Mirrors

We were in his hotel room on the bed watching an old movie from the 40s. I was dressed down in pajama pants and a tank top, drinking tea, and he was in a pair of sweatpants and a henley shirt. I guess I had become interested in the movie so much that I didn't realize that he was watching me and it wasn't until I glanced his way that I noticed him.

"What?" I laughed, blushing slightly.

"Avery, we need to talk." He cleared his throat and had that serious expression on his face, the one that made me uneasy and hesitant. My expression faltered and I inhaled, "About what?"

"About what's going to happen when we go back to London, and when you see Hudson again."

I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders, "I don't want to talk about it."

"I do. Avery, you can't keep putting this off, it needs to be dealt with." He stared at me and I sighed, knowing that he was right.

Sitting indian-style, I lifted my hands up and shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know what's gonna happen, I haven't even thought of how I'm gonna end things with him."

For several moments he was very quiet, the sort of quiet that made me nervous. I swallowed hard as he took in a deep breath to speak, "I need to ask you this and it makes me...scared to ask it. But is this what want? Are you completely and 100% positive that you want to leave Hudson and be with me?"

My heart sank and I blinked at him, surprised and somewhat hurt by his asking of my certainty, but now I had reason to be worried of him. "Yes, Christian. This is what I want, completely, wholeheartedly, 200%. If I didn't want this, I wouldn't be here with you...don't you want this?"

His breath hitched and he took my hands in his, "Of course I do. Avery, you're all I've ever wanted. I just...I needed to ask you and make sure that you were certain."

"I've been sure for a long time. You're my one and only. I can't walk away from that...Christian, you just need to understand that this isn't going to be easy for me to just break up with him. He and I have a past, it runs deeper than just two people meeting in a bookstore and getting married six months later."

He nodded slowly and just watched me.

Looking down at my hands, I knotted my fingers out of nervousness and I swallowed hard again. "I thought it was real with Hudson. We acted like teenagers in love in the beginning...then things started to slip. Christian, what if this ends up the same way?"

His mouth quirked into a small smile, "I'm gonna be thirty-seven in September. Other men my age are settled down already. They're married, they own their own homes, they have kids or are starting families now, they've got these successful careers and they know where they'll be in five to ten years. I'm gonna be a dad. And you and I aren't even married. I've been renting a one bedroom apartment in L.A, I have no job, and I don't know where I'll be in five to ten years. I don't even know if I'll still be writing. If this isn't real enough for you, I don't know what is. All I know Avery is that what I want more than anything right now, is to be with you. I want us to be together and to figure out our future together. For the rest of our lives, I want it to be you, me, the baby and maybe even more."

My elbow was resting on my knee and I smiled at him happily, resting my cheek in my palm as I gazed at him. "...that sounds about real enough to me."

"I'm in it for the long haul, babe. I travelled all the way from L.A to be here in Paris with you. I want you and only you, forever." He smiled sweetly, leaning in to kiss me, slowly lying us both down.

I placed my hand against his chest and hesitated, "Christian, I know you're in it for the long haul, and so am I, but I need to tell you that I don't want to get married again...at least for a while. I mean, I don't even know if marriage is your thing, but I rushed into a marriage with Hudson and this is how it's ending up. I want us to take things slow, if at all possible."

"I understand. And after meeting you, marriage definitely became my thing." He smiled softly, "I don't want to pressure you into anything."

"I know." I smiled, reaching up to kiss him.

He smiled into our kiss, "I still remember the first time we met. When I first laid eyes on the woman who would eventually be my game-changer."

He hovered over me, planting small kisses against my neck and collarbone. Smiling softly, I ran my fingers through his hair. "I remember it too. My first thoughts were, 'wow, this guy is hot'."

He laughed into one of the kisses, pulling the strap of the tank top down to kiss my bare shoulder. "I thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world. And you were so flustered and hungover that day, blushing and stealing glances of me. But I couldn't keep my eyes off of you either."

I lightly laughed, enjoying his affection immensely. "You made me nervous, that's why I was flustered."

"You're cute when you get all nervous and silly." He murmured as he kissed my lips very lightly.

I started to laugh but I kissed him anyway, "Silly."

"And I thought you were so cool 'cause you had all these tattoos and I felt like a wimp because I hate needles." He chuckled.

I pushed him over and crawled on top of him, taking over with the kissing. "I'm glad you don't have any tattoos. Your skin is so perfect and flawless, I wouldn't want you to taint it with ink."

"But your skin is lovely, and you have a bunch of tattoos." He dragged his hands up and down my upper arms and lifted his head to kiss my shoulder.

"I just like tattoos." I lightly laughed.

"And I like you." He grinned.

I blushed and kissed his forehead quickly before sitting up. He started to laugh, "Hey!"

"Hey what?" I teased.

"We were getting all touchy feely and then you decide to give me a peck on the forehead and sit up?" I arched an eyebrow and smirked at me. I began to laugh, "Did I?"

"You're such a tease." He grinned before grabbing me and pinning me down on the bed and kissed me over and over. He was tickling me and that set me off and I screamed loudly, before jabbing him in the rib.

"Ow." He chuckled before falling back.

I held my fist and couldn't contain my laughter, "I'm sorry, it was a reflex! You don't tickle me unless you wanna get hurt."

"Oh sorry, I didn't know that." He spoke wryly, trying to hide his amused smirk.

"I keep on hitting you as of lately, I'm sorry." I lightly laughed.

"I've never seen you that angry before, when we were in Blair's apartment."

I just looked down.

"I don't ever want to hurt you again." He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes, "Ever."

"I know you won't." I half-smiled. I reached my hand up his shirt and rubbed his side, "And I don't ever want to hit you again. On purpose."

We both started to laugh.

"So this is one important thing you should know about me. Don't tickle me." I giggled.

"So then I can add that to the important things to know about you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You have a list of important things?"

"I do." He grinned proudly.

"Like what?" I challenged him.

"Let's see...Your favourite author is F. Scott Fitzgerald but your favourite book is Oscar Wilde's 'The Picture of Dorian Gray'. Your favourite colour is mint green. Your favourite 80s movie is 'Pretty in Pink'." He smirked and I started to laugh, "Okay, go on."

"Your favourite album to date is 'Hot Fuss' by The Killers, but you once said that if your heart had a soundtrack, it would be Ellie Goulding's 'Halcyon' album. Your coffee order from Starbucks is usually a cappuccino, but when you order a regular coffee it's a blonde roast with sugar and cream. You have a guilty pleasure for the Twilight movies, and your favourite romance movie is 'Moulin Rouge'. And I remember you telling me that and you had that sad look in your eyes when you told me that you weren't able to watch it all the time 'cause Hudson didn't like it. Avery, I love that movie."

My heart skipped a beat and I gazed at him in a loving way. "Every time I look at you, I feel like I wanna cry..."

He watched me.

"Because I can't believe you're actually here with me. You're real and you're here. My heart overflows and is overwhelmed with this great love for you...I love you so much." I whispered, gently stroking the side of his face and gazing into his gentle and comforting eyes. Without breaking his gaze, the side of his mouth quirked into a light smirk. "I love you too, kid. I feel the same way about you...let's get some sleep now, it's almost five-thirty."

So we pulled the duvet out from under us and got comfortable. After he shut off the light and the movie, I nestled into the curve of his body and he draped his arm over me keeping me safe and secure.