In My Dreams It's Me And You

(Nat’s POV)

“Oh my God, I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to be home in my entire life,” I groaned as I set foot on the pavement outside Matt’s driveway. After a transatlantic flight from England to the JFK International Airport, we then flew across the US to LAX, and from Los Angeles we drove all the way to Huntington Beach. Needless to say, it was a long journey home.

Johnny, who was stood next to me, agreed. “Touring the world is fucking amazing, but there’s nothing like coming home.” I smiled at his words and decided he was right: I had definitely enjoyed my time on the road with the boys - all fights, drama, and illnesses aside - but knew that I would also relish being at home and being able to relax.

“So are you just gonna stand there and stare, or are you gonna go inside?” Brian teased, handing me my carryon while he held one of my heavier bags that didn’t have wheels to roll on. Our hands brushed against each other and I felt the electricity pass between us, but didn’t say anything. Brian and I hadn’t discussed the state of our relationship any further than the interaction we’d had while in Reading, so even though we were now able to talk to each other again without fighting, things were still a bit uncomfortable when it came to physical contact.

Having my stomach rumble in hunger, I laughed, “I think my stomach has decided that for me. I just hope there is some decent food in the house because I’m not really in the mood for take-out tonight.”

Brian and I walked together after the others up the driveway and to the house. I could tell there was something on his mind that he wanted to talk to me about, and I had more than a feeling that I knew what it was. Not wanting to bring the subject up myself, I waited for him to do so, and I didn’t wait very long. Clearing his throat, Brian lowered his voice to a whisper and asked, “How are you feeling?”

I sighed and thought about my answer. This week made four weeks that I’d been sick nearly every morning, and five weeks since I’d stopped drinking alcohol. Thoughts of pregnancy had started crossing my mind, but I immediately dispelled them. It was true Brian hadn’t used protection the one night we spent together in Germany (although his lack of protection with me was nothing new), but I was and had been on birth control throughout the duration of our relationship and afterwards. I knew that the pill was only 99.9% effective, but I had faith that that 0.01% room for error was something I wouldn’t need to worry about.

“I’m still a bit queasy, but I think that might be from riding in the car for so long as opposed to my normal reason,” I finally answered. Brian nodded his head in understanding and I felt the need to elaborate. “I wasn’t really all that sick this morning,” I continued. “I didn’t feel as horrible when I woke up, and I didn’t throw up for as long either. I think I’m starting to get better.”

Brian gave me a half smile and I wondered if he believed me when I said I thought I was getting better. “I’m glad to hear that,” he said as we walked through the front door and into the foyer. He dropped both his bags and mine to the floor and turned to face me. “Four weeks is still a really long time to be sick like this, so maybe it’s something other than food poisoning…”

My heart rate skyrocketed at his words and the way he trailed off. Did Brian think I was pregnant? And if I was, what would he do? What would I do? I loved Brian, there was no doubt about that, but I didn’t believe we were ready for children, especially at this point in our relationship. That’s not to say I wouldn’t be ecstatic about the news, but Brian’s reaction is what I was worried about. We’d only discussed children once - when Brian confessed that he wanted to marry me and have children with me - but that by no means meant so soon would we want to start a family.

Collecting my thoughts, I replied, “I’m sure it’s fine, Brian. It’s probably a combination of food poisoning and nonstop action, so now that we’re home and I can eat normal food and get enough rest, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“I still think maybe you should go to a doctor - ”

“I’m fine, Brian,” I cut him off, a little more harshly than I’d intended. The look on his face told me he hadn’t expected such a feisty answer either, and I frowned. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, “I didn’t mean to sound so bitchy.”

In a slightly surprising move, Brian tentatively reached out and pulled me against him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my cheek against his chest as he wound his muscular, colorful arms around my entire upper body. “It’s okay,” he sighed. “I didn’t mean to push the issue; I guess I just worry too much.”

I chuckled and murmured, “There’s no such thing as worrying too much about someone you care about. Well, unless you become obsessive: then it’s just crazy.”

Brian laughed loudly at my attempt to lighten the mood and sighed happily as he regained composure. Mission accomplished on my part. He placed a kiss on the top of my head and held me closer. “I love you, Natalie,” he reminded me, making my heart flutter. We might not have been in a solid relationship, but Brian made it his goal to remind me every day of how he felt about me.

“I love you too, Bri.”

