Mirrors

The night sky was clear and the stars were out, and we had a perfect view from the London eye. Above us were the stars, below was London. At the top of the rotation, Blair and I were leaning against the side gazing out through the glass, talking about what's been going on lately.

The capsule we were in was shared with a group of tourists from Germany, I believe, so we didn't have to worry about anyone eavesdropping on our conversation.

I buried my face in my hands and sighed, "It honestly feels like everything is going downhill again. Last night I got a letter from National Geographic, they turned me down. I mean, it feels like I'll never get to be the person I want to be. And I feel this huge disconnection with Hudson, or Holbrook, whatever he likes to be called now. Before we came to London, he used to be this gentle and caring guy who cared less about what people thought of him. He was always there for me, always wanted to be with me, and it seems to be gone now. And there's this other part of me that still cares deeply for another man. I feel completely lost." I took out my phone and took a picture of Parliament, but it turned out blurry.

I sighed, "Since he's come back from London in March, he's began to change. It started with that haircut. Then he started caring more about how he dressed, how I dressed. His outward appearance and his ego were becoming more and more important. And since we've come here, he's spent so much time with Nora. All the time. I have to wonder if he's still in love with her. And he still hasn't said a word about their past, and I feel like a fool."

He watched me and listened, like he always would.

Giving myself a little push from the rail of the capsule, I walked toward the bench in the middle of the pod and sat down. He continued to lean against the rail, directly across from me and gave a long sigh. "Avery, fuck what everyone thinks. You need to stop being a doormat. Stop allowing your life to revolve around what other people want. Live your life that way you want to. You were fucking approached by Interview Magazine. If that doesn't say anything, I don't know what does.

Stop waiting around for National Geographic. You wanna write? Then take a fucking pen and write. You wanna travel the world? Then buy a plane ticket and go. You don't wanna be a housewife? Then don't be a housewife. You don't want to be married, then don't be married. Stop waiting around for some miracle, 'cause kid, miracles are not for people like us. Oscar Wilde said that it's healthy to spend time alone. We need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person. Do what makes you happy."

I stared at him, along with the tourists who probably understood the curse words quite well. For a while I sat there, at first I was taken aback by his abruptness, but then I took in what he was saying. But I furrowed my brow and looked up at him, "Well what about you? You allow yourself to take that abuse from Hudson and from his stupid friends."

"But I don't allow them walk all over me. They can talk all the shit that they want, I ignore all of it. And as for your husband, I remain friends with him because of the business he gives me. I can leave at anytime, but I stay because of the pay cheques and you."

Again I was quiet, watching him. "Me?"

He nodded, "I'm fascinated by you. Intrigued by you. You have so much potential, your writing is superb and your views on the world and everything in it, attract me. But alas you are allowing yourself to become trapped in this restrictive box. I don't like Holbrook, you know that, I don't like him because of what he's doing to you. He has you in a cage of what he wants his life to look like; a mansion of a home, a doting wife, a successful career, and money to keep everything in place. But these are just things, and you kid are meant for so much more. I'd hate to see your kind of potential lost. You were meant for so much more."

All the while he remained impassive, not even flinching when I became defensive earlier. Since I've lived here, he's been the only one who's believed in me. The only one that has listened and really heard what I had to say. I blinked and cleared my throat, taking in a shallow breath, "Thank you."

From his almost inexpressive face, his full lips curved in a small smile. He nodded in return.

"I do need to change things." I quietly replied. Rising to my feet, I walked back and stood next him as the large wheel slowly turned, we were almost near the ground again. "I need to change. All I do is harbour on the past. Blair, I want to be a great writer. When people hear my name, I want them to know who I am, not for being Holbrook Hudson's wife, but for being Avery...the writer."

"I want that for you too. Let me help you." He abruptly spoke.

I waited for him to continue.

"Come to Paris with me next week. I'm doing a show for Paris Fashion Week and I want you to come. Just you, so you can have a week to yourself, away from Hudson and that life." He stared hopefully at me.

Blinking, a small smile crept upon my face and I lightly laughed. "Are you serious right now?"

"Very."

Laughing a little more, I didn't need to take any time to make up my mind. I was going to join him. "Okay, yes, I'll go."

And for the first time since we've met, his slight smirk had become a grin and he gave a short laugh, "Good. Avery, in Paris you can be anybody you want to be. I'll introduce you to thinkers like us, it will be the best week of your life."

