Mirrors

"Are you sure you're alright? You came home with red and puffy eyes like you've been crying." Hudson held my hand as we walked down the stoop of our building and toward his parked car. I nodded and half-smiled, "I'm okay, I'm just emotional. It's the pregnancy hormones mixed with the fact that we're leaving tomorrow. It's gonna be hard to say goodbye."

He stopped us and held both of my hands in his, he gave a soft smile. "I know you're sad, but that's why we're going out tonight, to have one last hurrah with our best friends before we leave. And we have to celebrate the fact that you got a job."

I smiled and nodded, "Okay. Let's have fun tonight."

He leaned into me and kissed me softly on the lips, letting his kiss linger for a moment. Again I half-smiled and followed him to the car, even though my heart was crushed.

He closed my door and walked around the vehicle to get in on his side. Starting the car, he gave me one last cautious glance before pulling away from the building.

We pulled up in front of Balthazar in Lower Manhattan, Hudson's been raving about this place for ages, trying to get us all to come to this "amazing" restaurant, and it's better late than never that we're finally coming here.

Nine members of our party were already inside waiting for us. I stood outside the car, fixing my dress and smoothing out the creases, as Hudson came around and stood with me. "Ready?" He asked.

I looked up at him and into his familiar eyes. Even though my heart was crushed and a sickening feeling overwhelmed me, I knew that this was all I had left. And it kills me to say that I am settling, when Hudson was in my life first, but I've already lost so much and I can't bear to go through anymore pain. I will always love Christian, but being pregnant and married to another man, I know in my heart that I can't leave now. Lately I've reminded myself of that quote from Stephanie Meyer's New Moon; "Sometimes you have to learn to love what's good for you."

As cliché as it sounds, it's so true. And as painful as it will be, I need to learn to let go and to move on.

I cleared my throat and smiled, "Yes." Slipping my hand into his, he smiled back at me and led me into the restaurant.

After tossing back a shot, Kennedy slammed down his glass and stood up, waving us over when he saw us. Our friends and my brothers looked beautiful as ever, dressed to the nines for our last night together. They all cheered for us as we approached the table, laughing at their enthusiasm.

Paul, Max, and Jonathan stood up and greeted me as I took a seat next to Jonathan. "Ave, you look amazing!" Amelia grinned from across the table, wearing her signature colour, emerald green.

"Thank you. I've had this dress for a while, I've never worn it." I replied, giving a shy smile. She gave a comforting smile back, the look in her eye said she was here for me. I needed that look, I don't know what I would have done if she weren't around. This afternoon was the worst. I felt completely destroyed.

A pang of sadness struck my heart and I tried my hardest to brush the feelings and thoughts aside.

A waiter came to the table and set down a champagne flute for each of us, and walked around with a bottle of Dom Perignon filling everyone's glass. I placed my hand over the top of my glass and just asked him to bring me sparkling water.

After he obliged, Kennedy raised his glass. "I'd like to make a toast. Or a speech, or something." He started to laugh, "Avery, you've been my best friend since that English class we shared our first year of college. You introduced me to the love of my life, and I've watched you grow as a person and I've been lucky enough to be here at this time, this night where our dearest friends are able to come together and celebrate our last night together before you leave with the love of your life."

I swallowed and smiled.

"When Hudson came into your life, he also became a part of ours. He's become a dear friend of mine, and a person I value very much. And I'm not gonna lie, we are all pretty sad that tomorrow you're both leaving. But we're also very happy for you, proud of you, that you are leaving to create a new life for yourselves. So this isn't goodbye. We will never have to say goodbye. The friendships we all have with each other are stronger and more valuable than one you can just throw away because someone you love is moving to another country. Our bonds with each other will never be broken. So I'd like to toast to us, our friendships that have lasted, the memories we have made, and the futures we will have. Cheers."

Tears welled up in my eyes as we all toasted and clinked our glasses. "Thank you Kennedy. I love you, and Gem, and everyone else here very much. Forever."

He smiled back, flashing his familiar boyish grin as Gemma smiled back, linking her arm with his. I looked around at my friends and family that surrounded this table. The happy smiles, and contagious laughter that filled the room. The caring eyes, and gentle glances they all exchanged. They are all my family, that'll never change.

Later on in the evening, we ended up at a club in the city called Cielo, in the meatpacking district. Probably since Gemma and Kennedy are avid club-goers, and maybe since hanging out more with Nikolas Cobain, we were able to skip the line and head right in. The bass in the room was insane and I spent most of my time sitting in the lounge area sipping at my soda while watching Kennedy greet old friends. Max had dragged Paul out onto the dance floor and freely showed his affection, quickly reeling in Paul.

Hudson was not too far away, talking to Jules, Jack, and Jonathan and chumming around and casually drinking a Heineken.

