Mirrors

April 16th, Tuesday

Sitting in my office, I was snacking on apples and peanut butter while I was writing out a cover letter. Since my visit to Wagner's office last week and having that time to think about my future and everything, I decided to take the next step with my career. Knowing that I was soon going to move to London, it left me feeling ambiguous about my job here at Rolling Stone, and thinking about the words of advice and encouragement from Christian, I knew what I wanted to do; apply for a writing position for National Geographic Magazine.

I had updated my resumé and created a portfolio of my best work regarding writing and photography, all I needed was a reference letter...or two. And working up the courage to ask Jann and having to tell him about London made me nervous. He would be the first one I would tell.

I took a break from writing my letter and scraped the last of the peanut butter from the bowl with my finger, trying to get as much as I could. Today, I'm about seven weeks along, and from my research on the internet, this is about the time where the pregnancy cravings kick in, though every woman is different.

So far there hasn't been any crazy cravings, just mostly peanut butter and fruit. And probably next week, since this week is busy for me, I'll have to schedule my first appointment with an OB. And I feel like I'm gonna end up going to visit her alone.

Hudson has yet to come around and really talk about everything, and I know he needs his time, but I'm scared I'll end up doing everything on my own. And to top everything off, every time I'm in the mood for us to have make love, he makes up an excuse or just outwardly says no. I think he's really uncomfortable with the idea of something growing inside me and he probably thinks that if we do make love, the baby will know.

It's been a week without it and I'm kinda getting tired of waiting, I know I'll have to talk to him about it.

"Hey." Christian walked into my office and startled me out of my thoughts. I tried to put away my papers quickly without getting peanut butter on them. He smiled as he approached me and looked over my shoulder. "Whatcha doing?"

"Just writing a letter." I lightly laughed, he noticed what sort of letter it was and he took it. "National Geographic Magazine. Are you thinking of applying?" He asked with a small smile.

"Uh, well, I don't know. I was thinking about it, but don't tell anyone." I shrugged my shoulders.

He smiled, "That's great, you'd be a great asset to them. I used to work for them back in the day, I've told you that already, but hey, would you like me to write you a reference letter?"

I gazed up at him and smiled, "Really? You'd do that?"

He nodded and gave a light laugh, "Of course, I want your career to flourish. I want you to grow as a writer. You're amazing at it and I think National Geographic would be perfect for you."

I just had to pause for a moment and look at him with a smile and awe in my eyes. "That means a lot to me...thank you for recognizing that."

"I recognize a lot of things in you. And I'm glad to help you succeed." His happy grin became a shy and boyish smile.

We stared at each other for a moment before he shook his head as if he just remembered something, "Oh, so today, the shoot. Are you up for it?"

I thought about today's plans, I just came into work about half an hour ago and really didn't have anything else to do other than putting some final touches on an assignment. Sooner or later Hudson would find out that I had gone to Christian's place...but there'll be other people there, so it's safe. It's work. And it'd only be fair for me to do this for Christian since he's offered to write a reference letter for me.

Smiling I nodded, "Yeah sure, you said you wanted it at your place?"

"Yeah, the other day I was walking around checking out the textures and different backgrounds we could use and my home has quite a few options." He replied.

"Okay, well you know how shoots are, they can be long. Should we get a team together and get going soon?" I stood up and pushed my chair back, when I turned we faced each other just a little too close, so I stepped back.

"We don't need a team. We just need you and me." His lips curved into a small smile and I stared at them for a moment before looking back at his gaze.

I furrowed my brow, "We don't? What about all the equipment? And the clothes?"

He grinned, "I'm a photographer, remember? Have been for over fifteen years now. I have more than enough equipment. And clothes; I'm a pretty well-dressed guy and my wardrobe has a wide variety of suits and casual-wear. I think we're set."

Beginning to speak in a softer and lower voice, I glanced toward the doorway, "What about your apprentice?" I referred to Brandy.

"I timed this all perfectly. She has a prior commitment that has taken her from the office for the day." He whispered back, leaning into me.

I slowly smiled and shook my head.

"Just you and me." He reiterated.

I squinted my eyes at him and sighed.

