In My Dreams It's Me And You

(Brian’s POV)

“And just where do you think you’re going?” Val questioned, arching an eyebrow at me as I tried to sneak past her out of the room. I should have known it would be a useless attempt on my part: I could hardly stand, let alone walk, without groaning in pain, and my grumbled curses hadn’t gone unnoticed.

Val approached me and set her hands on her hips, waiting for an explanation. “I’m… uh… going to talk to Jimmy,” I told her, scrambling for the words as I tried to conjure up a believable excuse. I earned a disbelieving look from Valary for my efforts and slumped my shoulders as she continued to stare at me. “Oh fine,” I huffed, “I’ll go sit down on the fucking couch.”

“I’ve already told you that you aren’t leaving the room, so I don’t know why you keep trying,” she replied with that dry humor of hers, used only when she was irritated and/or pissed off with one of us. I think at this point I had gotten her not only pissed with me, but irritated as well. That was literally the third time I had triedescaping leaving.

I carefully sat myself down on the couch in the suite and leaned back, letting out a painful breath as my ribs readjusted themselves. I gingerly poked my torso and instantly regretted it: yep, I was still very tender from the beating Matt had given me. “Well, I figured the third time’s the charm,” I mumbled and grabbed the remote. There was a Spongebob Squarepants marathon on Nickelodeon, and I decided to numb my mind with the nonsensical cartoon.

Snorting, Val joined me on the couch. “And you were just gonna talk to Jimmy, huh?” I nodded my head and she shook hers. “Yeah, right. I know you’re on a mission to find Zack, and as long as I can control it, there will be no more fighting on this trip.”

“Come on Val, can you really blame me for wanting just a few shots at him?” I asked.

“You’re going to punish one of your best friends for your stupidity? That sounds really fucking low to me, Brian,” she retorted quickly, once again reminding me that my break up with Natalie was on my shoulders. Sighing to break the silence we’d lapsed into, Valary shifted in her seat next to me. “This is a bad fucking idea and totally goes against what I told you earlier,” she grumbled, “but I’m going to help you.”

I quirked an eyebrow at the woman who was essentially my sister and asked, “What are you talking about?”

Valary rolled her eyes at me and said, “Man, Matt must’ve really clocked you a good one; he’s knocked all the sense out of you, Haner. I’m talking about how I’m going to help you get Natalie back, even though I shouldn’t.”

“Why the sudden change of heart?” I queried. “It’s not that I’m ungrateful; I’m just curious.”

“As much as I believe that what you did was the epitome of stupidity, I don’t like seeing you unhappy, Brian,” she replied. “I know Natalie is who makes you happy, and I know you do the same for her. Such being case, I have decided I’m going to help you win her back.”

I sighed and stretched my arms out, hissing and bringing them back to my sides when my ribs shifted again. There was no doubt in my mind Matt had bruised, if not broken, a few of them. “Are you sure that’s even possible, Val?” I asked. “What I did is inexcusable; I don’t know if she’ll even consider taking me back.”

“Don’t even talk like that, Brian,” Valary scolded immediately. “Both you and I know that she still loves you. From here on out, it’s a matter of you making it up to her and showing her how much she means to you.” I still wasn’t sure if whatever Val had planned was going to work, and she must’ve been able to sense it. “Listen up and listen good, Haner,” she warned. “This is only going to work if you want it to. You have to truly want Natalie back, otherwise this will all be a waste of your time.”

“You know I will do anything to have her back,” I retorted. “That shouldn’t even be a question.”

Val pursed her lips and replied, “Then quit pitying yourself and acting like a pussy. ‘I don’t know if she wants me back.’ What kind of dumbass statement is that, Brian?!” I lowered my head in embarrassment and she added, “There’s no doubt you will continue to get shit for what you did, but you personally need to recognize your mistake and accept it. Be the man I know you are and get your woman back, Haner!”

