My City

Ben let the soft, summer breeze roll over his skin as he looked out into the sound. He couldn’t believe it had been an entire year today. And as he looked at the small cake beside him be pressed his lips together, lighting the one, small candle.

“Happy Birthday Sea.” He murmured. “Make a wish.” At that moment the ocean air kicked up again, blowing out the small flame and causing Ben to smile softly. He took a knife, cutting off a small slice and setting it on the small raft before he gently started to walk into the water. Once he was almost up to his knees he set the small wooden vessel in the water, watching as the ocean carried it away, out to her.

Seattle had asked her ashes be spread in the sound, so Ben knew she was there, with him, as the sun set on the water. He could feel her embrace with the wind and hear her laugh in the waves. The sound had become her, and that meant it was his home now.

He wiped away a tear that had managed to sneak down his cheek, sniffling as the boat went further and further out. Finally, once it had completely vanished from his view he turned back, making his way to shore. He hopped up the steps of a small, beachfront house. It wasn’t big or tacky, it was quaint. The moment Ben saw it he’d thought of Seattle, and that was all he’d needed to buy it.

Now with The Heist becoming a hit and him touring around the world, he needed a place to get away from it all. And most importantly, a place to be with her. He looked up to the Ken Griffey Jr. card where it sat in a frame above the fireplace, surrounded by photos of them. It was a shrine, and Trisha had told him it was unhealthy.

He’d broken off their engagement, and Trisha said she understood, but Ben knew she didn’t. No one could ever understand because no one had ever lost their home, their heart, their life, when a girl they loved with their entire being when she took her own.

He still had nightmares about it, her driving off the ravine. But then he would feel a warm presence beside him and he knew it was her, telling him everything would be alright. Telling him he just needed time. He needed to vent, to make people know about the woman who had saved his life in ways he couldn’t even fully understand. So he grabbed a notebook and a pen, sitting on the deck and watching the sun set.

“White floors white walls,
suffocating white halls,
tears running out her mothers eyes
like angel falls.
Then I see the words: Mason, Seattle
My stomach starts rolling
my whole world feeling rattled
because the girl in there is my other half
And I’m praying it’s just a bad dream
that any moment I’ll hear her laugh
but there’s nothing, only silence
silence and the sobs
of a young mother who is
just praying to god
that he won’t take her baby girl
but it looks like
God’s not listening tonight.”

He stopped, chewing his lip as he felt another warm breeze graze his cheek. He smiled softly, pressing his lips together as he continued.

“They tell me, she’ll only see Ben
The boy she’s always loved
the one who’s been her friend
so I make my way to her
but all I see are white sheets
white pillows and a stranger
Where’s the girl I loved?
Where’s the girl I knew?
I look at her and want to ask
“Sea where are you?”
But I bite my tongue and she opens her eyes
and already I know I’m going to cry
because this isn’t a bad dream, this is real
and there’s no waking up from what she’s done.”

He stopped again, trying to think of a chorus when he remembered the CD. The concert he and Seattle had never gotten to see. He picked up his phone, scrolling down to the only person he knew he would allow to sing the chorus. He quickly sent the text to Christina before picking up his pencil again, feeling the pen move on it’s own.

On a dark Seattle night
I lost my only light
I lost my city
When she took her life
But I know she’s still here
with me
And I know that we
we will meet again.

“A whole life wasted, never seeing her love
never seeing that I was the only one she’d want
To me she was my city
to her I was her life
And when I lost her on that dark rainy night
I knew all along that she had been the one
The one that got away
To fly into the sun
Ashes flew into the ocean
sinking down, down, down
but I know that wasn’t Sea
because she was in the clouds.
Watching me,
protecting me,
Both waiting until that day when
we will finally
see each other again.”

He swore in that moment he could hear Seattle singing, and as he closed his eyes she was in front of him, glowing as she gripping him tightly. He knew she wasn’t there, but forced himself to believe as she sang softly into his ear.

On a dark Seattle night
I lost my only light
I lost my city
When she took her life
But I know she’s still here
with me
And I know that we
we will meet again.