Mirrors

Smoothing out the crease in my top, I pulled my coat on. It was the next morning and I was preparing myself to meet with my boss at the office. There was a sombre mood between us, but it seemed like the city was feeling it too as the day was dark and the sky was cloudy, looking as if it were going to rain again.

He placed his hand on the side of my face, kissing my forehead. He could tell that I was uneasy about going to the office today, I didn't know what to expect, and after last night I didn't want to see Christian. Morning sickness plagued me, and this overwhelming feeling of guilt didn't help.

Stroking his thumb along my cheek, he furrowed his brow and noticed a slight bruising. "What happened?" I closed my eyes at the memory, though I wasn't in the mood to say something sarcastic about it. "I got into a fight in the ladies room. Brandy, the girl who was giving me a hard time at the bar attacked Amelia. I stuck up for Amelia."

He had a sudden panicked look, "She didn't hurt you, did she?" He placed his hand on my stomach. I shook my head, "No." I stepped back, "I've gotta get going."

His expression faltered and he just nodded, "Okay. I'll be here."

Not having the strength to offer a smile, I just nodded and fastened my coat before leaving the loft.

The elevator doors opened and I took in a deep breath before stepping out, and just as I predicted, the whispers in the place were audible and the darting eyes refused to make contact with my tired ones. Walking through the hall past the cubicles, the whispers grew louder and some snickered when I passed them.

Even those that I thought were my friends glared at me. I kept my gaze at the floor as I walked to my office. Jann's door was closed as it was only 9:51 right now. I sat at my desk in silence and struggled to dispel the worst thoughts possible of what might happen today.

Chipping the old nail polish off of my thumb nail in nervousness, I stopped and looked up at the doorway. Christian stood in the doorway, his hands in his pockets and a look I wasn't familiar with. It was impassive. Stoic.

"Jann's door is open now. Might as well go in. He's waiting." He spoke before stepping back and going in Jann's office. I blinked and dropped my gaze to my desk. It was like being stabbed by a knife and having the blade twisted. But I deserve it.

Standing, I straightened my top out and braced myself for the meeting. I entered the room and Jann sat at his desk while Christian sat in one of the two single seats in front. "Shut the door." Jann sighed inwardly.

I nodded and closed the door before taking a seat, stealing a glance at Christian who didn't even acknowledge me as I sat down. I returned my gaze to Jann.

He licked his lips and then pursed them as he considered how to begin this talk. He linked his fingers and rested them on his desk. Taking in a sharp breath, he began, "Last night was uncalled for. And I know I was intoxicated and I assume you and your parties were too, but I was sober enough to know that the behaviour you two displayed last night was inappropriate and an embarrassment to our magazine. And see, the thing is, I don't understand why you would do that. I'm giving you this opportunity now to explain yourselves."

I looked down as we were both silent. How do you explain something like that? But before I could finish my thought, Christian just went ahead and said it.

"Avery and I had an affair and it has caused friction between her husband and I."

I looked at him.

Jann stared at us in shock and shook his head. He sighed loudly and rubbed his forehead, "That's unacceptable. That's unacceptable."

"Jann, I'm sorry. I know it is, but it's over. The last thing I want is to embarrass you and this establishment." I sat on the edge of my seat.

"It's unethical, that's what it is!" He growled. "How long has it been going on?"

"It happened once in the beginning of March and that's it. I can assure you it won't ever happen again." Christian replied.

Tear the knife out of my side.

"I'm so sorry Jann." I repeated.

"Sorry? That's not enough, Avery! I would have expected this from you, but Christian? I thought you were above that sort of adolescent shit." Jann banged his fist on the desk. I blinked at him.

"Me?" I quietly questioned.

"Yes, you. You've been nothing but a pain in my side. I've tried to accommodate you, Avery. You're a damn good writer, but you've caused nothing but stress for me. A month long honeymoon? Sure, I'll give you time off. Spontaneous trips. Spontaneous days, even weeks off. I've even given you your own column. You're own office. I've given you huge interviews. And for what? To become a laughing stock among my peers. Everyone knows now, Avery."

Looking down at my hands, I was stunned. I didn't realize I was doing that. "Jann, I'm sorry."

"You know what Avery? You're off the DiCaprio interview."

I looked up at him in shock, "What? Please, Jann. I can do better, what was between Christian and I was in the past."

He held up his hands, "No. Actually, I don't even wanna put up with this anymore. You're fired."

Throw salt on the wound.

"What?" My heart dropped, "Jann, please."

Christian leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, "Jann, I think that's going too far."

He glared at Christian, "You don't have a say in this. You're lucky I'm keeping you on. Unless you want to go back to San Francisco. The choice is yours, but Avery, you were a great intern. Great. Then after I hired you on, you got sloppy. Decided that having fun and taking off on trips and taking days and weeks off was more important. You're done."

I tried my hardest to fight back the tears, though I was choking from a dry throat, I managed to continue pleading with him. "Please Jann, I'm sorry."

"Pack up your things and leave." He sighed. I stood up and left the office as quickly as I could, the whispers became deafening. I grabbed an empty box from the corner that I hoped I'd never have to use, and put my belongings inside. All the while, fighting back the tears.