Val’s hazel eyes stared relentlessly into my own as we sat cross-legged facing each other on Brian’s bed. A look of contemplation defined her features and I knew I was in for another of her infamous interrogation sessions. Her lips tipped up into a knowing smile and I sighed in response. “So…” she began, placing her hands on her knees as she rocked back and forth slowly, looking around Brian’s room. All my stuff had been brought up here and I knew she was analyzing that fact. Bringing her gaze back to me Val quirked an eyebrow, a smile still on her lips. “Things between you and Gates must be getting better, huh?”

Not able to deny that specific statement, I nodded my head and replied, “Yeah, they’re definitely better than they were before the start of this tour.”

“And I take it you’ll be staying his bedroom, seeing as how all your stuff is here?” she asked. Val knew about Matt’s proposal of me moving out of Brian’s room once we got home from tour, but that had happened before Brian and I had started really working things out. At one point in time it seemed like a reasonable idea, but since we had started mending our relationship, I wasn’t so sure.

“I’m not sure,” I responded uncertainly, causing Val to look at me in confusion. “At one point it seemed like I would have moved out of here for sure. We’re definitely not in that place anymore, but that doesn’t mean our relationship is back to where it was before everything happened.”

Val considered my statement. She then asked, “Do you want to continue rooming with Brian? Do you think it would help or hurt the effort to mend your relationship?”

I groaned and said, “Damn, Valary! Why aren’t you a fucking therapist or something; you sure sound like one.”

“Thanks Nat, but quit avoiding the question,” Val answered. I found her staring me down yet again and I knew she was serious about this conversation; she believed in us and wanted us to work this out. “Do you feel like you should be with Brian in this way, or not just yet?”

What did I feel about this situation? I knew that Brian would be okay - no, he would be thrilled about the prospect, but he would only show that once he’d seen that I was on board. I also knew that Brian and I were well on our way to the conversation we needed to have: whether or not we could be that great couple that we were before everything went to hell. When looked at from that perspective, it only made sense that I stayed in Brian’s room. In fact, it seemed as though if I moved out, it would negatively effect all the progress Brian and I had made.

“I want to stay here in this room with him,” I finally admitted. “I feel like if I move to my own room it’ll only hurt all the work we’ve done.”

Grinning, Val continued with her line of questioning. “How do you think Brian feels about this? Do you think he’ll agree with you?”

Shrugging my shoulders, a tiny smile played on my lips. “I guess I’ll just have to ask him and find out.”

I had a feeling Val knew I knew he would more than agree with me, but she kept it to herself. “Well then, I guess I should get out of here so you and Haner can finally properly make up,” she giggled, making me blush. She laughed and said, “I’ll send Brian up. I love you girly, and I’m so glad you and Brian are going to make this work.”

Reaching across to give the woman who was practically my sister a hug, I said, “I love you too, Val. You have no clue how much your support means to me.”

Val pulled away and replied, “I know you’d do the same for me. Besides, you and Brian really do belong together. I’m only trying to make sure you two realize that.” She then climbed off the bed and exited the room, her excited footsteps reaching my ears as she ran down the hall and down the stairs. I knew she hadn’t been lying when she said she’d send Brian up, and I knew she was expecting us to be back together the next time she saw us. I only hoped that the conversation Brian and I were about to have would turn out that way.

Not even two minutes later Brian walked through the door, gently shutting it behind him. I was still in the same place in the same position that Val had left me and Brian offered me a smile as he sat down on the bed next to me.

“There’s still some spaghetti downstairs if you’d wanna go get some,” he offered, knowing I hadn’t really eaten too much dinner before I’d come upstairs.

I shook my head and answered, “Maybe in a little bit.” Brian conceded and his dark brown eyes bore into my hazel ones. “We should talk, Bri,” I said. Sighing heavily, I placed my hands in my lap. “I know I promised you that I wouldn’t give up on us, that we would get back together. At that time I didn’t think we were ready for another relationship; we needed more time to heal.”

Brian watched me expectantly and agreed, “You were right. It was the right thing to do in that situation. But things have changed, and I still love you Natalie. I love you so much it fucking hurts, and I’m tired of being afraid to tell you that. I’m tired of not falling asleep next to you every night and not waking up next to you every morning. I’m tired of not being able to wrap my arms around you or put my arms around you like I used to. I’m tired of not being able to call you mine.

“I know that maybe this is moving a little too fast, but I want us to be together again. I can’t and I won’t handle one more day apart from you, Natalie Sanders. Please, for the sake of my heart and my sanity, please take me back. Please be mine again.”

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes and I crawled across the bed into Brian’s lap, throwing my arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his hands in my hair, cradling my head as I buried my face in the crook of his neck. “Yes,” I whimpered, knowing that that was all Brian needed to hear. No words were necessary from that point on because we knew, deep in our hearts, that so much more would be explained through our actions.