It was then I realized that Valary was right and I needed to stop feeling bad for myself. Sure, I had fucked up, but now it was time to accept that and start working to make it right. “What do I need to do, Val?”

Giving me a warm smile, Val began, “Well, the first thing you should do is apologize. The fact remains that you hurt her, and a sincere apology is necessary for the rest of your actions to mean anything.”

“What if she doesn’t accept it?” I interrupted, earning myself a sigh.

“Odds are, Brian,” she said, “that she won’t accept your apology. It’s just the way we women are when we feel wronged. That doesn’t matter, though. You still need to apologize and you need to mean it. Nat might not accept it, but that apology will show her that you’ve recognized your mistake and you’re going to work to fix it.”

Nodding my head and shutting the TV off so I could focus, I repeated, “Apology. I was planning on attempting that anyways, so it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“This next part is what is going to be the hardest, but you cannot give up Brian, no matter how frustrating it is. You need to put yourself out there; you need to let her know you are going to do whatever it takes to win her back,” Valary instructed.

I raised an eyebrow in slight confusion and said slowly, “I was going to do that anyway…”

“What you don’t understand about this is that Natalie isn’t going to want you around,” Val explained. “She’s a woman scorned - once she’s done being hurt, she is going to be pissed. Nat is going to tell you to fuck off, and while you shouldn’t be overbearing, stalker-level aggressive, you cannot ever stop trying to make things right. If you back off even a tiny bit, it is going to appear to her that you don’t want to try and that you aren’t interested in fixing your relationship.”

The whole point of Valary’s plan finally dawning on me, I clarified, “So I need to do the opposite of what most people would do. Instead of ‘taking a break’ or ‘stepping away’ to allow us to clear our heads, I need to be persistent and start trying to fix my fuck up right away.”

Val smiled widely and nodded her head. “Exactly,” she affirmed. She then reached over and carefully hugged me. When she pulled away, Val looked in to my eyes. “It’s going to be tough, Brian. Nat is probably going to hit you more than a few times in the coming weeks, knowing her temper and how hurt she is, and she is going to be difficult to deal with. I know you can handle it, though. You two were made for each other, and no matter how difficult it will be, I know everything will work out.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, “for everything. I would be fucked, and not in a good way, without you, Val.”

Giving me another careful hug, Val replied, “What else are friends for?”

“Speaking of friends, everyone’s favorite has just entered the room!” Jimmy announced unexpectedly, making both Val and I laugh as he took a bow. He then took a seat in between Val and myself, giving me a once-over before letting out a low whistle. “Damn, Gates. You look as though you just weathered an M. Shadows-sized storm,” he appraised. I gave him a look and he let out a laugh, sliding his glasses up his nose when he had stopped. “I bet you hurt worse than you look, huh?”

“What do you think, Jim?” I crossly responded.

Jimmy held his hands up in defense and said, “Hey, I’m just making an observation. Seriously though, how are you feeling? Anything broken?”

Gingerly shrugging, I shook my head and replied, “I don’t think so. My ribs are what hurt the most and I’m thinking those are just bruised. As for my face… well, I’m just going to be very unattractive for a few weeks.”

“Ha, you can say that again!” Jimmy laughed, causing himself and Val to erupt in to a laughing fit at my expense. I scoffed and rolled my eyes, deciding just to wait out their laughter. “Okay, okay. I’m done making fun of you. You know I just had to do it, though, because what you did was supremely stupid, and you deserved the beating you received,” he explained when he had recaptured his breath.

“Yeah, I know. I’ve already heard this from Val, so you can skip the sermon.” Jimmy made a face in response to my snippy comment and an idea struck me. “So Jim, why don’t you instead fill me in on what happened after I left last night?”

