In My Dreams It's Me And You

(Brian’s POV)

I watched in silence as Natalie gathered the clothes I’d haphazardly tossed to the floor last night. She took her time in redressing, seeing as how someone walking in on us was both highly unlikely and of little concern at this point. When Natalie finished putting her clothes on she walked over to where I still lay in bed and pressed a chaste kiss to my cheek. My silence continued as she walked toward the door, offered me a sad smile, and left the room.

Remaining in the bed, where the warmth of Natalie’s body could still be felt, for only a few moments longer, I attempted to regain my composure. Exposing my inner feelings hadn’t been part of the game plan, nor had crying; I had definitely not planned on crying in front her. I couldn’t change what had come to pass, though, and in all honesty, I wouldn’t even if given the chance. It might not have been my intent, but coming clean with Natalie about my jealousy and insecurity was a necessary evil. There was nothing to hide now, and the way I saw it, things could only get better between us because of the heart-to-heart conversation we’d unexpectedly shared.

There was still one piece of unfinished business I needed to tend to, however. My friendship and bond with Zack had paid dearly for my foolishness and while he, too, had played a part in all of this, I couldn’t continue treating him the way I had been. If I wanted our friendship - which was truly more like a bond between brothers - to survive, as well as my tattered relationship with Natalie, I needed to come clean with him.

I leaned over the side of the bed and reached for my jeans, which lay in a disorganized pile with the rest of my clothing. Digging out my cell phone, I dialed Zack’s number. “How’s the hangover treating you?” I asked humorously when he slurred a ‘hello’ into the receiver.

“Gates?” he asked, sounding surprised. He obviously hadn’t looked at his phone when he picked it up. There was shuffling on his end and I heard the unmistakable sound of Aspirin being ingested after a night of hardcore drinking before he spoke up again. “What’s up, bro?”

Having him treat me like I hadn’t been a total asshole the last two months only made me more guilty. Sighing, I responded, “There’s something I need to talk to you about, Z. If you’re up for it I’ll meet you in the lobby in ten minutes.” Zack told me he’d meet me there and I hung up, flopping back on the bed once I’d done so. This was the first move I was taking in fixing my relationship with Natalie and I prayed that it wasn’t going to blow up in my face, although I have to admit I would deserve it.

I took only a few minutes to put on last night’s clothing and rake my fingers through the mess I called my hair before trotting out of my room to the elevator. Upon landing on the first floor I made my way to the lobby, only to find Zack already waiting for me. He offered me a knowing smile as I joined him at a table. “I take it you had a great night, huh?” he inquired with a smile. I gave him a curious look and he responded, “I ran into Natalie on the way down here; she had the same dopey, lovesick look in her eyes that you do. It’s good to see.” Smiling at the good vibes I was getting from my best friend, I thanked him for the encouragement. “Not a problem, man. I do want to know why you two aren’t still upstairs, though.”

“We’ve talked about everything that’s happened the last two months, but we’re not okay yet,” I told him, his face dropping slightly at the news. “And honestly, one night isn’t going to fix all the things that we’ve said and done to each other, as much as I wish it would.”

Zack looked down at the table and sighed. “I’m really sorry, Brian,” he said when he brought his eyes back to mine. “I don’t know what the Hell I was thinking when I did what I did in Vegas, but I truly regret it and all the turmoil it’s caused. Never in a million years would I want to jeopardize my friendship with both you and Natalie, and I apologize for doing so. My actions are inexcusable, drunken or not.”

“Thank you, Zack. That means a lot to me.”

“Apologizing is the least I can do after I essentially destroyed your guys’ relationship,” he answered.

Taking in a deep breath, I replied, “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, bro. I won’t lie: what happened between Natalie and I is somewhat your fault, and I do still blame you on some level; however, I can’t continue to treat you as though the entire situation is your fault. The truth of the matter is I over-reacted because I’m an insecure asshole whose fears about his relationship caused him to automatically assume the worse and then use the situation as a scapegoat for his actions.”

Zack gave me an inquisitive look. “What do you have to be insecure about, Brian? Natalie is in love with you and it’s blindingly obvious.”

“I know that,” I said as I let out a heavy breath. I was quickly getting to the point of my asking him here, and confessing to Zack my insecurities was going to be easier said than done. I needed to follow through with my decision, though. “I know Natalie is in love with me, but in some part of my mind, there’s still the thought that she might still have romantic feelings for you. I’m absolutely terrified that she will leave me for you and that fear is what caused me to act the way I did that night in Vegas. It’s certainly no excuse, but it’s the truth.

“As for how I’ve treated you, my best friend… Zack, I know you still have feelings for Natalie; what you did in Las Vegas is evidence enough of that. It infuriated me that you took advantage of her when she was drunk and that anger, coupled with my paranoia, was enough to make me treat you like shit. In a way, I still feel that you deserved my immediate reaction. You did nothing but try and make amends afterwards, though, and I stubbornly continued to treat you like dirt. Our friendship has suffered because of me and my irrational behavior, and I’m truly sorry for that. I can only hope that the bond we share, which is more like a bond between brothers, will survive and that you will accept my apology.”

Closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair, Zack absorbed my words. He let out a heavy breath and reopened his eyes to look into mine. “You’re right when you say I still have feelings for Nat; I won’t deny that,” he admitted. “Somewhere in my mind I thought I still had one chance at winning her back, at regaining her love, and I’m almost certain that delusion, paired with the insanely stupid amount of alcohol I’d consumed that night, is what drove me to kiss her in that hallway.

“I was wrong, Brian. I had no chance at all,” Zack continued. “The kiss only lasted a moment before you arrived, but even in that split second I could tell that the feelings Natalie once had for me are gone. If I could, I would go back and make it so I would never know that, if it meant that I had never put your relationship in harm’s way. I would live the rest of my life wondering ‘What if?’ and wondering if she still has feelings for me if it meant that kiss, and all its consequences, never happened.”

“Those feelings you have for her… they’re still there, aren’t they? Despite the fact you know Natalie doesn’t share them.” I knew the answer to my question, but I needed to hear Zack say it.

Zack nodded his head, maintaining eye contact with me. “They are, and I’m not ashamed of that,” he answered. “It’s cliché as fuck, but I would rather have loved and lost Nat than never have loved her at all. She’s an amazing girl, Brian, and I’m sure I’ll always have feelings for her. They’ll undoubtedly fade over time, but they’ll always be there.” His jade green eyes appraised my features and he offered a small smile. “You want to know if I’ll make a move on her after this?” It was more of a statement than a question, but I nodded my head anyway. Zack sighed deeply. “I might still have feelings for Nat, but I’m not stupid or blind, Brian. I know she’s in love with you, and all I want is for her to be happy. I wish it was me that makes her happy, but it’s not. I think I can live with the fact that the person who does is my best friend, though. At least I know she’s in good hands. Which brings me to my last and final point: If you ever do something stupid like break up with her or break her heart again, Matt will be the least of your worries.”

“Understood,” I responded, making Zack smile. Running my hands through my hair again, I asked, “I hate to sound like a girl, but are we okay?”

Zack stood from the table and I joined him. He offered me his hand, which I gladly accepted, and pulled me into a brief hug - yet another gesture I more than happily returned. “Life’s too short for regrets or grudges, Gates. In my eyes, all is forgiven.”