Mirrors

Song

June 28th, Wednesday

Awoken by the sound of Hudson's low sleeping hum along with the bright sun shining through the curtains, I squinted and turned to check the time. 8:40am.

I inwardly sighed, remembering that I needed to get ready to leave. Slowly and quietly, I got out of bed without disturbing Hudson who was in a deep sleep and took some clothes before going into the bathroom.

Soon I came out, dressed differently and packed away my clothes from yesterday. For a moment I stood next to the bed and gazed at Hudson, remembering the time we were in Italy, when I'd wake up before him and just watch him lovingly. His tan, his freckles, the soft humming sound he'd make.

I picked up my suitcase and duffle bag, deciding to take them downstairs and leave them at the door. While I was downstairs, I took out my phone and realized I had a text from Christian. It was from last night, "Hey, just checking in on you. I love you."

My heart warmed and I smiled softly, replying to his message, "I love you too Christian, I'm sorry I didn't text back right away. I will see you today, soon. ♡"

Sighing and looking around the grand home, an idea came to me, so I knelt down and opened up a suitcase and found my own copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray, the one I've had for a long time. I took it with me as I went into Hudson's study and found a pen, I opened the front cover and began writing inside on the blank paper.

Afterwards I closed the book and hugged it as I left his study, remembering our wedding day when I said those same vows to him Letting out a long sigh, I began walking up the stairs back to the bedroom. As I reached for the doorknob, I didn't even have a chance to touch it as the door swung open and we startled each other.

His look of worry faded away and he gave a relieved sigh, "I thought you left. Your bags were gone."

I gave a comforting smile, "I wouldn't do that. I just came up here to leave this, and a few other things." I walked into the bedroom and he followed. Setting the book down, I then reached for the jewellery box and took out Claire's pearl necklace, the one he had given to me, and put it on top of the book. Then slowly, I took off my rings and set them next to the necklace.

"I can't keep them." I whispered, looking up at him.

"But I gave them to you." He had a hurt look on his face. I shook my head, "Your mum meant the world to you, and I'm leaving now, I wouldn't feel right if I kept them. But I'm going to keep this, this is really special to me." I wore the custom necklace he gave me and clutched the charm, one side was the Empire State Building and the other was Big Ben, this always meant the world to me.

He sighed, the expression of fear and dread were on his face, "I don't want you to go. Is there any way I can make you stay? I know I said I wouldn't do this, but I can't help it."

My eyes pricked but I managed to contain myself, "No, there isn't." I shook my head, "I called a cab, it should be here shortly."

"I can drive you." He quietly spoke.

Again I shook my head, "No, it's best if I leave here on my own."

Tears came to his eyes and he fought his hardest to keep from crying, "I love you so much Avery. I'm sorry that things have to end like this."

I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his chest, "I love you too Hudson, I love you. You need to be strong, okay? This isn't going to be easy for either of us, but we need to be strong."

"What are you going to do then? Where are you going to live? Do you have enough money? Let me write you a cheque." He sniffled, stepping back and going to the book case where his safe was.

"No, Hudson I can't let you do that. I'll be fine, I can take care of myself."

"Then let me do this for the baby." He opened the safe and took out his cheque book, he got a pen and began writing. "Open a trust for him or her, deposit this." He tore the paper out of the book and came up to me, holding it out. I hesitated.

"This is for their future." He looking at me with those glossy, pleading eyes.

Slowly I took the cheque and looked at the amount, $10,000 for Baby Moore's Trust Fund. I sighed as I quietly cried, hugging him again. "Thank you."

He held me close to his chest and I could feel his tears against my neck. A part of me never wanted to let him go, but the other part wanted to run away, leave and never look back, and perhaps never feel. I will always remember the smell of his cologne, how he looked when he slept or when the way he'd throw his head back and laugh. The sound of his laugh itself was warm and contagious. He's very gentle, and has some of the best tastes in literature. I'll always remember with fondness the rainy days when we would stay in and just read, content in each other's silence. I'm going to miss this man.

The sound of a car's horn interrupted this moment, and I sniffled, wiping my eyes and releasing him from my embrace. "The cab, it's here."

He nodded, wiping his eyes that were now red and tired looking. "I'll walk you out, I'll take your bags to the cab." I nodded back and half-smiled thanking him, we held hands and left the room.

Downstairs, as I put on my coat and got my purse, I looked up at the chandelier and the beautiful interior of this home, trying to keep these images in my mind. I picked up a duffle bag and pulled along one of the rolling pieces of luggage outside, while Hudson took the other large luggage and suitcase. Together we loaded my belongings into the trunk, and I asked the driver to wait a bit longer.

Hudson and I stood before each other, in silence and struggling to keep our gaze. "I never thought we'd have to say goodbye." I whispered.

"I know...it's not easy." He cleared his throat. "I love you."

