Pretty Girl

As I looked in the full length mirror, I still saw a hideous monster. Fat, bulging cellulite, and folds in my skin as I turn to the side. Despite what the scale said, and hitting my goal of ninety pounds, I still looked like a beast.

But I had another problem to deal with. Inside my purse sat a blue box with an unused pregnancy test. I haven't gotten my period in the last two months, and even with having taken the Plan B pill, I thought I still may have gotten pregnant somehow. Only I didn't have the nerve to take the test by myself. Normally I would have asked Teddy to be with me, but I can't since we're not friends at the moment, and he looks way too happy for me to barge into his life again with all of my problems to unload onto him.

I thought I would have worked up the courage to pee on a stupid stick before I went to school but here I was, too busy trying to find something to wear that masks my grotesque figure. None of me jeans fit properly; they were too saggy in the butt area, even the skinny ones. I had to settle for drawstring sweat pants, a baggy tank top and an old purple zip up jacket that I stole from Sam.

I spent most of my time while at school with Courtney and some of our mutual friends. I didn't talk much; I listened and observed, and tried to figure out why they even liked me. Other times, especially at lunch, I would stare at Teddy and Adria and some of the friends they made together. Teddy always seemed so happy, I'd watch as he throws his head back while laughing, gripping onto Adria's upper thigh, occasionally moving his fingertips up and down the inseam while giving her a sultry smirk.

It was during those times when I figured out how jealous I actually was. It was there when I figured out that Teddy hadn't just been a shoulder to cry on, or someone to check under the bed and in the closet for monsters, but he was, he is, my life support. I needed him the way people need oxygen or water to survive. Teddy was my constant, my sane constant. Without him, living was pointless, impossible.

"Hey Claire, you okay?" Courtney asked one day in math class.

I wasn't okay. I hadn't been okay all day. My head felt like bees were trapped inside, and even though I was wearing my glasses, my eyes couldn't seem to focus.

"Yeah, just cramps," I lied. "I think I'm going to get a drink of water."

I got up slowly to prevent myself from falling over. I took the small pass that was meant for the restrooms and headed out the room and down the hallway.

The water did nothing to calm the bees and I began to feel like I was looking through a kaleidoscope. I search for what I thought to be the wall, but instead crashed down to the floor, my cheek pressed against the cool speckled tile. It felt good, my heat being absorbed into the ground beneath me until all my warmth was gone and I was left with a layer of goose bumps. I shut my eyes to stop the spinning and focused on my breathing. Slowly taking a breath in through my nose then exhaling out through my mouth.

I was beginning to think my more people didn't lay down on the school floor, it felt comforting. My concentration went from the sound of my own breathing to the sound of hurried footsteps that were growing louder.

"Oh my God, Claire!" I couldn't open my eyes, but I didn't need to recognize Courtney's high pitched shrill.

I wanted to ask her to join me but I couldn't form the words and it just came out in a mumbled slur. I heard her leave, faster than she came. I guess she didn't approve of me wanting to take a nap beside the drinking fountain, in front of a row of lockers, and went to gossip about it with our friends.

But she came back, this time there were three sets of footsteps. I could feel them vibrating against my head all the way down the hallway. Rough and familiar hands are on me, turning me onto my back and bringing me tightly against his chest as if Teddy was trying to make us one.

"Oh Claire, what happened?" Teddy whispered with his lips pressed against my ear.

I felt him kiss my temple and his hand that was once against my cheek travel down my body. I wanted to push him away, but I couldn't come up with the energy to do so. Teddy knew my body so well, if he looked passed the baggy attire he would see what my body really looked like. The body that I couldn't see, but desired to have. Thin and fragile, with my bones protruding through my delicate, fair skin. One wrong move and I might crumble in Teddy's hands.

"When was the last time you ate, Claire?" he asked in a forceful tone.

Again I couldn't form the words, but he didn't wait for an answer before scooping me up in his arms and standing up. "The paramedics will be here shortly, we can go wait in the clinic for them," I heard a soft woman's voice. It sounded like Teddy's physics teacher; the class that Adria and Teddy share together.

The paramedics came and I was immediately strapped onto a gurney as I slipped in and out of dreamland. I felt Teddy's calloused fingers slip through my own and I began to panic. My breaths were short and staggered and I heard one of the paramedics say something about calming down but I needed Teddy to do that.

"Teddy," I finally get out. My voice sound odd and disembodied. "Stay with me."

They push me outside and into the back of the large, red ambulance. Moments later I feel Teddy's hand intertwining with mine once more, and I'm finally able to relax, allowing myself to fall peacefully into the darkness.