Soon Amelia came and sat next to me and despite the loudness in the room, she asked how I was doing. I knew what she meant by it; seeing me crumpled to the floor in tears, taking me back to her place and consoling me to the best of her abilities. She held my hand and I could already feel the lump in my throat.

I blinked and took a deep breath. "It hurts. So bad."

She nodded.

"I didn't ever think it would end this way. And I was stupid to think that he'd stick around and wait till I finally came to my senses. But I need to accept this, because I have nothing else to turn to." My grip on her hand tightened a bit. I stared down at the floor for a long time, trying to process my thoughts with all the noise in the room.

"I'm gonna call him one last time." My throat burned. She looked at me and stared for a moment, "Are you sure?"

I nodded, swallowing hard, "I need to. I mean, I don't even know what I'd say if he answered. 'Hey, how are you? Hey, I got a new job. Hey, I love you, sorry it took me so long to realize it.' I don't know if this is for some sort of closure, because as far as I know, it's done. It's over. But I just need to hear his voice one last time."

She nodded again and gently squeezed my hand out of support. "Okay."

I stood up and began walking away but Hudson stopped me, "Ave, are you alright?"

I turned to him and forced a smile. "Yeah, I'm just going out for some fresh air. It's noisy and loud in here, and it's getting kind of hot."

"D'you want me come with you?"

"No, I'll be fine. I'll just be outside." I gave him a reassuring smile and left. My heart was pounding again, emotion was overwhelming me as I pushed through the crowd to get outside. Once I made it, I gave a sigh of relief as I quickly reached into my bag to get my phone.

I didn't hesitate. It wasn't like before. I found his number and called him. As the dial tone went on for a bit, I remember how I felt earlier when I raced to his apartment. The thoughts I had on the way to his place. If he asked me to stay with him, then I would. Even if tonight, if he answered that is, and asked me to run away with him, I would. As adolescent and unrealistic as that is, I would, for him.

The tone continued on and on until his recorded voice came on. "Hi, sorry I missed your call. Leave a message and I'll try getting back to you. Thanks." Even that sent my heart leaping into my throat, and tears escaping my eyes from devastation. I took a deep breath and began to speak.

After spending a long time outside, I composed myself as much as I could, and went back in. I put on my brave face and again I made my way through the crowd until my hand was grabbed and I was startled. I gave a sigh of relief when I realized it was Hudson, he smiled. "Come, let's go dance." Right after he said that, Mirrors by Justin Timberlake began playing and I could feel my stomach knotting up.

He led me out further onto the dance floor and pulled me into a slow dance. I rested my head on his chest as we danced and I closed my eyes. This song killed me every time. I remember the first time I heard it, I was at work and Christian came into my office waving his iPod in the air with a grin. He always listened to that iPod. He pulled a chair up next to mine and made me listen to this "amazing" song Justin Timberlake just released. I remember as I had in the earphones, he just smiled and watched me the whole time, and the way the song made my heart skip a beat. It was our song.

As we danced, tears escaped and I started to cry, and I just prayed that Hudson would let me cry. I didn't know how I could ever explain these tears and these emotions to him. He gently stroked my hair and held me close. Literally I could feel my heart tearing into two.

In Christian's Life

I had just gotten out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. My hair was still dripping wet but I just finger combed it back so it wasn't in my eyes. I sighed and stood in the bedroom of my new apartment. It was so quiet, though I was used to quiet. But it was lonely. I walked toward the desk next to my bed and sat down. I gazed out the window for a moment at the view of Los Angeles. Living in the Hills was nice, but it was nothing like New York.

Even though I moved here, I knew I was running away from what I couldn't bear to face. My heart was still shattered and I'm still so broken up. My iPod was plugged in and a random playlist was playing quietly; I listened closely and heard the familiar Justin Timberlake song playing. I closed my eyes and stopped myself from running and smashing the stereo.

I sighed again and took my phone, turning it on since it's been off all day, seeing that I had two missed calls and a new voicemail. I furrowed my brow, thinking it was my mother again checking on me, or one of my sisters already planning on coming to visit. Casually I scrolled through my phone and checked the number.

My breath hitched as I stared in disbelief. Two calls...from her. Quickly I checked the voicemail and held the phone up to my ear, hoping to hear her voice.

"Hey, Christian. It's me..." She sounded like she had been crying, the sound of traffic was in the distance. "Um, I don't really know how to start this...I miss you. And it's pathetic. Christian, I'm so sorry for everything. Everything. I messed up and I hurt you and I hurt myself. But I love you Christian, and I'm sorry it's taken me this long to admit it. And I accept the fact that you left, I accept that you didn't want to wait for me anymore, because frankly I wouldn't want to wait for me either. But I love you, so much, and that will never change." She began to cry harder, "You are amazing and you deserve so much more than this. You've changed me. You've made me realize that there is so much more to this life. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The phone clicked and it was over. It's over. Everything is over.

I closed my eyes and ran my hand through my hair, fisting it roughly as I began to cry. "I love you too, Avery."