In My Dreams It's Me And You

“You’re acting like a child.”

I rolled my eyes at Valary’s statement and continued eating the French fries and chocolate shake in front of me. Dipping a fry into the shake and popping it into my mouth, I replied, “What makes you think that?” Val gave me a look that screamed, ‘Are you fucking kidding me?!’ and yanked my shake away from me. “Hey, I was eating that!”

“I don’t give a fuck, Natalie!” Val exclaimed. “It’s been three weeks now and you still haven’t talked to Brian.”

“That’s not true, I’ve - ”

The look Val gave me at that moment silenced me and I lowered my gaze. “Talking to him onstage for the fans does not count, Natalie, and you know it,” she reprimanded. “Why haven’t you allowed him to apologize yet?”

“You’re a woman, Val,” I reasoned. “I’ve been scorned and he needs to realize his mistake.”

Val let out an exasperated sigh and looked up at the roof of the bus. Shaking her head, she brought her gaze back to my level. “I think you’re taking it a little far, Nat. And besides, I thought you were only ignoring him for his safety?”

Shredding a French fry, I shrugged my shoulders and stated, “Yeah well, I also feel the need for a little retribution.”

It was true. My intentions at first were pure: I wanted to protect Brian from what Matt would do to him if I were to talk to him, and I still did want that. After some time had passed, though, I started to realize what he did to me was completely and utterly unfair. I will be fair and say that Brian did have a right to jump to conclusions like he did; the scene he walked in on definitely wasn’t one that screamed fidelity. What he didn’t have a right to do was wholly ignore my attempts to explain what happened and then tell me he was breaking up with me, which broke my heart in the process. As far as I was concerned, I was totally justified in my behavior toward him as of recently.

“Is this what this is about?” Val questioned. “Retribution? Revenge? You’ve got to be joking, Natalie. I can’t believe you’re passing up the chance to fix your relationship because you feel like you need vengeance against Brian.”

I glared at Val and responded, “I’m sorry if it’s not how you would go about things, but then again, this isn’t your relationship, is it?”

Disregarding my snotty comment, Val continued with what she had to say. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do - I’m just trying to help,” she explained. I scoffed and Val gave me a pointed look. “I’m just going to say this, and then I’m done. You’re lucky Brian has been trying as hard as he has; not all guys would. I don’t know how long that will last, though, Natalie. Brian’s a nice guy, but after a certain point, he’s going to get angry and then your relationship is really going to be fucked. Don’t push him past that point.”

With her peace said, Val walked away and off the bus, leaving me to sit by myself in the living area. I sighed and threw away the rest of my French fries, the verbal lashing I had just withstood putting an end to my appetite.

He’s going to get angry… Don’t push him past that point. Something inside told me that Val had a legitimate point and perhaps I was pushing the ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ thing a bit too far. Brian had been trying so hard to get me to talk to him and sooner or later, he was going to get fed up with my cold attitude. The way I saw it, I would rather have Matt extremely pissed off and Brian and I back together, rather than having Brian and I driven apart for good because I followed my cousin’s stupid advice.

Almost as though God himself had been listening to my thoughts, Brian walked out of the backroom and into the kitchen area. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, I got to my feet and joined Brian in the kitchen. Now or never, right?

“Hey,” I said, Brian turning around to look at me.

Brian narrowed his eyes at me and asked, “Oh, so you’re talking to me now?”

Taken aback but not surprised by his harsh tone, I replied, “I think it’s time we talked. It’s been almost a month now and things are getting a little out of hand.”

“You think it’s time we talked, huh?” he questioned, leaning against the sink and crossing his arms across his chest. One eyebrow was arched in curiosity but that curiosity only masked the resentment and frustration he harbored. I had to admit, if he didn’t look so intimidating at that moment, it would have been sexy. “You do know that I’ve been trying to apologize for the last three weeks, right?”

“I do know that,” I responded, nodding my head. “You have to understand - ”

“I don’t really feel like talking to you right now,” Brian interrupted, his menacing dark brown eyes boring into my hazel ones.

Eyes widening at his statement, I repeated, “You don’t want to talk to me.”

“I’ve spent the last three weeks trying to win my girlfriend back, but you’ve ignored me so many damn times that I’m just tired, Natalie. I’m fucking sick of expending so much energy on what appears to be a lost caused,” he declared.

Brian went to walk past me and I somehow managed to prevent him from doing so. “You’re telling me that you’ve spent the last three weeks trying to talk to me, and now that I want to talk, you don’t want to?” I asked incredulously.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, Natalie,” Brian answered. “I’ve tried so hard to apologize and I’m done with the rejection. Try asking next week; maybe I’ll want to talk then.”

Scoffing, I stepped out of Brian’s way and backed away from him. “Fuck this,” I spat. “I knew trying to talk to you was a bad idea.”

“Maybe if you hadn’t IGNORED me for the last month we wouldn’t be having this argument right now!” Brian countered, throwing his hands into the air.

“Well I’m sorry you fucking broke my heart and I needed time to mend, asshole!” I retorted. “I’m sorry I didn’t just go running back to your arms as soon as you decided to stop being a jerk!”

Brian followed me to the bunks and kept the string of insults flying. “Have you not heard anything I’ve tried to say to you over the course of the last few weeks? I’m sorry, okay? I never meant to hurt you and what I did was stupid; I kick myself for it every day. But oh wait, you’ve given me the cold shoulder every time I try to apologize, so it doesn’t surprise me that you don’t know how I feel.”

“You know what? Maybe we should just take a fucking break then, Brian,” I told him, turning around so we were face to face in the tiny hallway. “We obviously both have unresolved issues concerning what happened, and maybe we’d be able to communicate better if we weren’t so unsure of where we stand relationship-wise.”

Running a hand through his disheveled hair and letting out a breath, Brian closed his eyes as he thought about what I said. When he opened them again, I could see that he had calmed down and that in turn calmed me down. “Maybe you’re right,” he said quietly, our eyes meeting. “We’ve been under a lot of stress and things have just been really tense since what happened in Vegas.” I looked down at the floor of the bus and Brian grabbed my hands in his, holding them between us. “It’s just a break, though, right?” he asked. “We’re not breaking up?”

“Well according to what you screamed at me in Vegas, we’re already - ”

“You know I didn’t mean that,” Brian cut me off. “I was drunk and upset; what I said was stupid and you know I’d never say something like that and mean it.”

“Then we aren’t breaking up. Taking a break, yes. Breaking up, no,” I responded, looking up at him.

Brian sighed and pulled me against his body. I wrapped my arms around him and Brian kissed the top of my head, rubbing my back gently as he held me. “ I wish it hadn’t come to this, but it’s for the best,” he said when we separated, his hands still resting on my hips as I stood at arm’s length.

“I know,” I agreed. “As long as we communicate I think we’ll be okay, Bri. I guess we just need some time apart, though.”

“No arguing?” Brian proposed, making me smile.

“No arguing,” I assured him.