Mirrors

He sighed, "Avery, you're pregnant."

I stared hard at him.

"Wait...what?"

I shook my head and gave a loud laugh that quickly became an uneasy one. "No. That can't be. I can't be."

"I was checking through my files and the last time you were here for your check up, which was a couple weeks ago, my nurse took down notes. You didn't have your period last month. It's April 9th now, and you're very late, so I went ahead and ordered a test since we already had your urine sample. It's positive."

"Positive that I'm not pregnant." I knotted my fingers. He just stared at me. I stammered, "I just don't...I don't know what to...do, or say."

"I think it's best that we take an ultrasound to determine how far along you are, my guess is around the six week mark, but a transvaginal ultrasound will determine that. And I can start you on prenatal vitamins too if you'd like." He took out his pen and his prescription pad.

I was in shock as I stared down at my hands, visibly trembling. Pregnant.

"Avery?"

Blankly I looked up at him, "Yeah okay...we'll do an ultrasound."

"I'll order one now." He spoke, glancing up at me often while he took his phone and pressed a few buttons, murmuring into it and telling them to get a room ready for me. And all the while, my mind raced, images of babies, the memories of the fight that Hudson and I had over this. How could this happen? I promised him we'd wait. I could feel my stomach knot the more I considered everything, what if...what if it wasn't Hudson's? What if?

My breath hitched and I felt sick, I buried my face in my hands. "No, no, no."

Wagner watched me from across his desk and closed his eyes for a moment, sighing. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk, clasping his hands. "Avery? Do you need to talk?"

I looked to my right, out the window and struggled to find something to say. "I...just don't know how Hudson will take this." I muttered, trying my hardest to keep from crying.

He watched me for a moment and turned his eyes down to his desk, probably understanding why Hudson wouldn't take it well.

Tears escaped and I sobbed, "I cheated on him. What if it isn't Hudson's?"

Again, staring at me, he took in a breath and began, "First we should determine how far along you are. If you can remember when the occurrence happened, we might be able to rule out who the father is. And if not, there's always genetic testing, but you may need time to consider that and to learn more about it."

I balled up my fists and breathed deeply, trying to compose myself. The intercom on his phone went off, "Dr. Wagner, the ultrasound technician is ready." He replied and told the woman I'd be right there.

He turned to me, "Ready?"

I looked up at him.

* * *

Clutching the sonogram photo in my hand, I was speechless as I stared down at the image of what looked like a kidney bean. A part of me wishes it was just a bean and that the reality of me being...pregnant, was a joke.

"Now looking at the calendar, six, six and a half weeks ago, it's between February 24th and March 2nd. Do you remember who you were sexually intimate with?" Dr. Wagner asked as he handed me the calendar.

I looked at the calendar and tried my best to remember when I was with Christian and the nights spent with Hudson. Kennedy's birthday was on March 1st, and Christian and I were together on the 2nd. But Hudson and I had sex a few times before he left for England. Glancing up at Wagner, I began, "I was with another man on the second, and we used protection. Hudson and I sometimes get caught up in, well everything, and don't use condoms all the time. I'm also on the pill and some days I forget to take it. So it has to be Hudson's...right?"

He slightly shrugged a shoulder, "Well that seems evidence enough for me. But I can't give you an absolute answer. A paternity test could always be taken through either the genetic testing during your pregnancy or when the baby is born. I'm sorry I don't have much else to tell you, but I do want to help you. Do you have any other questions?"

Thinking for a moment, I quickly looked up at him, "I was drinking during that week. I went out with some friends and had more alcohol than I usually would. Is the baby going to be alright?"

"I would think so, it's common for mothers who don't know that they're pregnant to drink early in the pregnancy. The baby should be fine, just as long as you refrain from alcohol and any substance abuse. I have some pamphlets here on different areas of pregnancy, such as safety regarding food, everyday things, exercising. You could go through these and get some answers." He opened up a drawer in his desk and dug through until he found some pamphlets, he gave them to me.

I glanced at them before putting them in my purse along with my prescription for prenatal vitamins and the ultrasound picture before pausing and taking a deep breath. "What about my health?...You said that I should only get pregnant when I'm in better shape, and I'm not...will things be alright for both I and the baby?"

He cleared his throat, "As long as you get regular check ups, things should be fine."

