Mirrors

Walking into the apartment, I needed to prepare myself and figure out how I'd tell him. He wasn't home yet, but I knew I didn't have much time before he'd come home from the restaurant. I placed my purse on the table by the door and hung up my coat before going into the bedroom to change out of my clothes into something more comfortable, something that wasn't clingy, even though I knew I wasn't showing yet. I turned on the t.v before going to the bedroom.

While I was brushing my hair in the bathroom, I could hear the t.v on in the living room, Maury was on and I could here him say his usual phrase; "You are not the father!. I cringed and then heard the front door open and could feel my stomach do a somersault. I took a deep breath and put the brush down just as he called for me, "I'm home, where are you?"

"Right here." I called back, walking out of the bathroom, through the bedroom, into the living area and shutting off the t.v. He smiled at me as he hung up his jacket and hung the keys to my car on the key hook. "It took me an hour to find your keys. They were underneath this here table. We have a key hook for a reason." He chuckled, walking up to me and wrapping his arms around me.

"Sorry." I lightly laughed. "I have this habit of tossing them on that table." I went on my tip-toes to kiss him, the smell of his cologne made me smile, he always smelled so good.

"I brought home some fruit, there's a new market not far from the restaurant, thought I'd check it out." He lifted up a bag of fruit. I took it, "I'll put them away."

While I was at the fridge sorting out the fruit, he asked me about my day. "How was your day? I texted you this morning, you didn't reply."

"Oh right, sorry, I was busy working on my top five at the office." I made a face, opening the drawers in the fridge and putting some grapefruit in them.

"That's alright. How did everything go at the doctor's? And where are my keys?" He always had this habit of asking two unrelated things in the same sentence.

"In my purse. Everything went fine, my kidneys are all good." I swallowed hard, feeling nervous, then I realized what I just said. In my purse. The pamphlets. The prescription. The picture.

I stood up and quickly turned, "Wait!"

But it was too late. He pulled them out of purse and confusedly stared at them. He looked at me with his brow furrowed. "Avery. What are these?" He held them up.

I couldn't speak. It was a fine time for my voice to be caught in my throat, but I really didn't know what to say. He glared at me and waved them, "What are these?"

"Um...I'm pregnant." I muttered.

His expression became harder as he stared at me, breathing deeply. "Please tell me your joking."

I breathed shallowly and shook my head slowly, scared of that look. "I'm sorry."

He gnawed at the inside of his cheek, shaking his head before abruptly throwing down the papers, startling me. "You said we'd wait."

"Hudson, I didn't plan this." I tried to keep the tears back. "I know we wanted to wait, but this just happened."

"You're damn right we didn't plan this. Avery, I told you I wanted to wait!" He paced about the room, "What about our lives? What about the restaurant? Avery, I'm in the middle of getting things ready so we can go to London, and now this is sprung on me! A kid? I told you I wasn't ready."

"I know, I know, but I told you I didn't plan this. I'm not ready either, but here it is. I mean, I'm terrified too but think about it, a baby would be nice."

"A baby would be nice in three to five years." He spoke.

"Hudson, stop acting like this is my fault! It takes two to make a baby." I cried.

"Really? I had no idea." He rolled his eyes. "Avery, let me ask you something...is it mine? Is the baby mine?"

Tears welled up in my eyes and I started to cry, "...I-I don't know."

He gave a look of pain and turned away, covering his face. "I can't believe it. I can't believe it."

I attempted to control the tears, "But I'm six and a half weeks along, it has to be yours. It has to be."

"But you don't know for sure! You could be carrying that sick bastard's child!" His voice cracked, "I had hoped that this would be all over. And now this."

"Hudson, please, it has to be yours. We don't use protection all the time, it must be yours." I pleaded.

"But it's not just that Avery! What about afterwards? Your doctor said you could develop heart or kidney disease. Your health is already terrible."

"I don't know Hudson. I wish I had an answer, but I don't. I'm sorry." I shrugged my shoulders.

He stared at me for a long time as I cried and struggled to control my sobs, he had the same look on his face that night I told him the truth. His eyes were glossy and he shook his head again, turning away. "I told you I didn't want this...now. Don't ask me to do this, please."

My heart dropped and I struggled to find my voice, I stammered. "Wh-what do you mean, this. What can't you do?"

"Be a father." He muttered.

And a like a dam bursting, I broke down again, burying my face in my hands. No, no. How could he ask me to do that. This is our child.

"Avery, I'm sorry, but if it's his, how could I possibly be a father to it? Christian has already ruined a part of our life. I can't let him do it again." He sighed.

I realized up until this moment, I would have done anything for him. Hudson. My life had revolved around him, he was the centre of my universe. If I had to take a bullet for him I would, and if he asked me to run away with him, then I would. I'd do anything for this man.

But not this. Not this.

Still sobbing, I grabbed my coat and purse, taking my keys from the hook before taking his and tossing them on the table. He called after me, "Avery, where are you going?"

"I just...I just need some time to myself." I murmured as I opened the door. I stopped and turned to him, "This may be a nightmare for you, but this is something I've always dreamt about. I wanted to wait too, but here it is. I'm not going to change that." I left the apartment and still he called after me.

"Avery wait, c'mon, let's just talk about this. Please don't go."

But I couldn't go back, not now at least, I needed to get out of here.

Climbing into my car and starting it up, I left the lot of the building and drove off. I didn't know where I was going, I didn't plan on going to a specific place, I just needed to go for a drive. I needed to think about things, though I already knew my decision.

Even just the word abortion scared me. I can't go through with it. I just can't.

The sad thing about everything, is that this isn't the kind of pregnancy that I can tell my family or friends about and expect them to jump for joy. Because I know they won't. For so long my parents have urged strongly against me becoming pregnant, just like Hudson they wanted me to adopt. And it's not like I planned this, because if I had, I would've waited till I was ready and till I was healthy enough, but now that it's here, I can't help but love the being inside me.

And sadly, I can't talk to anyone about it.

In Hudson's Life...

I shut the door quietly after she left and sighed. Leaning against the door, I covered my face again. Pregnant. The word scared me. The idea of being a father scared me. Especially if the child isn't mine.

I banged my fist against the door. I hate him. I hate Christian. Never in my life will I ever forgive him.

Balling up my fists in my hair, I felt overwhelmed. Why did this have to happen? If he had just left her alone, things wouldn't be this way. She's pregnant. She's gonna have a baby.

Still leaning against the door, I slunk down to the floor and tried to compose myself. Ugh, I can't believe it. A baby.

A baby.

Becoming a parent frightens me. But what scares me most is what could happen to Avery after the baby is born. What if something goes wrong and she...I shudder at the thought. What if I'm left alone and I have to raise the child on my own. My worst fear is ending up like my father and my child not having a relationship with me. I can't do that.

I sighed and stretched out one of my legs, pushing those pregnancy booklets with my foot. I glanced at them and noticed a black picture underneath, so I leaned forward and took them and saw that the black photo was in fact a sonogram.

I stared at it for a long time trying to make out it's shape, the little shape surrounded by darkness. My heart stilled for a moment and I was speechless. This was becoming all too real for me. My wife is pregnant.

Closing my eyes and sighing, I dragged my hands through my hair. Can I really do this?