In My Dreams It's Me And You

“Umm, Natalie… Are you okay?”

I could hear Zack’s voice through the door of the bathroom and I tried my hardest to contain the bile rising in my throat, but failed miserably. Coughing up the last of the food I had eaten last night, I reached for the handle on the toilet and flushed it before leaning against the bowl.

Low murmuring voices were audible outside and then there was a knock at the door. “Hey, are you okay?” Brian poked his head inside the room and when I grunted in response, he opened the door more fully and entered the bathroom before shutting the door again. He was by my side in an instant, a cool rag in hand. I could feel him pulling me away from the toilet and into his lap as he leaned against the opposite wall and gently wiped at my mouth. When he was done he threw the rag to the side and wrapped his arms around my body, his hands resting over my uneasy stomach.

“I guess I went a little crazy with the Chinese food last night,” I joked, trying to make light of the situation. My body didn’t take kindly to the attempt and for a brief moment I felt as though I would be sick again.

Brian apparently didn’t enjoy the joke so much, either. “This is the third day in a row, Natalie. Are you sure something isn’t wrong?” he asked, concern making his brown eyes glitter.

Turning around in his arms, I smoothed out the crease between his furrowed eyebrows with the pad of my finger and then rested my head against his chest. “Everything is fine, Bri,” I answered. “If anything, it’s just a stomach bug.” I could have sworn I heard him mumble “I’m not so sure” but I chose not to comment. “So is there a reason you and Zack were creeping in my hotel room at seven in the morning in Leeds?” I questioned, changing the direction of the conversation.

Brian adjusted me so I was sat sideways in his lap and rested one hand on my hip and the other on my knee. “Actually, yeah, there is,” he responded. “You know how Matt’s throat has been bothering him since last week, after the show in Germany?” My cheeks reddened at the thought of Germany and Brian caught on quickly. “And after we… you know… Well, he woke up this morning with pretty much no voice. Our lead singer is a fucking mute as of right now. He’s consulted both his doctors and they recommend he take a break.”

“But that means we’ll have to cancel our shows in Leeds and Reading!” I exclaimed. “We can’t do that, Brian. We can’t do that to our fans.”

Sighing, Brian nodded his head in understanding. “I know how you feel, Natalie, but his doctors said if he doesn’t stop talking, let alone singing, he won’t be doing either very shortly. They think he might have cysts on his vocal chords and the only way they’ll go away is if he stops aggravating them.”

“That doesn’t leave us with much of a choice, does it?” I asked sadly. Brian shook his head and I sighed. “I guess we should let the fans know; I’m sure once they know what’s going on they’ll understand why we’re canceling.”

“Zack and a few others are already on it,” Brian told me. “We’re posting it on our MySpace and wherever else we can get it.”

I went to respond to that when my stomach churned and I hiccupped. Pulling away from Brian’s embrace, I crawled to the toilet and threw my head over the bowl, very little actually coming up. I continued to dry heave for a minute or so, Brian gathering my hair away from my face and rubbing my back in a soothing manner all the while. When I knew I was done I sat up straight and wiped my mouth with the rag Brian had thrown away. The nausea was finally past for the morning, and I let out a grateful sigh.

“Maybe you should go to the doctor,” Brian suggested as he once again pulled me into his lap. “Even if it’s nothing serious, it’d still be a good idea to get checked out.”

Closing my eyes as I rested comfortably against his body, I shook my head. “Honestly, I’m fine, Brian,” I reassured him. “This happens every time I eat too much Chinese.”

Brian laced his fingers with mine and placed our joined hands over my now calm stomach. “Okay, but what about the two days before that? We didn’t have any foreign food the nights before that; in fact, we had McDonald’s.”

“Which is a fast food joint that isn’t exactly known for having the healthiest food in the world,” I countered. Wrapping fully his arms around me, I snuggled closer to Brian and tucked my head under his chin. “I promise I’m okay, Bri,” I whispered. “I’m recovering from not having drank any alcohol in over a week, and eating some crappy food on top of that. Once I get this all out of my system I’ll be okay.” Brian grumbled something about me being too stubborn, but kissed the top of my head anyway. “Now that I’m done puking, could you please take me back to my bed? If we’re not performing tonight and don’t have anything to do today, I would really like to sleep.”

Brian shifted beneath me and I could feel him getting ready to stand up. “And just how do you propose I get you to your bed?” he asked.

“Carry me?” I asked, putting on my best pouty face.

Scoffing, Brian responded, “What do I look like, your slave?” He carefully tucked one arm under my body and one arm behind my back before climbing to his feet despite his words.

Without thinking, I laughed, “You’re my boyfriend, it’s essentially the same thing.” I gasped and slapped my hands over my mouth when I realized what I’d said, Brian stopped in his tracks and staring at me in shock. “I’m so sorry, I just… it came out so naturally, it was a reflex,” I mumbled, the heat rushing to my face as my embarrassment kicked in. I covered my face with my hands and groaned when Brian cleared his throat and began walking toward my bed again.

“It’s okay,” he assured me as he gently set me down. I burrowed under the covers and peeked my head out from under them. “Do you want me to…”

I realized he was asking me if I wanted him to stay and I blushed again. “I guess, you know, if you want to, it’d be okay. You don’t have to, though,” I stuttered, feeling stupid at how nervous I was. Since when was I nervous around Brian?

Brian gave me the half-smile he used when he was unsure of himself, a smile I’d seen only but a few times when we were in private, and said, “It’s not a problem for me to stay if you want me to. I don’t have anywhere else to be but in my bed, so…”

“Could you please stay?” I asked timidly. We were technically still on a break and I didn’t want to risk rushing into anything again, but I wasn’t quite sure whether or not cuddling would be considered ‘rushing things’.