I nodded and checked the time, realizing I was late for work, so gathering all the strength I had to leave the office, I stood up and thanked him.

"Call me if you need anything. Anytime...I hope things work out for you two." Wagner spoke in a comforting voice that I wasn't familiar with, but I nodded and left his office.

As soon as I got outside, I dug through my purse and took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, throwing them into a garbage can before going back to Hudson's car. Sitting in the driver's seat, I needed to just pause for a moment.

Please be Hudson's, please.

Slowly I brought my hand down and rested it on my stomach and closed my eyes, But I soon placed my hand back on the steering wheel as I started the car, touching my stomach was too foreign for me, knowing that something was growing inside, something that would change my life forever.

I left the hospital parking lot and drove to Rolling Stone. Rushing out of the elevator and onto our floor, my assistant Matthew greeted me and followed me as I fumbled with the camera and notebook. "Matt, I need you to take the camera to Christian, tell him all the pictures are on there. And take the notebook and drop it off with Jann."

"Sure thing. I'll go do the coffee run afterwards too. What'll it be today?" He cheerfully grinned. I was about to order my usual Starbucks order but then I stopped myself. Wait, can I drink coffee? "Water. I'll just have a water."

He made a face. "From...Starbucks?"

"Oh, uh, no, just from the cooler. Please." I shook my head, walking into my office.

"Okay, for sure." He smiled again and left.

I felt different. Now that I considered all the symptoms I've been having lately, they all added up and I understood the real reason why I have them. I'm uneasy and scared out of my mind, I can feel my heart in my throat.

My phoned beeped from a text, but I didn't check it right away 'cause I knew that it was Hudson. I just needed to stop and breathe for a moment. Inhale. Exhale.

I reached into my purse and took out my phone, stuffing the pamphlets back into my bag.

"Hello darling, so how'd the appointment go?"

Gnawing at my lip, I was about to reply but was startled by Christian saying "hi." I dropped my phone and looked up at him. He smiled, "Sorry. Thought you heard me come in."

I shook my head and swallowed hard, "No, I didn't."

He stared at me for a moment, his smile faltering. "What's wrong?"

I turned my eyes up to his, "Nothing. Maybe it's just, jet lag or something. Did you need something?" He blinked at me and lifted the camera, "I just came to say good job on the photos. We can definitely use these."

"Oh, okay, that's good." I nodded, turning on my computer, hoping he'd leave. But he still stood in my doorway, "How was California?"

The new memories of Disneyland, the walks on the beach, and feeling like a teenager again comforted my racing and anxious mind. I looked up at him and offered a small smile, "It was really good. We really needed to get away."

He stared at me for a while and with a half-smile he nodded, "That's good." Then Matthew came slipping into my office past Christian and brought me a glass of water. "I put a slice of lemon in there, is that okay?"

I smiled at him, "Yeah, thanks."

"Awesome. Okay, I'm off to Starbucks." He smiled and left, walking once again past Christian. Christian watched me for a moment, but soon stepped back and was about to leave the office.

"Christian, wait a moment." Jann called, "Join me in Avery's office, I've got something to ask you two." He came in and Christian did also.

"What is it?" I asked politely.

"Okay, this also depends if you two are up for it, but I've got two V.I.P passes to the Sasquatch Music Festival in Washington during the Memorial Day Weekend, so in May. Would you two consider going? You know, to cover the festival and everything. I mean, you both did a great job with the Voodoo Festival, I thought it'd be nice for the dynamic duo to team up again and head to Washington."

I looked up at him and over to Christian who had a slight smile on his face, he turned to Jann and shrugged his shoulders. "I'd be up for it."

Jann grinned and patted his shoulder before turning his attention to me, "So Avery, what do you think?"

"Uh...I'll have to think about it."

Both of their smiles faltered but Jann quickly smiled again, though not as enthusiastically, "Sure, sure. Just let me know within the next couple of weeks. But think long and hard, this is Sasquatch we're talking about." He gave a laugh and I nodded.

"Yeah, I will." I replied.

"Okay, well I'll leave you to your work." Jann clasped his hands and left my office, leaving me once again with Christian. He gave a small smile and soon left my office too.

I brought my elbows up on my desk and once again read the text from Hudson. I sighed, How am I supposed to tell him?