I half-smiled, "I love you too." I stepped forward, standing on my tiptoes and kissing him. He raised his hands, one cradling the side of my face and one in my hair as he kissed me deeply. My hand was on his shoulder and I clutched at his shirt, kissing him back.

I sighed into our kiss and gently pulled away, touching his face and taking one last look, blinking up at him. "Goodbye Hudson."

His breath hitched and he swallowed hard, nodding. "Goodbye Avery."

I reached for the handle on the door and opened it, before I got in I half-smiled at him, "Take care of yourself."

"I will...you too." He whispered.

I sat in the backseat and closed the door, and the sound of the gravel under the tires as the car slowly drove away evoked the thoughts that this was it. It's over and I'm never coming back. Before the vehicle left through the gates, I glanced out the back window and saw Hudson sitting at the bottom of the steps, his head in his hands.

Managing to keep my emotions from overwhelming me, I took deep breaths and reminded myself that things were going to be okay, and that I would see Christian soon before I would leave to wherever.

The cab pulled up to the front of Blair's apartment building and I asked the driver to wait again, assuring him that I'd pay him well. He was friendly and understood, so I left the cab and quickly went inside the building. Going up the stairs as fast as I could, I reached the door and went inside. Christian was sitting on the couch and as soon as he seen me, he rose quickly and embraced me. My arms were around his neck and I kissed his cheek, "I told you I'd come back."

He smiled and kissed me back, "I was worried there for a while."

Blair came out of the bedroom and smiled when he saw that I was here. "You're here."

I nodded and smiled back, "I'm free. We ended things." My smile faltered and I let go of Christian, giving him a small kiss on the cheek.

"How are you doing?" Blair asked, taking a few steps closer.

I shrugged my shoulders, "It was hard to do it."

He nodded, "So what do you plan on doing?"

I swallowed hard and looked away, walking toward the counter. "I don't know, if I go back to New York I'd have to stay with my parents or a friend. I don't really want to do either."

Blair nodded and gave a half smile before taking a step backward and turning to go into his bedroom. Not long after he came back out and approached me, holding out two keys. "Go back to Paris. You can stay at my place."

I was stunned, I wasn't trying to hint around so this was definitely unexpected. I stammered at first, "Are...are you sure?"

He smiled, "Of course."

"Thank you." I breathed, hugging him tightly. "Thank you." A thought came to my mind and I was filled with dread. I knew what I needed to do next, I didn't want to do it, but I had to.

After stepping back from Blair, tucking the keys into my pocket, I turned to Christian who smiled softly at me. I swallowed, "Could we talk for a minute?"

"Sure." He nodded.

"I'll give you two some privacy." Blair cleared his throat and left into the other room.

I breathed shakily and walked toward the couch, being followed by Christian as I sat down. "What's up?" He asked in a soft voice, offering a comforting smile.

I struggled within myself and I knotted my fingers trying to figure out how to say this. "I-I don't know, maybe in situations like this I'm supposed to ride off into the sunset and have a happy ending, but right now I can't."

He watched me and nodded, silently telling me to go on.

"When I broke up with Eric, I didn't take any time for myself. I just dove into a relationship with Hudson and today it ended. We didn't even last a year. And as much as you reassure me and as much as I try to tell myself that things are different with you and I, I still have that underlying fear of losing you because I never took time for myself."

For a moment he was very quiet and his gaze fell to the floor in thought, he cleared his throat and took a breath. "...Are you...saying we should take a break?"

Quickly I shook my head and took his hand in mine, squeezing it gently. "No, no. I mean, not in the sense of several months or even the thought of breaking up. I don't ever want that." I sighed and tried to find the right way to put this, and then I remembered a favourite quote of mine, one that Blair had quoted before. "Oscar Wilde had said that we need to learn to be alone, and not be defined by another person. It's healthy. And Christian, I think for the sake of my heart, the baby, and my sanity, I just need to be alone for a while. Paris is the place I need to be to restore and rediscover myself."

Softly he smiled nodded, "I understand. I want you to be happy, and having "me-time" is what you need for that."

Breathing a relieved sigh, I hugged him. "I'm so glad you understand. I love you so much Christian, so much." My eyes pricked with tears as I tried to fight them back, and I sat up straight reaching for my purse. I took out a sonogram picture of our daughter and handed it to him. "Let this be my promise to you that we'll be together."

Gazing lovingly at the picture, tears even welled up in his eyes and he smiled, giving a light chuckle. "This is gonna be our life."

"It's gonna be beautiful." I smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek. I caught a glimpse of the time and sighed, knowing that I need to go. "It's time for me to go." I stood up and he followed.

Going to the room where Blair disappeared to, I told him that it was okay to come out. He opened the door and looked at me, waiting for me to say something. "I'm leaving now."

He opened his mouth but didn't say anything, his gaze moved toward Christian who wasn't far from me. Christian cleared his throat, "She's going to Paris alone."

