, are you okay?" Val's voice burst through the sounds of Eminem's "Lose Yourself" and I looked up at her.

"I'm alright. I'm not feeling the greatest, but I'll live," I answered and smiled weakly.

Val smiled sympathetically at me and joined me on the floor. She hooked her arm through mine and I leaned my head on her shoulder. "Is everything okay between you and Zack?" she asked suddenly, nodding over to where he and the rest of the guys were doing soundcheck.

I picked my head up and gave her an odd look. "Yeah, we're fine. Why do you ask?"

Shrugging, Val replied, "I don't know. I didn't really see you guys together at all today, and you're wearing Brian's hoodie."

Is that what Zack and I looked like to everyone around us? Just because we hadn't had the chance to talk today and I was wearing Brian's hoodie, everyone assumed we were fighting? "No, we're fine Val. I've been kinda hermiting myself all day, Zack's been busy, and Brian gave me his sweatshirt earlier today because I was cold," I explained to her.

Val made an 'O' shape with her mouth and nodded her head. "Okay. Hey, are you sure you're alright? You look a little pale, Nat," she said worriedly. "Maybe you should go back to the bus for a while."

"Maybe you're right. I don't feel too good all of a sudden," I agreed and Val helped me get to my feet. Matt walked by, having finished soundcheck, and instantly gave me a concerned look.

"Are you okay, Nat?" he asked, coming up and putting a hand to my forehead.

I swatted his hand away and said, "I'm fine Matt, I just don't feel very good and I'm going to go lie down for a while."

Matt nodded his approval and gave me a hug. "Feel better, okay? And don't worry about missing our show if you don't feel better. There are plenty more to come."

Val continued to escort me to the bus, but I stopped as we passed Zack and Brian. "Hey babe, I'm not feeling well so I'm going to the bus to lie down," I said and Zack came up and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

With concern filling Zack's green eyes, I found it hard to believe I had ever considered he didn't notice when something was wrong with me. "Are you sick?" he asked and moved his hands to rub my back gently.

I shook my head and replied, "I don't think so. I think it's just my body reacting to the change of routine and the early wake up call today."

Zack's lips pressed together in concern and then he kissed my forehead gently. "Okay. I hope you feel better, baby. Just go get some rest and I'll come back to you after our show," he promised.

Smiling, I said okay and nodded at Brian before walking off with Val to the back door. We walked over to the bus and quickly entered. I made my way back to mine and Zack's bunk while Val got a bottle of water and some aspirin for me. I got underneath the covers and Val handed me the medicine and water, which I took gratefully.

"I'll see you later, hun," she said as I burrowed myself into the blankets. "If you need anything, just text or call me, okay? I'll come right out and help you."

"Thanks, Val," I mumbled tiredly and closed my eyes as she walked away, letting sleep take me.

I woke up a few hours later to people shouting and laughing. The noise was unbearable and I groaned as I dragged myself out of my bunk and into the main living area. The guys and Val were back, the show obviously finished, and everyone was in a good mood. I shuffled my way over to the refridgerator and grabbed a bottle of water, just wanting to go back to bed.

"Hey Nat," Zack said smiling, a bottle of Jack in his hand.

I might have been sick, but I wasn't stupid. There was no way in hell that that bottle was Zack's first. I looked into his eyes and saw that they were bloodshot. I sighed; he was already drunk. I mumbled a hi and he opened his arms for a hug. I obliged and he wrapped me up in my arms, momentarily comforting me and holding me close to him.

"Are you going to drink with me tonight, Nat?" he asked, shaking the bottle at me.

Any other night, I would have jumped right in and ripped that bottle out of his hands before draining it. But tonight I just could't do it and I shook my head. "Not tonight, hun. Maybe tomorrow night I will," I offered and he frowned at me.

"Still not feeling well?" Zack hugged me again when I shook my head and I could smell the alcohol on him. "Well, you just go back there and go back to sleep, doll. I'll make sure we keep quiet so we don't disturb you."

