Pretty Girl

"You're gonna get fat if you keep eating like that," I say looking at Emma in disgust. She was dredging the fatty parts of the bacon in maple syrup before eating it.

"Shut up, Cuh-laire," Emma said with a mouth full of crispy pork. "If I was you I'd stop eating all together. You're practically spilling out of your jeans."

I looked at my twelve year old sister in amazement. "Mom, tell her not to talk to me like that, she knows I have body issues."

Our mom had made to hungover entrance, making a beeline to the coffeepot. "Well she's right sweetie."

"Emma weighs more than me and I'm six and a half years older than her!"

"I'm bigger where it counts," she pointed to her breasts.

I rolled my eyes, pushing my plate of breakfast away from me. I sucked in my stomach as far as I could and tried to tell myself that what they were saying wasn't true but it didn't work.

I stared in my full length mirror in nothing but my bra and panties. Everywhere I looked, imperfection found its way into my sight. My butt was too flat, my boobs were too small, my arms had flabs, my thighs had cellulite and even though you could see my ribs, there was a tire sitting on my hips. I bent my chin to my chest to see if I had a double chin as someone walked into my room.

"What are you doing?" I look to the figure standing in the door.

It was Teddy my slightly obnoxious, extremely nerdy best friend.

"I'm trying to find something to wear," I tell him, turning my attention back to the mirror.

"Well if you're trying to impress the boys, I think you nailed it," he joked.

I gave a sarcastic laugh before digging into my basket of clean clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror again, I was fully covered now. Teddy rolled his eyes, turning to go back down the hallway the leads out into the living room. He hated the way I saw myself and when I first moved here, he tried to tell me how I didn't need to hide between loose fitting clothing, now he knows that he would just be wasting his breath.

I wasn't quite sure how Teddy and I became friends. We didn't share the same circle of friends but somehow we are always finding ourselves together. I'm not complaining though; Teddy's been a blessing in my life. As chaotic, lonely, dark, and demon filled my head is, Teddy is a piece of solace, comfort, and stability.

School is a nice break for me. People here are unaware that my smiles are forced and I'm not always this bubbly and vibrant blonde that puts everyone else's needs before her own. No one knows about my vicious cycle of different psychologists and little colorful pills that make my thoughts fog up in my head and locks up, deep down in a box of opaque glass. As far as everyone is concerned my mom is a dutiful single parent, she lost her husband twelve years ago in a tragic car accident, but is in a loving relationship with a high and mighty lawyer. My oldest sister is off at college while my youngest is working through the first years of being a teen.

They didn't know that my mother only lasted long enough to finish her shift a small boutique clothing store before she needed to turn her blood into alcohol. Her relationship with Frank is failure at best but they have no one else to turn to. No one to hold their hand as the darkness drowns out their fearful screams for help. Sam is only in college to escape us, while hoping to make herself into something more. Emma is absolutely clueless as to what is going on around her. A she still life in a fantasy world that many people leave after finding out Santa isn’t real. A part of me hates how oblivious she is but then again I find parts of me envious of how well she can tune everything out. This is normal for her, she didn't know life before the day we buried Dad.

Teddy found me at lunch, plopping down in a plastic seat across from me with a tray of food in his hand. I glance at the tray; it is overflowing with food, as always. Teddy could easily eat the two slices of pizzas, two milks, and applesauce, but I know he got half of it for me.

I roll my eyes and take the applesauce, not bothering with the sugar or cinnamon packets that he got. The pizza did look good, the cheese was bubbly and greasy and the crust seemed to be a little crunchy, just like I like it. I was half tempted to take the other slice but the small voice in my head mimic's my Emma's shrill voice, telling me that I'm fat. I ignore my growling stomach and push away the cup of smashed up apples.

Teddy takes his defeat with a small sigh before finishing everything on the tray.

"Want me to come over tonight or is Elijah going to be making an appearance?" Teddy says sourly.

"You don't have to say it like that," I spit back at him. Teddy had very strong feelings towards my older boyfriend and he made it very clear that he didn't like him.

"It's not my fault he falls off the face of the planet then magically reappears at the first sign of self-bettering."

"I love Elijah. He makes me happy, why can't you understand that?"

"Claire, a stick could make you happier than he ever could. He's a twenty-seven year old man child that lives in his mom's basement."

"You live in your mom's basement."

"Yeah but with me it's not creepy because I'm still a minor."

I roll my eyes; I can feel pressure rising in my stomach. "Whatever, you're dumb," I say as I march off to the library.

On the car ride home Teddy tries to start up multiple conversations but I shoot down all attempts. I instead try to focus on silencing my stomach.

Elijah was different from all the high school boys. He had goals and ambition. So what if he lived in his mom's basement. He was on tour with his band half of the year so it didn't make sense to have his own place. Our almost ten year age difference didn't matter to us, age was just a number.

When Elijah was in town and we hung out, we never stayed at my house. Normally he would pick me up in his band's van and we'd drive around until the early morning, park somewhere secluded and do it in the back, next to the drum set.

"Hey baby!" Elijah said once he saw me running out of my front door.

"Hey," I say slightly out of breath and lightheaded. I kiss him quickly before putting on seat belt.

"We got big tips from our last gig so I'm going to treat my princess big tonight."

Treating me big turned out to be at the local burger and ice cream joint that I happened to work at. And by being treated I had to keep my order under seven dollars. I let my stomach out win my mind and order a burger and small milkshake.

"So how long are you going to be in town?" I ask, twirling my elephant ring around my right middle finger.

"Not long, the guys and I really think we're about to hit it big. We have a couple big gigs north of here."

"When are you leaving?"

"Probably tonight."

"How long have you been in town?" I ask with a frown on my face.

"About a week or so."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I had other people to see and places to be at."

"But I'm your girlfriend," I say defensively.

"Yeah, about that," Elijah trails off, running his fingers through his shoulder length, dark and greasy hair. "I've been getting a bigger fan base a lot of them are girls and I don't want to be unfaithful to you."

The burgers and shakes arrive and Elijah immediately shoves his mouth full of greasy burger and bun. I try to enjoy my burger, it being the first thing I've eaten all day, but I couldn't. I was in the process of being broken up with. I decided to enjoy my free meal and dig in.

"Aren't you on a diet?" Elijah asked.

I looked at him confused. "Are you saying I need to be on a diet?"

"Well."

I don't stay long enough for him to finish sentence. I hear Elijah shout, "Does this mean no sex?" as I fling the door to the burger joint open and walk out. I start towards my house, it's not far away. I could walk there if I wanted to but I call Teddy instead and have him pick me up.

I'm in Teddy's car and heading towards my house before Elijah has a chance to pay the check.

Teddy is no stranger to these rescues. It's probably why he hates Elijah. Teddy doesn't say anything though; he bites his tongue and pulls into my driveway. I don't even have to ask him, he already knows that I want him to come inside.

My mom is at the kitchen table, a pile of beer bottles were starting to pile up next to her. Frank was standing by the stove. The crazed look in his eyes has made an appearance. I knew that it was going to be a bad night. I grab Teddy's hand and lead him into the furthest bedroom and locked the door.

I lay my head against Teddy's chest and find his constant heartbeat and concentrate on its rhythm as the first bottle of the next breaks.