In Jules' Life

Nearing noon hour, things in the kitchen were getting busier. Hudson was as usual taking his duties as executive chef seriously and giving his faithful team his orders, and I his right-hand man doing what I do best, complementing his cuisine with my own creations.

I knew sooner or later he'd come to me personally, one-on-one to talk about the restaurant in London. And I guess you could say that I've been beating around the bush, but I really have been avoiding talking about it. I dreaded him bringing it up, not because I didn't want to talk about, well, his success, but because I have come to a very hard decision regarding the restaurant.

I've fallen in love with Ginny and I've decided that my future is here, in New York, with her and with the city's restaurant. I know that my decision would devastate my best friend, but I didn't intend on falling in love.

And after inseparably being together almost for ten years now, I can see that Hudson and I are making our own lives for ourselves. He's married now and wants to move back to London, and I, well, I hope to get married some day and I hope for a family. In New York, my new home.

There's a part of me that is sad to let go of this part of my life, and there's another part where I feel that Hudson has been avoiding this moment for quite some time now. Perhaps he thinks that he can just take me along wherever he goes in life.

He draped a towel over his shoulder and asked Jack to take over and he looked at me, motioning me to come with him to the back. I swallowed hard and nodded, following him out the back door of the kitchen.

"What's up?" I asked, kicking an empty pepsi can and listening to the rough scratch it made against the cement. He smiled and shrugged his shoulder, "I wanted to talk about the restaurant in London."

"Yeah? Sure, what specifically?" I asked.

"Well, it'll be ready at the end of this month and I've already told Avery and we've decided to move to London at the beginning of May, and I was just wondering how you were making out in regards to finding a place? I mean, you could stay with your family but that's in East London, but I thought if you wanted to you could stay with us. I mean, we have a twelve bedroom home, we have more than enough room, and it-"

"Hudson wait. Um...I don't know how to say this." I sighed, trying to find an easy way to say it. "I...I'm not going to London. I've decided to stay here." I looked him in the eye and couldn't help but feel guilty.

I could see his smile falter, the feeling of his happiness and excitement dissipating and now being replaced with a look of bewilderment. He looked down at his feet and scratch the ground, like he was thinking. He blinked when he looked up at me, "Why?" He asked in completely innocent tone without even a trace of anger or dismay.

I was caught off guard and blinked back, struggling to remember why I made this choice. "Uh, I've decided to stay because, I love Ginny, and I can see a future with her. But not only that...Hudson, this my home now. I've been in New York for years and as much as I love Britain, it will always be with me. My future is here. Huds, I'm sorry that this is so abrupt and I'm sorry I broke my promise about going with you to our new location."

He stared at me for a while and looked back down as if he was struggling to understand.

Sighing, I continued. "I can see that as we're growing older, we're becoming our own persons now. I mean, when you told me that you were considering proposing to Avery, I couldn't be happier. I like her a lot and I see that she makes you happy, and I never thought that'd happen for me. I always thought I'd be alone. But I met Ginny and she makes me feel, whole. I would hope you'd understand."

He nodded and looked back up at me with a half-smile on his face. "I understand...I just thought that we'd always be together." He gave a short laugh but still looked sad. "You're my best friend. You've always been. I want you to be happy."

I smiled back, "I appreciate that."

"So, you and Ginny, eh?" He chuckled.

I started to laugh and dragged my hand through my hair, "Yeah. We've only started dating, but she's different from other girls. I'm 99.9% sure I'll marry her someday."

He smiled and nodded, "I know how that feels...well then Jules, to properly afford a wedding and a future with your girl, you are no longer a sous chef. I'm making you executive chef of La Maison New York."

I looked up at him and was literally in shock. "You're making...me executive?"

Again he nodded, "You're no longer going to be second banana. You've earned it."

I grinned and was filled with excitement, I actually pulled him into a hug, making us both laugh. He chuckled and pushed me back, "Get off me, someone might see. For ten years they've already thought we were gay, don't spark up the rumours again."

I laughed, "Sorry. But thank you Hudson, this means the world to me."

"You're my best friend Jules, I wanna do all that I can for you." He smiled softly.