My concerns were obviously unnecessary, as Brian immediately smiled and responded, “Of course I can, baby girl.” With zero hesitation he pulled off the tee shirt he was wearing and crawled on to the bed, settling down next to me on the mattress. We both lay on our sides, looking at each other in silence. His brown eyes searched my hazel ones and I knew he was uncertain of his next move. Deciding to take a leap of faith, I closed the gap between us and pressed myself against him, nuzzling my face into his chest and inhaling the comforting scent of his body. Brian instantly wrapped an arm around my waist, drawing my body even closer to his.

“I love you,” I whispered, closing my eyes and holding my breath as I waited for Brian to react. I had gone out on a limb, exposing my feelings even when I wasn’t sure he was ready to do the same.

Running a hand up my back to thread his fingers through my hair, Brian tilted my head up and kissed me. Our lips met seamlessly, neither of us missing a beat in the passionate lip lock we were engaged in. When he pulled away from me, Brian’s eyes were half-lidded and the smile on his face was pure contentment. “I love you too, baby.”

(Brian’s POV)

“How’s Nat doing?” Jimmy asked as he, Zack, and myself walked into a local Starbucks to pick up drinks for the group.

I walked us up to the line and stuck my hands in my pockets, sighing as I stared at the tiled floor. “She’s just fine now. Once she gets it all out of her system in the morning, she is totally okay the rest of the day,” I answered.

“What do you mean, once she gets it out of her system?” Zack questioned. “This morning wasn’t the first time?”

Shaking my head, I said, “No. Natalie has woken up sick to her stomach the last three days.” Jim asked me how I knew this and none of them rest of them did, and I responded, “I know when she’s been sick, Jimmy; I notice those things about her. That, and she always gets sick very early in the morning, so you all are usually still sleeping when she gets up to go to the bathroom on the bus.”

“So that’s what that noise is,” Jimmy pondered. “And all this time I just thought it was Johnny tossing his cookies after a night of drinking.”

Zack laughed and stepped forward when the line moved. “Short Shit doesn’t sound that delicate when he’s throwing up,” he countered. “With Johnny Christ, it’s all or nothing.” The three of us had a good laugh at that, and then it was our turn to order. I asked for a double chocolate chip crème for Natalie and another for myself before letting Jimmy and Zack order the rest. We quickly paid and then stood off to the side, waiting for our coffees. “In all seriousness, though, does Natalie know what’s been making her sick?”

“She thinks it’s a combination of a lack of alcohol and crappy food,” I told him.

Jimmy pushed his black-rimmed glasses up his nose and studied me. “You don’t sound like you believe that,” he observed. I shrugged my shoulders. “What’s up, Gates? What do you think is wrong with her?”

“I don’t think anything is wrong with her,” I retorted, picking at the frayed edge of my tee shirt. Chewing on my bottom lip, I added, “I just think there’s another reason for her being sick.”

“Which is…?” Zack trailed off, looking at me expectantly. Jimmy, on the other hand, looked like he’d had an epiphany.

“Oh my sweet baby Jesus, you think she’s pregnant!” he exclaimed, a goofy grin covering his face as he burst into maniacal laughter. I smacked his arm and told him to be quiet, Jimmy’s laughter calming down into dispersed giggles here and there. When he finally regained his breath, Jimmy pushed his glasses up his nose again and looked at me. “Well, am I right?” he asked. “Do you think she’s preggo with your ego?”

Our order was called and Zack quickly gathered the drinks before leading us outside, clearly anticipating my answer to Jimmy’s question. When we began walking back to the bus I knew the pressure was on to give my opinion. “Honestly? I’m not sure,” I confessed. “I know I didn’t use protection that night, but that wouldn’t be the first time. Natalie has been on the pill throughout the duration of our relationship, so we never had to worry about it. As far as I know, she’s still taking it.”

Jimmy nodded in acknowledgment and scratched his chin. “Does Nat know you think she might be pregnant?”

I scoffed and said, “We’re not exactly in a stable relationship right now, Jim, so I’m pretty sure being pregnant with my child is the last thing on Natalie’s mind. Besides, I’m probably just worrying about nothing anyway. She does get pretty sick whenever she eats a ton of junk food, so that could easily be the answer to her sickness.”

Zack jumped back into the conversation then, asking, “Are you gonna suggest it to her, though? There’s always the possibility that she is pregnant, and if she is, it’d be best to know as soon as possible.”

“Guys, just drop it,” I sighed. “It was stupid of me to suggest it anyway. I mean, last week was the first time in almost two months that we had sex. There’s no way she’d already be feeling the effects of being pregnant in just one week, is there?”

“How would we know?” Jimmy asked. “We’re not doctors, and we’re certainly not women, who seem to know more about this than men do.”

I stopped outside the tour bus, rounding on two of my best friends. “The point is, Natalie is sick right now, and none of us actually know why. I think it’s best we keep our speculation to ourselves and instead be there to help her feel better.”

“What would you say if Nat was pregnant?”

“Jimmy, I’m seriously going to hurt your lanky ass!” I exclaimed, slapping my palm to my forehead and dragging it down my face. Jimmy looked unimpressed and I huffed. Lowering my voice to a whisper, I said, “While I want us to get to that point some day, I just don’t know if we’re ready for children. But if it turned out she really was pregnant… I’d be ecstatic.”

Grinning like the madman that he was, Jimmy slapped me on the back and said, “Good to hear, bro! I was just making sure you wouldn’t duck out on her.” Abruptly changing the subject, he then added, “Alright, we have two sick Sanders on this bus, and I say we come to their rescue with some good old fashioned caffeine!”