Pretty Girl

Slowly I began washing my hands of all the negativity in my life. Ridding myself of all the monsters and demons I have had trapped in my head for as long as I can remember, one by one.

I started with the death of my dad. He left me without a male role model or a role model to really depend on. I was angry at him, furious. How could a man leave his own family? I didn't understand, but now I do. He was driven to insanity by the girl he loved, the woman he married, and started a family with. She broke him down using her words and sometimes her fists until he had nothing left to give, and that's when he divorced him. I didn't even know my parents had divorced until I went through the box Sam brought me. And I guess after coming home from the war and finding out your wife has been sleeping with your best friend, untreated PTSD, and abuse takes a toll on someone; to the point where they put a bullet through their brain.

Next was my mom. I hadn't realized that she had been the main cause of my pain and neither had she. So when I told her how I felt and the problems I've been going through, it came as a shock to her. But when the shock subsided she proceeded to tell me not to blame me being fat on her. So that was the last time talked to her; I rid myself of her ego and selfishness. Some people aren't meant to be parents and my mom was definitely high up on that list.

The rest of the demons were my doing. My own imagination created them; took control of every aspect of my life until they were drowning me, choking me with cruel thoughts. I had to learn to love myself and get over the fact that I'm not perfect, but no one is; except for Teddy. The sun shines out of his ass.

Besides letting go of things, I had to learn how to let people in. Teddy's been the only one that I've remotely let in ever, but I had to let him in more. Be more than the emotional punching bag that I've turned him into. Stop pushing aside the feelings I've developed for him over the years because I was afraid he'd find out who I really was, and realize that he's known me better than even myself and still thinks highly of me.

So the moment I was released and stepped out into the cold air to see Teddy leaning up against his old beat up clunker, I ran to him. Jumping to wrap my legs around his waist, running my fingers through his red hair and kissing him fully on the lips; to let him know that this was it, it's real.

"What was that for?" Teddy asked with our lips still touching.

"It was a thank you for never leaving me, and always loving me even when I didn't love myself."

"I'll never stop loving you, especially when you stop loving yourself."

My smile grew bigger, even though it was impossible. "Take me home."

Home with him; his family. His mom and his dad, ones that even though they didn't approve of the sleepovers their son had with me, they let me into their house with open arms and open hearts. Willing to give me the love I o deeply craved, love that I didn't get from my own parents, but love that I deserved nonetheless.

And when things got bad again, when I stopped eating, or started distancing myself; that's when I got love the most. The harder I pushed away, the more they seemed to pull me into them. Never once did they call me fat, or worthless, they didn't put their hands on me. I got in trouble when I didn't return their phone calls or if I talked back.

And Teddy went to a university; with protestation, and I stayed behind and to a community college. But the distance didn't break us apart. If anything it made us love each other more. Made us more passionate. Enhanced each kiss and touch. Confirming that we were it for each other; there would never be anybody else.

And for the first time in a long time; I can't remember the bad things, I can only remember the good times. And that's just fine with me.