In My Dreams It's Me And You

Val watched me with troubled hazel eyes. “The fact that you’re worried and not excited about this makes me worried,” she admitted and I instantly felt guilty at her words.

I bit at the manicured tip of my index finger and flinched when Val swatted my hand away; I just had them done yesterday as her treat to me after Brian and I announced our engagement. “Sorry,” I murmured, dropping my hands to my lap. From there, I proceeded to pick at the frayed edges of my destroyed jeans. “I’m just nervous as hell.”

“Well, we need to look at this situation rationally,” Val responded. “First of all, do you guys use protection other than your birth control?” I felt the heat rush to my face and Val rolled her eyes. “That’s answer enough for me. Okay. How late are you, then?”

Calculating the math in my head, I sheepishly answered, “I was supposed to get my period the week after we left Germany, so about four weeks.”

Val’s eyes widened in shock and her jaw dropped in astonishment. “Are you kidding me, Natalie?” she asked incredulously. “Four weeks, and you’re just now starting to think you’re pregnant?”

“Not just now,” I defended myself. “I had the thought cross my mind, but at first I just thought maybe my body was still out of wack from tour and everything that went down.”

Shaking her head, Val couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face. “If you’re not pregnant it’ll be a miracle… especially with all the baby-making you and Gates have done since you got back together,” she snickered.

Chucking the pillow next to me at Val’s face, I retorted, “It’s not funny, Valary! This is extremely important.” Val continued to smile, and even laugh at me, and I crossed my arms over my chest. “Seriously, Val! I’m so worried right now, it’s ridiculous.”

“Why are you so worried, hunny?” she questioned. “As far as I know, Brian would be ecstatic that you’re carrying his demon spawn.”

Unconsciously lifting my finger to my lips, I lowered it before Val could swat my hand again. “Yeah, but this soon?” I came back.

Val sighed. “Natalie, you have to remember that both you and Brian, and all of us really, with the exception of Johnny, are only a few years off from being 30. Don’t you think that’s just the right age to start a family?” I didn’t have an answer to that and Val sighed again. “I’ve known Brian almost my whole life and he’s really changed in the last year, Nat. I never thought I’d say this about him, but I think Brian is finally ready to settle down and start his own family.”

I took a deep breath and considered what Val said; it made sense, and she did have credibility in saying what she did. And if I had to be truthful, I knew my anxiety was uncalled for and that Val was right: Brian would more than likely be ecstatic about the news. There was still the chance that he wouldn’t be happy about it, though, and that idea - that Brian might not want me to be pregnant so soon - is what had me so scared.

“I suppose the first thing we should do is find out if I’m even pregnant at all,” I suggested and Val snorted.

“Hunny, I’m almost positive you are,” she responded, “but I knew you’d want more reassurance than that, so I came prepared.” Val produced a home testing kit and I raised an eyebrow at her. “What?” she shrugged. “I had a feeling this is what you wanted to talk to me about, so I quick ran out and bought a few different tests.”

Shaking my head, I laughed a little nervously and told her, “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Valary.”

“See? What did I tell you?!” Val exclaimed, grabbing my shoulders for balance as she peeked over them to read the three positive tests I held in my head.

I blew out a shaky breath and let a smile creep onto my face as I set the tests on the bathroom counter. “I’m going to be a mommy,” I whispered, gingerly placing my hands over my stomach. I met Val’s eyes in the mirror and my growing excitement made her smile as well.

“At least you’re not overly surprised,” she giggled, and I slapped her playfully on the cheek. Val laughed and proceeded to turn me around to hug me tightly. “I’m so excited for you, Nat. I just hope you share that excitement; this is a great gift for you and Brian.”

Letting out a deep breath, I smiled and nodded my head. “I’m still nervous,” I admitted, “but this is real now, and I’m excited. I just don’t know how or when to tell Brian.”

Val nodded her head in understanding. “The time will come and you’ll know when, Nat. You obviously can’t wait too long, but you don’t have to tell him today, either. Take a few days to let the news sink in for you, because this is life-changing for you even more so than Brian. You’re the one who has to carry this baby inside of you for the next nine months, it’s your body you’re sacrificing, and you should have some time to adjust to that idea.”

The reality of Val’s words quickly sunk in and I realized she had a point: having to carry this child was going to be life-altering for me no matter Brian’s reaction, and I owed it to myself and my unborn child to take time and acclimate to that truth. Besides that, I was sure that once I myself had time to digest the news that my irrational fears about Brian’s reaction would dissipate and I’d be able to think clearly.

“You’re right, Val,” I told her, a content smile gracing her lips at the admission. “I think I’m gonna take a few days to work through my feelings and then tell Brian.” I stopped for a moment and then asked, “Do you think I should schedule a doctor’s appointment to make sure I’m really pregnant?”

“I honestly don’t think three tests can be wrong,” Val replied, “but getting a professional’s word on it can’t hurt.”

“Will they be able to tell how far along I am?”

Nodding her head affirmatively, Val said, “Yeah, I’m fairly certain they will.” Val gave me a curious look and asked, “Are you thinking of asking Brian to go along?” I told her yes, and she said, “That’s a good idea.”

Biting my lip nervously, I questioned, “Are you sure? What I was thinking is that I’d tell him about how I thought I might be pregnant so I took the tests, and they came out positive, but I am going to the doctor to make sure, and then - depending on his reaction - ask him to go along.”

Val rested a reassuring hand on my shoulder, an encouraging smile on her face. “That sounds perfect, hun.” I heaved a sigh of relief and smiled gratefully. I meant to get up and leave Valary to start actually getting ready for the day when she pulled me back. A knowing smile was on her face as she told me, “And seriously, Nat? Don’t worry about Brian; I think he’ll surprise you… but that should be no surprise to you.”