Mirrors

May 9th, Thursday

"Avery, you look great in all of them, just pick one." Hudson gave a long and exaggerated sigh as he paced around the room. For this evening's black tie soirée, he had called in stylists for us. One worked specifically with fashion, so she had brought ten gowns for me to pick from, and several tuxedos for him.

I had ruled out 5 of the gowns as possibilities, and Hudson grew impatient with me since I still had my hair and makeup to be done. He wasn't as stressful to work with, he looked through the suits and picked one out.

"Hudson, it's not often that I co-host a black tie gala, let alone attend one. And I've gained a bit of weight, so I need to pick a dress that's perfect." I glared at him in the mirror. The women in the room quickly disagreed that I had gained weight, but I have, only a few pounds though. They don't know that I'm with child.

"Love, you look as gorgeous as always." He cooed as he approached me from behind and wrapped his arms around me, he kissed my neck. "Now just pick a gown. I'm gonna go confirm a few things with Blair downstairs, I'll be back. And when I come back, I want to see the gown you've decided on."

I smiled and rolled my eyes. After he had left me and ladies in the room, I sighed and gazed over at the rack again. "Let me try on the lace one again. It's not too risqué is it?"

"Well if you were wanting to make a statement, this would be the gown for you." One of the stylists smiled as she took the dress and brought it to me. I held it up in front of myself and smiled, "Yes, yes I think this is the one."

300 guests were here and I only know six of them excluding Hudson, and only get along with three of them; Ben, Blair, and Nora...I still needed to ask Blair about that...

The ballroom was converted into an elaborate set up. A 10 piece orchestra were in the back of the room playing beautifully and I craved champagne more than ever as I watched the servers pass by.

My "début" into our neighbourhood and to all of Hudson's closest friends went exactly as I thought it would. Being met with the tiny judging eyes and tightlipped smiles of the wealthy and popular residents of England. Dinner was excruciating. I sat in silence trying my hardest to tune out the haughty banter that filled the grand dining room. They whispered and gossiped about me and quietly laughed to themselves when I took the wrong fork. I'm glad Blair was seated across from me, as he silently gave me pointers as to which utensil to use next.

When dinner was finally over, we had gone onto the next room to continue the reception. Politely I conversed with everyone, but they seemed distracted by my choice of dress. A floor-length, black lace gown with a plunging neckline. Even Hudson was surprised by my pick. Walking around the ballroom, I found myself becoming bored with the party. For a while there I just stood in the middle of the ballroom listening to the music, feeling lost in this elaborate affair until I noticed someone.

His back was turned to me and I couldn't see his face, my heart had skipped a beat. It couldn't be him...could it?

How would he have gotten in? Hudson had overseen the guest list.

But this man who stood only about ten feet away from me, was about the same height as...him. His hair was a dark brown and tousled in the same way. Even his mannerisms were the same, hands tucked nervously into the pockets of his pants. Cocking his head to the side as he listened to conversation.

My heart beat faster and I struggled with myself, should I go and see if it's him? I swallowed hard and began walking through the crowd toward him. I outstretched my hand and put it on his shoulder, I held my breath as he turned around.

Giving an embarrassed and sheepish laugh, I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else." My face flushed and my cheeks burned.

He looked nothing like him, but he gave a friendly smile and just laughed, "That's quite alright."

"Sorry." I laughed as I turned and walked away. Of course Christian wouldn't be here. He hates me, why would he come all the way over here for me? I'm being ridiculous. I sighed again and made my way through the crowd until I met up with Hudson. He smiled and placed a hand on my hip, "May I have this dance?"

I smiled and placed my hand in his, "Yes, you may." He guided me out to the dance floor and everyone stepped back to let us through. The orchestra had been gently playing the prelude of La Traviata, and Hudson had led us into the waltz, sweeping me across the floor in this classic dance. "You're quite the dancer, Mr. Hudson." I grinned.

"I enjoy these sort of parties much more than a dance club." He remarked, gazing past me. He had given a soft smile to someone and as we turned I looked over my shoulder to see who it was.

Nora.

She had been wearing long flowing gown in ivory with delicate detail of pearls at the bodice. I bit my lip as I looked up at him while we danced, he was distracted. A nauseating feeling came over me and I could feel a pang of jealousy in my heart.

He had gently twirled me and I was finding it harder to hide my expression beneath one of delight. Suddenly I felt as if I was drowning in feelings and memories of the ones I shared with Hudson. The ones shared with Christian. Music was overwhelming as well as the number of people here.

Couples had begun to join in and dance.

"I'm gonna go out for some fresh air." I interrupted our dance and stepped back. He furrowed his brow, "Are you alright?"

I quickly nodded, "Yes, I just need to have some water, get some fresh air."

"Oh...alright, do you want me come with?"

"No, no. I'll be fine." I faked a smile before disappearing into the ocean of people. I couldn't have gotten outside fast enough, I practically stumbled out and shut the doors as quickly as possible. Relieved, I gave a sigh as I walked out on the stone balcony to the railing.

