Pretty Girl

Sam was leaving the hospital today. Not to come home, or go back to school. Instead she was being checked into a different hospital that specializes in 'what's she's going through', A.K.A the funny farm.

"I don't understand why you have to go to an insane asylum. You're not insane," I mumble, hugging my knees as I sat balled up in the hospital chair.

"I don't even think they're called insane asylum anymore; it's a psychiatric hospital. I won't be gone long, just a month or two to catch my breath."

"You're not psycho either!" I look up at her. Sam was starting to resemble herself. Her cheeks were becoming less hallowed and they were showing signs of some color.

"Maybe not but I tried to kill myself, Claire. I'm not going to be the sister you want me to be if I don't go."

"You're all the sister I need, right now."

"Well it's not a choice. I have to go, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd get on board."

"Fine," I huff. I turn my attention to the hole in my jeans. With every tug of thread it was becoming bigger.

After a long pause of silence I finally looked up to see Sam staring at me. I've seen that look before. It normally came before a long and heartfelt lecture.

"What?" I finally ask with more of an attitude than expected.

"I know you. I know what goes inside your head. I know that you can't sleep at night unless you medicate yourself because of the nightmares. I know that you and Mom don't get along. But I need you to. I need you to respect her and treat her like a mother. I need you to stop disappearing from us when things get bad. Take your medication, go to therapy, eat, be happy."

"You can't tell me what to do. You're going to the loony bin."

Sam closed her eyes momentarily. I knew she was counting backwards. It was the only thing that kept her from killing me as we got older. "I mean it. You're more fucked up than I am. If you weren't so stubborn you would've been in my place years ago, and you would have succeeded. So listen to me okay? You have so much going for you, just open your eyes."

"I have nothing going for me. What are you talking about?"

Sam laughed a loud laugh. "You are so smart and beautiful. Everyone you talk to either loves you or envies you. You just let the things in your head control you and maybe not everyone can see it, but I do. You're so conflicted with yourself and you just need to tell yourself that it's okay to let people see you for you and not this front."

Tears spilled out of my eyes. "I'm afraid that people will judge me, or pity me."

"Teddy knows you and he doesn't."

"That's Teddy. He doesn't count."

"Maybe, but he was an outsider once too then you opened up and now he's in that waiting room, waiting for us."

I knew that Sam was trying to tell me to stop playing the victim. But sometimes it was hard when you're dealt such a shitty hand. I'd try though. The next time we got to see each other, I'd be okay. I'd be brand new.

My mom and Emma came to the hospital after work and as a family, and Teddy, drove her to the other hospital. We had to say our goodbyes in the waiting room. No one but the patients and faculty were allowed passed the locked metal doors.

Teddy was first to give Sam a hug, a light one with a simple kiss on the side of the head before Emma stepped up and wrapped her arms around Sam's waist. Our mom was more emotional. Sam laid her head on our mom's chest and allowed her to run her fingers through Sam's hair. I didn't want to hug Sam goodbye but I did it anyways.

"Promise me," Sam whispered in my ear as she hugged all the air out of my lungs.

"I promise."

And I meant it, I was going to change.