Zack was being sweet and I appreciated it, but what I really wanted was for him to come back to the bunk and lie down with me. I didn't want to ruin his fun, though, so I didn't say anything. "I'll see you in the morning, Zack," I said and gave him a kiss goodnight.

"See you in the morning. Feel better, babe," he said before I walked away and back to the bunks.

Zack made good on his promise and everyone quieted down as I got back into the bunk, but I knew it wouldn't help me fall back to sleep. Instead, I curled up on my side and stared at the wall, fighting the tears that wanted to fall. Was I clingy for wanting Zack to come lay with me? Even if I was, I couldn't help it. I just wanted my boyfriend to be there to hold me.

A sob found its way out of my throat and I felt the first tears fall, warm and salty against my cheeks. "Nat? Are you okay?" Brian's voice floated through the thin curtain and I curled even further into myself. When I didn't answer him, Brian gently pulled the curtain back and sat down on my bed, replacing the curtain to its original position. When another sob betrayed me, Brian carefully pulled me so I was facing him. "Oh Nat," he said, voice wavering, and pulled me into his arms when he saw the tears streaking down my face.

I cried quietly against Brian's chest, letting him rock me back and forth in an attempt to calm me. The tears were like a river and no matter how much I tried, they wouldn't stop falling. Brian's serene voice whispered soothingly into my ear and his hands stroked my hair, trying to get me to talk to him.

"Baby girl, what's wrong? Talk to me," he pleaded, holding me in front of him and wiping the tears from my eyes.

I took a shaky breath and ran my hand through my hair. "I don't even know. I just started crying."

Brian pulled me against him again and I rested my head against his chest, closing my eyes and letting my body relax. "Is it because of Zack?" he asked in a whisper.

Tears sprung to my eyes and suddenly I was crying again. "I just wanted him to hold me, Brian. I don't feel good, and I just wanted him to hold me," I wailed, burying my face into his neck. "God I feel so needy saying that, but it's all that I wanted."

"Hey, don't say that, okay? He's your boyfriend and is supposed to take care of you; it's natural that you'd want him to be there," Brian said calmly, once again stroking my hair.

"Why isn't he here, Brian?" I asked, sounding like a child asking for her father. "Why didn't he come back here to be with me? Why couldn't he see that I wanted him to be with me?"

Brian had no answer to that. "I don't know, Nat. I don't know." He kissed the top of my head softly and I sighed, my breathing slowly returning to normal. "You want to go to bed now?" he asked and I nodded my head. "Okay. You get changed and then I'll lie down with you, okay?"

"You don't have to," I mumbled, already searching around for a pair of shorts and a tank top to change in to.

Brian smiled softly as he climbed out of the bunk. "I know I don't. But you need someone, and I want to."

I quickly slipped out of my jeans and shirt, replacing them with my shorts and top. I dug around for Brian's hoodie and pulled that over my head before telling him he could come back into the bunk. Brian had stripped down into shorts and a t-shirt and climbed into the bed with me, letting me get comfortable before he settled in behind me. I moved back against his chest and Brian's arms wound their way around my waist. I rested my hands on top of his before closing my eyes.

"Goodnight, Nat," he whispered, just barely nuzzling his nose into my hair.

"Goodnight, Brian," I replied, sleep coming on quickly.

In the moments where I was slipping into unconsciousness and letting sleep claim me, I swear I felt Brian press his lips to my shoulder and murmur, "I love you, Natalie."

(Brian's POV)

Why? Why does she do this to herself? I know Natalie says she wants to be with Zack, but he's done nothing but make her cry and feel miserable. Maybe it's the way he holds her. Maybe it's the sex. I don't know what it is, but something is stopping Natalie from seeing how unhappy she is, stopping her from seeing how she feels about me.

And it's definitely preventing her from seeing the way I feel about her. It all started out as a game, but now.... now it's something entirely different. I meant the words I spoke to her that night in the pool, and I know she meant it when she said it back to me.

I only wish she could see that.