Leaning on the rail, I gazed down at the garden and sulked. I closed my eyes and sighed until I heard a clearing of a throat that startled me. My heart pounded in my chest and I had stumbled backward, staring at Blair who was sitting at a table having a cigarette.

"Sorry. I guess I have a habit of startling you." He exhaled a long drag into the air. "You seem...unnerved."

I looked over my shoulder through the windows of the doors, seeing my husband dancing with Nora, whom looked delighted as ever. I joined Blair at the table and struggled for a long time, trying to find the right words, but I became so frustrated I just flat out asked him. "Blair, that day you came into the library, when we were talking-"

He nodded.

"You were saying something along the lines of, 'when Holbrook was with Nor.' Were you going to say Nora? He had interrupted us." I watched for his reaction and waited for his response.

He took a short drag from his cigarette that had once been long and new, and that was now small and almost reaching the filter. "Yes, I was about to say Nora. Holbrook and her used to date back in the day, had he not told you?"

A sickening feeling irritated my stomach and I fidgeted with my hands. "...No, he's never mentioned that."

"Hm. Well, I'm sorry you had to hear it from me...and I assume since you've never known of their past, you've never known that they were engaged once upon a time."

My hand had met the side of my face and I closed my eyes, "No."

We sat in silence for a long time and I stared at the ground. Finally when I had come back to reality, I smiled weakly and murmured, "I suppose I shouldn't be upset. I don't have the right to."

He looked up at me and blinked, "What do you mean?"

"Nothing. I guess that thought was meant to stay silent." I shrugged my shoulders. Waving my hand I changed the subject, "You know with these cravings I get, I crave alcohol a lot more. It's torture."

"Were you a big drinker before this?" He asked as he sat back in the chair, pulling off his scotch. I laughed, "Not like an alcoholic, but I drank regularly I guess. I partied a lot more before I met Hudson. New York was thee place to party."

He smiled as if recalling fond memories and nodded, "It sure is. I enjoyed living in New York."

"You've lived in a lot of places."

"Miami, L.A, New York, San Francisco, Italy, Paris. Now I'm in London." He replied, taking another drink.

"Have you always lived alone?" I asked. He shook his head, "I had a roommate in my dorm room when I was in New York, and then when I was in San Fran afterwards I lived with this guy. He was older than I, but not by much. He's a writer, used to write for some magazine at the time. I keep in touch with him I just can't think of where he worked, at the moment."

"Writers are the hardest to live with I bet. We get so passionate, poetic, even at times melodramatic."

"They are." He gave a short laugh, "But he wasn't too bad."

I leaned back into the seat and kicked off my shoes, flexing and curling my toes that ached. "I enjoy talking to you." I glanced up at him and offered a small smile. He smiled back politely, "I'm glad. Most people avoid having a conversation with me. But really it's the other way around, I avoid them. They're boring, I need to talk to someone who will challenge and intrigue me all at once. You do both."

Blushing I brushed a lock of hair that fell from its style back behind my ear. "I'm sure most of them are pretentious. I can name a few already, just met them the other day."

"Poppy, Charlotte, and David." He rolled his eyes, "god, I hate them."

We had both started to laugh but were soon interrupted by a door abruptly opening and a blinding flash of light. "Mrs. Hudson! What are you and Blair Comeau talking about? Are those Clair Hudson's pearls you are wearing?" It was a photographer and I quickly became annoyed. "Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"Don't worry about it love, I have allowed one photographer in for half an hour." Hudson had peeked around the corner. I stood up and approached my husband, "I thought this was going to be a private reception?"

"This party has been highly anticipated by everyone, and since everyone can't be here, photos will have to suffice."

"Are these going to be in a tabloid magazine?" I asked, becoming defensive. He shook his head and smiled, "No, no. In the newspaper. The Daily Mail, probably."

I gave a sigh and mentally rolled my eyes. The last thing I want is my privacy to be invaded, especially while I'm trying to hide this pregnancy. Hudson wrapped his arm around my waist, "Come darling, let's go in for a few photo ops."

Despite my resistance, he pulled me along anyways and I had to fake a few smiles for these pictures. Blair had stood aside as he also came in, and gave me a comforting smile while I endured being unwillingly photographed. In the pit of my stomach was dread. Can I really do this?

After a while when I was finally set free from feeling like an animal in a cage, I had gone up to my room which was separate from the one shared with Hudson. This one was my little place of refuge. Taking a moment of sitting on the bed, I had decided that I would not confront Hudson about this "small" matter I had just learned about him and Nora. I would wait for him to tell me, in his own time.

More than ever, I felt alone in this huge house, with 300 people downstairs, in a country I'm not familiar with. I missed home, I missed New York and the familiarity of it. My heart ached for my family and friends, but not nearly as much for him.

I continued to ask the question, "Can I really do this?"