“Oh, you mean beside Natalie having a breakdown and crying her eyes out?” he questioned. “Well, after you stomped off like a child, Natalie started bawling and insisting it wasn’t her fault. Matt, who was livid already, turned to Zack and asked what she was talking about; it was then that Zack admitted he had cornered Nat coming out of the bathroom and basically forced himself on her. Before anyone could react Matt punched Zack so hard in the face it broke his nose, and he spent the night in the hospital because he also suffered a very slight concussion. So just in case you’re looking for some revenge, don’t bother: Matt’s already taken care of it and we don’t need you screwing anything else up.”

I leaned back against the couch and let out a huge breath. Zack’s nose was broken and he had sustained a head injury. “Damn, and I thought I had it bad. At least Matt didn’t give me a concussion or break anything.”

“Yeah, so there’s no need for you to go about looking for vengeance either literally or figuratively. Zack got what he had coming,” Valarv added, giving me a warning glance.

“That’s fine, but you guys can’t seriously expect me to be okay with him. He forced himself on my girlfriend for Christ’s sake!” I exclaimed. “That’s just not something you do, whether you have a history with her or not.”

Jimmy nodded his head and agreed. “That’s understandable, and I certainly don’t expect everything to be peachy keen between you two,” he spoke. “All I’m trying to say is that don’t forget he is still one of your best friends, and you don’t want to further damage that through your own actions.”

No sooner than Jimmy finished speaking, Matt walked in the door with Johnny and a pale-looking Natalie in tow. Our eyes met in an instant, and I could see the pain from what I had done and from taking in my physical appearance in her gaze.

“What happened?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. I was surprised I had even heard it. “Matt, what did you do to him? Oh my God…” The tears started to fall and Val was on her feet within moments to wrap her up in a hug, Johnny lending his support as the two walked into the other room.

Matt turned to Jimmy and I, his face blank. “We’re gonna pack it up, guys. We have to get back to Huntington and finish getting ready for tour. Zack already knows, and he’s getting everything settled with the front desk. We leave in half an hour.”

The four hour drive that ensued was by far the worst of my entire lifetime. It took place even before all the days we spent riding in that crappy van when we first started the band, that’s how bad it was. Except for the music Matt had turned on and the occasional comment made by Valary about what we still needed for tour, silence filled the air. I had been slightly surprised when Zack climbed into the vehicle, his nose bandaged and his eyes bleary. He definitely looked worse than I anticipated. For civility’s sake, however, he sat in the back of the Escalade with Jimmy, and Johnny sat in between Nat and myself.

That was the most difficult part of the ride. No matter how much I tried, Natalie would hardly even look at me. Hell, she barely acknowledged the fact I rode in the same car as her. It didn’t seem right, though. I knew Natalie, and when she was pissed or hurt she let you know. She didn’t give you the silent treatment; she didn’t operate like that. I could tell she didn’t feel right acting that way, either. This behavior wasn’t hers, and I didn’t like it.

I hadn’t managed to get her to answer me by the time we reached Huntington. As we all piled out of the SUV, I made one last attempt. Walking up behind her as she began to pull her bag out of the back, I set my hand on her shoulder. “Natalie, please, can we just talk?” I asked. “That’s all I’m asking.”

Natalie inhaled and exhaled heavily, her body shaking as she did so. When she finally turned to face me, I could see that the tremors had been caused by the sobs she held back and the tears flooding her eyes. “Leave me alone, Brian. Just leave me alone,” she responded, dropping her bag to the ground and stepping away from me to run into the house.

I sat there dumbstruck as I tried to comprehend what just happened. The only time Natalie had ever told me to leave her alone the way she just did was before we got together, when she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. There was no way we had reverted back to that stage so quickly. We couldn’t have.

(Nat’s POV)

I hastily stripped my clothing off and stepped under the scalding water, trying to force the image of Brian’s face when I had told him to leave me alone from my mind. Those words held significant meaning in our relationship because the only time I’d ever used them had been when we truly were fighting and I hadn’t wanted anything to do with him. He and I both knew what those words meant for us, and that killed me. I had just effectively communicated to my boyfriend that I didn’t want him anymore, and it wasn’t even my choice to do so.