The capsule had reached the end point and we exited the pod onto the dock where I had stopped and wrapped my arms around him in a hug. "Thank you Blair, for understanding me."

For a moment there he had tensed up, but carefully he too had wrapped his arms around me in an embrace. "I had a younger sister once. She died in a car accident five years ago. If she had survived she'd be about your age...you look just like her."

I looked up at him, "I'm sorry."

He just half-smiled and shook his head. "You wanna go back to my place? I was wondering if you could help me choose some songs for my show. It needs to be perfect."

I smiled back, "Sure."

In Hudson's Life

It was close to two in the morning now, Joe and his entourage had left on a good note, thankfully, and I stayed behind with Nora. After the kitchen and restaurant staff had left for the night, we sat at the bar together sipping perfectly aged scotch and talking to each other about life, like we always would.

"Does she know about us? Our past?" Nora asked in her gentle voice, she looked at me. The lighting in the room made her look mysterious.

I sighed and shook my head, "No."

"Holbrook, I think she deserves to know."

"Yes, she deserves to know, but she doesn't need to know. Our past is for us. It's ours." I looked at her, gazing at those familiar eyes that comforted me always. "She's kept things from me before, so I'm going to keep this from her. It's too personal, too close to my heart to share."

"And you haven't told her anything about that week in March?"

"No." I gave an exasperated laugh.

"Holbrook, this isn't funny. And now that I know she's pregnant, I feel dreadful for what we did in March."

"We did nothing wrong, Nora. It was just a personal week spent together. Nothing even remotely intimate happened between us. You're thinking too much into this." I gave her a gentle look and held her hand in mine. She pulled away and shook her head, "Holbrook, you know I care for you-"

"I care for you too." I interrupted her.

She sighed, "What we both shared in our past and in March, I want that back too, but you're married now. And there's a baby on the way, I can't let myself come between you two."

"Well what if I told you that the baby might not be mine?" I stared at the floor and I could feel her eyes on me. She stammered in disbelief, "N-not...yours?" She then gave a defensive look, furrowing her brow.

"That same week she had cheated on me." I quietly spoke, my heart still feeling like it had been stabbed with a dagger and the blade was being twisted. It angered me still. "With her co-worker, a man whom I've sworn to hate for the rest of my life...the baby might be his, and it might be mine."

She blinked at me and shook her head, "I can't believe it, I just...Avery? I would never have thought she'd be the kind of person to do that."

"Nora, I've forgiven her. She came clean almost immediately and has worked herself to exhaustion to make this right. I don't want you to hate her or feel differently."

"But how can I? Holbrook, you're telling me that you want the same thing I want, for there to be an "us" again, and yet you're telling me to not think differently about your wife? I'm not a consolation prize and I won't allow myself to be the pathetic other woman waiting for you to make up your mind." She stood up and slammed down her glass on the bar counter. Quickly I grabbed her hand and stood with her.

Gently stroking the side of her face, "I love you Nora, you know that. You've always known that, I don't want to make you wait."

"Then what are we doing? If we were meant to be together, why didn't we stay together? I loved you then and I continue to love you now, it's never changed or wavered."

"We wanted different things at the time, but now we're back in London. Standing before each other offering each other the same thing we've offered then. A chance to live happily ever after." I placed my hands at her sides and stared down at her kind face with the delicate features of a doll.

She blinked, fighting back tears. "How can you say that? Happily ever after? When you're the one living the dream that should have been ours. Married. Expecting a child. Living a picturesque life. I've wanted that for so long, Holbrook."

I cupped her face and softly kissed her forehead, "We'll figure something out, Nora, I promise you."

She began to cry and threw her arms around me and I held her close to my chest, memories of our past flooded my mind. Nothing but firsts. When we first met, our first date, first kiss, first time making love, the engagement. But at the same time I felt guilty for these memories, for the situation I am in now. This is not out of spite that I'm doing this, I love Avery, but there's been such a disconnect between us. And with what she pulled this evening, I can't help but go to Nora. She's always been there for me, always.

We have a past. Memories. We connect on every level. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision by asking Avery to marry me. After all, it was only a little over a year after my engagement to Nora had ended.

Giving another sigh, I continued to hold Nora closely, to hold onto our memories.