"Oh?" Blair quietly spoke, furrowing his brow, confused.

"I need some alone time, to rediscover myself." I half-smiled.

He nodded, "Well Christian is welcome to stay here, since I'll be gone too."

I looked at him and blinked, "You're leaving London?"

Shrugging a shoulder, he looked out the window. "It's just time for me to move onto a new city. I was thinking Tokyo, or maybe Amsterdam. I'm not sure yet."

I nodded and silently reminded myself that I needed to go. "Blair...thank you for everything. I never expected anything from you, but since I first came here you've been an incredible friend. You've always been on my side and looked out for me. Thank you." I threw my arms around him and hugged him for a long time, his arms wrapping around and holding me with the same strength.

"Take care of yourself. And keep in touch with me, kid." He smiled softly, kissing the side of my head before releasing me. "I will. I promise."

Hesitantly, I stepped back and walked with Christian toward the door, my heart feeling like it dropped to my stomach. "I love you." I whispered to him. Christian smiled back, "I love you too."

"I'll let you know when I get to Paris." I struggled to keep my composure.

"I'll keep my phone with me." He smiled, trying to hide the sadness in his face. His hand in mine, I stood on my tiptoes and reached up to kiss him. The warmth and softness of his lips comforted me and reminded me that this wasn't the end. Those lips would always be mine.

Settling back firmly into my spot, I reached for the knob and opened up the door. "Bye guys, I love you both." And then I disappeared from the doorway down into the stairwell.

In Hudson's Life

After a devastating and overwhelming feeling of heartbreak, Holbrook went inside and was troubled by the absolute silence in the house. No music, no distant singing in another room or typing of a laptop's keyboard. Nothing.

Slowly he walked up the staircase and down the hall back to the room he once shared with his wife. His heart pounded in his chest, he felt like he was in some sort of nightmare. He blinked and looked around, not knowing what to do with himself.

The sight of a book and his mother's jewellery caught his attention, and sadly he went to the vanity and lifted up the necklace and rings, being reminded of Avery. He then realized that the book on the table was The Picture of Dorian Gray, not the copy he gave her, but her own from before they ever met. He took it and gaze at it, remembering the time they met. In Barnes and Noble.

He shuddered upon realization that he will be constantly reminded of her; All around the home, from the empty nursery to the paintings and photos she painted and photographed. At the restaurant, on the exposed brick wall hung a large skyline painting of hers. He looked down at his forearm at the tattoo he got for her, "Let's grow old together and die at the same time."

Closing his eyes and balling up his hand into a fist, releasing it and balling it up over and over again. His heart pounding in his chest feeling as thought it were going to burst. Taking in deep breaths, he opened his eyes again and stared at her book.

Slowly he lifted the book that began it all and slightly bent it, causing the pages to flip quickly, until he ended up at the book's front cover. He saw that Avery had written in it, her familiar handwriting. He read the inscription and felt the heartache even more now.

"To Hudson, the man who brought me back to life,

You are my inspiration and my soul's fire.
You are the magic of my days.
You help me laugh, you teach me to love more than I ever knew I could.
You provide a safe place for me, unlike I've ever known.
You free me to sing my own song.
And you are more of an amazement to me, each day I rediscover you.
I am yours.
And you are mine.
Of this we are certain.
To you, I pledge my love, devotion, faith and honour...

Because you're mine, I walk the line.

Always,
Avery"

Letting out a pained sound, he sat down at the vanity and cried. Trying to calm himself and control the sobbing, he reached for his phone and scrolled through the contacts. After selecting one, he held the phone to his ear and silently prayed that it would be answered.

"Holbrook?" The familiar mature male voice answered, a posh British accent very evident.

"Dad...I don't know what to do." He struggled.

In Avery's Life

After paying and tipping the cab driver handsomely, going through customs in the airport and doing all the necessary things before flying, I had finally boarded the plane and found my seat next to the window. Despite my racing, pounding heart, and shaky breath, I exhaled a long sigh as if I were holding my breath since I left Blair's apartment.

So much has gone on in my life in a year. Escaping a relationship and jumping into a new and exciting one with Hudson. Falling in love like a teenager and being filled with a hopeful and irrational love. Working at a magazine publishing company and slowly making a name for myself, and meeting the man I would choose to spend the rest of my days loving. Marrying Hudson, falling more in love with Christian, losing Amelia but gaining her back. Now I'm leaving London after moving here not even two months ago. Pregnant, heartbroken, and in love.

My hand lowered to my stomach as I gazed out the window, breathing deep sighs of relief. Tears escaped my eyes and I smiled, feeling as though I could finally breathe now. I am free in many ways.

The voice of the pilot came on over the speakers, but all I could do was smile and think of mine and Christian's future, ours and this miracle growing inside of me. Finally I was at peace, and finally I was ready to move onto a new chapter in my life.