Mirrors

April 30th, Tuesday

A nauseating feeling came over me as I closed up yet another packed cardboard box. Nauseating not in the sense of my morning sickness that lasts all day, but in the sense that in five days I will be leaving to London. With the back of my hand I wiped the light perspiration from my forehead and stood up, walking into the kitchen area to pour myself a glass of water.

I leaned against the counter as I gazed at the nearing emptiness of this apartment. The bookcases that once were filled with all of my books were now empty. The drawers in the television stand that held the impeccable collection of DVDs were hollow, and framed pictures and paintings around the living room and dining area were packed and ready to be sent off.

Taking a slow drink of water and then setting the glass down, I began to walk around the island, grazing my hand softly along the top of the granite counter, remembering Valentine's Day spent with Hudson. Before walking down the hall, I glanced to my right at the sofa, which reminded me of when he proposed.

I walked down the lonely hallway and passed our bedroom which was near bare, the closet empty and clothing packed up and the bed with only a duvet. Continuing to step quietly down the hall, I entered my studio. A small room I considered my haven, where my easel was set up and canvasses leaned against the walls waiting to be taken and given meaning, was hollow now. It was as if it was only a dream that this room was once used as an art studio.

A shiver along my spine made my skin prickle and my body tense for a second. I closed my eyes. Everything felt real now. Five more days and I'll be gone, to London to start a new life. Again I shivered so I took in a deep breath to try and calm my nerves. My hand shook and I reached into my back pocket and brought my phone out.

For a while I stared at it, the black screen. My heart heated wildly within me as I illuminated the screen and unlocked my phone. I slowly and without hesitation I went to my contacts and scrolled through them. I've not been able to delete him from this phone. C.R

My thumb lingered over his name and my eyes gazed at his picture.

The front door unlocked and I heard Hudson talking to, what I presumed, was someone on the other line of his phone. Quickly I shut off my phone and tucked it back into my pocket, brushing an out of place lock of hair back behind my ear. I came down the hall and into the living area to meet him, he smiled at me while he had the phone to his ear, he gestured with his index finger to wait a moment. I nodded while I went back to the sink to wash the glass.

He sounded exasperated as he talked to whoever was on the other line as he rolled his eyes, and then rose his voice and told the person to get it done. Whatever it was.

I looked at the calendar. April 30th. I'm nine weeks along. I have to call Wagner and ask him to refer me to an OB in London.

When I glanced back him, I realized that he was no longer on the phone and was watching me with small smile. I smiled back and blushed, "What?"

"I just like watching you." He chuckled, "And I don't mean that in a stalker-like way."

I lightly laughed and slowly blinked, his smile faltered and he approached me. "What's wrong?" I just shook my head, "I'm just tired. I didn't get much sleep last night."

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his forehead against mine. "The gang is going to be here soon, but did you want to take a nap? I could call them and tell them to come in an hour or two."

I shook my head and smiled, "No, it's okay. I'll be fine...who's all coming again?" Wrapping a lock of my hair around his finger, he answered, "Jules and Ginny, Jack, and Gemma and Kennedy. I wasn't sure if I should invite Amelia...I wasn't sure how that all panned out for you two."

"I'm going for lunch with her tomorrow. We're gonna talk then." I shrugged my shoulder, gently freeing myself from his embrace to go the fridge. Taking out a snapple, I offered him one but before he could reply, an eager knocking was at the door and the familiar and infectious laughter of Kennedy's was heard.

We both laughed as we went to answer the door and our friends came in as loud and exuberant as ever. Gemma embraced me and danced me further into the room, "I haven't seen or talked to you in ages. I've missed you, and now you're going to be leaving me again."

"I've missed you too Gem, but I'll only be in another country." I giggled. She made a face, "Yeah, that's comforting. Look at you, you even have a glow already."

I blushed and stepped back, but was quickly taken up into an excited hug by Kennedy, he twirled me around and kissed my cheek. "Since I didn't get to do this the night we found out, I'm doing it now. I'm incredibly happy for you two. My best friend in the entire world is with child. I'm so excited for you!"

"Oh Kennedy, put me down." I laughed and sheepishly smiled, "I'm grateful for your excitement."

He held out his hand toward my stomach hesitantly and looked at me, "Can I touch your stomach?" I smiled and gave a short laugh, "Go ahead, but you won't feel anything. Probably won't till I'm in my second trimester."

He crouched down and placed his hand on my belly and began talking in a childish voice, "Hello there Cletus, I'm your uncle Kennedy."

I made a face, "Cletus?"

He looked up at me, "Yeah, Cletus the fetus."

I started to laugh and Hudson smiled and put his arm around me, "We're excited too for Cletus." I smiled at him.

Our friends all had happy grins on their faces but in their eyes I could tell that they were sad, since now they all knew that we were leaving soon. With Ginny's hand in his, Jules broke the silence, "I can't believe it. You two are already married and are going to have a baby, and soon you're leaving to London. Already you're turning in the mature couple of our group."

"An old married couple after four months." Jack laughed.

"It's kinda of a bummer to have to say goodbye to you." Kennedy looked down at his feet. "This place looks so different, it's vacant. Somber."

"It's not goodbye yet. We have five more days, we invited you over so we could hang out, like the good old days." Hudson replied. "And it's not really goodbye," I added, "we're still coming back for visits, and of course to the wedding of the century."

Gemma grinned and hugged Kennedy, resting her head on his shoulder.

"So let's go to McGees, have a round, and afterwards come up with some shenanigan to get into. Let's make the best of the time we have left." Hudson smiled. Everyone agreed and I just smiled. All together we left the almost empty loft to head out into the city.