In My Dreams It's Me And You

Meanwhile...

(Nat’s POV)

I stared blankly at the muffin and juice on the plate in front of me. Feeling my stomach churn at the sight of the food, I feebly pushed it away from me. Matt sighed in defeat and slid it back at me. “Please eat it, Natalie,” he implored. “You need to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry,” I responded weakly, wrapping my arms around my stomach. I looked up at my cousin and felt the tears start to well up once again. “Please don’t make me eat, Matthew. I won’t be able to keep it down anyways.”

Matt gave another sad sigh and pulled the plate back towards him. I knew it worried him that I wouldn’t couldn’t eat. Everything I ate came straight back up, though, and it was useless to waste food. Reaching a hand across the table, Matt waited until I put one of my own in his before gently rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. “I’m so sorry, Natalie,” he whispered for what had to have been the fifteenth time since we’d left the hotel.

I was going to reply to his unnecessary apology when the familiar taste of bile made its way up my throat. Not bothering to explain myself, I jumped up from the chair I was in and ran for the bathroom. Luckily, the room was vacant and I leaned over the toilet bowl just as my stomach emptied itself of what little content it held. I was in the process of dry-heaving when Matt joined me in the tiny room. He rubbed my back in a soothing manner while my stomach continued to try and rid itself of whatever may have remained. When I was finally done, he handed me a wet paper towel to wipe my mouth with.

“I told you I wouldn’t have been able to keep it down,” I said wryly, Matt giving me a stern look.

“This isn’t a laughing matter, Natalie,” he scolded, concern lacing his words and coloring his eyes. As I thought about his words, I stared at my cousin. You really could see the relation when he grew his hair out. Not only did we have the same eyes and dimples, but our facial structure was fairly similar. I had the more feminine features of the Sanders family, of course, but the resemblance was still there.

Choosing to ignore the serious conversation he was aching to have, I commented, “You need to cut your hair; it’s starting to get too long. You don’t look good with hair any longer than what it was during the City of Evil tour.”

Matt rolled his eyes and took a deep breath in, letting it out before looking back at me. “Only you would be making fun of me at a time like this,” he retorted, chuckling a tiny bit nonetheless. Matt quickly turned serious on me again, though, and sat so he was facing me. “I’m worried about you, Nat. You’re not taking this very well, and I’m really concerned, along with Val.”

“How did you expect me to handle this, Matt? The man I love broke up with me because he thinks I cheated on him. My mind and body are still in shock,” I explained, not looking up at him as I did so. “I can’t help it if it’s taking longer than you think necessary for me to get over it.”

Scooting across the floor as I started to sob yet again, Matt held me against him and stroked my hair. “I’m sorry Natalie, I didn’t mean it like that,” he whispered, resting his chin on top of my head. “I know you’re hurting right now and I know it’s going to take time for you to heal. I’m just worried that you won’t get your appetite back and you’ll get sick.”

“I want Brian back,” I sobbed, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and holding as tightly as I could. “I just want him back, Matt. If I could rewind to last night at that exact point in time, I would. I would do anything to change what happened.”

Matt tightened his hold on me and rubbed my back soothingly. “What happened wasn’t your fault, Nat. Zack crossing the line and kissing you wasn’t your fault, and neither was Brian overreacting to what he saw. You have no reason to feel bad,” he told me. “I think, though, that you should stay away from both of them for the time being. Before you go crazy on me, listen, okay? You should have space from Zack for obvious reasons; I shouldn’t have to explain that one.”

“What about Brian?” I asked, sniffling miserably as the tears continued to roll down my cheeks.

Sighing, Matt leaned back so he could look at me. He cupped my face in his hands and wiped the tears away as best he could. When he saw that it was a lost cause and the waterworks were perpetual, Matt dropped his hands and instead held mine in his own. “I know you love him, Natalie. And despite his stupidity, I know Brian loves you. I’ve known him almost all my life and I’ve never seen him act the way he does with you, with any other girl. You’ve changed him, Nat, and it’s definitely been for the better. Actually, he’s changed you, too. I haven’t seen you this happy in years, and you’re acting like you did before you left; you’re acting like the real Natalie Sanders, not the woman who was slowly drifting away from us all. You’re both so much happier now that you’re together, and I truly am happy for you two.”

“That happiness accounted for, I need to now address his latest mistake,” Matt continued. I attempted to lower my gaze and he softly lifted my chin so I had to watch him. “Brian hurt you, Natalie. He’s broken your heart by breaking up with you for no justifiable reason whatsoever, and that’s not fucking acceptable. Brian promised me, and I’m sure he promised you as well, that he would never do something like this. Since you’re both so messed up emotionally, I think it’d be best if you both just stepped back for a while.”

My eyes widened at his suggestion and I pulled my face out of his grasp. “I can’t do that, Matt. I can’t just walk away.”

“I’m not saying you have to walk away, but maybe just take a break,” he offered and I shook my head violently. “Natalie, you know it’s for the best - ”

“Why, Matt? Why is me just giving up on Brian for the best? Because you say so?” I interrupted shrilly. Matt attempted to answer and I cut him off. “You don’t always know best, Matthew! I know you’re just watching out for me, and I know right now you’ve got reason to do so, but you don’t understand what I’m going through.”

Matt pulled me to him again and I burst into tears, beating feebly against his chest. “Shh, Natalie, listen to me,” he pleaded, trying to get me to look at him. When he finally succeeded, I fell limp in his arms. I was too exhausted - mentally, physically, and emotionally - to fight anymore. “You don’t have to cut yourself off completely, okay? Just… I don’t know, move back into your own room at the house and your own bunk on the bus. It’s not permanent, either: it’s only until you two can talk and work things out.”

“Okay,” I agreed weakly, staring blankly at the floor.

“Until then, distance yourself from Brian. Okay?”

“Okay.” That simple four-letter word was enough for Matt and I sighed heavily, devoid of any emotion at that point except heartbreaking pain. “Can we go back to the hotel now? I just want to pack up and go home.”

Helping me to my feet, Matt put his arm around my shoulders. “Of course. Take the rest of the day to relax; I’ll have Val go to yours and Brian’s room to get your stuff.” I nodded my head in deference and I knew Matt was giving me that dimpled smile. When I looked up at him, I found I was right. “It’ll be alright, Nat. Just focus on the tour, okay?”

My stomach dropped when Matt mentioned tour, and I completely ignored him as he continued to babble about it. The fact that we had a huge European tour starting within the next few days had totally slipped my mind under the circumstances, and while I had been looking forward to it, now I felt only dread. How was I going to survive the next three months with my overbearing cousin, ex-boyfriend who was still in love with me, and current-but-really-officially-my-ex-boyfriend all on the same bus? Most of all, how was I going to “distance” myself from Brian for that long, like Matt ordered suggested?

“I think I’m going to be sick,” I mumbled.