Before leaving this office, I took one last look. I didn't have much in this box and perhaps I meant to keep it that way, not bringing much into this office because of a subconscious thought that my time here was limited. My heart was aching already, but having to face everyone out there and their...whispers, killed me.

I grabbed the box and swiftly exited the room and made my way down the hall. The whispers; they all heard that I've been fired. Already. I tried to walk faster as I turned the corner, I was called by Matthew. I stopped and looked at him, he looked sympathetic. I knew he wouldn't betray me with the whispers.

Quickly I hugged him and started to cry, "Goodbye Matt. You've been a great friend. You're great."

"Goodbye, Avery." He quietly spoke, hugging me back before I had to tear myself away and get into the elevator. The tears could not be contained and I cried, so hard, like my heart had been broken. Out in the parking lot, I got to my car and threw the box in the back seat of my car, I could hear footsteps approaching. It started to rain.

"Avery." Christian spoke, still with that hard look.

I turned around and couldn't speak.

"I tried talking to him." He sighed.

"I lost my job, Christian. Nothing can be done about it." I muttered, wiping the tears.

He just stared at me. "So what now?"

"What do you mean, what now? I'm done. I have to leave here. It's over. My life is over." I cried, my fists balled up in my hair.

"And so are we." He said in a way that confused me, was it rhetoric or in a questioning tone?

I held my arms out to my sides, "What do you want me to say, Christian? I'm exhausted. I'm lost. I'm confused. I'm upset and hurt and overwhelmed with so much emotion."

"Say what you want to say." He replied, still stoic.

Like a dam bursting, a flood of emotion came over me and I started to cry again, "I love you." I cried as if in pain, I buried my face in my hands. "There, I said it." I sobbed. "I do, Christian, and I've tried to fight those feelings. And I'm trying to be the best wife I can be to him, but I can't help these feelings. I can't."

He stared at me and shook his head, covering his face and sighing loudly. "Does that even mean anything now?"

The rain poured and beat down on us and all of Manhattan.

He rocked from side to side, visibly agitated, "No matter what I say, you're still going to London. End my misery now, Avery. Tell me everything was a lie and that you don't actually love me! Tell me that you never cared! Tell me that you never want to see me again! I'm tired of waiting for you to love me and this, this is just too late. Tell me everything we've been through was meaningless. Because I'm done. I'm done being that pathetic guy who is desperately trying to make someone love me."

I covered my face and cried, my tears being washed away with the rain. "Christian, I'm sorry."

"No! I don't want to hear it! All I ever did was love you. How stupid of me to fall for a married woman. Just go. Go to London, Avery. Live your posh life and go to all those Gatsby-like parties and throw his money around with his baby in your arms. Do it without me, 'cause I'm done!"

I fell back against my car and cried.

"I would have given you the world, Avery. But he will always be the one you choose. It will always be him." He wiped his eyes, he was crying. He turned on his heel and paced back to the building. I opened the passenger door and clambered in, sobbing to the point where I wanted to just scream and bang my fists against the steering wheel.

It's over. Everything's gone and it's all my fault. I clutched the steering wheel and cried into it, feeling worse than ever. I didn't know how I could go back to Hudson like this, in this state, with this much emotion. But I started my vehicle and wiped the tears from my burning eyes with my sleeve.

"Just drive home. Just go." I talked myself down, "Control yourself until later." Fastening my seatbelt and doing a shoulder check, I backed out of the spot.

Opening the unlocked door of our home, I entered in, feeling numb. He was sitting on the couch watching t.v, he turned around to greet me but remained silent when he saw that my eyes were red and puffy from crying.

"What's wrong?" He asked, standing.

I set down the box of my belongings. "I got fired."

"Avery." He sighed, "I'm so sorry. Was it because of last night? I'm sorry I fought."

"He wanted the truth, so we told him. He fired me because I was taking too much time off and because of the inappropriate office behaviour. He just let Christian off with a warning."

He rolled his eyes, "Why didn't he fire him? He was the one-"

"It's over, Hudson. It's done. He made that very clear today. Can we just drop it now?" I stared at him.

Taken aback by my sudden interruption, he blinked and nodded.

I looked down at the floor and sighed, "Hudson, I need some time to myself. To think about everything. I'm gonna go to my parent's place and stay with them for a bit."

He stared at me, with a faint trace of fear in his eyes. "Are...are you okay? Are we okay?"

I nodded, "Yes. I just need a break. I...I'm so tired. I'm tired and exhausted and I just-" I covered my face, feeling like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him, trying his best to comfort me. "I'm sorry if I've been adding to your stress." He murmured.

Slowly I shook my head against his chest, "I just need a break. I need to see my family, my dad. I miss him so much."

"I know. Would you like me to drive you there?" He asked quietly. Again I shook my head, "No, I'll be alright." Gently I was released from his embrace and I looked up at him, "I'm gonna go pack a bag now."

He just nodded and looked down at the floor as I left him.

After ringing the doorbell and holding open the screen door of my parent's townhouse, I waited for the door to be answered. I could hear footsteps approaching the door and a low murmur. The door was opened and my dad had a surprised and excited look on his face, "Avery!"

I threw myself into his arms and cried against his chest, "Oh, dad." His smile faltered and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. He stroked my hair and let me cry.